Mary’s smile widened as she eagerly nodded, “I’d like that very much. Denke, Aaron.”
“It’s my pleasure,” Aaron smiled before they moved to the table to take their seats again. He had no idea what he was going to talk to her about, no idea where she lived. But hopefully while he was with Mary, he would forget about Becka.
Even if it was just for a short while.
Chapter 13
Becka’s aunt lived in large house in Cleveland. At first the big city had been intimidating but Louisa, her cousin, helped her adapt.
Louisa was a year younger than Becka and much wiser, Becka had realized when Louisa spoke about the boys she had dated. Aunt Clara had given Becka one of her old phones and told Becka to feel free to use it as much as she wanted.
Louisa had washed and packed all her Amish clothes away and insisted they share her clothes. Louisa had more clothes than Becka had ever seen in her life. She had been with her Aunt for two weeks now. Two weeks of learning about television and modern appliances, two weeks of every hour being filled with some form of technology. If they weren’t watching television, they were playing video games. When they weren’t playing video games, Louisa was introducing Becka to all her friends through a video phone call.
Becka felt overwhelmed, confused and intimidated, but she knew that, if she wanted to make it in the Englisch world, she would need to master all these forms of technology. It was clear that nothing in the Englisch world happened without it.
Aunt Clara had an alarm on her phone which woke her in the mornings. Becka had never needed an alarm before. She left her curtains open and woke with the sun warm on her face when it rose in the mornings. Louisa received so many messages, she was constantly on her phone. Yet, despite being there two weeks, Becka was still waiting to meet any of Louisa’s friends in person. Her uncle worked from home and spent the entire day locked in his office, working on his computer. When did he go outside? When did he breathe air that wasn’t temperature controlled or blasted into the house through a machine?
All these things baffled Becka, but what baffled Becka most was that she missed the plain things. She missed the quiet mornings, when the sound of the animals waking filled the air. She missed the evenings when most of the night sky was dotted with diamonds. In Cleveland she barely saw any stars at all.
She missed the quiet at night when you could hear you own heartbeat. Here, all she heard was the television that played movies through the night and the odd siren racing towards someone in need.
How did they live with all this noise? How did they live without talking to each other? A few days after her arrival Becka was with Louisa in her room when Aunt Clara texted her to come down for dinner.
Becka found the Englisch world different, but mostly she found it strange. She wore Louisa’s clothes, even allowed Louisa to put make up on her face once, but she washed it off afterwards. What would her mother say of everything she was experiencing? Would her mother encourage it or would her mother frown?
She still couldn’t believe her mother had insisted she stay with Aunt Clara and her family. Becka had thought her mother would be angry or upset at least, but her mother had bid her farewell with a smile and promised to have her favorite cookies ready when she returned in a few weeks.
Between television, dinner and going to the mall with Louisa, Becka didn’t have much time to herself, so when she found herself alone in her room at night, like now, she used the time to think on her decision.
She enjoyed living with her Aunt, she enjoyed all the Englisch technology, but most of all she enjoyed not feeling useless. Aunt Clara freely admitted to not being a cook, and her uncle made it clear he had nothing to do with the garden when Becka had complimented him on it.
When she had asked Louisa about chores, her cousin had frowned before she laughed. “We have Rosa,” She said before explaining about the cleaning lady who came in three times a week.
If she were to become Englisch, none of the things she couldn’t do would matter. Englisch woman weren’t expected to quilt, cook and garden. They were expected to work and care for their families.
Becka could work, she reasoned. The time she had spent in the farm stall gave her ample experience to work in a shop. Perhaps she could find work and then move out to live on her own. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, a frown creased her brow.
Up until now she had only thought about leaving the community, now she was suddenly making plans about what she wanted to do. This was what she had warned her mother about. She had been afraid if she stayed with Aunt Clara, she would like it so much she wouldn’t want to return.
Was that really happening? As Becka sighed, wondering what she was going to do, the door squeaked open.
“Becka, you still awake?” Aunt Clara asked quietly.
“I’m awake, come in,” Becka answered, turning to face the door.
“I saw your light was on,” Aunt Clara moved towards the bed and took a seat beside Becka. “Are you still enjoying your stay?”
“Jah, denke for letting me come.”
“You’re family. I’m glad to have you. I just wished your mamm could have come as well.” It was the first time Becka heard Aunt Clara say an Amish word.
“I’m sure she would’ve if she could,” Becka attempted a smile.
“I know it’s none of my business, so feel free to chase me away, but your mamm told me about your decision.”
“Did she?” Becka asked, surprised. She didn’t think her mother would want anyone to know what she was going to do just yet.
“Jah. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I remember how hard it was for me.”
“Why did you leave?” Becka asked curiously. Ever since meeting Aunt Clara for the first time, she had wondered why her aunt had left.
Aunt Clara’s eyes glazed over with a memory before a smile tilted the corners of her mouth. “I enjoyed being plain, I enjoyed the routine, the plain life, the chores… but when I met your Uncle on rumspringa, I knew I had to make a choice. He didn’t want to become plain, so I became Englisch.”
“So you wanted to stay?” Becka asked surprised.
