Starting to get angry with myself again, I scoffed. What the hell did it matter? Why did I care so much what Aria thought? Why was Gina’s comment about me being impossible to love making me think of Aria? I did not want her to fall in love with me. That’s the last thing I would want; it would just complicate things and make it difficult to get rid of her after the contract was over. The whole idea behind our deal was to not have any messy endings. The problem was, as I was just realizing, that I wasn’t sure if I wanted there to be an ending at all. The idea of “getting rid of her” sounded wrong in my head, as though I was planning to get rid of an organ from my own body.
What the fuck was happening to me?
“Are you going to keep spacing out, or are you capable of having a mature discussion about this?”
“Mature?” I sniggered. “What part of any of this is mature? A marriage of convenience? Mostly of convenience to you, I might add, you shameless gold digger.”
“Oh, stop it, Zay. It’s not my fault you were so blind the whole time. I was with other men since before our wedding and you were just in denial. You never asked any questions! I figured it was because you knew what I was after and didn’t really care. Because it was and always has been a marriage of convenience. You just wanted a wife to take to charity events and shut your mother up, and I just wanted your money. We can still continue to have that. Why even pretend to care?”
She was right. I never really loved her or cared for her. Gina was simply a woman my mother approved of and she kept out of my business as long as I was with her. I enjoyed fucking her from time to time, but other than that, there never really had been any connection. I should not have been surprised when I found out she had been cheating – I am not sure why I ever was. But she was right, this had always been a marriage of convenience. And could continue to be…but…
I couldn’t stop thinking of Aria, and how she would react to finding out about Gina. She would never be okay with having any kind of relationship with a married man, she was far too self-righteous for that. No matter how hard I explained to her that it was just a marriage in name without any of the values, she would see me as a lying, cheating adulterer. If I were to accept Gina’s offer, I would have to make sure Aria never ever found out about it. It meant I could never take her home with me, never take her to any more public events, and she would be diminished to the role of my mistress. She was far too strong-willed and independent to accept any situation where that’s the tag she ended up with. Even the suggestion of it would hurt her pride far too much for her to ever recover from it and forgive me.
“I will have to think about it, Gina,” I said eventually, exasperated.
“Take as long as you need,” she said, her sweet demeanor back. “I hope we can make this work, Zay.”
“Cut it out with that sugary sweet tone,” I snapped. “I haven’t accepted yet.”
Chapter Nine
Aria
I got a call from my mom right after completing my make-up exam for Statistics. Another 10,000 dollars had been added to her medical account.
“I don’t know what I would do without you, sweetheart. I promise I will get myself together and help you repay the loan cent by cent,” she said on the phone.
“More money was paid?” I asked, sounding more surprised than I should have. It was the end of month two, after all.
“Of course, thank you Aria. I am lucky to have a daughter like you.”
If only she knew what I was doing in order to get her medical bills paid. I doubt she’d think I was the best daughter ever. But what she didn’t know didn’t hurt her.
“How is everything else, Mom?” I asked, deliberately changing the subject.
“Good, good. You should come visit this weekend. I really could use some company and I haven’t seen you in so long.”
“I will try, but can’t promise anything okay?” I crossed my fingers behind my back. I wasn’t going to try and visit her just yet; I had way too many things to sort through first. On the other hand, I could probably use some time away from all of this.
“Okay, sweetheart. No pressure. I know you have enough going on between your job and school, and this loan must only add stress.”
If only she knew.
“It’s okay, Mom. I will try my best, okay? I love you, I have to go now!”
I had made up my mind about what was to happen, and it was time to follow through. This wasn’t going to be easy. If I knew Zayden at all, then he wasn’t going to make it easy. But if I didn’t break the contract now, I would never be able to look at myself again. I hadn’t signed up to be in a controlling relationship where I was somebody’s puppet. I had signed up to spend time with him in return for a favor that I was going to return. He had taken it too far and convinced himself somehow that he hadn’t bought my time, but me. I was not going to let him get away with that. I had gotten this far in life by living it on my own terms, and I wasn’t going to allow some man to dictate how I lived it all of a sudden because of a piece of paper. I would have to find another way to help Mom, and I sure as hell was willing to do anything for this to end. I didn’t need Zayden or his money. I was going to be okay.
---
When I reached the bank – after almost two weeks – my heart was fluttering, and not in a good way. It was a little past 5, so everyone else should have scurried off by now. It made me glad, because the thought of having this conversation with Zayden and with people staring through his window was chilling. Actually, the thought of having this conversation with him at all was chilling.
I had to get ahold of myself.
What was he going to do? Take me to court? It was just a silly contract, and maybe not even legally binding. I would pay the 20,000 dollars he had already given to the hospital back as soon as possible, and then take care of the rest of my mom’s debt.
I walked in with wobbly feet, my chest shuddering with fear, only to find out he wasn’t in. Of course, the one day he decides to leave work early had to be now. If I didn’t do this now, I would never be able to get out of the contract. It had to be taken care of before I could have a second to change my mind. I headed to the teller’s booth and dialed Zayden’s cell phone. No answer. I called once more and then decided it was best to text him.
