by J. H. Croix
Charlie and I were checking in at the end of the day, something we did almost every day. She had her feet propped up on one of my chairs, while I got her a cup of tea and myself a cup of coffee.
“So, let me get this straight. You think a little space is good for you and Remy right now?” she asked.
Turning, I handed her a mug of tea. I sank down into a chair at an angle across from her and nodded as I took a sip of my coffee. “Yeah, I do. I think even you have to agree things have been moving a little fast.”
“If it was me, I would say that, but it’s you. You haven’t given any man a chance, not since Bruce.”
“All the more reason why I should try to take things slow. Look, I’ve been able to deal with being alone. I can’t just throw myself into this because Remy is all sexy and hot, and makes me feel good and safe,” I muttered.
Charlie almost choked on her tea, but managed to swallow it down. Brushing her dark hair away from her forehead and tucking it behind her ear, she took another sip of tea and shook her head. “And what exactly is wrong with all of that? He sounds fucking awesome. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally in love with Jesse…”
I interjected, “Yeah, and you just got married barely over a month ago.”
Charlie and Jesse had, in fact, just gotten married. They’d been living together for a year or so, but they recently had a small ceremony after his proposal a few months ago.
Charlie’s cheeks flushed, and she smiled softly. “So we did. Anyway, back to my point. I’m totally hot for Jesse, but Remy and that southern accent…” She paused and dramatically put her hand on her chest. “All I’ve got to say if he’s going to be in Willow Brook, I can’t deal with him not being with a woman who isn’t awesome. He’s such a gentleman. He’s got that whole sexy, quiet thing going too.”
My mind flashed to a few nights ago. He was definitely on the quiet side, and a gentleman. When it came to sex, he was commanding, and I fucking loved it. I vividly remembered the feel of him slapping my ass.
I snapped my mind back to the moment. I did not need to be mooning over Remy right now. “Okay, I’ll agree with you there.” I started to laugh and sobered immediately. “I don’t know how to do this. Like, what if this is some weird rebound thing and I’m not really falling for him? Or what if I’m leaning on him too much? I just hate that all this happened right when Bruce got out, and that Bruce had to fucking come back to Willow Brook.”
Charlie’s gaze was somber as she looked at me. “Yeah, the timing sucks. But maybe it’s for the best. I mean, think of it this way. I’d rather see you deal with this bullshit now, than get all comfortable with someone and have it blow up in your face. Whether it’s Remy or someone else. As far as I can tell, Remy isn’t going anywhere. Jesse told me that he was moody about Bruce around the station the other day. He sounds all protective, which is kind of sweet. You’re a badass and bossy as hell, but I wouldn’t mind having a man like him around.”
I set my coffee down and sighed. I wanted Charlie to be able to tell me what to do, but right now, the doubts were bouncing around in my mind, playing volleyball with my sanity.
I missed Remy. My heart ached for him. When I was home last night, just me and Henry, I wished Remy was there to play fetch with Henry because he could throw farther. That was only one from a long list of wishes. I told myself I didn’t miss him that much, but I knew it was a total lie. Alone on the couch, I missed his warmth and resting against his strong chest. I found myself checking the locks on the doors twice and assuring myself Henry would sound the bark alarm if anyone showed up.
Charlie couldn’t give me answers, and neither could I.
The following day, Charlie got called to the hospital for an emergency with a patient, so I dropped Em off for her afternoon job. I couldn’t resist going into the station. I knew Remy wasn’t there, but I also knew Maisie would be able to give me an update on when he might be back.
When I walked into the front area, Lucy was there with Levi, who held little Glory. He had the baby comfortably snuggled in one arm with his other arm thrown around Lucy’s shoulders. Looking at them, my heart felt funny. I’d spent the time since Bruce had gone to jail telling myself I probably wouldn’t have something like what they had, and now I wanted it so badly, I could taste it. I wanted it with Remy, and I still didn’t know how he felt. I still hadn’t found clarity in my feelings, and whether they were more of a reaction to Bruce, a rebound, or something else.