“I would have wanted to stay more than anything, but I loved him more. The moment I met him I knew he was the man I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Being with him, sharing my life with him doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten my roots, it just means I’ve replanted myself.”
“Don’t you miss it?” Becka asked quietly.
“Every day. I try to talk about it as much as I can. In the beginning I wore my plain clothes at home and observed the Sabbath, but the longer you’re Englisch, the harder it is to hold onto what you once were,” Aunt Clara sighed and shook her head. “I’m not saying I regret it; I can’t regret having a wonderful husband or a beautiful daughter. I’m just saying that this isn’t a decision you should take lightly.”
“I’m not. It’s just… I don’t know. I like being here, but I like being there too, you know?”
Aunt Clara laughed, “I do. That’s exactly how I felt. In the end, let your heart decide. Don’t give your head a say in the matter. Heads tends to over think. Heart A can never feel enough.”
Becka nodded with smile, “Good night.”
“Good night, Becka, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite.”
Becka smiled as she slipped beneath the covers. Maybe Aunt Clara was right, maybe Becka should reconsider. Her aunt had her uncle to guide her and to protect her, Becka had no one.
The one person she wanted was back in Lancaster County.
And she didn’t even say goodbye.
Chapter 14
“You look amazing!” Louisa said, dabbing more lip gloss onto her lips.
Becka looked at herself in the mirror and felt uncomfortable at the image before her. She wore a dress that revealed her knees, her elbows, her shoulders, and even a part of her chest. According to Louisa, the dress was fit for a nun, but Becka felt like as if she was on display, like c
attle at a live auction.
“I don’t feel amazing. Why can’t I wear jeans like I always do?”
Louisa tut-tutted, shaking her head, “Because jeans are for every day. Sexy dresses are for parties where boys are. Mom said we can go, and my friend only has this party once a year. It’s a summer dress. Honestly, it’s fine.”
Becka nodded and made peace with the fact that she was going to wear this dress whether or not she liked it. Tonight she was going to meet Louisa’s friends, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Louisa insisted on these clothes simply to make her look nice in front of her friends. She shoved the thought aside and headed downstairs where Louisa’s father was waiting to take them to the party.
“Becka, you look lovely,” Aunt Clara said, coming out of the kitchen.
“Denke, I don’t feel lovely,” Becka admitted.
“It’s just because you’re not used to wearing a shorter dress. You look beautiful and you’re not showing too much skin. Englischers don’t mind a little knee or a little shoulder showing.”
Becka smiled.
“Come, we’re going to be late,” Louisa called out from the landing as she rushed down the stairs. Her dress was even shorter, her make up done as if she was an expert. Becka couldn’t believe how pretty she looked.
As soon as they climbed into the car, Louisa texted her friends that they were on their way. Becka couldn’t help but be nervous when Louisa’s dad dropped them off in front of a large two-story house. There were people everywhere and music thumped from inside the house.
“Have a good time; I’ll be back at ten.”
Becka didn’t even wave as he drove away. She was awestruck by the magnitude of the house, the overwhelming noise and the tight dresses most of the girls wore.
“See I told you, you’d look like a nun,” Louisa laughed as she took Becka’s hand and dragged her towards a group on the lawn. “Everyone, this is Becka, Becka this is everyone. Becka is visiting us from out of town, so let’s make sure she has a good time, alright?”
Becka smiled as everyone greeted her and welcomed her. She didn’t belong here, she realized as the girls began to talk about boys and make up. She didn’t even belong in the same zip code as these people.
She was like a fish out of water. She listened as Louisa and her friends talked about their phones, about hairdressers, about the latest pair of shoes from someone called Jimmy Choo. None of this made sense to her but it didn’t matter. She zoned out and watched them as they spoke. Every now and then she would smile, just to show them she was still listening, although she wasn’t listening at all.
When they moved inside, Becka was captivated by the dancing. The girls moved their bodies so fluidly and the boys looked on admiringly. It felt wrong to watch but Becka couldn’t seem to drag her eyes away.
“He’s watching you,” Louisa suddenly whispered into her ear. “Over there. The captain of the football team. He is so hot and he’s watching you.” She screeched excitedly.
“Why is he watching me?” Becka asked in confusion before it dawned on her. “Oh – I’m not really interested.”
“In him? You have to be dead to not be interested. Shh, he’s coming over,” Louisa preened as he approached them with a charming smile. “Ladies.”
“Benji,” Louisa gushed and Becka couldn’t help but wonder what the fuss was about. He was attractive but his eyes weren’t as green as Aaron’s, his hair wasn’t as black.
She pushed the thoughts of Aaron aside and smiled. “Hullo.”
“This is my cousin,” Louisa introduced quickly before giving Becka a stern look that made it clear she had to talk Englisch. “Becka, this is Benji.”
“Nice to meet you,” Becka smiled.
Benji stepped forward and slipped a hand around Becka’s waist before leaning closer. “Why don’t you and I go for a drive in my car? I’d like to get to know you better.”
He moved even closer and Becka quickly jumped back. “Nee, get away from me.” She had never been rude to a complete stranger but when he had told her that he wanted to get to know her better, Becka had a distinct feeling he wasn’t talking about a conversation.
