by Gwyneth Rees
She had already sent Alison a text telling her she wasn’t going to be coming with her but that she would come to say goodbye. Alison had texted back telling her to bring her stuff with her just in case she changed her mind at the last moment.
‘But you’re not going to, are you?’ I’d asked in alarm.
‘Change my mind? Of course not.’
‘Or take your stuff?’
‘Or take my stuff,’ she said firmly.
‘Not even that toy rabbit?’
She was looking at me like I was potty. ‘I just told you no, didn’t I?’
I nodded, but it didn’t change the fact that I was still scared about the hold Alison seemed to have on her.
Mum and I were watching the last part of a detective thriller on TV, and as far as I knew Sadie was chilling out in her bedroom. At nine o’clock the ads came on and Mum went through to the kitchen to make a cup of tea.
‘HEY!’ I heard Mum exclaim.
I jumped up and found her glaring at Sadie, whom she had caught trying to leave our house by the back door.
‘Where do you think you’re going?’ Mum asked in a deceptively quiet voice.
Sadie seemed frozen to the spot. ‘I was just going out for a little while,’ she muttered. I have to say she had never sounded more pathetic.
‘Right, that’s it!’ Mum pushed past her, slammed the back door shut and locked it. ‘If you want to go then you can! But you can leave by the front door! I’m phoning your social worker right now and she can sort this out! I can’t be responsible for you any more!’
‘But Mum, she only wants to say goodbye to her friend who’s leaving on the coach tonight!’ I blurted out.
Mum turned on me. ‘You knew about this?’
‘Well, yes … just that she wanted to say goodbye and … and this friend is really important to her, Mum.’
Mum looked at me angrily. ‘And that makes it OK for both of you to treat me like I’m not important, I suppose!’
‘No, Mum –’
She cut me off, turning to glare some more at Sadie. ‘OK, miss, let’s deal with you first. Right now I don’t care about your reasons for sneaking out of this house yet again. All that matters to me is this – if you want to live in this house with me as your guardian then I need to know where you are at all times. No exceptions. And if you can’t agree to that then you can’t live here.’ She paused to catch her breath. ‘So you choose, Sadie. Because if you walk out on us to go and see your friend then I will phone social services and tell them to meet you at the bus station. And I’ll pack your stuff and tell your social worker to come and collect it because you won’t be coming back here again!’
There was an awful silence. Then Sadie said hoarsely, ‘You don’t want me –’
‘No, I do want you!’ Mum interrupted her angrily. ‘So don’t use that as an excuse. I want you to stay with us and so does Poppy. If you leave then it’s because you want to. It’s you who’ll be making that choice.’
Sadie suddenly looked shivery. ‘And if I don’t go? If I just … go back upstairs?’
‘Then you can go straight to bed and I’ll be grounding you for the entire week!’ Mum snapped.
‘But –’
‘It’s your choice, Sadie,’ Mum repeated. ‘I can’t let you stay here if I can’t keep you safe and I can’t keep you safe if I don’t have any control over you.’
Sadie opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. She started to cry silently. Mum didn’t go to comfort her but just stood looking at her expectantly.
Finally Sadie walked out of the kitchen into the hall, paused for a split second by the front door, then started to climb the stairs.
Mum looked relieved, but her tone of voice was still firm as she called after her, ‘You can call your friend to say goodbye if you want. After that I’m confiscating your phone until I feel I can trust you again.’
‘Mum –’ I whispered, at which point my mother turned her furious gaze on me and pointed silently in the direction of the stairs.
‘Bed, Poppy. NOW!’
I gulped. She was mad all right.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I didn’t see Sean until lunchtime on Monday when he was standing in the canteen queue with Josh. I was pretty flattered when he spotted me and left the queue to come and say hello.
‘So … how’s everything?’ I asked him, noting that his face didn’t look nearly as bad now.
He reached up and touched his nose self-consciously. ‘Oh … you know. Still in one piece.’