Lucy glanced over, casting a smile my way.
“Hey!” Maisie said, looking up from her desk.
“Just dropping Em off, so I thought I’d say hi.” Stopping beside Lucy and Levi, I smiled when Glory rolled her head to the side on Levi’s shoulder, reaching her hand out, her fingers spread like a star.
Her chubby little fingers curled around mine when I lifted my hand. My heart skipped a few beats.
“So, what brings you by?” I asked, directing my question to Lucy.
“Oh, we have an appointment for Glory with the pediatrician.”
“Yep, she’s gonna set a weight record.” Levi nodded proudly.
Lucy rolled her eyes. “Doubtful. You keep forgetting I’m small. She’s totally medium. Not to mention, baby weight isn’t a contest.”
Levi squeezed Lucy’s shoulder. “She’s not medium, she’s perfect.”
That got another eye roll from Lucy. She glanced at the clock above the door behind me. “We need to go, or we’ll be late.”
“Bye!” Maisie called, while I waved as they turned and left through the front.
My gaze lingered on them through the glass windows as Levi settled Glory into her car seat. Maisie was typing away when I looked back to her.
She’d become a friend over the last few years after she had moved to Willow Brook when she inherited her grandmother’s house. “How are Max and Carol?” I asked. “It’s been a few weeks since you had card night at your place.”
Maisie tapped a button and then pushed the computer keyboard tray back under the counter. “Oh, they’re great. Carol’s finally mostly sleeping through the night. It took her a lot longer than Max. Every now and then, Beck teases that we should try for another baby, and I’m not so sure. Not that I don’t want another baby, I just don’t want another whole year where I can hardly sleep,” she said with a laugh.
“Rumor has it you forget if you wait long enough,” I offered.
Maisie’s curls bounced when she giggled. “Right, just like rumor has it that you forget what labor feels like. I have not forgotten. Plus, the baby weight is sticking around this time. I told Beck if I have another one, he’s gonna have to get used to it.”
I rolled my eyes at that. “I’m pretty sure Beck loves every inch of you.”
Maisie’s cheeks flushed as she shrugged. “Maybe.”
I’d known Beck for years. Before he met Maisie, I wouldn’t have believed he could settle down. Now, I could hardly remember that he used to be a flirt extraordinaire and a bit of a player. He was still a flirt, but then, Beck was a rather indiscriminate flirt. He would flirt with a chair. But he was downright smitten with Maisie.
“How are things with Remy?” Maisie asked, startling me with a quick shift in conversation.
I stared at her. Remy and I weren’t a secret. I’d talked about him with Charlie, and he’d even come up at one of our card nights a few weeks ago now. Somehow, time felt compressed with him. I couldn’t believe how little of it had passed since our first kiss.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “I mean, they’re good, but well, it feels like it’s moving pretty quick. I’m worried I’m not thinking too clearly.”
“Explain,” Maisie said, her wide brown eyes narrowing as she looked at me.
“Just that. After everything that happened with Bruce, well, I’d have been fine if I never got involved with a man ever again. Then, this thing with Remy happened, and now I’m not so sure if it’s a rebound, or something more. And Bruce getting out of jail right now and
moving back here has totally screwed with my head.”
Maisie reached for her water bottle on the desk, taking a quick swig. Setting it down, she regarded me, her gaze considering. “Okay, I get that Bruce showing up would kind of screw with your head. But that would happen no matter what was going on. I mean, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“I don’t think this thing with Remy is a rebound. It’s been too long since you and Bruce broke up. Just because Remy happens to be the first guy you’ve gotten involved with doesn’t make him a rebound.”
I drummed my fingertips on the counter, chewing the corner of my mouth as I considered what she said. “I know, it’s not the timing. I just worry. I mean, I need to be able to handle this stuff with Bruce myself. Like, now Remy’s out of town and I don’t know how long he’ll be gone, and I’m all stressed out because Bruce is back in town and I’m at home alone, and…” I paused, taking a deep breath as I felt my words tumbling out wildly. “You get what I’m saying. I just think maybe we need to slow it down, that’s all. Plus, I don’t even know what Remy wants.”