With trembling fingers, I typed; I’m out of the contract. I can’t do this anymore.
My phone started ringing immediately after. It was him.
“Hi,” I said, clutching my shirt tightly.
“What was that text about?” Zayden’s voice was trembling, and for a moment I wondered if he was as scared as I was. He was probably just pissed. Then I remembered I was nothing but a commodity to him.
“You read it. I want out.” It took everything I had to keep my voice straight. “I really cannot do this anymore, Zayden. You are too controlling and it’s not something I can handle. I think you are a decent person, and I always will. Thank you for helping me out and everything, really. I have nothing against you whatsoever, but I cannot live my life as somebody’s possession. I am just the wrong person for this deal. You need someone who will do your bidding and let you control her life. You should have probably figured that out by now. I really enjoyed spending time with you before things got out of control. You don’t get nearly enough credit for just how fun you can be. I am going to miss that, whatever we had, but this is not worth my dignity and never will be.”
To my surprise and utter horror, he started laughing hysterically, and after about a full minute of that insanity, he said, “You are joking, right? I mean, you’ve read our contract. You signed it.”
The truth was, I hadn’t fully read it as I should have. I skimmed through it and got the basic gist of it – I was to spend time with him, go on dates with him, and owed him no sexual obligations. In return, he would pay for my mom’s hospital bills, which I was to pay him back as soon as I got a job out of college – and the rest seemed to just be legal jibber jabber. I marveled at how stupid it was of me to not give it
a more thorough perusal, and feared that I had gotten myself into a situation I didn’t want to be in.
“What are you talking about?” I asked very carefully.
“Aria, you’re a really smart girl, don’t play dumb now. Unless you have found a way to give me the 20,000 I already paid back in—”
“Yes, I will pay it to you in installments as soon as I can,” I cut him off.
“You can’t do that. Did you read the contract?” He asked again, now sounding genuinely concerned. “You should never sign things without reading them properly. Just advice for the future.”
“I skimmed it,” I snapped. “And I have no idea which part you are referring to!”
“The part where, if you break the contract, you owe me the sum I have already paid on your mother’s behalf. Within 10 days. Oh, and you lose your job, but I guess that’s the part you had already figured out on your own.”
I felt the ground escape from my feet. How could I have been stupid and gotten into something I couldn’t get out of, without even reading the contract?
“You can’t do this to me,” I said, tears running down my face.
“I don’t want to,” he said gently. “I want us to enjoy each other, and if you don’t, it won’t be nearly as fun for me either, believe me when I say that. I never wished to coerce you into anything, but you are leaving me no choice. We were having a great time until you went and fucked it up.”
“I fucked it up?” I yelled in anger. “I did? Really? I don’t recall telling you who you could or could not speak to and trying to control every aspect of your life!”
“I was looking out for you, goddamn it! Don’t you see that? That jerk hurt you, and yet you were standing there being nice and friendly, willing to go on coffee dates with him, as though he hadn’t wronged you in any way.”
“It wasn’t a date and never was going to be. You’re the one who doesn’t see it! Spending all that time with you was what really helped me move on from Rick. This whole year I had been moping about how hurt I was, never fully able to accept what he had done.” I was crying. “Then you came along – and – and – I saw how much fun I could have and what I was missing out on while nursing a heartache. You helped me get over him, and that coffee was going to be a symbol of my newfound strength. To show I didn’t care. But you just saw me smiling at another man and decided all on your own that I was wronging you in some way. It was not okay for you to tell me to stop talking to him, Zayden. Do you understand that?”
“We’ve already been over this. It doesn’t matter anyway, Aria. You’re stuck in this contract, whether you like it or not. It would be immensely helpful to the both of us if you just accepted it and tried to enjoy yourself.”
I felt like I was trapped in a windowless room with nowhere to go. How could he be okay doing this to me? There was no way I could produce 20,000 dollars in such a short time, and he knew it.
“I won’t enjoy any of it. I promise you that. And I’ll try and make it so you don’t either,” I said with all the spite I could muster, then hung up before he could reply.
For the next hour I sat in the teller’s booth with my hands covering my face, bawling my eyes out, not even caring that there were cameras set up here and Zayden would be able to see how miserable I was. There was hardly any shred of my pride left anyway. I had sold all my dignity for 60,000 dollars. I was that girl.
Chapter Ten
Zayden
I angrily slammed the phone onto my bed. I wasn’t controlling. That was a terrible excuse to get out of the contract. It wouldn’t be a contract if she could just bail at any time. It felt for a bit like I was being taken advantage of. I was getting the shabby end of the deal anyway. In a fit of fury, I had failed to notice that Gina was watching me from outside my open door.
“What was that about?” She asked with an annoying smirk.
“Why do you care?”
“Cause you’ve been swearing uncontrollably for the past five minutes. I am just curious,” she said.
I hadn’t even realized I was doing that. Aria was capable of making me feel completely and utterly out of control.
