Gabriel exhaled in an amused yet fierce half-laugh, half-growl. “Well, you’re right on that account, my Lady.” His eyes lowered to the floor. “Forgive me.”
She blinked, startled out of her brooding. “For what?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” he confessed, his voice sounding far away. “I suppose because I haven’t been myself lately. I didn’t want you to think, that is…”
As his voice trailed off, she became acutely aware of his proximity, and her heart skipped a beat. Breathe. She tried to focus on him and force the image of him kissing Ursa from her mind, but it was like a stain that wouldn’t wash out. She noticed the stubble on his jaw line and chin, and his hair looked like a pile of bramble. What’s happened to you, Gabriel? Where’s the man I love?
Her eyes flickered to his lips, which were bowed downward in a brooding frown. Images flashed before her eyes as Ursa’s lips met Gabriel’s over and over again, and her heart twisted, accompanied by a sharp pang in her stomach. A light sheen of sweat had broken out over her skin, making it glisten.
“If you insist on staying,” she said rather sharply, propelled by her agitated stomach, “then I think we should send for one of the guards or perhaps a servant.”
She was thankful she sounded more in control than she felt. Without waiting for his reply, she started for the door. What in the name of Dreaka is wrong with me? For the past few months, all I’ve wanted is to be this close to him, all the time, and now that I’m with him, I can’t stand it.
Gabriel stared at the floor, not responding. He shook his head and blinked several times before finally looking up. “The guards and servants are gone. I sent them all away on a fool’s errand.”
She came to an abrupt halt and turned around. “And why is that, my Lord?”
Her heart hammered against her sternum. She was so inexplicably afraid, more so than she had been in the Market when she thought the demon was attacking her. Her lungs burned as she held her breath and searched his tortured, weary posture for the answer she dared not have hoped for.
It can’t be. He wouldn’t feel that way for me.
Would he?
Gabriel stopped breathing, or at least it looked like he did when he closed his eyes for a long while and finally opened them. The way he was looking at her took her breath away. “I sent them away because I wanted to be alone with you.”
It took her lungs a moment to remember how they worked. “It would seem we are now,” she whispered. Everything around her faded away, and all she could see was Gabriel. Every noise became insignificant; the hammering of her heart in her temples was the only sound left.
Without removing his eyes from hers, he closed the distance between them, placed one hand at the small of her back and the other behind her neck, and kissed her.
There was no image of a haunting kiss she should never have seen; only the sense that the moment was perfect in every way remained. Ursa faded from her mind, and she lost herself to the gentle brush of his lips upon hers and the feeling of his hands on her neck and back. His warmth enveloped her, chasing away her fears and worries, and filling her with such a complete feeling of peace she thought she would float away. It was as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from her, and she wondered if this was what it meant to be free.
“Gabriel,” she moaned.
At first his kisses were tender, almost hesitant, but the longer they embraced the more intense his mouth became as it explored hers. His hand wound itself into her hair while the other lifted her blouse to caress the bare skin of her back. A soft sigh escaped her lips, which he responded to with a low, almost feral sound in his throat before tilting her head back and kissing her hard once more. Slowly, he planted kisses along her chin, then her jaw, and then down her neck until his lips came to the hollow of her throat. She felt hot all over, like she might explode, and she realized that her body was firmly pressed all the way against his. An exact fit, like we’re made for each other. We fit together so perfectly… just like Ursa and Gabriel had.
She gasped and broke the kiss, wriggling free of his hands as she did. It surprised her how out of breath she was, like surfacing for the first time after holding one’s breath underwater, and it took a few minutes for her breathing to return to normal. All the while she stared at him, transfixed by his flushed cheeks and the fact he was breathing as heavily as she was. The look they exchanged was long and hard, as if they could read the secrets of the heart and mind with nothing but their eyes.
Slowly, his fingers unwound themselves from her hair while his other hand gently tugged her blouse back into place. He stared at her, breathless. Then he blinked, suddenly looking like a child waiting to be scolded. “Forgive me,” he half-whispered. “That was highly inappropriate.”
Maybe so, but I’ve dreamed of this moment for so long.
The words were on her tongue, but when her lips parted to speak, she found she had no voice. She tried again; nothing. Her vocal cords might as well have not existed. Her brows furrowed, and her breath paused. She shook her head as the ache deep within her gut grew and a wave of nausea hit her, followed by an aftertaste of something darker, a feeling of such rage and hatred that she thought she would be consumed by it.
These feelings… they aren’t mine. Whose are they?
She blinked slowly, trying to clear her head of the imposing fog and the alien feelings that weren’t hers. It’s the illness. I must be relapsing. Her heart spiked with fear. Is it contagious? No one has been wearing masks, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a possibility. Gabriel must leave before –
“Lianora?” Gabriel took a step toward her, searching her face, but she ducked her head, hoping he couldn’t see the panic in her eyes.
“I can’t do this. Not now,” she whispered. “You have to leave.” The room reeled around her. Gods, she was going to be sick.