“Remy wants you,” Macy said with a smile. “That’s plain as day. Beck says he talks about you a lot. It’s adorable.”
The words adorable and Remy in the same sentence made me burst out laughing. Because Remy, well, he was handsome, sexy, and all kinds of tall, dark, and dangerous. But adorable? Not exactly the adjective that came to mind.
Maisie shrugged, laughing along with me. “Just saying.” At that moment, the dispatch line rang, and Maisie shifted gears instantly.
I left, only realizing after I was driving away, I forgot to ask her if she had any news on when Remy’s crew would be back.
Chapter Thirty
Remy
I set my chainsaw down beside a log and tossed my leather gloves to the ground beside it. Beck glanced at me, running a hand through his shaggy dark curls with a sigh. “Fuck, I’m tired.”
He was sitting on the ground, his legs stretched out in front of him, with a water bottle in one hand and a granola bar in the other.
“You and me both, and probably the rest of the crew along with us. This area isn’t easy to contain.”
We’d been called up to handle a small fire at the start, but stayed in the area to set a controlled burn. The idea was to knock out some of the danger areas and create firebreaks in preparation for summer. Even though we weren’t fighting an out-of-control fire, the weather was on our side, and some of the underbrush was damp from the remnants of winter, it was still exhausting work. I loved the work because I could lose myself in it.
I rested my hips on the log and caught the water bottle Beck tossed over from his backpack. “Thanks, man,” I murmured quickly before almost draining it.
He flashed a grin and a nod. It had been a long week since we’d flown out here, and we were due to return to Willow Brook tomorrow. Whether I was working or resting, my thoughts meandered down the path Rachel had worn in my brain.
“Ready to get back?” I asked.
“Oh yeah. I miss Maisie and the kids. I still love my job, but being away from them isn’t my preference.”
“I bet not,” I replied.
I still felt slightly unsettled from my last night with Rachel. I held her in my arms as she slept, but I had felt the anxiety running through her and the distance it created between us.
The following afternoon, the tension I’d been holding around my heart eased slightly when I saw Willow Brook come into view from the sky. The helicopter settled down on the landing pad behind the station. In a matter of minutes, we were climbing out, gathering our gear, and walking into the station. All of us were tired and weary.
I watched as Maisie pulled Beck into a hug. I wished Rachel and I were in a place where I knew I could do that. I hated the fact I couldn’t help but wonder in the back my mind if Bruce had done anything to stir the pot while I’d been gone.
I texted Rachel before I hopped into the shower, the steaming hot water washing the week away. After I was dressed, I poked my head in Rex’s office, figuring he would know if Bruce had done anything in the last week.
Glancing up from his computer screen, he smiled when he saw me, waving me in. “Come on in, Remy.”
Slipping into the chair across from his desk, I asked, “Any news?” I figured I didn’t need to explain what I meant.
“All is quiet here. Far as I know, Bruce has been laying low at his girlfriend’s place.”
“You don’t think Rachel would blow it off and not let you know if he came around, do you?”
Rex was quiet and then he shrugged. “Maybe. My guess is if it’s minor, like him just showing up around town, she’s not gonna let me know. But if he shows up at her place again, she’ll call.”
I drummed my fingertips on the armrest. “I hope I don’t come across as… I don’t know, like this is more my business than it should be.”
Rex shook his head. “Not at all. It’s none of my business what’s going on with you and Rachel, but as far as I’m concerned, we take care of each other around here. I’m glad Rachel has you.”
At that moment, my phone buzzed in my pocket just as Rex’s desk phone rang. “I gotta take this,” he said as he glanced over to the phone.
“Gotcha. Thanks for giving me a few minutes,” I replied as I stood to leave his office. Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I glanced down to see Rachel had responded to my text.
