“Addie, you can’t mean that. Surely, you can’t.” Tracy pleaded, “He was a mess after you left. A complete and utter mess. He always asked me what you posted up on your Facebook after you had deleted and blocked him. He always asked if I’d heard from you. Cal and Nathan pulled him into the office and talked to him because of how he felt for you and took it out on everyone around him because he was miserable. Cal saw it. I saw it. Nathan saw it.” Tracy explained.
“Oh right. He was such a mess. He was such a mess that he couldn’t phone me from Italy to tell me that he missed me. He was such a mess that…that he probably fucked that Steph chick. I saw all of the sexual banter on Facebook before I deleted him.” Addie fell silent for a moment.
Tracy was stunned. This certainly wasn’t the Conrad Renner that she had known. This wasn’t the Conrad Renner that she saw after Addie left either. “Addie, I’m so…”
“Don’t you dare say you are sorry. I pushed him in a way. You know…I went there…and when he kissed me again…everything changed Tracy. Everything. I was so…so envious of all the women that he had before me. I knew that I’d only have those ten days. Just me and Conrad…pretending. So in a way I guess I let myself get hurt. I opened up to it. But then he said he really liked what we had, that he could get used to having someone around. And stupidly…I…I believed him. “
“Addie, don’t do this to yourself. If he didn’t want anything with you, he could have said no. He could have stood up for himself.” Addie choked on a sob. “Nathan said Conrad couldn’t go through with having sex with the women at the strip clubs. He just sat there and drank. Drank to try to forget you. But in the end he couldn’t even do that. Addie, Conrad got so drunk one night, Cal had to go get him and brought him here to our apartment. It was a month and a half after you left. Do you not remember me telling you that? You knowwhat he told me Addie?”
Addie couldn’t say anything. She shook her head.
“He told me that he couldn’t change the bed sheets because they smelled like you. He slept on the pillow you slept on because it smelled like you. He left your tea mug on the counter. The one that you used over and over again. It was clean, but he said he just couldn’t move it. It was like you had died or something. Does that sound like someone who doesn’t care?” Tracy’s tone wasn’t upset or mad. It was almost pleading. “He needs you girl.”
“I can’t believe that.” Addie said wiping a tear. “Because he only said that when he was drunk.”
“Well, believe it.” Tracy said. “It happened. He broke down in my bathroom, barfing his guts out while he told me that. “
“He was drunk off his ass though.” Addie reiterated again.
“Yes, he was. But the pain on his face when he spoke of not being able to change the bed sheets and sleeping on your pillow just stabbed me in the heart. Even Cal couldn’t help getting teary eyed because of how his friend felt.” Tracy paused. “But I guess Cal is the exception. That’s why I fell in love with him.”
“You’re lucky.” Addie said quietly.
“So are you.”
There was nothing but open phone for a few moments when Tracy was the first one to speak again. “Cal and I are coming to Fort Polk in about six months. I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Well, it’ll be like a little reunion for you guys then. Nathan will be here tonight. He emailed and then followed up with a phone call to say he switched assignments to come here because he wanted to be with his boys. Or something like that. But anyway, he’s going to stay with me for a while.”
“Oh that’s fabulous.” Tracy said enthusiastically. “I am really looking forward to coming now. All three of you…Conrad and Nathan, and you. It’ll make having this baby so much easier.”
“You’re pregnant?” Addie was stunned but happy. “Congratulations.”
Tracy was pregnant, had the love of her life, and was coming to Fort Polk to be with a lot of their friends. Addie had to admit that at this moment, she’d do anything to be in her place.
“Well, I’ll email you sometime this weekend Trace. I have to get back to work. Will that be okay?”
“I’d love it.” Tracy said with genuine excitement. “I’ll talk to you later. And Addie…go easy on Conrad. He’s hurting.”
“Well he has a crazy way of showing it. That’s one hell of a defense mechanism.” Addie took a deep breath. “Thanks Tracy…for…for taking the time to tell me. I appreciate it.”
“You’ve become a good friend Addie. In such a short time. I’ll catch you later.” And then Tracy hung up.
Addie dropped her phone from her hand and rested her head in her hands. What the fuck was she supposed to do now? Rubbing the palms of her hands in her eyes, she sat back and opened the top drawer of her desk and pulled out the pictures of Conrad.
She smiled as she looked at the pictures. It had been only a few months, but God it felt like years. She hadn’t told him that she was here at Polk. Tracy and Nathan didn’t tell her that he was here at Polk. Everyone knew how devastated she was when everything went down. She’d blocked him from her Facebook, email and even her phone. Not that she thought that it would matter. He had Steph and Lisa to entertain him, so he wouldn’t have time for Addie.
Tossing the pictures in the box beside her desk, she put the roses on the table that she had by the window and pushed the arrangement that Jim had given her on the corner of her desk. She took both little cards and threw them in the trash and pulled the CD out of the drive and put it back in its envelope and tossed it in the box as well.
She shut down her computer and pulled her CAC card from the keyboard and made her way out of her office. Pulling the door shut, she stood waiting for Liz to get off the phone.
“If ah…if any of you ladies want the flowers, help yourselves.” Addie sighed.
“Whoa!” Liz spun around in her chair. “Don’t you want to take them home? Come on, I’ll help you take them to your car.” She stood and motioned for Addie to open the door.
“Nah, not really. I don’t want a reminder of what I had with Conrad and yet another reminder of what Jim wants.” Addie shrugged her shoulders.