She took a step back, but he held onto her. Without meaning to, she found his gaze.
Gabriel swallowed hard, never removing his eyes from hers. “I thought – that is, I thought you…”
For a minute, he was the wonderful, gentle man she had fallen in love with. His expression fluttered to hope as he searched her eyes, and without thinking she reached up and cupped his cheek in the palm of her hand, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
He closed his eyes and leaned against her hand, a faint smile playing on his lips. He chuckled above her, and his laughter rumbled through her hand, down her arm, and into her chest. It should have comforted her, and on any other day, it probably would have. But all she could think about as his laughter danced through her was his suggestive smile and careless banter as he flirted with the serving girl at her father’s dinner. The serving girl’s face morphed into Ursa’s, right before she leaned forward and kissed Gabriel. The images swirled, faster and faster. She squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth; her head felt like it was going to explode. Gabriel said her name, but he sounded farther away. The sleeping thing inside her stirred, lacing her memories with dark wisps and pulling feelings of anger and resentment to the surface while lighting a fire beneath all the emotions she had fought so hard to keep buried all these years.
The sensation of falling consumed her, though her body remained perfectly still; it was all inside her head, as if she was living a waking nightmare. Darkness closed in on her vision. She stretched out one white hand toward that window of light, but it was too far away. Her limbs felt looser as she tumbled into that dark abyss. She frowned and tried to clench her teeth together, but it was as if she was no longer in full control of her own body, like she was losing sensation in her limbs and something – or someone – else was stepping into her soul’s place.
What’s happening?
Terror filled her head. Her soul fought, kicking and screaming and biting, but it was powerless against whatever force was holding her down. Black bars sharp as knives formed around her, caging her in the prison of her mind. For some reason, she could still see through her body’s ey
es. Gabriel was gazing at her with growing concern.
She felt it inside her core, this dark thing that had claimed her body. It was wicked with glee.
“Gabriel, run!” her soul screamed, but he made no indication that he had heard her. Straining, she reached out through the bars, slicing her arms up on the sharp metal, and dug her fingers into the inky darkness around her, feeling for her lost limbs. With great effort, she searched the network of her body until she found her mouth.
“Gabriel, go now.” It was not a statement as much as it was a demand; the words were forced through her lips, as she no longer had control over her mouth. She – or whatever dark presence had replaced her – narrowed her eyes.
Her soul had just enough time to blink before two massive hands forced her back inside the cage. She cried out as her back slammed against the bars, and she slumped forward. Vines of black thread oozed up out of the floor, wrapping around her wrists and holding her captive. She struggled, yanking and pulling, but to no avail. She was helpless.
“No, leave Gabriel alone, you beast!”
The dark chuckle was all around. “It will be easier if you don’t resist.”
“Who are you?” she demanded.
She heard the smile in his voice. “Your greatest ally or your most fatal of enemies. You choose.”
“Lian? Are you all right?” Confusion swept over Gabriel’s weary, handsome face. Heavy, dark tidal waves of jealousy and rage rolled through her, emanating from the fingertips of the hand that had held the feather. The feeling slithered through her veins, claiming dominion over her tendons and muscles until there was nothing left of her but an empty shell filled by a sinister spirit.
Her soul screamed in rage until her throat burned. The sound echoed through the cavern of her mind, reminding her of how alone she was.
The room was still visible through the window of her body’s eyes. Gabriel opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hand, silencing him. She felt the imposter’s intent, and her blood froze.
“Don’t. You. Dare. Hurt. Him,” she hissed.
Her body trembled as she fought to regain control, but the harder she fought, the stronger the darkness became. The binds around her wrists tightened, cutting so deeply into her flesh she thought it would slice straight through. More ropes rose up, looping around her waist, shoulders, and throat, choking her.
The air that had been so hot only moments before turned icy, and at last Gabriel’s hands dropped to his sides with a deep sigh.
Inside the darkness of her mind, she tried to move, but nothing happened. She was completely immobile, and no matter how hard she tried to scream Gabriel’s name, he could not hear her.
The imposter stared at his boots, still caked in mud from gods-knew-where, but still Gabriel did not move. His lips parted and his voice was monotone when he spoke. “I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you, but if you will, let me say –”
The imposter’s gaze snapped up, and she felt its eyes – her eyes – narrow into a glare. “Gabriel, who was it you were holding in your arms about an hour ago?” The timbre of the voice was hers, and she knew her lips were moving, but it didn’t sound like her. This voice was icier, with a sinister edge.
His eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he regained his composure. “What are you talking about?”
The imposter’s fingers squeezed into fists so tightly that her fingernails painfully dug into her sweaty palms. Though her soul could feel it, she was powerless to stop it. Dread washed through her as her mouth opened once more, and words that weren’t hers poured off her tongue. “Secrets and lies, deceit and deception.” Every syllable was over-enunciated and cut off, giving it a staccato rhythm, like the imposter hadn’t used a body to produce speech in a long while and was remembering how to talk. “I always thought love was a useless emotion. It weakens us.” It spit out the last sentence in harshly enunciated words, hissing on the “s” of “us.”
