She took the chicken off the heat and spooned it on top of the salads. She poured two glasses of wine, and as she carried the glasses into the lounge, Stephanie came out of the spare bedroom, towel drying her short dark hair.
“Hey, how was the shower?”
“It was amazing. It felt good to get the day’s grime off me.” Stephanie kissed her on the cheek.
“Well, take a seat, dinner is served.” Meredith headed back into the kitchen to grab their salads and cutlery, and as she walked back into the lounge Stephanie was staring at her.
“What?” she asked as she placed the plates on the coffee table.
“Nothing. I was just thinking how beautiful you are.”
Meredith felt the heat rise to her cheeks and rolled her eyes when Stephanie chuckled.
“Flattery will get you everywhere.” She took a seat and picked up a fork.
“I'm serious. You’re gorgeous, Meredith. And thanks for this, it looks great.”
Meredith glanced at her, watching as Stephanie dug into her dinner with gusto. “I take it you’re hungry?” She laughed as Stephanie tried to talk with her mouth full. “That’s a yes then.”
“So how did you get on with Doctor Williams? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”
“No, that’s fine.” Meredith took a sip of wine, and after swallowing, she said, “It was good. She thinks I’ve made tremendous progress but has suggested keeping the regular appointments once a week.” She chewed a piece of chicken while she gathered her thoughts. “We spoke a little bit about the upcoming trial and how I feel about that, but mainly we talked about you.” She watched as Stephanie’s eyebrows rose and the corners of the mouth turned down into a frown. “Don't worry, it was all good.”
“Did you discuss my moving in here?”
“Yes, we did. I told her that you had your own room, but to be honest, we would probably end up sleeping in the same bed.” She blushed again as Stephanie smirked. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet, Steph.” She placed her hands on her lap and looked down at the table, hating that after all the progress she had made, and how much she wanted to be with Stephanie, she still couldn’t imagine herself being able to have anyone touch her like that anytime soon. She was surprised when Stephanie tilted her face up with her finger and smiled sweetly at her.
“I'm not ready for that either. Please don’t worry, we can wait for as long as it takes for us both to be comfortable with it. But I do like sleeping next to you, it makes me feel safe.”
Meredith was dismayed when a lone tear escaped her eye and she angrily swiped it away. Stephanie was always so sweet and always made her feel loved.
“I like having you hold me, too. I don’t want to appear selfish, so any time you need space, please just tell me.” She didn’t want to be clingy even if that was exactly what she was.
“There is nothing selfish about wanting to sleep next to the person you love. And if there was, then I would be selfish too.”
Meredith leaned forward to kiss Stephanie, however, before their lips touched, there was a knock at the door. She glanced at the clock, noting it was nearly seven.
“I'll be right back.” She pushed back from the table and went to the front door. To say she was shocked when she saw who was on the other side would be an understatement. “What on earth are you doing here?”
Kathleen stood leaning against the doorframe, hands in the pockets of her jeans. She was as beautiful as ever, but this was the most casual Meredith had ever seen her.
“I’ve missed you,” Kathleen said. “I know I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but I have done some thinking and I wanted to apologise to you and see if maybe we could talk.”
Meredith didn’t know what to say. Kathleen was the last person she expected to see standing at her door asking for forgiveness. Was she hoping they could get back together? If she did then she was crazy. Even if Meredith didn’t have feelings for Stephanie, she still wouldn’t want to go back to Kathleen.
“Say something, baby.” Kathleen reached her hand toward her and Meredith could only watch as she gently pushed a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Meredith? Is everything okay?” Stephanie asked as she walked up behind her. Meredith watched Kathleen’s face transform from one of open caring to a scowl, lips pressed into a thin line.
“What is she doing here?” Kathleen seethed.
“I live here,” Stephanie said simply as she possessively wrapped an arm around Meredith’s waist, ever so slightly pulling her away from Kathleen.
Kathleen glared at Stephanie and then back to Meredith, who still had yet to utter a word.
“I see.” She straightened up and ran her hands through her hair, messing the usually perfectly coiffured style. “Well, I just made an idiot out of myself, haven’t I?”
Meredith found her voice finally. “I’m sorry. We love each other.”
“He really did mess you up, didn't he?” Kathleen snorted, a very unpleasant sound for someone who purported to be a lady. She didn’t wait for a response; she turned on her heel and strode away.
Stephanie slowly closed the door and locked it with a soft click. She took Meredith’s hand and led her into the lounge and their interrupted meal. Meredith sat in her vacated seat and stared blindly at the coffee table. Stephanie crouched beside her, resting her hands on Meredith’s thighs.
“Are you okay?”
Was she? Meredith had no idea. She supposed she would have had to speak to Kathleen at some point, she just hadn’t thought the confrontation would be now. She looked up at Stephanie and couldn’t help the tears that escaped her eyes.
“Oh, honey. Don’t listen to what she said. She has no idea what we went through and how we feel about each other.” Stephanie gathered her in her arms and Meredith wept.