“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.”
Gina didn’t take the hint. Instead, she made herself comfortable on my bed and extended her hand, which I refused.
“Zayden,” she said, looking at me sharply. “If we are going to make this work, we have to learn to be friends.”
“I don’t have any interest in being your fucking friend. Now get out,” I snapped.
She didn’t flinch. Instead, she smiled, which annoyed me to no end. “Lady troubles, I presume?”
“Did I not tell you I didn’t have any ‘ladies’ to worry about?” I asked, wishing she would just get out of my room.
“That’s not what it sounded like on the phone. You haven’t seemed so passionate since we first met. Come on, you can talk to me. I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Bullshit. If you knew me, you wouldn’t be here in my room when I just want you to leave me the fuck alone.”
“I’m just trying to help. I don’t suppose you have had the chance to consider my offer yet?”
“Clearly I’m dealing with much more important shit right now. If only you saw beyond yourself for just a second.”
She got up and approached me, while I clenched my fists, still burning with anger.
“Do not touch me,” I said, glaring at her.
“I wasn’t going to.” She shrugged and walked towards my liquor cabinet. “I am way past any pretenses. I told you what I wanted and I am not going to make futile and needless attempts to try and sleep with you anymore.”
She walked towards me with a glass. “Scotch on the rocks. You look like you need a drink.”
“You think you know me so well because you know what I like to drink?” I scoffed. “Guess what? So does ever teenage girl in the country who reads ZEN magazine.”
“Just take the drink and relax. I can draw you up a nice bath if you want. I’m here for you. Although you don’t think that’s possible, obviously.”
I begrudgingly accepted the drink and took a large swig, surprised by how much better it made me feel. “Happy?”
“Not yet. Who were you speaking to? What’s bothering you so much?”
“It’s work,” I lied. “A very important deal might be falling through but I won’t know until tomorrow. It’s a takeover of a boutique bank that would have really helped our expansion strategies.”
“Is the boutique bank named Aria?” She said, probably feeling clever. “I heard you use that name.”
“Aria is an employee helping me with the paperwork. Do you want to see her employee profile from the bank? You probably don’t believe she is actually working for me, do you?”
“Oh, I believe she’s working for you alright, but in more ways than one.”
“You want to be friends?” I snapped. “Then don’t fucking push it and trust me. I don’t know if I will be accepting your offer yet, but if you want me to then you really need to do better than whatever this is.”
“I made you a drink!” She exclaimed as though she had just built me the Eiffel Tower.
“And now I am asking that you get out.”
“Fine. I tried.” She marched away, leaving me alone with my thoughts again.
I had no idea how I was going to deal with the Aria situation. I had two options. The first was completely unacceptable; I could terminate the contract on her terms. No, that was not happening. I would have to be really weak in order to let a 20-year-old girl win like that. Letting her off easy would be admitting defeat, something I had never done in my life, and I wasn’t going to start now. This was why I wanted to continue the contract. Plus, I craved her body. I slept every night dreaming of the times we had sex, and thinking of all the ways in which I could please her and she could please me. I wasn’t going to sit there and pretend that the sex part didn’t matter; it did and it was quite a significant part of why I enjoyed our
dalliance so much.
But there was more…
There were the sassy conversations we had. There was her intelligence. There was her stubborn defiance that at once made me so fond of her and so frustrated with her. There was the way she laughed; so contagious. And the way she removed her perfectly red hair from her eyes, slightly frowning through the side of her mouth, assuming nobody would notice her annoyance with the strand that dared to interfere with her vision. There was also the way she fucked me; with so much passion and effort. For someone who had only had sex once before me, she was more talented than any woman I had ever slept with. She just knew how to drive me completely and utterly insane, in and out of bed.
Somewhere between the contract and the dates in my office and all the talks about her Economics paper, Aria Roberts had managed to penetrate a part of my being that I believed had long ceased to exist. This wasn’t something I was proud of, but it was, unfortunately, a fact that I could no longer ignore. I cared about Aria, more than I had cared about any girl or woman in a long time. It mattered to me that she was happy and it mattered to me that she was happy with me. The way things had taken a turn, she was not going to be happy with me if I forced her to stay in the contract. But the alternative was to let her go, and that was not something I would allow to happen.
The second option was to force her to continue the contract – the option I had already inadvertently chosen, the minute she talked of possibly breaking it – but to find a way to make her happy with me again. No matter what I had said to her about my reaction to her ex-boyfriend, the truth was it was pure jealousy.
Something I really needed to keep in control, at least around her, even if I felt it inside. She had said I had gotten too controlling. I wasn’t sure how I could fix that. That was the side effect of my entire existence; being on top of the food chain all my life involved the ability to get everyone around me to do as I say at all times. Mesmerized by my wealth and power, not a single person – other than my mother, and she too had to use emotionally manipulative tactics to defy me – had ever felt the need to criticize my approach. People usually just resigned to accepting me as a superior and did as I said.
Boss Me (A Steamy Office Romance) Page 158