I gave him a small awkward smile, glad that the bruising was almost gone. ‘So were they mad at you on Saturday?’
‘Fairly! I’m grounded for the next week, but there’s good news too! Mum thinks that if they forbid me doing everything then this is just the start of me sneaking around behind their backs all the time like she did as a teenager. Anyway they argued a bit but Mum eventually got Leo to see things her way. So now they’re saying that since you’re “such a nice girl”, and you can’t help who your cousin is, I’m allowed to see you outside school after all!’
I felt my cheeks going a bit pink with pleasure. ‘That’s brilliant!’
‘I knew he’d come round. I mean, he knows you’re not a troublemaker. I just never expected Mum to get involved.’ He paused. ‘So now I just have to survive this week stuck at home, and after that I’ll be free to go bowling with you! Just you though. And Josh if he wants to come. But definitely no double dates involving Sadie!’
My heart was starting to beat a little faster as I swallowed, feeling another warm flush creeping over my skin as I nodded and croaked, ‘Cool.’
After school that day Lenny and another social worker came to talk to us. After they’d spoken to me and Sadie on our own and then all of us together they said they really hoped Sadie would be able to live with us until her dad got out of prison. They thought a bit more time was needed to check Sadie could keep her promise to stop leaving our house without Mum’s permission. But if Sadie did that, they thought the remaining part of the assessment should be fairly straightforward.
Mum also had a talk with Sadie about Alison, saying that Alison wasn’t mature enough yet to make the right choices for her, and that in time Alison would probably see that for herself. I think Mum’s words probably helped a bit, even if they couldn’t take away the memory of Sadie’s goodbye phone call when Alison had ended up crying and shouting down the phone as she boarded her bus.
For the next two days Sadie was unusually quiet – both at home and at school.
I was still chairing the debate – and despite how subdued she seemed, Sadie was still holding me to my promise to organise the last-minute change of topic. She wanted to argue her case against zoos, even if it meant getting into trouble with Mrs Smee.
Personally I was far more worried about what Dad would think than Mrs Smee. How would he view what we were planning? True to his word he had booked Friday afternoon off work and had promised to be there. Since Mum would also be present he had said he wouldn’t bring Kristen, even though she had asked to come. That was doubly nice, I thought – nice that he was considering Mum’s feelings, but also nice that Kristen wanted to see me in the debate.
Of course there was a limit to all this ‘niceness’ since at the end of the day Mum and Dad were still going to be in the same room at the same time for the first time in absolutely ages.
As I walked out of school on Wednesday afternoon I was unlucky enough to be spotted by Julia and Katy, who had borrowed Anne-Marie’s magazine to check out their face shapes. Of course I knew what was going to happen next.
‘Hey, I’ve got a great joke for you, Poppy,’ Julia said. ‘What has a square face and four eyes?’
‘Shut up!’ I hissed at them.
‘Or what? Are you going to set your cousin on us again? Help! I’m really scared, aren’t you, Katy?’
‘I’m more scared of Poppy’s face actually!’ Katy said.
I was so focused on g
etting away from them that I almost didn’t see the tall suited figure standing waiting for me outside the gates.
‘DAD!’ I exclaimed in delight. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘My court case this afternoon got adjourned, so I decided to pick up your new glasses from the optician,’ he explained as he led me towards the side street where he’d parked. ‘I just phoned your mother to let her know I was collecting you and we had quite an interesting conversation. It seems she knew nothing about you needing new glasses. And she’s none too pleased that such a task was bestowed on Kristen.’
I swallowed. I’d known Mum would object, which was why I’d been delaying telling her. ‘So what did she say?’
‘Apparently buying glasses is in the same league as taking you to the dentist, buying your school uniform and taking you for a haircut,’ Dad parroted. ‘They are all her responsibility and must not be undertaken without her express permission. She also says you are well aware of this. So –’ he gave me a slight smile – ‘what does The Accused have to say in her defence?’
‘Mum just doesn’t understand,’ I said. ‘I didn’t have time to wait for her to faff about deciding whether to let me get a new pair or not. I needed new ones straight away.’
