by Lis, Heidi
“Putting it that way makes sense Braxton. Thank you for saying that.” I like the way he just explained that, life can be shitty, and it can be great, like right now in bed with an almost naked, sexy as hell Braxton. Life before with Dominic was horrid and downright terrifying.
I unintentionally start rubbing my left thigh. I did it as if remembering what I have survived; times rather best forgotten.
Watching me, Braxton pulls me to his knees, and I come sliding up the bed flat on my back. He places my knees aside, so I’m straddling his body exposing my thighs. He strokes his fingers and freezes, holding my breath; I know he’s found it. The mark, his mark, the one he said would always remind me of him. Together or not I would always remember him; sick fucking bastard.
“What in holy hell is this?” He pulls me closer to him so he can see the mark more clearly. I always wore long shorts for this reason alone. No one needs to see this ugly ass scar. One of the reasons I don’t spread my legs for just anyone.
Running his fingers over the red, raised mark outlining my scar, he huffs out a breath like he’s been kicked in the gut. His grip is biting into me like a death grip. It’s time to come clean or just give him enough, so he leaves it alone. I think the second option is the way to go for now.
“What the fuck is this, just who the hell did this to you? God dammit Sparkplug. This pisses me off.”
“No need to get pissed Braxton. It happened, and now it’s over. This mark was always meant to remind me of him; he made sure the mark was in a spot that would stop me from wanting ever to sleep with any other man. He got his wish, I’ve never shown anyone; until just now.”
“He as in WHOM? Who the fuck thought this would be okay to do to his girl?” Braxton’s eyes were piercing into my soul with the look he was giving me.
I have to laugh at his reference of ‘his girl'.
“I was only a possession to him, not a girl or his woman; just a person to possess and ruin. The sick part is while everyone liked him; they hated me. They thought he was a nice guy, took good care of the sick, broken and messed up Izzy.”
Braxton is shaking and controlling his breathing as best he can. His muscles are building, and he is starting to shake. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers, I am assuming to help settle him down.
“One night, I disobeyed him...” I whisper as tears start to fill my eyes to the point Braxton is beginning to look fuzzy.
He cuts me off.
Braxton’s look is murderous. “WHAT...you disobeyed? Who the fuck does he thinks he is? You're not a dog, Izzy.”
I must look scared because I can feel a shift in his demeanor. He rubs his hand up and down my arm.
“I was not at home when he wanted me to be, I got home thirty minutes later and that was all it took for him to go bat shit crazy on me. He slapped me around; he punched me in the gut and then things got ugly.” Shaking I can now feel the tears as they fall freely down my cheeks.
Nervously, I look into his troubled eyes. My insecurity is at an all-time high. I take a few deep breaths to gain some much-needed courage. “He took a knife and ripped off my shorts. While taking me as roughly as he could, he took a knife and as he got off he pierced my thigh with it. You see, every time he got pissed at me, he took his knife to me somewhere hidden, but, meant for me to see every time I was naked.” Revealing this to Braxton has drained all of my energy.
“Motherfucking twisted bastard. Please tell me you had his ass hauled to jail.” Not even taking a breath in between words he keeps on going. “What about your family, who the hell did you tell?”
Holding my shaking hands up I silently beg him to slow down. “There was no one to tell, only my best friend, Kara. She saved me from taking the same knife and slitting my wrists. Figured might as well take my life with his favorite tool. The sad thing is he would have probably liked that.” Lowering my eyes, I try to wipe the remaining tears that slide down my cheeks. Remembering all the horrible things Dominic said to me, they all come back screaming in my head. I never let myself grieve for the sad girl who just took his beatings, burying it all down deep as I could. It was the only way I survived this long.
Grabbing me tight, he is ‘hushing me’ and rocking me against him. Jesus, when Braxton hugs you, you just get lost in those big ass arms.
“Babe, never again. You don't get to be scared, not anymore. I will never let anyone hurt you honey. Fuck that, I need to know who this guy is; Iz you need to let me kick his ass for you. This fucker needs to feel my pain, let me show him what it means to put the fear of God into someone. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I need a damn drink.”
