Tony’s hands moved up my sides, and I fought the uneasy feeling rising in my gut, the bile that threatened to come out when I closed my eyes, my mind playing tricks on me. My mind telling me that those hands were not Tony’s, that I wasn’t in the club on a mission to find the missing Luciano; it told me I was back in that house, back where I’d started.
I could never escape it, could never leave it behind, because it was a part of me.
The club around me faded away. The sounds, the thick air, everything. I was no longer the Night Slayer, the girl who took no shit, who gave no shit about herself. It was like hitting rewind, and my heart beat in my chest so fast it might just pop out and run for the hills. It didn’t take me too long to realize what that nagging, suffocating feeling was inside of me.
Fear.
It was fear.
But I didn’t feel fear, did I? I didn’t care enough to.
It’s not how my mind currently worked, though, for the fear spread through me, the notion that the hands on me weren’t Tony’s exploded, and I wanted nothing more than to get out of them, get away, be by myself where I could breathe and calm the fuck down because none of this was making any sense.
My eyes opened, and what would you fucking know—through the horde of people around me, I saw the man we’d come here to get. Maddox. Maddox and… a girl? A pretty girl. He and the pretty girl with short, curly black hair were dancing as if they were having sex, having eyes for no one but each other.
I didn’t hear the music playing. I didn’t hear anything. I just wondered, as I fought to breathe and calm myself down, if anyone would ever look at me like that? If I’d ever feel comfortable enough to look at someone else like that? Like I wanted to be with them all the time, like there was no one else in the entire world, that no one could tear me from their side.
No. No, that would never happen. My life was forfeit, and even if it wasn’t, I was too broken to ever make a man feel like that toward me and to feel like that in return toward him.
I didn’t know what it was, but maybe he heard my thoughts, for through the undulating crowd, Maddox’s dark eyes scanned the area, spotting me and Tony. His expression darkened, a frown lining his lips, and the girl rubbing herself all over him was oblivious, too into him and his wide, tattooed body to realize he was currently glaring at me.
It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Not a single thing fucking mattered. Why didn’t anyone else realize that?
Fuck. I needed to get out of there. I needed to breathe. I needed… well, I needed a whole lot of things that I’d never get because life was unfair in the worst way, but that was beside the point. I wasn’t asking for the world. I didn’t want it.
The only thing I wanted was something I could never get, and that was a fresh start. To hit the rewind button and be born to a different family. Impossible.
I broke away from Tony’s hands, turning away from the hateful stare I was receiving from Maddox. He was alive, he was fine. He was probably busy getting his dick wet these last few days, trying to pretend I, his brother’s killer, didn’t exist.
It all happened fast. A little surprising, since I currently felt like I couldn’t breathe. I raced away from the dance floor, ignoring the fact that Tony was calling out to me, so confused as to why I’d run away. I pushed through the bodies, heading to the side of the dance floor to avoid Mike in the back, sticking to the edge of the club as I ran out.
My breaths were short, the opposite of deep, and no matter how many times I inhaled, it was like I couldn’t get enough. My lungs refused to fill deeply, for whatever fucking reason. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t breathe, and my skin felt so fucking itchy. I wanted to cut it off. To cut it all off and shed this pretty, angelic face.
The night air was so much cooler than the air inside the club, but I didn’t stop once I exited the establishment. I kept running, straight into the road it was located off of. My heeled boot must’ve caught a pothole, and I brought myself to the ground, slamming my knees down as I went. I didn’t look for cars, too busy trying to get a hold of myself.
I sounded like I was losing it, like I was having a panic attack or something. Maybe I was. Or maybe I was just too fucked up.
Getting to my feet, I stood in the middle of the road, the street empty. My eyes turned toward the sky, and I recalled the trick my mind had played on me in there, how I’d seen someone else when I gazed at Tony’s face.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity-fuck. No. No, I didn’t want to ever see his face, even if it was imagined. Never again.
My body trembled, my nerves shaking as I struggled to breathe. My thoughts came erratically, and I couldn’t calm myself down. I couldn’t stop myself. I reached up to my neck, as if I could crack open my windpipe and funnel some air straight into my lungs.
