by Lyn Denison
“You mean this isn’t a mutual undying love?”
“I don’t know, Terry.” Mel made a negating movement with her head. “I don’t know how Crys feels.”
“Then take her to bed and make up her mind,” Terry exclaimed exasperatedly, and Mel laughed.
“You never change. And it’s not that simple.”
“You never change either,” Terry replied. “And it’s not that complicated. What’s the point of wasting time sitting on your hands. You always did have a tendency to procrastinate, Mel.”
“I don’t intend to procrastinate,” Mel stated defensively, and Terry held up her hand in capitulation.
“Okay. So, do you think you two will get together?” she asked.
“I’m hoping so,” Mel said softly.
“Will it make any difference if I tell you I think you’re making a mistake?” Terry asked. “Because as I see it, you’re just trying to resurrect a childhood fantasy.”
“No, it won’t make any difference,” Mel replied calmly. “And what I feel for Crys is fantastically real.”
Terry looked across at Mel, held her gaze, then she drained her coffee mug and stood up. “Well, I guess that’s it then.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat. “Are we still working together at least?”
“Of course. If you want to.” Mel stood up too. “I’ve finished the illustrations. Come and see what you think.”
They went into the study, and Terry carefully scrutinized Mel’s work.
“These are fabulous. Tommy’s going to love them. What say I take them back with me?” She grimaced. “Then this won’t be a completely wasted trip.”
Mel had been going to add a few finishing touches to a couple of the illustrations, but they decided they were fine as they were. Terry helped Mel pack them up, and they carefully stowed them in Terry’s car.
“Sure you won’t change your mind and come with me, babe?” Terry asked when they’d finished.
Mel shook her head. “No. I kind of like it here.”
Terry shook her head. “Bit too back of beyond for me. But if things don’t work out, you know where to find me.”
“I’m hoping they will work out.”
Terry leaned over and kissed Mel on the cheek. “Keep in touch. Okay?”
“Sure. Bye, Terry.”
And Terry climbed into the car and drove away.
Mel looked toward the shed and then returned to the house. Terry’s arrival had interrupted their brunch so Crys must be starving. She’d just finished making fresh sandwiches when she turned to find Crys standing in the kitchen doorway.
“I was bringing you these,” Mel said a little breathily. “I thought you’d be fading away with hunger by now.”
Crys seemed to hold herself tensely. “Where’s Terry?” she asked, her voice sounding a little thin to her ears.
Mel shrugged. “She’s gone.”
The air in the kitchen seemed to thicken as the silence stretched between them.
“And I’m staying,” Mel added at last. “If you’ll have me, that is.”
“Of course.” Crys swallowed. “You can stay as long as you want.”
“I thought perhaps, well—” Mel paused, gathered her courage. “I thought forever,” she said. Her heartbeats echoed inside her, and she had trouble catching her breath as she waited for Crys’s response.
Crys stayed standing by the door, her hand holding onto the doorjamb. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
Mel shrugged again. “You know what I want, Crys. You’ve known since I was seventeen years old. I’m just a little unsure about what, about how you feel.” Mel watched Crys warily. “I love you, Crys. Deep down I think I always have.”
Crys’s tensed shoulders suddenly seemed to sag. “Oh, Mel. I love you, too. But I thought…you and Terry…And there are so many reasons, substantial, logical reasons why we shouldn’t even be having this conversation.”
Mel carefully put the sandwiches back on the table and walked slowly across until she was standing in front of Crys, almost touching her.
“None of them matter in the least,” she said and reached out, pulling Crys into her arms and kissing her.
Crys hesitated for barely a moment before she returned Mel’s feverish kiss with a matching hunger.
Mel’s hands roved over Crys’s body, making Crys moan softly. Her knee insinuated itself between Crys’s legs, the pressure of it making Crys cling to Mel, and Mel felt a wild craving grow inside her. And then her hands were reaching under Crys’s shirt, pushing it from Crys’s shoulders. She undipped Crys’s bra, letting it fall to the floor.
Murmuring her satisfaction, Mel gazed for long moments at Crys’s bare breasts, and then she slowly ran her tongue over Crys’s skin, taking one hard nipple into her mouth.
Crys trembled, sure her legs would give way beneath her, but Mel held her, supported her against the wall. When eventually Mel drew back, Crys had all but lost control.
“The door.” She got out. “What if someone—”
“Comes?” Mel raised her eyebrows. “Besides us, you mean?” she said, and Crys felt her face grow hot.
Mel laughed softly, scooped up Crys’s shirt, and gently closed the door. “There. Circumspection reigns again.” She took Crys’s hand and led her back along the hallway. “If anyone knocks or the phone rings, we’ll ignore it.”
She kissed Crys again and slowly drew down the zipper on Crys’s jeans and dragged the jeans over her hips until Crys could step out of them. Mel then pulled off her own shirt and jeans and sank onto the bed.
