The order to stay away from her had been lifted. I kissed her neck to heal her and I knew right then I could really kiss her if I wanted to. Of course, at that moment I didn’t feel worthy of her. After all, I had let her out of my protection and she was dying in my arms. Every day from then on I’ve been trying to be worthy of her love.
My order to help her get Sam back still stands and I know when she finds out why, she will choose him. So that is why I won’t make the decision any harder for her. I can wait until it’s our time. I can’t kiss her soft lips, because if I did, I would never be able to give her up again. I would disobey my order. I would be banished. So for now, I can hold her in my arms each night. I can inhale the sweet subtle scent of honeysuckle that she always smells of. I can run my fingers over her silky arm. And I can keep this a secret.
***
Winter break is over and I’m thankful to be resuming my mountain of school work. I don’t do well having so much free time on my hands. Elijah and I are taking separate cars to school because we don’t want Sam to gain any more ideas about what is going on between us. Which is a whole lot of nothing. Since my return from the dungeon, Elijah has been on a strict BFF basis with me. And by my side like a tick on a dog. Although I cannot complain. I love having him anywhere near my body.
The sky is a sickly color of lilac and gray. A film of clouds stretches over the sky, too weak to rain, and not bold enough to snow. Elijah’s broad shoulders push through the crowd without having to touch a single body, they just part before him like the Moses and the sea. The leafless trees form crenellations in front of the school, as if nature herself will try to protect me inside these walls. It’s not what’s outside the school that has me so disheartened, it’s the prospect of a single wronged boy that waits inside.
As I sit in my first period class dreading the moment Sam walks through the door, I blink into the other red skied realm and see Elijah sitting in a usually empty desk in the corner. I wonder if he did this before when he was protecting me, always there whether I could see him or not. “Quit biting your nails, it will be fine.” He smiles up at me. I pull my fingers from my lips just as Sam rounds the corner. He gives a fleeting glance my way before turning his soft brown eyes to the corner.
If I didn’t know better I’d swear he was cutting murderous looks right into Elijah. I can’t help but read his thoughts in the brief instant he looks at me. New pain tears at my heart. “God, there she is, my girl, the one I can never forgive and the one I will never forget. Why did I let her into my heart just so she could rip it out? Look at her, she is so damn beautiful. How am I going to get through this?”
His thoughts crush me and I excuse myself to the ladies room. I pause at the door and meet Sam’s eyes as the tears begin to spill over my lashes. Why is she so upset? She got who she wanted.
I knew it would be hard seeing him, but I never thought it would be this bad. I really hurt him. It was wrong of me to do that to him. For the first time since it happened, I’m actually regretting the moment Elijah and I spent together. I had a boyfriend who I loved, who loved the hell out of me, and I cheated on him. I lied right to his face. I know Elijah and I didn’t really do anything but hold hands, but the longing, the passion, were all something I would have kept hidden from Sam had he not called me out on it. And that makes me a horrible person. That makes me a cheater.
As I walk back to class I make up my mind to never lie to Sam again. I will make it up to him somehow. He was there for me when I needed him and even when I didn’t think I did. I will be the friend to him that he was to me. Even if he never forgives me.
I take my seat and Sam has firmly planted his nose in Homer’s Iliad, so I can’t hear his thoughts. My eyes go to Mrs. Cohen who is writing instructions on the white board. When she turns to face the class her thoughts stream to me as if I had Wi-Fi connecting our brains. I see a sadness in her eyes and I search for the reason, finding it rather quickly. Her six year old daughter Eva, is fighting for her life, dying of leukemia. Her depression and worry feed into me, taking up residence in any dark corner it can find. Curing cancer is one thing the In-between thinks I will play a role in somehow. Elena has not told me how that will come about yet though. Little Eva won’t last much longer and that breaks my heart.
Ari Campbell whips around to face me, her jet black mane falling over her shoulders like a silk scarf. I take a long look inside her head. Her mind is twisted and necrotic, nefarious at its very core. I knew she was mean, but I had no idea she was that depraved.