This was bad. I’d never felt like this before, had I? It was so hard to tell, my life these past few years nothing but a blur. Maybe I’d had nights like this before, maybe I’d felt like I wanted to take a knife and stab myself in the heart just to end it all and I’d merely forgotten. Who knew? Me and my brain were not on talking terms, apparently.
I wished a car would come. I wished a car would come with either a drunk driver or someone who wasn’t paying attention, that they’d hit me, kill me, end this fucked-up existence I had. This—stalking the nights for my next prey—it wasn’t a life, and anyone who said it was didn’t know what it was like to try to live while desperately seeking to forget about the past.
Some people had it easy, and I was jealous.
A strong hand grabbed my arm, snapping me back to reality as he dragged me off the road, back to the sidewalk and then the parking lot in front of the club. Mike’s grip was inescapable, so I didn’t even try.
Tony stood near the doors to the club, the line long gone by now. His arms hung loosely at his side, his erection still there but fading. Mike practically threw me towards Tony, growling out, “You shouldn’t have danced with her.”
As I righted myself, Tony shrugged. “What? She didn’t go far. You got her. It’s all good, ain’t it?”
No, it wasn’t all good. I still felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I was very good at pretending, so I acted as if nothing was wrong at all, though it was one of the hardest things I’d had to do in my life. I squared my shoulders, looked between Mike and Tony, and said, “He was in there, dancing with some girl.” I didn’t have to elaborate who the he was for them to get it.
Mike could only scowl, while Tony asked quietly, “Is that why you ran?”
Was that… was that why I ran? Was Maddox with another pretty girl the reason I hightailed it out of that club like a bat out of hell? Hah. As if. No, I was well aware I was not the only girl beneath that beast of a man.
“No,” I said, aghast that he thought I was jealous. Me, jealous. I didn’t get jealous. I got furious, vindictive, and murderous, but not jealous. Never jealous. Me and jealousy shouldn’t even go in the same sentence. “It was just too hot.”
Okay, I was well aware of how lame that sounded, but I did not have the mental energy to come up with something better. It was rough enough pretending I wasn’t in the middle of a freak-out session.
Mike reached into his pocket, saying nothing until he dialed a number. “He’s dancing with a girl,” he muttered, not daring to take his eyes off me, for good reason, I supposed. He hung up, still glaring.
“What?” I asked, not bothering to hide the fact that I was insulted. Did these two really think I ran out of there because I saw Maddox with a girl? Please. His dick was good, but it wasn’t good enough to get me hooked after one fuck. “I wasn’t running away.”
A single brown brow lifted on Tony’s face, and his expression told me all I needed to know.
“I wasn’t,” I repeated. “Look, I live in a shitty apartment above a bakery. I have no job. No friends. I have nothing but my Night Slayer business, and you guys kind of put the brakes on that after I went home with the wrong guy. There’s not really anything I’
m in a rush to get back to.”
Tony and Mike exchanged glances, and frankly I didn’t give a shit what either of them thought. I needed tonight to be over. Was that too much to ask?
Chapter Ten – Maddox
My family wasn’t happy with me, but they could go fuck themselves in the ass for all I cared. I had no idea why the fuck Sylvester was so adamant about keeping that bitch around, and I never would. She killed Mario. She killed him, and she didn’t regret it at all. And then… then our father gave her a job to do, and what’s worse, she did it well.
Lola was fucking magnificent when she was beating the shit out of someone.
I didn’t like that thought, didn’t like knowing it meant we’d be keeping her around more, so I took off, and I went to a few of the places I usually frequented when I was trying to get out of the house and away from everyone else. Luciano-approved places, but still.
Basically, I spent the time away from them drinking, hating everything, and fucking. Mina was always good for that. She’d been one of my girls for a few years now. I had a few of them; the ones who would do anything to be close to our family, to try to get an in with the Lucianos. Maybe even land one of us as a husband.