I’m actually busy tonight. It’s card night with my friends. Rain check?
Four fucking days had passed, and I still hadn’t seen Rachel since I got back. Frustration was simmering inside me all the damn time now.
I knew pressuring Rachel wasn’t likely to help matters, yet I was impatient. Hell, I was more than impatient. I missed her in more ways than one. I didn’t like feeling as if she had shut me out. She hadn’t completely ignored me. She responded to my texts, each time with an excuse of why she was tied up and busy.
What was bothering me now was she hadn’t answered my last two texts. I was worried and getting more concerned by the minute. I was curbing the urge to drive by and check on her, if only because I didn’t want to behave the same way Bruce did. I didn’t own her.
It was late evening after work, and I found myself pulling into the parking lot at Firehouse Café. I wasn’t up for the crowd at Wildlands. The cool spring evening air gusted in with me when I pushed open the door. It was quieter than it was in the mornings, with a few couples at tables, but no line. Janet glanced up, her smile widening when she saw me.
“Hey Remy!”
Stopping at the counter, I rested my hip against it and tried to smile, but it was an effort. “Hey, Janet, how’s it going?”
She cocked her head to the side. “Something’s off, but first, you need coffee. The usual house coffee?”
“Sounds good.”
Janet spun away, quickly snagging one of the distinctive red cups and filling it. She added my preferred dash of cream without even asking and turned back, sliding it across the counter to me. I tossed a five-dollar bill on the counter. “Keep the change.”
Taking a sip, I closed my eyes and sighed. “You make damn good coffee, Janet.”
She was grinning when I opened my eyes again. “I get plenty of practice. Now tell me why you look a little…” She paused, pursing her lips. “Tense?”
Janet had this way of making people talk to her, probably because even though she knew practically everyone and everything, she was bone-deep good and didn’t throw gossip around. Although she probably knew more gossip than anyone else in Willow Brook.
“I think Rachel’s avoiding me,” I finally said.
While I certainly hadn’t given Janet the blow-by-blow, seeing as Rachel and I had stopped here for coffee together more than once, it wasn’t as if Janet had no clue we had something going on. Janet twisted her lips and let out a sigh. “Is she?”
“Maybe. All I know is I haven’t seen her since before I left, over a week and a half ago now.�
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“Go see her,” Janet said.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t…”
“I know you don’t want to seem like her ex, but you’re nothing like him. She needs to know you care because she isn’t likely to believe it without it being so obvious she can’t ignore it.”
I eyed Janet and shrugged. “I’m not so sure.”
“Well, being not so sure isn’t exactly the way to declare your feelings,” Janet said flatly, just as the bell above the door jingled behind me.
Turning, I saw a couple with two small children entering. Looking to Janet, I lifted my coffee cup in thanks. “I’ll think on it. Always good to see you.”
Janet winked. “Of course. Don’t think too hard.”
With Janet’s words ringing in my mind, I found myself pulling out and heading in Rachel’s direction. My place was in the opposite direction of town. Truth be told, ever since I’d spent those two weeks with Rachel, my home felt cavernous and empty.
I actually liked my house. I’d snapped it up from a couple who had decided to move back to the lower forty-eight, after they had a baby and wanted to be closer to family. It was a lucky buy for me, and nestled amongst some trees. There was even a small pond on the property off to the side of the house, with a winding path through the trees leading to it. With a larger lake nearby feeding into the pond through a connecting stream, fishing for lake trout was an option.
Usually, when I was feeling restless, I went home and walked to the pond because I loved fishing. It was a quiet, peaceful activity. Right now though, that held no appeal. I found peace hard to come by in the echoing silence from Rachel.
I pulled off the side of the road, thinking I should call her first. The phone rang several times and then she answered. Her voice sounded god-awful. She coughed in the middle of saying hello.
“You okay?” I asked, concern swiftly replacing the frustration I’d been feeling.
A hacking cough was her answer, loud enough I had to pull the phone away from my ear. “I’m sick,” she finally muttered when she stopped coughing.