“You’re wrong,” Lian choked out. “It makes us stronger.”
Reaching outward with her mind, she forced the imposter to bite her lip to prevent it from speaking further. The strain of maintaining that ounce of control weighed heavily on her. It was a small gesture that felt like it required the strength of ten men because the bars around her soul was strong and threatened to crush her back down at any second.
The imposter might as well have slapped Gabriel. His initial shock faded into anguish and regret as he watched her take another step away from him, and another.
“Yes. Rip him apart.”
She searched the darkness of her mind for the source of the voice but saw nothing.
There was no stopping it, no controlling the voice’s will. Her body spoke with each step; her words jarred from the broken, stiff movements of her legs. “I must say, for an acclaimed knight, you are utterly useless, aren’t you? I don’t know what I saw in you to begin with. I do know, however, that I can’t stand the sight of you, and I want you out of here. Right. Now.”
“No!” her soul rasped. “No, stop it!”
He took a staggering step toward the door, staring at her as if she was a stranger. “Lianora…”
The imposter stopped. Its face froze, as hard and cold as stone. “Do not address me so informally, underling. I am a god, someone above you. I am not one of your playthings to be used up and thrown aside like trash.”
His eyes widened so far she could clearly see her reflection in them. Her eyes were not green – they were black.
As Ana’s had been the other night.
Gabriel didn’t seem to notice. She didn’t remember what happened next. One moment, Gabriel was there, and then she was released from the cage with a flash of white light. A breath of ice cold air scraped her throat dry as it rushed into her lungs, and she collapsed onto her knees, her heart beating wildly as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. Her eyes watered like mad as sensation returned to her limbs, though she didn’t feel sorrow or any other emotion. Her mind felt raw, like someone else had been there, and her body felt alien to her.
Terror, cold and terribly real, raked her every fiber. The darkness of her chambers was suddenly unbearable. Shaking uncontrollably, she staggered to her feet, frantically scanning the darkness for black feathers and long claws. Whimpers bubbled out through her chattering teeth, and she bit her tongue so hard she tasted the metallic tang of blood. Rubbing her hand along her eyes to clear her vision, she blinked to find she was alone. Gabriel was gone. The guards jostled back to their posts, oblivious to what had happened. She gasped down another breath, trying to calm the shaking in her hands.
What was that? What kind of a monster am I becoming? And that voice…
A hard tremor shook her at the memory of the thing that had taken control of her, and she hugged herself, as if by doing so she could hold onto what little sanity she felt she had left.
And in the heavy silence of her chambers, all she could hear were the heartbroken sobs of her friend echoing in the empty valley of her mind. There were no black bars, no unending darkness.
The voice was gone, returned to its nest deep inside her. She touched her stomach with trembling fingers, catching the last few seconds of light emanating from the facets before the crystal faded back to normal.
She stared at it, but it did not glow again.
That white light… could it have been the crystal? Did it somehow save me?
Whether it had been her savior or not, it frightened her deeply. But that wasn’t what terrified her the most.
Her gaze trailed down her arms and her hands, unable to erase the feeling of being manipulated by a foreign presence.
And in that moment, she was more afraid of herself than she had ever been of anything else in her life.
CHAPTER 12Masque
THE NEXT DAY CAME and went in a blur of color and sound.
Lian did not remember much of it. She felt numb inside; it was easier to not feel anything at all rather than face the horrific events of the
day before. Even her teardrop had lost its luster, and it was as ordinary as any other crystal.
She had barely slept the night before, too afraid she’d find herself in that dark desert if she did. When exhaustion took over the next day and she lost her concentration, erratic thoughts drunk on fear slipped through her mental barrier. What had gotten into her? Was she out of her mind? Was it the sickness making her hallucinate, or was there truly something living inside of her? She never would have spoken to anyone, let alone Gabriel, that way.
She had known anger, sure; jealousy was even an emotion familiar to her. Though she didn’t always succeed, she didn’t try to encourage on her darker emotions by brooding on them too much. She felt fairly in control of herself most days. But lately it seemed her feelings were amplified, that the darker part of her soul she fought to restrain – to forget – was struggling to free itself, like an enraged, caged animal. Her mood swings, the visions… they had one thing in common. It’s the crystal. It has to be, for nothing strange ever happened to me until the day it entered my life. But how is it doing this? Why me? Why is this happening?
Once or twice she considered taking it off. Yet when she began lifting it above her head, something stopped her, compelling her to keep wearing it.
She vaguely remembered a man speaking to her inside her head the night before, like darkness given a voice. It was as if he had been controlling her, making her say and do things she normally would never have done. It frightened her far more than the visions ever had. She even collected enough courage to search inside herself for the source of the evil, but it never surfaced. Other than her shell shock, she felt fine. The darkness was nowhere to be found.
Veiled Innocence (Book One, The Soul Cycle) Page 11