“I can’t believe she would say that to me. I know we weren’t the perfect match, but I thought she loved me, at least at one time. How can she be so cruel?”
Stephanie cupped her cheeks, brushing away her tears. “Please don’t listen to her. She isn’t worth it.”
“I’m suddenly feeling very tired. It’s been a long day. Do you mind if I go to bed?”
Meredith didn’t give Stephanie a chance to answer as she rose from the sofa and practically ran into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She collapsed onto her bed and cried.
†
Stephanie stood outside Meredith’s bedroom door with her forehead resting on the wood panelling. She could hear her crying softly on the other side. She debated whether to go in or to just leave her be. She decided nothing she could say would help Meredith feel any better. She stepped away from the door and gathered the plates off the coffee table and carried them into the kitchen. As she rinsed them in the sink and stacked them in the dishwasher, her blood boiled. How dare Kathleen come to Meredith’s home and talk to her like that! It took all her will power not to hunt her down and whip her ass. Meredith was the kindest, sweetest person she knew, and no one had the right to talk to her like that.
She headed back into the lounge, grabbing the wine bottle off the counter on the way, and slouched into the couch, swigging straight from the bottle. She turned on the television, hoping to drown out the crying she could still hear from Meredith. She wanted to go to her, but who was she kidding? She wasn’t emotionally equipped enough to deal with this. Yes, she had made progress in the last three months, since the kidnapping, with dealing and facing her emotions, but she still felt inadequate, especially with someone as fragile as Meredith.
She continued to drink steadily over the next half hour whilst channel surfing, trying to push aside her need to go to Meredith. It had been an incredibly long day and she was exhausted. She polished off the bottle and took it into the kitchen to dispose of. A clearing of the throat startled her from behind and the bottle clanged loudly amongst the other glass in the recycling bin. Stephanie spun around, seeing Meredith standing in the entryway to the kitchen. She looked terrible. Her
eyes were red-rimmed and her hair was a mess, strands sticking out in all directions.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” she asked softly, not moving from her side of the kitchen.
“Like I have just been through the emotional wringer.”
“I wanted to come in and comfort you, but I didn’t know how.” Her heart lurched when Meredith’s eyes teared up again. She went to her now and gathered her in her arms. “Sweetheart, please don’t listen to what she said.”
Meredith shook her head against Stephanie's chest. “No, that isn’t why I am crying. How could you ever think you wouldn’t know how to comfort me? Just being in your arms is all I need.” She kissed her gently on the lips. “Please don’t question yourself, darling, just do what you feel is right.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just when you walked out, you were so upset I didn’t know what to do.”
Meredith took her by the hand and led her toward her bedroom. “All I want is for you to lay down with me and hold me until I forget all about Kathleen’s words.”
“Now that I can do.”
Chapter Twenty-one
Meredith was sitting in Carrie’s kitchen, nursing a cup of coffee that was rapidly growing cold. Since her breakdown two weeks ago, she had been on edge, but especially the last few days. She thought it was due to Kathleen’s words, but on Thursday morning whilst at work, she noticed the date. She realised the anniversary of the kidnapping was coming up in a week, and this had made her agitated. She tried not to take it out on Stephanie, but she couldn’t help snapping at her over the stupidest of things, like leaving her shoes by the front door. Stephanie tried her best to placate her, but Meredith could see her own actions were beginning to wear on Stephanie. She supposed she should say what was bugging her, but she didn’t want to appear weak, especially after the other weekend. She wanted to speak to her father, however she knew he would be busy with work. She didn’t want him worrying about her, so she had rung Carrie and asked to see her.
“You have been here for an hour now,” Carrie said. “And as much as I enjoy your company, I can see something is bothering you. What’s the matter? Is everything okay with you and Steph?”
Meredith smiled as she thought about Stephanie. Apart from the tension that Meredith had created during the past weeks, things between them were going great. They slept in the same bed every night and they enjoyed their evenings getting to know each other better. Meredith had gone back to work full-time. Although she spent that time in the office, she wasn’t quite ready to go out to meet clients, but she was enjoying herself. Stephanie had begun looking for a job and sending her CV off to potential employers. They would laugh and talk, and they were growing closer if that were possible. It was only Meredith’s attitude that had marred an otherwise perfect few weeks.
“Me and Steph are great. In fact, I’m surprised at how well her moving in has gone. I have been a little bit prickly toward her recently.” Carrie raised her eyebrows and nodded for her to continue. “Do you remember what date I was kidnapped?”
“Of course. That isn’t something I’m going to forget any time soon. October fifteenth.”
“And what is today’s date?”
Carrie scrunched up her face, clearly confused as to why she was asking these questions. Meredith knew the exact moment Carrie realised what she was alluding to. Her mouth formed an O and her eyes went wide. “Eighth of October. It’s been a year since you were taken.” She reached out her hand and placed it on Meredith’s forearm, giving it a slight squeeze. “I’m sorry. No wonder you’re out of sorts. What does Stephanie say about all this?”
Meredith looked away, feeling ashamed. She knew what Carrie’s reaction would be. “I haven’t exactly spoken to her about it yet.”