Now I’m trying to hush him, I turn and look into his eyes, honest to God, he needs to understand my pain and my fear. Fear is an emotion I know all too well, I need Braxton to understand that I can’t live with that fear anymore. It almost killed me once; it might do me in this time around. No more. I can take no more.
Pleading with only my eyes, I warmly say, “No honey, you don’t ever get to see him. If he knows where I am, he will come for me. I’m as good as dead. He will torture me and then; I might as well be dead.”
“Not. Fucking. Happening.” Seething mad are the only words to describe Braxton right now.
Braxton then spins me around. He is inspecting my body for other marks. I am suddenly shy and start to fight him from looking. He is much stronger than I, so it’s a losing battle for me.
“Show me. All of them: Right the fuck now.” Great.
Rolling my eyes, I proceed to show him my marks; nine in all, in different areas all over my small body. Four are on my thighs, three on the inside of my arms by my armpits and two on my chest; one for each breast. Yeah, just great for some potential guy in my bed; who the hell wants to look at a woman who has knife marks that scar me both physically and better yet, emotionally. I look like ‘Jack the fucking Ripper’ had a party with me.
Braxton kisses each and every one. Taking his time, he gently caresses them before placing a very soft kiss over every scar, not missing a one. This does some weird things to me; I am embarrassed for him to see them, but he never flinches when he comes face to face one. It’s sweet, and I realize I am crying so hard I can’t keep them from spilling down my near naked chest.
“Baby, I am so fucking sorry for each and every time he took a knife to you. No man is a man who does this shit. Bad enough he put his hand on you, but the fucker used a knife to mark you, so you are forced to see them every damn day, let alone if you ever wanted to sleep with a guy. Fucker needs his ass beat, and he needs a knife to cut his dick off. Let him see what it feels like.”
He looks into my eyes as he grazes his lips over my shaking frame. With each cry, I can feel my trembling as he tries to calm me down. Skin to skin, his touch does just that. Crying still, I am cradled into his arms in a fetal position.
“Name Izzy, I want the mother fucker’s name. Not messing around here.” His words firm and intense, like his body.
My pleading stare seems to have little effect on him. “Forget it Braxton, let it go.”
“Fuck Izzy, not going to happen!”
“Name Izzy?” Impatient, his hold on my arms tightens.
I jump, biting back the bile in my throat. “Dominic Santos.”
Several things happen when I let his vile name escape my tortured lips. I swore to myself I would never say his name again. But fuck me, I am telling Braxton his name; I have lost my ever-loving mind. The last thing, I need, is Dominic finding me, what if I am with Eve and Dominic finds me. The thought of it sickens me, and I gasp.
“What’s wrong Sparkplug?” Braxton senses my body tensing and it puts him on alarm.
“Oh my god, you can’t find him Braxton. Promise me, please.” Anxiety rises in my voice, and I flap my hands around like I’m a crazy person.
“Nope.” He holds my arms down.
“Shit Braxton. What if I am with Eve and he finds me. He might hurt her. I don’t care about me, but I will not let him hurt her because
of me. Braxton listen to me.” Panic spreads throughout my body.
“Fuck that Izzy, that piece of shit isn’t ever going to touch my girls.”
What. Wait? What did he say?
“Girls?” I ask in a soft voice questioning him.
“Yeah, my two girls. Eve and you, he is never going to lay a finger on either one.” He eyes me with a solemn ‘don’t mess with me’ look.
“Please Braxton, let it go. Kara is watching him for me back home when she can.” My second slip up, as I realize I need to shut my ever loving mouth.
“Who, wait one fucking minute? He is back where you came from, and your friend is watching over him. Like doing what? What is she going to do about it?” He looks at me like I have lost my mind.
“You don’t understand,” I groan and roll my eyes. “He is my best friend’s brother.” I cringe when I let this slip out as well.
Standing up in a flash, Braxton is pacing the room. He is ranting questioning me a mile a minute. How can I be friends with her? Why didn’t Kara stop this from happening? I let him rant; it’s what he does. After he processes it hopefully he will let it go.
