“Last night,” Adriana spoke with gentle authority and Gabe knew she was now in mom-mode. He’d observed over the past week that when a situation started to get out of control she went to a place of calm assertion. “We found out last night. It was late. You were already in bed.”
“Is that why we’re here? Is that why you brought us here? Is that why he’s been around?” With each question Jonah asked, the volume increased until he was practically shouting.
“I didn’t plan it this way, bud. I promise. I wanted to come here and meet Gabe. Naomi surprised me by bringing you guys here. And then we thought it might be easier, if it turned out that he was your dad, if you knew him.”
“It’s not!” Jonah stood up and both Adriana and Gabe shot to their feet. “I want to go. I want to go home! I don’t want to be here!”
With that, he ran up the stairs and there was a loud slam of his door.
Gabe had tried to prepare himself for this possibility, but it still felt like a kick to the balls. But, he didn’t give a shit about what he was feeling. All he cared about was what Jonah was feeling. The news had upset Jonah and all he wanted to do was talk to him. Make sure that he was okay.
He headed toward the stairs, but Adriana grabbed his arm.
“Just let me talk to him.” She was using the same soothing, pacifying voice she did when the girls were upset.
It pissed him off that she was speaking to him that way. He was an adult, not a child.
Gabe tried not to let his frustration show as he explained, “I think I should go see if he’s okay.”
“I don’t.” Now her voice was firm and she stepped in front of his path to the stairs.
*
“I just want to make sure he’s okay.” Gabe said, and she could hear the desperation there.
She was doing everything she could to hold it together. She’d completely failed Jonah, she’d failed Emily, and she’d failed Gabe. The speech she’d rehearsed escaped her and she’d tried to wing it. She’d tried to wing one of the most life-altering conversations of Jonah’s life.
“I think it’s better if I do it,” Adriana said calmly, hoping that Gabe would hear what she was about to say. “I know how you feel about him. I do. But he’s a kid. Who has been through a lot. You’ve had time to adjust to this. We just sprung this on him.
“Everything in his life has changed so fast. From his mom,” Adriana’s voice shook with emotion, “to moving in with me and the girls. He comes here and meets his hero, then finds out that we were keeping a secret from him. He’s mad. If you go up there now, when he’s not ready to talk to you, it won’t help.
“I’ll go talk to him. Apologize and tell him why we did what we did. He needs time, Gabe. He’ll come around. I know it. He just needs time.”
She watched as Gabe’s shoulders deflated. “Okay.”
“I’ll call you after I talk to him.”
“You want me to leave?!”
“Yes. But I’ll call you.”
Adriana could see that Gabe wanted to argue with her. He wanted to stay. Still, after a few seconds, he turned and walked out without saying another word.
As she made her way up the stairs, she tried to come up with what to say. She was going to apologize, of course, for the way that she’d told him about Gabe. Her instinct had been to tell him by herself. However, Gabe had insisted on being there. So she’d agreed, against her better judgment.
Because he was his father.
She was so used to doing things on her own that she thought that maybe she was just reverting to what she was comfortable with. Now she knew to trust her gut feeling. Her intuition. Which is why she’d sent Gabe home.
When she got to the bedroom door, she took a deep breath and set her intention. What did she want to get out of this interaction? She wanted Jonah to know that he was loved, safe, and that whatever he was feeling was normal.
With that goal set in her mind, she knocked on the door. “Hey, bud. It’s just me. Can I come in?”
He didn’t answer, so she pressed her ear to the door. “Jonah, I know you’re upset. I just want to make sure that you’re okay. Can I please come in?”
She heard movement and then the door opened. Jonah didn’t look at her. He retreated and sat on the window seat, facing away from her to stare out at the pine trees that lined the mountain.
She lowered down on the edge of the bed. “I want to say that I’m sorry about how that went down. I’m sorry that I told you like that.”
“It’s fine,” he said flatly.
“I know that it must’ve been a really big shock and it’s totally normal for you to feel mad. Upset. Whatever you’re feeling is okay.”
“I’m fine.” His voice held no emotion.
She’d read in some of the literature dealing with grief that it wasn’t good to ask if someone was okay when they’d had a traumatic event. It was better simply to let them know that they could talk, if they felt like it, and that they were loved and supported.
“I want you to know that I’m here, if you want to talk. And that I love you so much, bud. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling, but I’m here for you. No matter what.”
His back was still facing Adriana as he asked, “Are you going to make me live with him?”
“No!” It hadn’t even occurred to her that he might think that. Adriana wasn’t Jonah’s legal guardian, she’d adopted him. Emma had hired a good lawyer and made sure Adriana had the same rights as if she’d given birth to him herself. She stood and walked over to where he sat. She kneeled beside him and tears threatened her eyes. “You are mine. You’re my boy. You’re my family.” The unshed tears dropped as she continued, “Your home is with me and the girls. That is not going to change. Ever. I don’t know what I’d do without you bud.”
He turned and threw his arms around her. She held him tightly and promised herself and Em that she would do better by him.