“What? Jesus Christ, Meredith, why on earth would you not speak to her about this? This is obviously a big deal for you, and I imagine it’ll be a pretty big deal for her too. Don't forget she went through the same thing.”
“I know, I know, you’re right. We have always been able to talk about anything, especially what happened in that place, but I just don’t know how to explain how I’m feeling.” She gazed at Carrie, feeling helpless. She wasn’t sure why this was having such an effect on her. It wasn’t like West could hurt her anymore, and she knew Stephanie would understand, she just couldn’t find the words to explain what was going on. She pushed her cup away and blew out a deep breath.
“Have I told you the trial date has been set yet?” Carrie shook her head. “January fifth. I guess the anniversary of the kidnapping, the news of the trial, and what Kathleen said has made me rattled.”
“Kathleen? What does she have to do with any of this?”
“Oh yeah, she came by a couple of weeks ago saying she wanted to get back together.” At Carrie’s raised eyebrows, she continued, “She wasn’t particularly pleased to see Stephanie in the apartment and basically told me that West had fucked my head up.”
“Where the hell does she get off speaking to you like that?”
Carrie's anger was palpable, Meredith smiled at her best friend’s defense of her. “Yeah, that’s what Steph said. I was pretty upset after that little confrontation and had a mini breakdown. Stephanie was amazing and spent the whole night holding me. She doesn’t deserve to be treated the way I have been treating her and I know I need to talk to her about the anniversary, but I just don’t know how.”
Meredith was at a loss. The previous few weeks had been a nightmare because of West. She shook her head: no, he may have made her on edge, and Kathleen hadn’t helped, but the weeks were pretty amazing with Stephanie. Meredith needed to apologise to her, she needed to make things right.
“I just can't wait for this whole ordeal to be over with. The sooner he gets sent down, the better.”
“Well, I’m here whenever you need me, you know that. But you need to talk to Stephanie. You don’t want this to be ruining things between you.”
“I know, you’re right.” Meredith stood from her chair and gathered her belongings. After putting on her coat, she pulled Carrie into a tight hug. “Thank you for listening.”
Carrie pulled back and smiled softly at her. “You are very welcome. Let me know when you’re both free so we can invite you around for a meal one night.”
“Will do.”
†
Meredith arrived home a half hour later, and as she walked through the front door, she tripped over Stephanie’s trainers, catching herself on the wall before she fell.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” She kicked the offending items out of her way and went in search of Stephanie. She found her in the lounge, typing away on her laptop. “Is it really that hard for you to understand not to leave your shoes by the door? I nearly broke my neck.”
“Good afternoon to you, too.” Stephanie put down her laptop on the coffee table and strode over to the front door. She picked up her trainers and threw them through the open doorway of her own bedroom. “Is that better?”
Meredith shook her head, frustrated. Her intention after leaving Carrie’s was to come here and explain to Stephanie what had been going on with her, however her agitation was too high. She couldn’t stop her anger from bubbling over.
“It’s like living with a ten-year-old. How many times do you need to be told not to leave your shoes there?”
“Last time I checked, I live here too. I’m sorry that my stuff seems to offend you so much.” Stephanie stormed past her into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. She took a swig, then said, “I knew this would be a bad idea. I should have bought the cottage when I had the chance.” She finished off the beer in two big gulps, slammed the empty bottle onto the counter, and headed off in the direction of her own bedroom.
Meredith jumped when she heard the door slam. She sat down at the dining table and rested her head on her hands. She knew Stephanie didn’t mean what she had said, that she was just reacting to Meredith’s bad mood, but the words still stung. She didn't know how long she sat there until
Stephanie came back into the room. She was nervous, Meredith could tell. She kept running her hand through her short hair, looking everywhere else but at Meredith. Eventually, she sat down opposite her at the table, resting her hands on the surface.
“I’m sorry I left my shoes by the door. I guess I’m not used to living with somebody, and usually I just leave my stuff wherever. I need to start thinking of you more.”
Meredith shook her head. It was just like Stephanie to take the blame for this. After all, she had been taking the blame her whole life. Meredith didn’t want her feeling the same way with her. She needed to put this right, she needed to tell her.
“Steph, this is your home now and you have every right to put your things wherever you want. I want you to be comfortable living here and I’m sorry for snapping at you, not just today, but all week.” She paused as she gathered her thoughts, trying to think of the right way to tell her about the anniversary, but she couldn’t find the words. Instead, she reached across the table and took Stephanie’s hands in her own. “Please forgive me.”
Stephanie stared at her for a long while and Meredith could see the indecision in her eyes. It was clear Stephanie wanted to press her further, however, she must have decided against it,
“Of course, I forgive you. I will try and be more thoughtful as to where I leave my things.”
Meredith wanted to say more, to try and make her understand what was going on but she couldn't. Instead, she just nodded, stood from the table, and went into the kitchen to grab a glass of wine.
“Would you like a glass?” she asked Stephanie.
“Nah, I’m good. I’m going to grab a shower and then we can decide what to have for dinner.”
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