Drowning out his words, I sit back and watch him strut around in his black boxers. His muscles are hard to ignore. I’m only snapped from watching eye-candy when my phone starts ringing. Oh hell, who can that be?
Leaning over to my nightstand, I see the name lit up, and the name on it freezes me to my spot. My eyes grow wide when I see that Braxton is eyeing my phone as well.
We look at each other and before I can get to it he grabs it and pushes the talk button.
Oh shit......
“Kara!” He says in a very dark and dangerous tone.
I LISTENED TO BRAXTON talk to Kara for over twenty long minutes. He wanted to know all about Dominic; the dick. It was a long and very sordid story. Kara has been my best friend since junior high where we had hit if off instantly. She had my back, and I had hers.
I remember that day when the ‘popular’ clique of girls was talking smack about me; I was an easy shot for them. I never talked back; I just went along with my day like they did not exist. It was hard, and I usually hid in the bathroom crying and shit. One day in particular it was bad. I had attended a party the night before with some friends of mine. A very popular kid in our class was eyeing me, and I’d noticed he’d been watching me at school for some time. I didn’t hide the way I would watch him. He was hot and like most of the girls in school, he knew he was admired.
At times, he would say ‘hi’ to me in the halls, I melted each and every time. I was stupid not to notice that it was always when none of the popular girls were around, he made sure of it. I never noticed it then; my only thought was he was acknowledging me. Little ole me, I was lucky.
Lucky I found myself at that party. Erik was there and asked me to dance. His buddies were there and some of the popular girls as well. I was floored he asked me to dance in front of them, but I was not going to pass this chance up. No way.
We were slow dancing. While most eyes were on us, he leaned in and kissed me. Lost in his touch and his arms, I was on cloud nine. I never kissed with tongue before, so, the French kiss was all new to me. My friends told me how to do it. They would show me in the mirror how to swirl my tongue around. Yeah, I could do this.
His kiss was soft and when I felt his tongue slide across my lips I opened them and invited him in. Nervously, I swirled my tongue with his. I was nervous, so I was tentative at first. He gently told me to relax. I was a goner. Yep, Erik Landz had me hook, line and sinker. The night ended with him getting my number, and I was on top of the freaking world; little did I know that would end the next day at school.
Going to school the next day, I was nervous but excited to see him. Since he kissed me the night before and asked for my number, I assumed he liked me, and I was his girlfriend. Walking the halls, I got nervous rounding the corner to our lockers. His was down the row from mine. The minute I rounded the corner, there he was. All blonde; preppy dressed Erik is leaning against his locker. He had Amber the bitch from hell and some other girls around him. I looked down and went to my locker. The giggles and the ‘Oh my God’ were all I could hear. I never looked their way. Getting my stuff for my first class, I was about to close my locker when the girls were walking by me.
Amber the bitch, she walked up to me and flat out asked me where I learned to kiss. Seriously, she flat out asked me that. She laughed, and the other’s then followed her lead.
“Oh my God, Erik just told us you have no clue how to French kiss. How embarrassing. He is so disgusted he put his lips on you, he had to bleach out his mouth when he got home. You’re pathetic, maybe you should take lessons Izzy.” Saying my name, she let it linger; yep, pretty pathetic.
The day passed with the whole school hearing about this, and I was pretty much the laughing clown for the day. After the fifth period, I ran to the restroom and threw up. Disgusted and sickened, I wanted to run the fuck away. A girl came into the bathroom and banged on my stall door. Shocked and scared, I thought she was going to make fun of me as well. She didn’t, and she looked at me with such a pissed off look. She told me that she had heard it was Jason, Erik’s best friend who had made fun of him all night after our kiss; he made this shit up so Erik would not be associated with me.
Before going home two things happened; one; Amber got a fat lip, all courtesy of my new friend Kara. Secondly, Erik and Jason got an earful. Poor Eric got his ass handed to him in front of his buddies. She called him out on liking me, but did not have the balls to stand up to his friends. I had to hand it to her; she had me convinced before the day ended. The newest gossip was Amber’s fat lip, and Eric is acting like a dick.
