by R. J. Rogue
"Him? Yes. I dream about him a lot too."
I like this. Having Essence here. Her company was needed, especially with Mike missing. I have someone I can talk to. Someone to help me cope. I'm still waiting for her to come out and say she isn't from here. Earth. I wish she'd just spill the beans already. Gosh, if she only knew how I felt about her, but I mustn't tell.
"I read it," she says.
My stomach twists into knots. Dare I ask?
"Read what?"
"What you wrote about me."
My heart flatlines. I wish there was a shovel here so I can dig my grave. No tombstone needed. I press my back deep into the tree's bark.
"I know that's why you took the book as you did."
She looks up at me and I avert my eyes.
"I'm sorry, Evan. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable."
Did I push her away writing about her? No. That wouldn't make any sense. If I had pushed her away, she wouldn't be here with me. She could have said no, but she didn't. In fact, she insisted. She turns her face away and rubs her hand up and down her arm. Change the subject, Evan. Change the subject.
"Essence."
"Yes?"
"When I was visiting Mike's grandmother the other day, I saw this building on the cliffs. I seen it before. I know I did. I'm just – curious about what's there."
"Shall we go sometime?"
"Yeah. I mean, my mother always makes deliveries by the cliffs. I'm just curious if that's where she goes. I would hate to ask her myself since I already egg her on about a van full of blood packets."
She smiles, uncrosses her legs, and sits next to me. She rests her head on my shoulder, and my heart jumps into my throat. Her scent is addictive and unreal, like the exotic white blossoms of a magnolia tree. She makes herself comfortable against me and closes her eyes. I put my arm around her, making my chest her pillow.
I then think about what Mike said. About Essence having mutual feelings for me. I want her to want me back. I would do anything. I mean, look at her. Her beautiful eyes. Pink lips. Rose red hair. Stunning face. Where are her flaws?
~
"I really had a great time, Evan," she says as we stand on her front porch.
"I did too," I smile.
"Can we go there again soon? Together? Just us?"
Together. Just us. I love the sound of that.
"Anytime you'd like."
She hugs me and I wrap my arms around her.
"Thanks for saving me from the rain."
"I'd do it again."
She lets go and I wish she hadn't.
"Sleep well tonight. I'll see you in school."
"You too, Essence."
She gives me one last smile before stepping inside and closing the door. I walk back to the car and take a deep breath. She's left her scent with me. I reverse onto the street, shift the gear into drive, but keep my foot on the break. I look out the passenger window at her house, a curtain in the upstairs window opens, and there she is, smiling at me, as I smile at her.
Chapter Thirteen: Sweet Dreams
I feel around the darkness, but nothing meets my touch. Dead space. As I walk, the ground pulls and sinks beneath me like quicksand. There's no escape.
"Evan," a voice whispers.
I turn to face my company, only to find myself alone in the middle of the forest. The clouds are black. The wind is strong, and also frigid.
"Evan," I hear the voice again, dragging onto my name.
"Who's there!" I call out, but no response.
The sky roars and lightning flashes before my eyes. I fall into the mud, and rain begins to fall. The voice returns, repeating my name as I then run beneath the trees of the howling forest. I dodge a few giants of bark, and there he stands, the stranger I seen just over a week ago, watching me with his red eyes, which hide behind black hair over a leather jacket.
When lightning flashes again, he's gone. I turn to run, but slip and fall into the wet, sticky terrain. I turn over onto my back and he stands above me, breathing as loud and heavy as a horse. Resting above his thumb is the mark; the one with the ‘M’ and strange symbol.
"We're watching you!" he points and growls in many indistinct voices.
"Go away!" I yell.
"Evan, I'm here."
"Mom?" I turn around and find myself standing on the cliffs. Here again, just as I was before, but where are the doors? The forest is across the small field; dark, mysterious, and monstrous. I look behind me, and there she stands in a white gown on the edge of the cliff.
"Essence?" I say. "What are you doing here?"