‘Needed or wanted?’ Dad asked, looking amused.
‘Needed!’ I snapped, determined not to let this turn into a joke. ‘My face is square, Dad! I can’t carry on wearing rectangular glasses!’
He let out an explosive laugh.
‘It’s not funny!’ I protested and then, to my complete surprise, I burst into tears.
‘Poppy, what’s wrong?’ He immediately stopped laughing.
‘Nothing.’ I was fighting hard to stop the tears because I’m honestly not the type of person to cry for no reason – or for some really pathetic reason like finding out I’ve got a square face.
‘Did something happen at school?’ He was sounding a bit protective, which was nice.
‘No,’ I said, sniffing. ‘Just … Dad, I found out my face shape when I did this quiz with Anne-Marie and I didn’t want to believe it at first, but it totally explained why my glasses look so horrible on me.’
‘Poppy, you can’t be serious!’ He was frowning now. ‘There’s nothing wrong with your face.’
‘Dad, it’s square!’ I choked out. ‘It’s all bony and angular! I just hate it!’
‘Poppy, don’t be so ridiculous!’ He was starting to sound a bit cross. We had just arrived at his car and he positioned me in front of the wing mirror, sternly ordering me to take a good look at myself. ‘You’ve got your mother’s eyes and my family’s bone structure – minus my big nose, thank goodness! And look at those cheekbones! You have a very strong and beautiful face, Poppy, and I’m not just saying that because you’re my daughter. Now stop this nonsense at once.’
I stared at my tear-stained face in the mirror. Actually I didn’t think it looked all that square now that I was appraising it with Dad. My head as a whole definitely looked more like a sphere than a cardboard box. I sniffed. Maybe I had been overreacting a bit.
Dad opened the car door for me and I climbed inside, starting to feel a bit silly. He got in himself and reached across me to the glove compartment, from where he pulled out a brand new purple glasses case. I thought I saw the corners of his mouth twitch slightly as he handed it over, saying, ‘One pair of oval-framed spectacles as ordered.’
I couldn’t wait to try them on, and the second I did I knew by the way Dad smiled at me that they looked good. I checked myself in the mirror and liked them just as much as when I’d tried them on in the shop.
‘Thanks, Dad! They’re brilliant!’ I blurted out. And I was so excited I leaned over and gave him a big hug. ‘And thank Kristen for me too, will you? I have told you that I really really like her, haven’t I? And that she’s so much nicer than any of your other girlfriends.’
He smiled. ‘I think you may have mentioned it, yes.’
I paused for several moments, thinking about how to put the question I wanted to ask. ‘Is she … do you think she could be … ?’ I trailed off, too nervous about his reaction to ask it straight out. ‘Dad … how do you know when you meet “the one”? I mean … Mum wasn’t … but maybe you thought she was when you first met her? Did you think she was, Dad?’
Dad is usually very good at hiding what he’s thinking – his poker face, Mum calls it. Today he seemed to be turning several thoughts over in his head, until finally he said, ‘Your mother was like a breath of fresh air to me when we first met, Poppy. She was so young and pretty and sweet and the least cynical person I’d ever met. And yes – I suppose I thought she was “the one”.’
‘She told me she loved you with all her heart,’ I said.
Dad just nodded, avoiding my gaze, and I suspected he already knew that.
‘Dad, why did you and Mum split up?’ I said softly. It was the first time I’d ever felt brave enough to ask him.
He waited a few more moments before answering. ‘Sometimes a relationship that isn’t working can’t be mended.’
‘But did you even try?’ It sounded like I was accusing him – maybe I was.
His whole face seemed to freeze. ‘Did your mother tell you I didn’t try?’
I bit my lip. What should I say? My heart started to race and I could hear my own pulse beating in my ears. I couldn’t look at him as I whispered, ‘Mum told me she wanted to try marriage counselling but you didn’t want to …’
There was a horrible, tense silence. I was so nervous I felt all trembly inside. If he got angry and rejected me because he thought I was siding with Mum I wasn’t sure I could stand it.