“Trouble in paradise?” she chews out, noting Sam sitting as far away from me as he possibly can. Her eyes show me that she witnessed firsthand the slap I landed on Sam’s beautiful face New Year’s Eve. She even reached out to him and tried to console him when I ordered him to leave. This action makes me despise her even more than I already do. She has made it her new goal in life to win Sam’s affections. Like that could ever happen.
“So Ari, did your dad ever buy that mare or did he figure out that having an ass for a daughter was enough shit to shovel?” She rolls her eyes and turns around. I look up as she takes her belongings and moves to the empty desk behind Sam. Elijah evaporates with a disgusted look on his face that matches my own. Mrs. Cohen glares at Ari above her glasses, but is too depressed to object.
Ari curls her greedy little fingers around Sam’s bicep and whispers something to him and he cracks a smile. A wicked grin plays just on the edge of her devil-red lips as she glances over to make sure I’m paying attention. Boom, I got your boyfriend, I got your man, I got em, Sings in her head as a pop song.
After class, Sam speeds out the door like his rear end is on fire with Ari in hot pursuit like she’s the extinguisher. I don’t care what she thinks she’s got, but my boyfriend is not one of them. He would never go for someone so cruel.
I see Emily in the hall and catch up to her. She never did return my call, so for all I know I’m minus two friends at the moment. She sinks a bit when she notices my presence.
“Hey Em.” Emily looks up at me and thinks, “How could she cheat on Sam? He is such a good guy. I never thought she could be so cruel.” Great my best friend is roping me in with the queen B’s genre.
“Um, hey?” The look of avoidance is clearly stamped on her face.
“Do you want to go somewhere for lunch, I could really use a friend to talk to.” She is pissed off at me and wants to get out of going anywhere with me and she is still kicking herself for kissing Sam on New Year’s Eve right in front of me and her boyfriend.
“I can’t, I’ve to tutor a kid in Chem that just moved here.” She lies.
“Oh okay.” A tear escapes before I turn from her.
“Bren, wait. If you really need to talk I can make time.” I wipe the waterworks from my eyes and give her a helpless smile. I’m a flipping hot mess. “I’ll meet you at the cafe.”
“Okay, thank you.” Emily walks off to class and I stop by my locker to freshen up. Elijah appears out of nowhere, standing against the wall of lockers, a smoldering gaze just leaving his eyes.
“What?” I ask him as he looks down at the floor.
“Sorry it’s just you look beautiful when you cry.” I shut my locker with a bit too much force.
“No one looks good when they cry Elijah.” He gauges my mood and quietly follows me to class. We have government together next and he takes his usual place behind me. I our class am the elected president and he is my V.P.
“Do you think Jesson will show up?” Elijah just shrugs. I can’t believe what I went through for what felt like weeks, chained up like a mutt in the backyard. I still want the full story on Jesson. Mainly I want to know if he is the one who took me in the first place. He knows where I live which in of itself is scary. I think I even saw him at my party. Perhaps he’s the very one who set my house on fire. He’s been an outcast for thousands of years, living with the faction of demons lead by the president of hell himself. He claims to want back into God’s grace, but what if that�
��s just a tactic they’re using to get close to us.
Mr. Potter calls the class together, and long after the bell rings, Jesson is a no show. In a gazillion years I would have never guessed the emo looking kid was a double agent for the demons and a mole for the cherubim. He seemed so normal, sweet even if I had to use one word to describe him. Mr. Potter orders us to our respective parties. The judicial branch to one corner the legislative to another to work. Elijah and I, the executive, left to our two center seats. I turn my desk to face him.
“I can’t believe I got to watch the real president in action for half a day. But I guess that is nothing new to you.” Elijah seems so normal most of the time, he doesn’t act like someone who is thousands of years old. He hardly typifies an angel.