She doesn't reply. She stands as still as stone as the wind blows the end of her gown against her curves, the frosted grass between her toes and against her ankles. She takes a step back, my heart lunges forward.
"Essence? Essence wait!"
She allows herself to fall from the cliff, her arms out, lips smiling, eyes closed. I dash to the edge, throw my hands in front of me, and dive into the stormy sky after her.
The view is endless. No ground nor water. Just Essence, falling through the sky, her body forming a white cross. The rain joins us as we plummet. I straighten my body, and bullet towards her. As I close in, I outstretch my hand and prepare to grab her.
"Essence!" I try to yell, but can barely breath from the suffocating air.
She holds her outstretched position as we rip through a ceiling of rain clouds. The water is below, waiting to swallow us. Almost there. Almost there. If I can just...
"Got you!"
I pull her into my arms, and turn our bodies in the air to suppress the impact that awaits us.
"Don't worry," I say clenching my eyes shut. "You will be okay."
As the wind fills my ears, my arms hug my shoulders. I open my eyes and she's gone, but I didn't let go. Where is she? I look over my shoulder and brace for impact. I connect with the water, which felt like cement, and begin sink. I had her. I had her in my grasp and lost her. Now, I have to save myself.
I kick my legs and wave my arms to swim to the surface, unsure if I am getting closer, or swimming deeper. The water is dark and feels like ice against every inch of my skin. My chest tightens and I force my mouth to remain shut as water begs to enter and consume me from within. I kick and swim and kick and swim, but light is absent. I must be swimming deeper. I have to find my way out.
Something grabs hold of my ankle. I kick and try to wiggle free, but it's no use. My lungs feel as compact as hardened play dough. I reach below and feel around my ankle. Seaweed. I untangle the knots, and when I'm free, I throw my arms, one over the other, praying I am close to the surface. I don't know how much longer I can hold my breath. I am going to drown. Or worse, I am going to die.
I hang onto hope, then it shows itself in the form of light. I am close. I am close to the surface. I continue to swim, and soon, I emerge, taking every gasp of air as I can. Mouthfuls. Inhaling, reaching the pits of my stomach. Exhaling, letting out the fear that I was sure was going to consume me.
I swim to the shore which felt like seconds to reach, but I know it should have been hours. I crawl onto the beach, hands and knees imprinting into the sand before my body gives and hugs its moisture. I roll onto my back, breathing, resting, aching. I made it. The sky falls onto me, my clothes stick to me, and my mind cries to me.
"Evan."
I rise to a sit and across the horizon is a mansion, sitting on the cliffs, but how? I shake my head, telling myself it isn't possible. I just left the cliffs and there was nothing, but I also believed Essence was there, and she was not.
I crawl to the water until it is elbow deep. I cup my hands together and throw it onto my face. I gather more and wash across my cheeks and through my hair. When the water settles, I stare at my reflection, and it begins to change.
A red glow fills my eyes. My skin goes pale, practically clear and my reflection becomes a frowning stranger. He smiles, and a monstrous overbite grows from beneath his, my, lips. I splash the water and back away,
keeping my eyes on the ripples, waiting for him to emerge. Nothing.
"Evan."
The voice wasn't that of a whisper, but it was familiar. Cedric stands above me, his eyes glowing red, one of them peeking through his hair.
"You better watch your back, Evan." His overbite is as monstrous as his voice.
Lightning flashes and Cedric's nose is an inch from mine.
"Wake up!" he yells.
~
I fall off my bed and the morning sun is there to catch me. I hate the sun.
"Evan!" My mother calls from downstairs. "Wake up my little, vampire!"
I groan.
"Vampires don't sleep!" I call back.
"HA! Who told you that?"
I shrug.
"Move quickly dear! Don't be late for school!"
"I won't be!"
"I love you!"
"I love you too!"
The front door closes and I take a deep breath, resting on my bedroom floor.
