by Aj Harmon
No! Just say yes! “Of course,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her check. “Take all the time you need.”
*****
Natalie’s parents sat in the family area on the third floor of the hospital. Natalie was off in the bathroom when Barbara came in.
“The Wilders are here,” she informed them. “They are in the other waiting room. Let’s wait for Natalie and see if she’d ready.”
When Natalie entered the room and saw Barbara, she took a deep breath, knowing it was time.
“Are you sure about this?” her mom asked. “You can change your mind. There’s still time.”
“Mom,” Natalie said. “Thank you for all the support you’ve given me. I could never have gotten through this without you. You never judged me, or berated me, and I am forever grateful. But we’ve had this discussion a hundred times. I know what’s best for me and I am sure that this is the best thing for her. I will finish school, go to college and find my soul mate. And together, when we’re ready, we’ll have babies together. I can’t do all that if I have a baby.”
Her mother began to speak but Natalie cut her off. “I know you’re willing to help. But that’s not right either. You and dad have a life and it doesn’t include changing diapers and babysitting all the time. The Wilders are good people…I know that and I am excited, and nervous, to meet them. I am trusting them with my baby and I know that this is how it should be. I can’t tell you how I know, I just do.”
Barbara smiled. “The Wilders are good people. They have been waiting for this moment for a long time, years, in fact. They already love your baby. I’ve been placing babies with adoptive families for a long time and I always have a feeling about the parents and I can assure you that they are wonderful people who will cherish this baby and love her with all their hearts. Shall we go meet them?”
Natalie’s parents stood and Natalie swung around. “Mom. Dad. I need to do this alone.”
“Oh, okay. Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I am. I’ll be back soon.” And she and Barbara left the room and headed down the hallway to meet Annie and Evan.
9.
LIGHTHEADEDNESS WAS NO LONGER Annie’s problem as she bent over the toilet heaving. Evan was beyond frustrated at his inability to help his wife feel better, especially at this monumental moment in their lives. This was supposed to be their Kodak moment…the afternoon they would look back on with nothing but beautiful memories.
“It’s just nerves,” Annie guessed, not really having any idea why her body was betraying her on this particular day.
“I’m sure that’s it,” Evan agreed, as he rubbed her back and shoulders. “Do you think you’re ready to leave the bathroom? Is it safe?”
Annie attempted a weak smile. “I haven’t eaten in hours so there’s nothing to throw up. I should be fine.”
“Maybe that’s your problem. You’re hungry?”
Annie considered the question. “Maybe.”
They stepped out of the bathroom and into the hallway. Evan hurried his wife the few feet to the waiting room, hoping that Barbara wasn’t there yet. He opened the door and ushered her inside and straight to the empty recliner directly ahead, relieved the room was still empty. First impressions were important and the Wilders wanted to exude confidence, stability and trust, so punctuality was essential.
Slowly the color once again returned to Annie’s cheeks and her sweet demeanor returned as well. “I’m so ready to be a mother,” she sighed. “I feel like it’s Christmas morning and I’m waiting for Dad to let me leave my room and run downstairs to see what Santa has brought me.”
“Except you know what it is,” Evan grinned. “A beautiful baby girl.”
Annie smiled, that smile that made his heart thump. The smile that turned his pulse wild. On any other day he would step close and snake his arms around her, pulling her close and whispering seductive temptations in her ear. He’d pin her against the wall, his hips pressing his temptation to her and nuzzle her earlobe. He’d wait for her to giggle and relax against his hard body, surrendering to him. He loved her so much. But that was for another time. Today was not about their physical desires. Today was about becoming a family. So he remained in the middle of the room and returned her smile…and waited.
*****
Standing behind the glass, Natalie gazed at the blue-eyed bundle in front of her, sleeping peacefully with her thumb in her mouth.
“My mom says I used to suck my thumb,” Natalie whispered as her fingers touched the cool glass before her. “I don’t remember though.”