“You, with your wonder still fresh and new, are even more of a delight to me than any of the revered world leaders I’ve guarded,” he whispers. Except when he talks like that. Who says stuff like that?
“I think you’re biased because you love me.” I try to play off his comment but the blush in my cheeks must tell his widening eyes a different story.
“I think I love you because you don’t know how special you really are. But I will remind you each and every day.” His smile sends warm ripples throughout my core. How in the world am I ever going to get back to loving Sam when the man I love is right here with me now, professing his feelings and rendering me speechless? Elijah must sense my unease and begins to apologize. I stop him.
I speak in a hushed tone. “Look, I don’t know how we are supposed to do this. I love you and you love me. How do they expect us to put our feelings aside and pretend that they don’t exist? Why does it have to be right now? Sam and I aren’t going to get married straight out of high school or anything right?” Elijah looks around to make sure we aren’t being spied on. He leans into me and his warm buttery vanilla scent pulls me in. I just want to lick his neck like the drip off of an ice-cream cone, top it off with a little hot fudge and he can be my own personal sundae. He whispers in my ear and his hot breath sends warmth radiating throughout many places in my body. He’s lit the pilot light and my body has roared to life.
“I’m as lost as you are right now but there is something that I’ve to tell you and it may change everything.”
Elijah’s worried expression tells me it’s not good news. I sink into my seat and motion for him to commence the onslaught.
He scans the room for a moment and leans down. I mimic his hunched position. “If the timing isn’t right, Sam won’t be able to cure cancer. His path is set either way. If he chooses you, then the road will lead him to discover the cure. If his heart remains broken, the path will never be discovered.” Sapphire eyes gauge my reaction to this news. His dark brows lower and his lips part slightly. My gaze lingers on his lips and for a second I forget what he just dropped in my lap. I shake my head, willing my sense to come back for Pete’s sake.
“Seriously?” Flipping cancer? Why not: “he’ll cure athlete’s foot”, the common cold even, but no, he’s going to cure cancer. I can be the reason that millions suffer from itchy feet or a runny nose, but I can’t possibly intervene with a destiny like that one.
“Courtesy of Nehemiah and his “screens of the future” as you like to call them.” I’m quiet for a while as I think about this. My thoughts lead me to Mrs. Cohen and her daughter. Six years is all that baby gets.
There is no other choice, I’ve to get Sam back. Which means, I’ve to stop this flirting with Elijah. How can I possibly accomplish that? He is always with me. A constant reminder of our budding love, pruned before its season.
His oceanic eyes watch me with anticipation building inside like a rolling tide. He knows me better than I know myself. He tightens his lips when he sees the change in my eyes shift, he knows my decision. And gives a nod that says “well that is that.” Yes, that about sums it up. Giving up Elijah will be like a meth addict trying to stay clean while locked up in the FBI seizure warehouse.
Journal of E.M February 10th 2012
I leave Elena in charge of guarding Brennen while I go and try and talk some sense into Sam. I mine as well get my part of the mission over with, as much as it pains me to do so, an order is an order.
I find the young man sitting in the crowded cafeteria next to his friend Chris. He glares at me when he sees me sit in front of him. I wish I had Brennen’s gift of mind reading right about now. Sam’s digits clench into a fist and I see Chris grab his arm to hold him back. I’d like to have a go at him after what he almost did to Brennen the night he was supposedly possessed by a demon. It’s not that I don’t believe Brennen, but those marks he left on her, bared his hand print.
“Sam can I’ve a word with you alone?” His brows deepen as if he can’t believe I would want to talk to him. He turns to Chris and tells him that it’s fine. Sam follows me outside.
“What the hell do you want? You already have my girl,” he blurts out rather loudly. A few people turn and look our way. His girl, if he only knew, she’s only choosing him to save the lives of others. I grit my teeth and tell him the words that he needs to hear, so I can get away from him.