‘Poppy, look at me, please.’ Both his tone of voice and the expression on his face were deadly serious.
I gulped. Perhaps I had gone too far? ‘Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean –’ I began, but he stopped me.
‘Poppy, don’t apologise. You have every right to ask questions of the adults in your life – especially me. In fact, I sometimes think you don’t do that enough.’ He paused, then continued, sounding like he was trying hard to explain something to me in a way I’d understand. ‘Poppy, I admit I stuck my head in the sand when things first started to go wrong between your mother and me. I was busy with my career and I put all my energy into that instead of investing the time and effort I should have in our marriage.’ He paused. ‘Your mother and I grew further and further apart, and by the time she suggested marriage counselling, I … well, I just didn’t think there was enough of our marriage left to save.’ He sighed. ‘But I did of course still love you – and that will never change. I’m very proud of you, Poppy. You do realise that, don’t you?’
I swallowed, feeling all emotional inside. ‘Yes,’ I murmured.
Because I did now.
Dad smiled at me warmly. ‘Good. Now … let’s prepare our case for the defence, shall we?’
‘Huh?’
‘I presume you want to persuade your judge and jury at home that you actually need those glasses …’
For the first time in forever, Dad actually came inside our house to back me up as I presented my case to Mum. I wore my new glasses as I delivered the apologetic speech I’d rehearsed in the car, and I gave Mum my best pleading look as I begged her to let me keep them. ‘Please, Mum … just putting them on makes me feel more confident!’
Mum sighed at that, and I knew I had won her over. She’s always telling me how important confidence is, and how she wishes she’d had more of it herself growing up. Besides, she might be prepared to give Dad the icy-cold treatment to punish him, but when it comes to me she’s much more forgiving and soft-hearted.
‘All right, Poppy,’ she said. ‘But I don’t want you going behind my back like that again, understand?’
I promised her that I wouldn’t.
‘I think they suit her rather well, don’t you, Kathy?’ Dad said carefully, having stayed pretty silent until now.
‘Yes, Peter, they do,’ Mum replied quietly.
And as they stood side by side admiring me in my new glasses I realised this was the first time in ages that I’d actually heard them agreeing about something.
Dad didn’t stay long and Sadie arrived home from school just as he was leaving. Sadie gave me a thumbs up as soon as she saw my glasses. ‘Cool specs, Poppy.’
As Mum and Dad talked for a few moments on the doorstep, Sadie said in a low voice, ‘Well, this is progress, isn’t it? Your dad actually crossing the threshold!’
I nodded happily. ‘I know.’
‘Maybe next time we can get her to offer him a cup of tea and a biscuit. Speaking of biscuits …’ She started towards the kitchen.
As she raided the biscuit tin and I put a piece of bread in the toaster she said, ‘You know how my social worker keeps asking me if I want her to take me to see my dad?’
‘Yeah.’ I turned and gave her my full attention.
‘Well, I’ve been thinking about going.’ She added in a rush, ‘But do you think your mum would take me instead?’
I was a little taken aback. ‘I don’t really know,’ I replied honestly. ‘Why don’t you ask her?’
‘I will. It’s just … well … she’s never exactly been Dad’s biggest fan, has she?’
‘Well, things are a lot different now,’ I pointed out. ‘For starters, he’s just given her what she always wanted!’
Sadie looked confused. ‘What do you mean?’
I grinned. ‘You, of course!’
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Do you ever have that feeling that what you’re doing isn’t really happening? As if instead of actually doing it you feel like you’re standing back and watching yourself do it?
Well, that’s how I felt on Friday afternoon as the assembly hall began to fill up. The two debating teams were seated behind two tables on the stage and I had a chair to sit on at one side.
At lunchtime Sadie, Sean, Josh and I had met for a last run-through of how we were going to hijack the debate, and we had also told Anne-Marie (but not Katy or Julia) what we were planning.