“Lots of babies do,” Barbara said. “She is absolutely beautiful.”
“She is. I’m doing the right thing, aren’t I?”
“I can’t answer that, honey. You have to make that decision and you have to be able to live with it for the rest of your life.”
“I know.”
Natalie’s answer was barely audible and Barbara pulled her into a motherly embrace. She’d gotten to know this remarkable young girl quite well over the past few weeks. Somehow, through it all, she’d maintained her 4.0 GPA and hadn’t buckled under the emotional stress of being fifteen and pregnant. Providing Barbara with a detailed list, Natalie had outlined all the pros and cons of keeping her baby versus giving her to an infertile couple. She’d been astonished at the maturity shown in each bullet point and each time they met, Natalie had shown such love for her unborn child as she always spoke about putting her child’s needs above her own.
Now, at this pivotal moment in her life, Natalie was, for the first time, asking for an assurance that she was indeed, doing what was best for her baby. Knowing that Natalie’s parents had left the choice to their daughter, but in a very passive-aggressive manner had tried to influence her to keep the child, Barbara felt the hefty weight her answer would have and took a moment to pause. She wanted…needed to say the right thing…to somehow address the enormity of Natalie’s decision without giving her cause to second guess herself.
Barbara released Natalie and turned her so she could look at her in the eye. Then with a deep sense of purpose she spoke. “I can’t tell you what to do. My job is to help you find a couple that possesses all you desire in being prospective parents. Theoretically, by the time I come into the picture, you’ve already made the enormous decision to allow your child to be adopted. I would never claim to understand how you came to it, nor would I ever try to change it. Having said that, however, I am in awe of you, Natalie. You are wise beyond your years and have shown such grace and maturity during this process. But you shouldn’t be having to make these decisions…you are so young. You should be thinking about boys and getting your driver’s license and piercing your ears, or God forbid your nose! You should be worrying about whether or not you get asked to prom, or if you want to be a cheerleader, or in the chess club, or on the debate team, or in the choir. I’ve watched girls decide to keep their babies at such a tender age and their future is filled with tall mountains to climb. Don’t you want to go back to just being a teenage girl? Wait a few years to grow up. Enjoy…no, treasure these years as a kid. You never get this time back…never! I’ve met the Wilders. They are wonderful people. You will feel that when you meet them. You’ve made a sound and wise decision. Trust yourself.”
Natalie pursed her lips and then smiled. “You’re right. I’m right. It’s just, well, now it all becomes very real.”
With a nod Barbara said, “Yes, it does. Why don’t we go and meet Evan and Annie. I’m sure that will ease your mind…and your heart.”
*****
The door opened. Annie’s spine straightened immediately and Evan swung around. In walked Barbara with a lovely young lady following close behind. Annie’s eyes were drawn to the girl; her big blue eyes screamed of innocence and her long blond hair was in a ponytail, making her look even younger than her fifteen years. Her face was void of make-up and she wore leggings and a big t-shirt with a denim jacket. She looked as though she was headed to the mall to hang out with fri
ends and the overwhelming desire to hug her flowed through Annie’s body. She stood and took a step toward Natalie, never taking her eyes off her.
“Hello,” Evan spoke first. “Uh, I’m Evan Wilder and this is my wife, Annie.” His outstretched hand summoned Natalie to take a few steps and she placed her hand in his and smiled.
“I’m Natalie. It’s nice to meet you.”
“Oh, Natalie,” Annie choked. “I…we are beyond grateful. Words will not capture the feelings of my heart.”
“I know the feeling,” Natalie replied.
“How are you feeling?” Annie asked, concerned for her health after giving birth.
“I’m fine. The doctor says everything is good and in a few weeks it will be just like it never happened.”
“No,” Annie frowned. “You’ll always know it happened. I can’t imagine this will ever be something you’ll forget. Do you want to forget?”