Crys followed her, kneeling over Mel, one leg on either side of Mel’s hips, as she settled on Mel’s lap. Mel wrapped her arms around Crys and buried her face between Crys’s breasts, murmuring ecstatically.
“I love everything about you. The way you feel. The way you smell. The taste of your skin.” She ran her tongue across Crys’s chest and delighted in feeling Crys tremble in her arms.
Crys threw back her head, and Mel nibbled her way up over Crys’s throat and found her lips again. Mel’s right hand left Crys’s hip, slid down, and paused tantalizingly before slowly seeking, and her fingers then finding, Crys’s center. Delighting in Crys’s dampness, Mel’s fingers gently stroked and circled, making Crys whimper with pleasure. And then Crys cried Mel’s name, collapsing against her.
They stretched out side by side then, their hands on each other, fingers touching, seeking out each erotic place. They kissed each other deeply, murmured their love for each other, climbed the heady heights, and claimed the ecstatic release, breathlessly clinging to each other.
“Oh, God! Mel, just hold me,” Crys said brokenly, clutching Mel to her as though she’d never let her go.
Mel could feel the dampness of Crys’s tears on her hot skin. “Crys? What is it?” she asked worriedly. “Was it that bad?”
“Bad? Oh, no. It was wonderful. I just — After this morning I just didn’t think anything could be as good.”
Mel relaxed with relief, and she grinned. “Ah. So it was good for you, too?”
“More than good.”
Mel sobered. “It was for me, too.” She tenderly kissed Crys’s soft lips. “You know, I think inside us all we have this small part, the very essence of us, and in it there’s a void waiting to be filled. Sometimes we put someone there who doesn’t really fit, and that leaves us still felling vaguely empty.
“But when you find that someone who does perfectly fit that special space, well, it’s just incredibly right. You” — Mel swallowed — “you’re incredibly right for me, Crys, and a part of me has been waiting for you all my life.”
Crys looked into Mel’s eyes, and her tears welled again. “Mel.” She shook her head. “I’m far too old for you. I’ve hardly had an unblemished past. I’m—”
“The past is past. You’re beautiful. You’re intelligent. We fit,” Mel said simply. “And if I’m right for you, too, then that’s the most incredible thing that could happen. We settle
into each other.” Mel kissed Crys reverently. “Can’t you feel that, too?”
“Mel, this is madness. What will people think? Your mother, for one.”
Mel grinned crookedly. “We could tell Mum we’re just good friends? Or maybe I could just say I have a new boyfriend and that his name is Chris?”
“Mel, please. This is serious.”
“I know. And when it comes to how I feel about you, well, I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
“Maybe I’m just some sort of mother figure for you.”
“I already have a mother. And whatever her faults, however much she sometimes irritates the hell out of me, she’s always been there for me in her own way. You know that.”
Crys nodded. “She’s always been there for me, too.”
“So let’s erase the mother figure thing out of the equation.”
“That still leaves the fact that there are fourteen years between us.”
“Easily fixed. I’ll count two years for every one from now on and you can wait at forty-two for me until I catch you. Come on, Crys. Do those fourteen years matter when we’re out working together?”
Crys shook her head.
“When we’re cleaning or cooking or sitting talking?”
“No.”
Mel lowered her voice. “And do they matter when we’re here, in bed together, making love?”
The look in Crys’s eyes said no.
“I love you, Crys,” Mel said. “As I said before, I think I always have. But I had to wait to grow up. And you had commitments to Diane. Before, when I kissed you all those years ago, it wasn’t our time. We’ve both had to wait for that. And now it’s here. Let’s not pass it up.”
Crys buried her face in the curve of Mel’s throat. “I wish I didn’t feel I was taking advantage of you.”
Mel gave an exclamation of disgust. “No one’s taking advantage of anyone.” She broke off as the ringing of the telephone made them both jump.
Crys automatically picked up the bedside extension. “Crys speaking.” She swallowed and sat up. “Angela. How” — she grimaced expressively at Mel — “how are you? Oh. Right. Well, Mel’s right here. She’s just come in.” A dull flush washed Crys’s face as she handed Mel the receiver as though it were a hot coal.
Mel raised her eyebrows inquiringly at Crys, who simply shrugged in reply. “Mum? Where are you?” Mel asked, loosening her grip on the phone when she realized her knuckles were turning white.
“I’m at Amber’s and Adam’s,” replied her mother. “Your stepfather’s managing all right so, since he forgot some papers he just has to have, I thought I’d come home, collect the relevant papers, and check to see how my girls are getting on.”
“Well, that’s nice. And I don’t know about Amber, but I’m absolutely fine.” Mel let her gaze linger suggestively on Crys’s naked body and Crys gave her a shove. “Um, are you coming down here?” Mel asked as evenly as she could.