I’d never marry any of them, of course, but I didn’t tell them that. I broke a lot of things, but hearts were something I had no interest in playing with. Not in the sense you’re thinking.
Now, I wouldn’t mind taking out Lola’s heart and giving it a good squeeze, feel her blood course down my fingertips and hear it drip to the floor. That was some heartbreak I could definitely get behind.
But my stupid family couldn’t let things be. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised after what happened with Mario, but really, bringing Lola while looking for me? Really? And fucking Tony dancing with her… oh, I could strangle the life out of him and not feel bad about it at all.
I saw her run, I saw her run and I fought the rage building inside my soul, the low ache I had to chase her, my predatory instincts rearing their ugly head. My hands hardened on Mina’s sides, and she looked up at me, blinking those eyes.
Ugh. Blue eyes. I’d done my best to not pay attention to them, but after seeing Lola… Mina’s blue eyes reminded me of hers. Fuck it all to hell. How was I supposed to pay attention to the girl I was with when every little thing reminded me of the bitch who’d killed my brother?
“Something wrong?” I didn’t hear Mina ask, the music too loud and the speakers too close, but I could make out the words by reading her lips. Such full, pink things they were. And as she asked the question, those lips forming the words in a tempting display, I knew I needed them wrapped around my cock, sucking me off, making me forget the blonde I’d just seen.
I took her by the hand, tugging her out of the dancing crowd, away from the music. Tony had gone off to find Lola. I wished they could’ve just continued to leave me alone. Eventually I’d find my way home, just not right now. Right now I needed to be wild, needed to be free… I needed to be away from that murderous bitch.
I pushed into the nearest bathroom. The men’s, and Mina followed me in like a good little girl. After growling at the lone man at the urinal, he knew what was good for him and left the space, clearing it of any other living being other than us.
Mina was pretty, probably the prettiest of them, with her porcelain skin and her pitch-black hair, cut short to frame her face with its wild kinks. Her lips were ruby red, cheeks always caught in a blush. She had curves for days, a great rack with perky tits and a cunt that was always kept smooth for me.
The only issue I took with her now were her eyes. Those fucking eyes were only a shade darker than Lola’s, and with seeing her here, that blonde bitch was alive in my head, and she wouldn’t get out of it.
Why couldn’t I get that bitch out of my mind? Why couldn’t I just turn my obsessive thoughts off? I hated it. Really, I did.
Mina smiled up at me, flashing me her perfect teeth. “Aren’t you just ravenous lately? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind, but what’s gotten into you?” We hadn’t told anyone about what happened to Mario yet; soon enough the city would know that the Lucianos lost their youngest, but that day had not yet come.
I said nothing as I grabbed her shoulder and pushed her down to her knees in front of me. Someone could walk into the bathroom at any given moment, but I didn’t care. There were more private rooms upstairs, but going to one of them might mean I’d run into my brother. Fuck that. Sylvester had to be here, searching, because I doubted my father would’ve let Tony and Lola out of the house together, alone.
My teeth ground. The way she’d looked at me before darting off, I didn’t know what to make of it, but I didn’t care. I didn’t fucking care.
Once Mina was on her knees before me, licking those lips, she knew what to do. She reached for my belt, eyes wide and intent on the bulge of my cock, and she got it out within a moment, her hand stroking me a few times and causing my length to twitch in response. She definitely had a way with those hands. And that mouth. And that cunt.
Those lips parted, and my head turned low to stare at her, to watch as my thick, veiny cock was slow to disappear in her mouth. She knew how to deep-throat, so she could take nearly the whole thing in, my length long enough to curve down her throat when I was all the way in. It felt fucking unreal.
I stood there for a few moments, stifling whatever groan might’ve escaped me the moment she took me in. I watched her head bob along my cock for a few moments, her mouth dutifully sucking the tip hard anytime she withdrew her head. My balls were tight.
I didn’t know what Mina thought this was, and I didn’t rightly give a shit. If she thought this was her way to my family, to the money we had, to the power we had over this town, she was wrong. Still, I wasn’t above using her however the fuck I wanted whenever the fuck I wanted, and I knew she’d love every minute of it.