“I don’t think I do.” Natalie shook her head as she answered. “I love this baby and could never just forget her. I may go back to just being a teenager,” she glanced at Barbara as she spoke, “but she has changed me.”
“Why don’t we all sit and get to know each other,” Barbara suggested.
Annie went back to the recliner and Barbara and Natalie sat on the sofa to her left, Evan pulled up a chair and placed it on Annie’s right and sat beside her.
“So you live on a farm?” Natalie asked.
“We do,” Evan smiled. “We live in a big old farmhouse in the middle of Oklahoma. We live with Annie’s grandfather.”
“What do you farm?”
“Well, we have cows, lots of cows, and hay in the summer, lots of hay,” he smiled. “And we have chickens and some cats that live in the barn and we’re thinking of getting a puppy.”
“A puppy!” Natalie smiled. “I’ve always wanted a dog, but Mom is allergic.”
There was a sadness in her voice but all Annie could hear was a child talking. How can she be old enough to have a baby? she wondered. She’s so young.
“And what is your job, Evan?”
“I’m an engineer. I design subdivisions for houses, and roads and where to put bridges and stuff like that. I’m in the Urban Development department of an architectural firm that contracts with cities and counties around the midwest.”
“Do you like it?”
“I do,” he replied.
“What do you do, Annie?”
“I was a physical therapist at a hospital, but now I’m going to be a stay at home mom.”
Natalie smiled and nodded. “That’s good. I like that.”
“Me, too,” said Annie.
“So what do you like to do, Natalie, for fun?” Evan asked.
“I paint and I used to do gymnastics, but…well, I haven’t for a while, obviously. And I’m thinking about trying out for the a cappella choir next year,” she said and smiled at Barbara. “There are lots of things I want to try. I won’t know if it’s something I like if I don’t try, right?”
“Absolutely right!” Evan grinned.
“You’re right,” Natalie said to Barbara. “You were right.” With a deep breath, Natalie stood and looked at Evan and Annie. “Would you like to come and meet your daughter?”
*****
Nursing a scotch, William sat at the table and watched the restaurant entrance waiting for Lewis to arrive. He wore grey trousers with a light blue dress shirt and tie. Fortunately this establishment did not require a jacket, yet he still felt underdressed…slightly uneasy with his casual appearance.
The Nestors had never been a wealthy family; blue collar for several generations back. It wasn’t until a few years ago that William experienced the comforts and freedom that money could buy. For the first several years after completing his residency, he remained in the tiny studio apartment in Harlem and paid back his student loans, determined to not have them loom over his head for years and years to come. He led a quiet existence; work and more work and occasionally made it home to sleep and do laundry. The lack of social life enabled him to put most of his expendable cash into paying off the debt, leaving him now with just the mortgage on his Manhattan apartment. However, over the past few years he’d learned to enjoy the finer things in life: Italian shoes, tailored suits, silk ties, Rolex watches, and a good bottle of wine. When he traveled he flew first class, stayed in four and five star hotels and expected the service to match the bill. By no means was he a snob, but he’d grown to appreciate the things that money could buy. He’d worked to reach this level of success and he wouldn’t apologize for it…not even to Lewis, though deep down he was still that introverted fifteen year old boy…just, now he had a black American Express in his leather wallet.
Feeling the weight of the lead crystal tumbler in his hand as he brought it to his lips, he betrayed his own feelings as he saw Lewis step around the corner looking completely out of place. Dressed in jeans and tennis shoes, a short-sleeved shirt that was unbuttoned at the neck, he didn’t belong in the Grand Hyatt. William felt sick at the thought that he’d judged his brother and found him lacking. He’d been angry at the assumptions Lewis had made about him just earlier in the day. He gulped the last of his drink and set the empty glass on the table before standing to greet his brother who was making his way through the tables towards him. And he felt even guiltier as Lewis looked down at his attire, instantly aware, knowing he was underdressed.