After a few moments, she heard him mumbling something against her shoulder.
“What?” she asked as she sniffed.
He shifted so that she could hear him clearly, but he still clung to her. “Can we go home? I want to go home.”
“Yes.” She kissed the top of his head. “We can, bud. We can go home.”
Her heart was breaking. For him. For Gabe. And for her.
This wasn’t over. She knew that. Gabe was his father and she would make sure that he was in Jonah’s life, when Jonah was ready. But her dream of all living together, one happy family, was just that…a dream.
Like all dreams, eventually you wake up and face reality.
Chapter 19
‡
Gabe wiped the sweat off of his forehead as he stood in the one place that no matter what city, state, or country he was in had always felt like home. The octagon. Even the years that he wasn’t training or competing, he’d still felt like it was his touchstone. But now it felt the same as any other place.
It no longer felt like the space where anything was possible. It wasn’t the arena where he could make all of his dreams come true.
All of his dreams were packing up and leaving Hope Falls today.
He’d tried to keep himself busy by training, but today he found it impossible to shut his mind off. Today, his only thought was, his world was leaving.
It had been twenty-four hours since they’d broken the news to Jonah, and Gabe still felt like someone had just kicked him in the groin. He was sick to his stomach and all but doubled over from the pain.
Knowing that Jonah was hurting and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it was fucking killing him. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to break shit. He wanted to do something.
He’d thought that coming in for a session would burn off some of that helpless energy that was making him feel as if he was going crazy.
It hadn’t.
“Thanks, man. Good work.” He patted his trainer, Alder, on the shoulder.
“You out?” Alder asked.
“Yea
h. My head’s not in it.”
Alder nodded in understanding.
A few outlets had reported on the story and some of the TVs in the gym had been airing it when he’d come in. Thankfully, his trainer had taken Gabe’s cues and not mentioned it.
“Same time tomorrow?”
“Yep.” Gabe climbed out of the cage and went straight to his bag. He checked his phone, again, to see if he’d any missed calls or texts from Adriana or Jonah.
He hadn’t.
When Adriana had called him last night and told him that they were going back home, he’d wanted to argue with her, but he knew that she was doing what was best for Jonah and that’s all that mattered. Jonah was scared and he needed some time.
Out of all the possible reactions they’d prepared for, neither of them had expected this. They’d known that he might be confused or possibly upset, sure. Perhaps even angry with Gabe since he hadn’t been there for so long. But this?
When he’d decided he was “all in” he didn’t realize that he wasn’t really the one who got to decide that.
Gabe tried not to have regrets. He learned from his mistakes and moved on. At least, that’s how it was when he was the only person affected by them.
Now, he couldn’t stop thinking that he should’ve said something yesterday. He should’ve spoken up and told Jonah that everything was going to be okay. He should’ve told him that finding out he was his dad was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He should’ve explained that even though this situation wasn’t exactly normal, they’d figure it out. Together. Because they were family and that’s what families did.
But Gabe hadn’t said any of that.
And now Jonah was gone.
Sure, Adriana had told him that this was a temporary solution so that Jonah would feel safe again. She’d assured him that at the very least, Gabe could come visit Jonah soon. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her. He knew that she’d keep her word.
What bothered him was that they would be dealing with this without him. He was Jonah’s dad; he was supposed to help him deal with the big things.
The pain in his chest was so real, so severe, that if he found out his heart was literally being crushed, he’d think, yep, that sounds about right.
He wished he had spoken up and let Jonah know how he felt. That he could’ve said goodbye. Adriana had said she would text him if Jonah wanted to see him before they left. She made him promise that he wouldn’t just stop by.
At the time it had seemed like the right thing to do, but now…now he was torn.
They were supposed to leave two hours ago. Knowing how Adriana is with staying on schedules, he was sure that they were halfway home by now.
Home.
That’s what he thought he was going to have with them.
He bent down and grabbed his bag and decided to stop by the station since it was next door. Last night, he’d texted his family and given them a heads up about what was happening in case the story broke, but he hadn’t really told them all the details yet.
As he exited Lucky’s, he decided to make a quick detour before heading to see Jake. Latch Key for Success, the nonprofit Nikki ran with Mike, was located right across the street from the gym and firehouse.
He found her in her office.
He told her the whole story, from beginning to end. Thankfully, she refrained from making jokes.
She’d had the exact same response everyone that he’d told so far had had. “Holy shit.”
“I’ve been getting that a lot,” he responded.
“I bet,” Nikki laughed.
“Your mom was the only exception. The second after I texted her last night she called me and screamed, ‘I knew it!’” he said with half a smile.
“Well, to be fair, the kid could play the younger version of you in a movie,” Nikki mused.
“Yeah, you’d think people would be less surprised, then,” Gabe sighed.
Nikki looked at him thoughtfully. “Kids are assholes.”
He laughed for what felt like the first time in ages.
“I keep feeling like everything I’m doing is ruining this kid’s life.”
“Well then it sounds like you’re nailing this parenting thing,” she smirked.