For whatever reason, my mind flashed back to when I’d caught Lola straddling Tony on the couch. When I’d yanked her off him and filled her core up, bit her lip and made her bleed. God, she’d felt more than great, as much as I didn’t want to admit it—especially now, with another girl’s mouth wrapped around my cock.
Felt like forever ago, when in reality, it wasn’t. Time seemed to move fucking slow as molasses since we’d discovered Mario dead in his place. I shouldn’t let Lola’s presence in the house or her face here affect me. I shouldn’t feel anything when I stared into those dead, azure eyes.
Heat built up in my abdomen, and I knew my orgasm was coming. I didn’t want to be thinking about Lola while coming in Mina’s mouth, but it wasn’t like it would be the first time. All these days away from the house hadn’t helped a single fucking bit, and I hated it. I hated it more than anything.
No, scratch that. I hated it more than interruptions—because that’s exactly what happened mere moments before I was about to erupt.
The door to the bathroom opened, and my fucking brother walked in. He’d peeked to see if it was indeed me before he strolled in, and when he walked around and saw Mina on her knees before me, he rolled his eyes.
Mina went to pull her mouth off me, knowing Sylvester was here, but I grabbed the back of her head and growled out, “Don’t fucking stop.” She picked up her pace, my cock wet in her mouth as I glared at my brother. “What the fuck do you want? I’m a little busy at the moment.”
“Father wants you home,” Sylvester said, reaching in his pocket for his phone, hardly giving Mina and her bobbing head a second glance. “You know now isn’t the best time to run off and do your own thing for days on end.” He started texting, probably our father and the others, to tell them he’d found me.
Father could go fuck himself, just like Lola could.
Ugh, fucking Lola.
With my fingers in Mina’s black hair, I constricted my grip, holding onto her head roughly as my hips started to jerk. I came, but the orgasm was not accompanied by feelings of relief. The only thing that came with this particular orgasm was the wish that it w
as someone else on her knees in front of me, someone else’s soft, full lips puckered around my cock.
I came in Mina’s mouth, my cum coating her throat and forcing her to swallow every last drop I gave her. My eyelids had slammed shut when the orgasm came, a rumble leaving my chest, making me sound like an animal. I didn’t mind sounding like one, because I knew I was one.
But this? Picturing that bitch sucking me off instead of Mina? What the absolute fuck was wrong with me?
The orgasm over, I pulled her head back and shoved her off, breathing hard as I glared down at her. She’d fallen back on her hands, looking up at me with those blue eyes. Blue eyes that were all wrong, because they weren’t Lola’s empty yet defiant ones. I didn’t care that my cock still hung out, that Sylvester had watched the whole thing.
My brother was smart, smart enough to know why I was acting like this. I bet he was getting a kick out of it.
“Go,” I muttered to Mina, and though she looked a little hurt, she got up, wiped the corners of her mouth, and hurried out of the restroom, leaving me alone with my brother.
Sylvester was unimpressed. “Are you going to put your dick away, or do you plan on flashing everyone when you leave? Because you are coming home with me, Maddox. You can’t worry our father like that, not after…” He couldn’t say it, the pain of losing Mario still too fresh.
Too fresh, and yet look at fucking Lola, getting all close to Tony out there.
As I shoved my cock back in my pants and zipped up, working on my belt next, I had the urge to give that blonde a piece of my mind. Or my cock.
Ugh, fuck. That’s the whole issue here; I shouldn’t want to fuck her. Just because she was pretty didn’t mean shit. There were a million pretty girls around, and those million girls didn’t kill my little brother.
What did it say about me that I wanted to fuck the girl who killed my brother?
Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t give a shit. I didn’t care about what other people thought. I liked blood and violence, liked pain with my pleasure, and earned myself the nickname Mad Maddox. But wanting to constantly ram into Lola… that was a different type of madness, I think.
Shadowed Heart: A Dark Reverse Harem Romance (A Death So Sweet Book 1) Page 14