"So much for sweet dreams."
Chapter Fourteen: Reborn
I'm dying. At least, that's what it feels like. The nightmare was daunting. Those glowing, red eyes. Essence jumping from the cliff, myself failing to catch her. Cedric was there as well, but his eyes were red, his skin was pale, and his overbite was monstrous. Why was he in my nightmare? Then there was me. Just like them. A vampire. Why? What are my nightmares trying to tell me?
There's not much more I feel I can take. These mood swings. Mike's disappearance. My feelings for Essence. And Bianca -- her comment about Mike sounds to me like she knows of his whereabouts. Mike is fine. Mike is fine, she says.
I also fail to forget my conversation with Essence about my father. Such a coward for leaving my mother and I. Why'd he leave? Were we not good enough for him? Were we not the perfect family? Didn't he want me? Didn't he care about me? About mom? Was it something I did or something mother might have said? … Was it our fault?
Stop. Don't do this to yourself, Evan. Not again. No. Not again. You've been through enough already. I have to keep the promise I made to myself not to have such thoughts. It was his decision to leave. His lost. Not mine. I'm sure since he's been gone he's thankful for not having any responsibility of a child. But I'm not going to worry about that. I turned out just fine. Didn't I?
Luckily, spending time with Essence wasn't a dream. It was real. It was and she wants to do it again sometime soon. I can't help but find a smile. She makes me giddy, but if I were to say such a thing to Mike, if Mike was here, he'd laugh. He'd probably say something like, 'Jeez, Ev. You worship the ground she walks on!' What can I say? She's a goddess. Hopefully, someday, mine.
I have to be careful not to push or scare her away. But I do worry though. I know how strong my feelings are, and with Essence knowing as well, it makes me vulnerable to getting hurt. Before, I had believed I can be anything she had wanted me to be whether it was an associate, friend, or, as I dream, her lover. But now, being anything besides those is unacceptable.
I park my bike into the rack outside of school. Students hop off of the buses and walk into school, none of which are Mike. I follow the crowd inside, gather my books for class, and close my locker door. My heart leaps into my throat.
"Hi, Evan," Essence smiles hugging her books to her chest.
"Hi," I say wide eyed.
"Sorry I frightened you," she says.
"No, no, it's okay, um. Just a bit exhausted. Still waking up really."
"Didn't get any sleep last night?"
HA! No. At least not any adequate sleep.
"Not as well as I would have liked," I respond. "I had another nightmare."
"What happened in this one?" she asks.
The bell rings. Oh, come on.
"Well," she chuckles, "Looks like you'll have to tell me about it later."
"Guess so," I exhale deeply.
Essence leaves me at my locker love drunk. I can't believe she came to my locker and initiated a conversation with me. Milestone achieved. Another accomplishment I can write in the books. She's everything a man would --
"Hey..." Cedric wrecks my train of thought as he props himself against his locker. I look over at him. "You dropped your jaw, loverboy." He doesn't smile, smirk, nor laugh. He holds his books in his hand. My heart sinks into my gut.
His hand. What is that on his hand?
Below the knuckle of his thumb I notice a black marking. Similar to the one I had seen in my nightmare, but the letter is a ‘V’ and the symbol is different.
I open my notebook to the page in which I drew the first symbol, the one with the ‘M’, and begin to draw the one on Cedric’s hand right next to it. Similar, but different. Before, I would have said, I’ve never seen the symbols before, but now, they are familiar. I know I have, and what do they mean? I'm starting to believe my nightmares are much more than just nightmares. They're more like memories. They are trying to tell me something, but what? I look up and Cedric is gone. He's not down any end of the halls neither.
Before I know it, I'm walking into Painting class, the final period of the day, and take a seat next to Essence. Ms. Brooks begins class by giving us a new assignment which is to paint something that we feel best represents who we are. Great. It's my lucky day.
"Want to tell me about your nightmare?" Essence asks.
Just when I was trying to forget.