“Sam, Brennen loves you. I don’t know what you think happened the other night, but you are making a big mistake. You’re going to lose her for good man if you keep up the jealous boyfriend act. I will always be in her life, and I hope you can accept that.” He ticks his chin up and looks off toward the road. I obey my orders to help rectify the blunder I apparently caused when I kissed Brennen six months ago.
Sam can’t love her the way I love her, unconditionally. With humans there are always conditions. Sam turns back to me. He is the man that Brennen will marry, he will get to experience with her what I could only dream of.
“When you left her Elijah, she was heartbroken. I was there for her. But none of that mattered, in the end she still loves you.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “I can’t- I won’t make her choose.” His comment angers me. It wasn’t my choice to leave her.
“Do you know what you almost did to her that night? I saw the bruises all over her. You tore her panties off and you almost raped her. So don’t try and lecture me on Brennen’s heartache. I know everything you and I’ve put her through.”
Sam goes into a fit of pacing and hair pulling at my slip of a comment. He has been brought to tears. It seems Brennen had spared him from the ugly details. Well he should know the truth, even if he was possessed. Both of us have broken her heart due to circumstances beyond our control. At least we have something in common.
“Just talk to her,” I say as I shove my hands in my coat and take my cue to leave. This was a momentous waste of time.
I take a walk to meet Brennen at the cafe. Sam won’t make her choose, only because if she really had a choice in the matter she would choose me. I know the love we share surpasses any human emotion, we are connected spiritually, and emotionally. When she touches me, an electric current passes through my blood like nothing I’ve ever felt. A piece of my soul is locked away inside her heart and there it will remain for eternity.
I can physically feel that part of me is missing when she isn’t near me. The night she was taken I felt it the moment they ripped her out of this world and into theirs but I didn’t know what it was. I’d felt it once before, the time I had to leave her under Will’s guard.
Nehemiah learned of her location through Jesson and ordered me to wait at her home as punishment. He said I wouldn’t get to be her hero this time. I already felt like scum so I didn’t press the issue. I just wanted her home safe. But now looking back, I’m beginning to think Nehemiah has it out for us.
She and Emily are seated in a booth talking about Sam the molester now. She doesn’t know I’m here yet, but Elena takes her cue to leave. I love watching Brennen do just about anything. She takes the paper cup and presses it to her lip, toying with it. Taunting it with her raspberry pink lips. Just a hint of a smile visible as Emily tries to cheer her up. She glances up as someone walks t
hrough the door. She’s still nervous and anxious about being taken. I will never forgive myself for that. I plan on getting rid of this Malphas sideshow very soon and in a permanent, take-up-residence-with your-master-in-hell kind of forever.
Brennen dips down low and whispers to Emily. Tears accost those beautiful emerald eyes and Emily rubs the back of Brennen’s hand to comfort her. I will never forget the night we shared. The dream I poured over her, spun itself into one sublime stream of passionate lovemaking bliss that I never knew would feel so real. Sam will get to know that ecstasy in non-fiction and it’s like a dagger of ice into my heart.
Chapter 5 ~ Amends
I take a seat in our usual booth, the one in the corner. The café’s little red gingham curtains pop against the pale blue walls. I gaze outside the window while I wait for Emily. I notice Elena is here, she’s sitting next to a well-dressed man, who has no clue she’s there, and she keeps stealing his French fries. I shake my head at her and the guy thinks I just gave him the you-should-be-ashamed-of-yourself look. Oops.
Emily finally shows up and slides in across from me.
“Hey, thanks for coming.”
“No problem.” She gives me a polite smile.
“I feel like we haven’t talked in so long. How are things with you and Chris?”
“We broke up.”
“Oh Em’s, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Her thoughts tell me she went home the morning after the party and realized that she had this huge crush on Sam. She knew it wasn’t fair to be with Chris, even though she doesn’t plan on acting on her feelings for Sam. Great now I’ve three girls who would worship the ground Sam walks on.
My Soul to Take (Soul Keepers (Young Adult paranormal romance)) Page 4