That day forward she was my best friend, till this day. I started hanging with her all the time and spent a lot of time around her house. I met her brother Dominic a few times, each time he spent more and more time watching me and talking to me. He was older and off in college when we were in just the 9th grade.
I’ll never forget that one night at her house when Dominic’s girlfriend had gone home early. He was hanging out with us in the kitchen and was spending a lot of time next to me. He made me nervous; he was tall, dark and handsome. He dated the popular girls; they flocked to him.
Even in college, he dated girls in high school. They loved dating an older guy, and he liked to dominate the younger girls, I fully understand that now. That night we spent watching a movie when Kara decided to go to her room and talk to her boyfriend. Dominic told me to stay with him and keep him company while his sister spoke to Chris. Kara dated Chris off and on, tonight they were on.
We laughed, and he kept sliding closer to me on the couch. Having his arm across the back of the sofa, he would slide his fingers across my shoulder, back and forth. Talk about nervous; I was deathly scared. First I had some 9th-grade dick tell the school I couldn’t French kiss, but now I had a college guy hitting on me.
He ended up walking me to his room; I had no clue what I was doing. He sat on his bed, and I sat next to him with one leg on the floor. My leg is shaking so badly, it was jumping up and down. Dominic kept telling me to not be nervous while he kept running his hands up and down my leg.
The next thing I know I am naked and under him in, like, minutes. Hell, I am not even sure how the fuck it happened. To this day, it is a blur. I was naked in bed with a college guy who had plenty of experience, while here I am, a virgin who can’t French kiss.
After that night, I not only knew how to ‘French kiss’ and very well, according to Dominic but I was no longer a virgin. The guy dominated me; he was gentle though, and I survived. That was the only thing on my mind. I could not live with the embarrassment of being awful with him too.
Dominic finished and cuddled with me for some time. He was attentive and friendly. He knew it was my first time; it had to have been obvious. I knew he had a girlfriend, and I was just easy prey.
The next morning I saw him. I’d left him the night before
as he was drifting off to sleep. I was in the kitchen with Kara; she laughed and thought it was funny. Her brother was a man whore, her words not mine. I was nervous to see him, would he make fun of me, would he be nice to me or would he ignore me. All variations of the questions that had me up all night; trying to figure out what would play out.
Not having to wait long; in strolls a sleepy Dominic. No shirt, just black board shorts. Damn he had a beautiful body, and I had that for my first time. Maybe I was lucky after all.
He noticed me and smiled. Walking over to me, he ran his hands up my legs and stepped in for a kiss. It was brief, it was soft, and it was nice. I smiled and blushed red as a tomato; I know this because I could feel my face. It was on fire, my hands were sweating.
While he’s looking at me, he acknowledges his sister with a ‘hi’ and grabs water and leaves the room. That’s it; no other words said. He goes back to his room, and I am shocked. What the hell is with that? He walks back in, smiles and kisses me. I look at Kara, and she shrugs her shoulders before making us pancakes.
An hour later we are laughing in the living room when Dominic’s girlfriend strolls in. She walks right in, smirking at us and proceeds to his bedroom. I freeze; frozen in my chair, and I had to look as pale as a ghost. What the fuck?
Kara laughs so hard that she doubles over before falling out of her chair.
“Bitch doesn’t know his dick was up in my friend last night. Let’s hope he takes a shower before she blows him.”
I choke, did she seriously just say that. Shrugging her shoulders again, I melt into my chair. I needed to get home and like fast.
I did not see Dominic again for a month or so, but the next time he is not dating anyone. He sees me and lights out; I don’t fight him, I go willingly. That is how it all started. Like all new things, it was good, no scratch that. That was awesome.
Kara warned me that Dominic was into some wild things, and I should be careful, but it was casual, and it was fun while it lasted. I never took it too seriously; he was good for my ego. I went from being a girl laughed at because she could not kiss right to being laid the next, by a hot looking college guy. Not bad for a girl, if I say so myself.