"I don't know where to begin."
"The same way you would begin any story. From the beginning," a smile forms in the corner of her lips.
"Well, I was in the rainforest again. I--"
"Yes," she says.
"I ran into the same guy as before. Not much was different about him. It was pretty dark, but his eyes glowed red. He had that mark on his hand. And then--"
I pause. The thought of telling Essence she was in the dream was not an option. I couldn't tell her about such a suicide attempt she made, even though realistically speaking, it wasn't her. I'd just rather she not know that I dream about her.
"And then what, Evan?" she asks.
"And then I was falling from that cliff I was telling you about. I fell into the water and something grabbed me by the ankle and tried to pull me deeper. When I managed to break free, I was on the beach looking at the cliff like from afar. The building was there. The mansion. When I turned around--"
I pause again. I saw Cedric. Does she need to know that as well? She nods for me to continue and I exhale deeply.
"When I turn around, there's another stranger. Pale. Red eyes. Fangs. Just like the man from the forest."
Her eyebrows worry with a frown, and a faint crease forms between them.
"Did he say anything to you? Either one of them."
"Yes," I nod. "Actually they said the same thing that man told me a few days ago, 'We're watching you.'"
"And the other guy?"
"His words," I say, really referring to Cedric. "Were bold. He told me to watch my back."
Essence shakes her head.
"Wonder why."
"Your guess is as good as mine," I agree. "And the worst part -- I saw myself. Just like them." I shake my head. "I'm starting to believe my nightmares are trying to tell me something."
"What do you think that something is?"
I shrug.
"I don't know."
"By the way you explain them and with what's been actually going on, it is quite a coincidence, don't you think?"
"Yeah. I don't think these are random at all," I respond staring off into space. "I'm thinking some of what happened in my nightmares, happened to me before and I'm just having a hard time remembering when and who those people are."
I nod to myself.
"I know them. I know I do."
A silence grows between us.
"So, um, you have any ideas on what you're going to paint, Michelangelo?" she smiles and I return to earth.
"Not quite. How am I supposed to paint something that describes or represents who I am as a person, if I'm already having such
a hard time figuring it out?"
"That’s part of art, Evan," she smiles weakly. "People in general are a work of art. We're just, works in progress that's all."
"Perhaps you're right."
"Here, let me help." She scoots her chair closer, and my leg begins to tap on the metal of my stool. Will I ever get use to her?
"Maybe you should close your eyes," she says.
I smirk.
"What?"
"Go ahead. Close them."
I listen and stare at the back of my eyelids.
"Okay, now take a deep breath and just listen to my voice."
"You're the artist now," I say laughing.
"Listen…" she says laughing with me.
"Okay, okay."
I listen.
"Just listen to yourself breath."
Kind of difficult with some of the chatter going on around us. Still no ideas.
"How do you feel?" she asks.
"Confused. Hopeless....Angry."
"Heh, I guess that's a starts," she says. "Okay, now let's free your emotions. They are a part of you, but don't allow them to dictate who you are. You are much more than what you feel."
My mind explores its trenches. I feel weightless and free. My hand finds the handle to my paintbrush, dips the end into the paint, and begins to dance on the paper.
"You can open your eyes, Evan, so you can see." she says, but her voice is low and faint, almost distorted. I want to open my eyes, but I can't. Instead, I continue, going from paper to paint. Paper to paint. Paper to paint. My hand begins to move faster, but I am not in control.
"Evan, how are you doi--"
My palms began to sweat and tremble. My chest runs cold and tight. I feel a great weight upon me, a depression. Then sorrow. Then frustration. Then anger. Then, something unexplainable.
"Do you hear that," I whisper.
"Here what?" Essence says gently.
I look around, and I stand in the forest, the trees above me. The wind blows, and though no one is there, I hear footsteps along the leaves. Whoever it is, is getting closer.
"Evan?" I hear Essence say.
"They're here," I whisper. "They know I'm here."