“Hey, chill out. Jeez, I was only trying to flirt with you,” he shook his head in disgust and walked away.
“Can you believe him?” Becka asked Louisa, still reeling.
“Can you believe yourself? The hottest guy in school just hit on you and you blew him off like a dead leaf. You really have some growing up to do.” Louisa shook her head and walked away, leaving Becka standing there confused.
Becka felt tears burn the back of her eyes and she ran outside. She ran straight to the spot where her uncle had dropped them off and took a seat on the sidewalk.
Was that how things worked in the Englisch world? Boys could just touch you without even having a conversation first? Could Louisa really be angry at her for not agreeing to go for a ride with a complete stranger?
Becka bit back the tears. She wouldn’t cry on the side walk for a boy she didn’t know and a cousin who thought she was naïve. She thought about what her aunt had said a few nights ago and what Aaron had said.
Being Englisch was one of the hardest things you could do, so you had to make sure before you walked away from your Amish roots.
She shook her head, trying to erase thoughts of what had just happened from her mind. One bad experience couldn’t determine her entire life. Tomorrow would be better, she promised herself as she waited for her uncle to fetch them.
Chapter 15
Aaron met Mary in town simply because he had nothing else to do. Two more visits to the farm stall had confirmed his fears.
Becka had left.
He didn’t have the heart ask her mother, who was tending the farm stall, about it. He couldn’t bear to bring more sadness into her eyes than he already saw there. For the last few days he kept going over their argument. It seemed the more he thought about it, the more it he realized he had done the right thing.
It might hurt now but it was better that she had told her parents than to keep them in the dark. Aaron had hoped to change her mind. He had hoped that the friendship they had formed, a friendship more meaningful than any friendship he had before, would change her mind.
It was hard for Aaron to admit that she probably didn’t feel the same. It was even harder for him to know that she had left without even saying goodbye.
When he had dropped Mary off after singing on Sunday evening, she had asked if he’d like to meet her in town today for coffee. Aaron wanted to say no, but she was so eager, he didn’t want to disappoint her. He had planned on sending word that he wouldn’t be able to make it, but he never did.
It wasn’t as if he had anything better to do.
Becka had left, she had moved on with her life. Although Aaron didn’t like it, it was time he moved on as well. Mary Leipz was a nice enough girl. She came from a familye with good character; hard working people who were as kind as they were generous. He wasn’t thinking of marriage, not by a long shot, but it didn’t help him to sit at home and sulk about Becka either.
The familiar anger surged through his veins as he climbed out of the buggy on the main street. He was supposed to be having coffee with Becka. They were supposed to plan a life together. Instead, he was meeting Mary.
Resigned, the anger dissipated as he stepped into the coffee shop. He spotted Mary immediately before she waved him over.
“Hullo, Aaron,” her smile was as bright as her hazel eyes. “I thought you weren’t coming.”
Aaron took off his hat and dragged a hand through his hair. He couldn’t tell her that he had decided against coming about a ten times before finally hitching the buggy. “Sorry, something came up.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re here now.” Mary blushed slightly before turning her gaze to her lap.
She was really sweet, Aaron thought as he took a seat. He shouldn’t compare her to Becka, it was unfair to Mary. Mary was proud of her Amish heritage. She had been baptiz
ed and was looking to build a life for herself in the community. The least Aaron could do was give her a chance.
“How was your week?” Aaron asked after the waiter had taken his order.
“Ach, the usual,” Mary shrugged. “I clean houses during the week. For Englischers.”
Humble work, Aaron thought as the waiter brought their coffees, “Do you enjoy it?”
“My parents tend to think I’m waiting to find something better, but in truth, I really enjoy it. It’s nice to know that I’m the reason their homes are clean and their closets are organized. Mamm says I take cleaning to a next level, a bit obsessive compulsive.”
Aaron chuckled, “I don’t think overly clean is a problem. It’s a good trait to have.”
“Until you live with me,” Mary laughed. “I can’t seem to sit still if there is a speck of dust anywhere. Enough about that. How was your week? Daed says your father has the biggest dairy farm in the county. That’s a lot of cows.”
“Jah, it is. It’s hard work as well and long hours, but I enjoy it.”
“It’s gut to find joy in our work,” Mary thoughtfully sipped on her coffee. “Too many people try to find joy elsewhere when it’s really up to you to find it in your own life.”
Aaron frowned. He didn’t expect Mary to be deep and thoughtful, but her words resounded with what he had told Becka. Had he underestimated Mary? Wasn’t she perhaps more suited to him than Becka who wanted to be anywhere but their Amish community?
“You’re right,” Aaron nodded. “We should find joy in what we have, where we are. Like now,” he found himself saying. “I’m enjoying having kaffe with you.”
The words surprised Aaron and he could see they surprised Mary as well. “I’m enjoying having kaffe with you too.” She glanced shyly into her lap for a moment before meeting Aaron’s gaze. “You must know an awful lot about farming. I know absolutely nothing about cows, except that they drink milk.”
The Amish Voice (Amish Romance) Page 5