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” William smiled. “This is California and everyone is so laid back. I’m used to attending board meetings and hospital functions. I feel naked without the tie,” he offered as he flicked the smooth blue and grey striped silk tie around his neck. “Sit. Please.” He summoned the waitress and they each ordered a drink. She picked up William’s glass, took their order and headed to the bar, quickly returning with a fresh scotch and a bottle of beer. They each took a drink, postponing as long as possible the conversation that was to follow.
Even though they were brothers, neither felt at ease in the other’s presence. Lacking any brotherly affection when William left for college, the expanse between them had widened over the years, leaving them almost as strangers. As the smooth liquid slid down his throat as he drank, William accepted that in order for them to have any kind of relationship, he would have to make the first move, and be willing to work at it, assuming it was, in fact, his desire to get to know his brother. Consciously acknowledging that he did, he spoke first.
“Tell me about your life, Lewis.”
“Huh?”
“Tell me about your life. Everything.”
“Not much to tell. I work. I hang out with the guys on occasion and I sleep. That about sums it up.”
Chuckling, William nodded. “Sounds like my life, without the hanging out with the guys part.”
“Aw, give me a break,” Lewis sneered. “You’re some bigwig doctor at a prestigious hospital with a fancy apartment. Your life is nothing like mine.”
“You know nothing of my life and how I spend my days,” William rebuffed, irked at the tone Lewis had used.
“So tell me then.”
“I asked you first.”
Lewis rolled his eyes and William instantly regretted his words. “Look,” he began. “I know nothing about you. That is a pathetic thing to admit. We’re brothers and we don’t know each other at all. I’d like to remedy that…that is, if you’re willing.”
The frown on Lewis’ face softened and he took another swig of his beer. “I’m willing.”
“Good,” William smiled, determined to start over. “So, you’re a mechanic? Do you enjoy it?”
“I own the garage now. Mack took me under his wing and taught me everything he knew, about fixing cars and running the business. He never had any kids and he was more like a father to me than a boss, so when he died he left me his shop.”
“Wow. That’s great. You like it then?”
“I was always good with my hands. School wasn’t for me. I was never smart like you. I was never going
to go to college…it wasn’t for me. But now I have two mechanics and a couple of techs working for me and I have expanded the shop to four bays and I’ve even got a retirement account. It’s all I’d ever hoped for.”
“And after Erica, was there…is there…a special…”
“Nah,” Lewis shook his head. “I screwed up with Erica. I messed up big time. And I still feel bad that I hurt her but I learned my lesson. It took me a while to figure out, but I don’t know how to be with a woman, really, be with a woman. My shrink says it’s probably because Mom died when we were so young, but…”
“Your shrink? You’re in therapy?” William was all but speechless.
But Lewis didn’t have an opportunity to answer as the waitress reappeared and handed them dinner menus. The conversation switched to what looked good and how expensive the entrees were.
“I can buy a carburetor for this!” Lewis exclaimed. “Or a couple of cases of oil!”
“It’s on me,” William smiled. “I rarely have a chance to enjoy a good meal…with my brother. Let’s live a little, shall we?”
“Yeah, lets. For Dad.”
“For Dad.”
*****
“I don’t care what you wear! You could go naked for all I care!” Greg muttered.
Jill had been in the bathroom for a long time and he was getting a bit antsy. Tonight was supposed to be a resplendent evening, but he’d made changes to the plans based on Jill’s hesitance over the idea of living together. But if she didn’t move her ass and get dressed they wouldn’t be going anywhere.
“If you’d tell me where we were going I could make a decision on what to wear,” he heard her grumble. That made him smile.
“You can’t possibly have that many outfits to choose from!”
“That’s not the point,” was her rebuttal.
“We’re going to dinner. It doesn’t matter what you have on.”
“What are you wearing?” she asked as the bathroom door opened. “Oh.” He was in dress slacks and a button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up and loafers. “I can match that.” And the door closed again.