“That’s what I was ringing about, and I would have talked to Crys about it if she hadn’t handed the phone to you so quickly. I thought I’d drive down tomorrow. Amber’s lending me her car for a few days.”
Mel swallowed. Her mother was coming down so soon! “That’s great, Mum.” She took another gulp of air. “Actually, Mum, I have something to tell you. That is, Crys and I” — Mel glanced at Crys again, and Crys rolled her eyes eloquently — “Crys and I have something to tell you.”
“Oh, I think I know what that is,” said her mother easily.
“You do? Oh, I don’t—”
“Yes,” continued her mother. “You told Amber you were really enjoying being down there on the farm, so I thought maybe you’d decide to stay on with Crys for a while, take on the job helping her out. Am I right?”
“Mum, you’re uncanny.” Mel stifled a hysterical giggle. “I love it down here and I am staying. And—”
“I knew it,” Angela exclaimed. “When I thought of Crys, I knew the farm would be just the place for you. Who said I don’t know my own girls?”
Mel did laugh then. “Oh, I think I can still come up with a surprise or two, Mum.”
“Well, I love surprises. You can tell me all about it when I get down there tomorrow. I’m looking forward to seeing you both. Now, Amber and I are taking the children to the park, so I’d better go. Bye, love. And say good-bye to Crys for me.”
Mel handed the receiver back to Crys, and she replaced it on its cradle.
“Well, if we had a video phone we wouldn’t have to tell Mum anything.” Mel gave a half laugh and sighed loudly.
“When is she coming down?” Crys asked resignedly.
“Tomorrow.”
Crys groaned. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Maybe we could just tell her you like it here, that we’ve become good friends, and then, when she’s used to that, we can tell her everything else next time she comes down.”
“What everything else are we talking about specifically?” Mel asked softly as she ran her hand over Crys’s bare breasts.
Crys caught Mel’s wandering fingers and held them firmly in her own. “You know what I mean,” she said and kissed the palm of Mel’s hand.
“You mean how my hands on your breasts drive you crazy? How my fingers and tongue can—”
“Mel. Stop! Please be serious.” Crys frowned, and Mel leaned forward, kissing Crys gently.
“I know it’s serious, my darling Crys. So serious I’m not going to settle for anything less than the truth. I’m not going to play any more games of let’s pretend. I love you, and I’m going to tell Mum just that.”
Crys looked into Mel’s eyes. “I don’t want to lose your mother’s friendship. What if she—”
Mel shook her head. “She won’t. It might take her a while to get used to the idea, but she’ll come around. I know she will. She loves us both.”
“That doesn’t always mean that when push comes to shove, things will all fall happily-ever-after into place,” Crys warned.
“I know. But for years Mum has supported you, championed the gay and lesbian cause on your behalf. Why would she stop now?”
“Yes, I know. But you’re her daughter, Mel. She might see that differently.”
“And she might not. She’s also brought Amber and me up to believe everyone has a right to free expression.” Mel grinned. “At least she’s fond of telling us that. Now will come the test, whether she’s prepared to stand by her convictions. I’m pretty sure she will. But either way, I’m not going to lose you, what we have.” Mel paused and then met Crys’s gaze. “What about you?”
“I don’t want to lose you, either, Mel. I died a thousand deaths over there in the shed, knowing you were with Terry, that you might leave.” Crys took hold of Mel’s hand again. “I don’t know if you remember, but after you kissed me that first time, you asked me if I loved Diane? And I said I did.”
Mel nodded. “I remember.”
“I went home and did some thinking in the light of the fact that I’d kissed you back. I knew I did love Diane, but part of me loved you, too. I was horrified at myself. You were so young and I, well, I was tempted, Mel.”
Mel grinned broadly. “You were? Really?”
“Oh, yes. Really.” Crys shook her head. “You don’t know how tempted I was. But I also felt I was committed to Diane. Our lives were bound together, the divorce, the court case. My life was such a mess. I couldn’t…Diane and I, we had too much history.
“But that was then, Mel. I want to make a new beginning. With you. And I know you’re right about telling your mother. Even though I’m worried about how she’ll take it, I also think we do owe her the truth.” Crys shook her head. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love you, Mel.”
Mel’s smile widened. “And I’m so very glad you do.”
Crys laughed a little disconcertedly. “I love you more than I hoped I’d ever love anyone again.”
“More than being too terrified to tell my mother you do?” Mel asked, a teasing light
making her eyes glow.
“I’m afraid so,” Crys said with mock solemnity. “More than life itself.”
Mel leaned forward, kissed Crys slowly. “Then this is a two-way thing. We both fit, Crys. That’s all that matters, don’t you think?” she said softly, drawing Crys into the circle of her arms.