His eyes met hers and he saw great empathy behind them. “Thank you,” he offered.
“I’m always here for you cuz.”
With that, he was off to have a similar conversation with another cousin. Within two minutes, he made it to the bay doors of the fire station and he pushed through them and headed toward Jake’s office.
“Maguire!”
Gabe turned in the direction of the voice. Marco was standing in the doorway that led to the day room.
“It’s a boy!” Marco held his hands up in the air. “Congrats, man, he’s a great kid!”
“Thanks.” Gabe smiled widely despite the fact that he wasn’t really in the mood for a celebration.
“Hey, man. If I’d known you were coming in, I would’ve had cigars.”
“Next time,” Gabe tried to mask the pain he was feeling.
The sinking feeling of despair that was in the pit of Gabe’s stomach wasn’t a new one. He’d experienced it before. This was his first fight with Nunez all over again, except a million times worse. Just like then, he was so close to getting everything he ever wanted and then the rug was pulled out from under him.
“Is Jake around?” Gabe asked as Marco made his way down the steps.
“I think he’s—” Marco pointed toward the back stockroom when the alarm sounded.
Just then, Gabe’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw the station alert telling him there was an “all hands” fire.
“That was quick!” Gabe looked up and saw Jake walking toward him. He stopped short and his brow creased. “You a’right?”
“Yeah.” This wasn’t the time to get into it.
“We have a multi-structure worker that’s next door to an elementary school. They’re evacuating the kids that are there for summer school. You rollin’?”
Gabe nodded and took off in a sprint to the locker room where his turnout gear was stored. He felt a renewed sense of purpose and drive. He might not be able to do anything to save his personal life, but at least he could do something about saving real lives.
*
“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” Naomi asked as she followed behind Adriana who was carrying their bags to the car.
No.
“Yes.” She was in no mood to debate with her mother, again, about her decision to go home.
“Okay then. If you say so,” her mother said, in a way that made it clear that it didn’t matter if Adriana said so.
Adriana took a deep cleansing breath in hopes to bolster some patience. She expected to inhale the fresh, cleansing scent of mountain pine, but instead she got a big whiff of distinctly acrid air. It shouldn’t surprise her, nothing about this morning was going as planned.
She’d overslept because Lexi was up all night with an upset stomach. As she rushed through breakfast, she’d accidentally burnt all the pancakes. Laney had cried all morning because her ear hurt, which meant her ear infection was back. Which would be exacerbated shortly when they drove through the mountains on their way home.
At least if Adriana burst out crying at some point she had a lot of non-Gabe things to blame it on. Because she had a feeling the second she left the city limits she was going to bawl like a baby. Instead of leaving her heart in San Francisco, like the popular song, she was leaving it in Hope Falls.
A piece of it anyway. The twins and Jonah held the majority of real estate there, but Gabe had certainly stolen a large portion of it.
“He’s a child.” Her mother interjected.
Adriana ignored her as she loaded their bags into the car.
Not getting the response that she wanted, her mother moved so that she was blocking Adriana from putting any more luggage in the truck. “He doesn’t know what he wants. Y
ou’re the mom. It’s your job to do what’s best for him.”
That statement was one that Adriana couldn’t ignore.
She sighed with resignation. This wasn’t something that Adriana wanted to get into with her mother, especially after how great she’d been, but she felt she had no choice. “Look, as much as I appreciate the fact that you want to be here for me now, I really don’t need you telling me how to be a good mom.”
Her mother didn’t back down. She doubled down as she took a step forward. “I know that I didn’t do everything I should’ve for you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not able to see when you’re going down the wrong path and it does not take away my right to give you my opinion about it.”
“Actually, Naomi,” Adriana used her mother’s first name pointedly. “That’s exactly what it means.”
“Can’t you put the past behind you and listen to me with an open heart. All of this negativity is poison. It will destroy you.” Her mother shook her head. “You’re not a victim, Adriana. You’re a warrior. Be a warrior.”
Adriana was ready for this fight. Yelling at someone would feel good right now. Just as she was about to respond, the screen door slammed. She looked up to the porch and saw Jonah running toward her.
“Rina!” Jonah’s arm was stretched out and her phone was in his hand.
“What, bud?” She did her best to change her energy as she spoke to him.
The last thing he needed was to think that she was mad at him.
“Gabe is going to a fire!” Hysteria tinged his voice. “A bad one!”
“What?”
She took her phone and read the message on it as Jonah explained as he gasped for air. “Your phone beeped so I picked it up to bring it to you. Then I saw my name so I looked at it. Gabe is going to fight a big fire.”
Jonah was right. Gabe texted wishing her a safe drive home and letting her know that he’d been called in to fight a massive multi-structure burn. He didn’t know how long he’d be unavailable but he’d call her as soon as he was back and to tell Jonah that he loved him.
Tears were pouring down Jonah’s face. “I should’ve said that he could come say goodbye. Then he wouldn’t be at the fire.”
Fire and Foreplay Page 20