Liz sat back down. “Well, when you put it that way…” What more could she say.
“I’ll see you on Monday.” Addie said and left.
Conrad pulled into the apartment complex right before Nathan did. Whether it was good timing or divine intervention, he’d take it. When Nathan had told him that he was going to stay with Addie for a little while, Conrad about threw a gasket and a half.
“Absofuckinlutely not!” He sliced the air in front of him. “You’ll get your shit and put it in the second bedroom of my apartment and stay there.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Nathan put his hands up in a gesture to calm Conrad down. “She invited me. But if you are adamant about it, I’ll move into your second bedroom.”
“I’m trying to fix things. Okay?” Conrad said annoyed. “Now get your shit and let’s go.”
Nathan backed his car up next to Conrad’s truck and the new roommates moved in. As luck would have it, the apartment complex had a cable guy that lived on the premises and was able to come over and hook up their cable and internet. Conrad had already switched everything over that morning before he checked out of the hotel.
“When are you supposed to get your shit?” Nathan asked setting up a camping chair on the deck.
“Next week. Why?” Conrad asked, setting up the other camping chair and sat down with a beer in his hand.
“Because over here, I have to sleep on the floor. If I was at Addie’s, I’d be in a soft bed.” Nathan looked at Conrad pointedly.
“Listen fucker.” Conrad pointed at Nathan with his beer. “I have to fix shit with her first.”
“Yeah. Good luck with that.”
The two friends stayed on the porch and talked. Since Nathan knew that Conrad didn’t know that Addie had gotten a new car, he asked how he was going to surprise her.
“Just walk up to her.” C
onrad answered. “I delivered flowers to her work last night with a CD of songs that we used to play when we were in Italy.”
“Well, here’s your chance.” Nathan pointed with his chin at the black Mustang GT that pulled into a parking spot.
“That’s her car?” Conrad asked shocked.
“Yep. She posted this really cool picture on Facebook too. She was wearing a black dress with red heels. It was fucking bonerific.” Nathan teased Conrad.
“Shut up.” Conrad watched as Addie got out of the car with her purse and closed the door. Then she made her way up to her apartment without even so much as looking around. “Holy shit. Situational awareness isn’t her strong suit apparently.”
“She’s a chick. She isn’t expecting the guy she wanted to dump her without word to be living across from her.” Nathan took Conrad’s beer and received a ‘what the fuck’ look in return. “What? You aren’t going to need it. I think this may be something you might just want to do sober.”
“Fuck.” Conrad muttered as he walked back into his apartment.
Heading towards the front door, he heard Nathan call out. If you two make up and get to sleep in Addie’s bed, then I’m going to sleep in the guest room.”
“Whatever.” Conrad said as he opened the door and made his way down the stairs and across the parking lot. He looked over at Nathan who had propped his feet up on the railing drinking his beer. Shaking his head, he made his way up the stairs to Addie’s apartment when he heard her voice.
“Nathan? What are you doing over there? I thought you were staying with me?”
Conrad could hear the confusion in her voice.
“Answer your door Ads.” Nathan lifted his beer toward the door where Conrad was standing.
“What? Why?” She asked.
“Trust me.” He said smiling.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Addie was confused. What in the hell was going on. Who was at her door and why was Nathan smiling like a Cheshire Cat. She shook her head and walked back inside, not closing the sliding glass door. Walking over to the front door, she didn’t think to look through the peephole before she unlocked it and opened it wide.
Seeing Conrad standing there brought everything back. The pain and hurt, the joy and fun. Everything. Her hands came to her mouth as she gasped and felt lightheaded. He swallowed hard as he took a step forward towards her. She instinctively took a step back. She couldn’t believe he was here. Last she heard, he was trying to go back to Bragg.
“Addie.” He said softly.
She shook her head and dropped her hands to her sides. “Leave.” She whispered. “Please. Leave me alone.”
“I can’t.”
“I don’t want to get hurt by you again Conrad. I can’t.”
“Let me explain Addie, please.” He came inside as Addie retreated down the hallway every step that he made forward. He closed and locked the door.
Addie turned and stopped in the living room. Her setup here was very near similar to the one she had in Fort Bragg. Huge open area that you could see the kitchen from everywhere you were. She propped her hip on the wall to the hallway. She spread her hands wide.
“Explain away.” She said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
Conrad blew out a deep breath. “That first day when you went back, I went to sign in off of leave…”
“Yeah, skip that part. I know it already.” Addie said. “Why don’t we just get to the meat and potatoes of things here. Tell me why after you got in from thirty days in the field, you didn’t email me, or message me on Yahoo! or Facebook messenger? Tell me why you could sex-talk it up with your submissive Steph, but couldn’t acknowledge the girl that you had just fucked for the ten days prior to your field problem that you got her emails. All of them!”
“I was scared.” Conrad stated.
“You were scared?” Addie threw her hands up in the air. “That’s fucking rich! You can go to Iraq and Afghanistan and you can live through some pretty heavy shit, but you are scared of me?”
“Yes. I…”
“Bullshit!” Addie yelled. “I am throwing out the bullshit flag here Conrad.”
Conrad rubbed his hands over his face and when he dropped them, he looked straight in Addie’s eyes.
“I fell in love with you. That’s so different than going to war.” He walked toward her.
“That is a hard sell.” Addie pursed her lips.
“No, it’s not.” Conrad lifted his hand toward Addie’s face and traced her jawline with a finger. “Did either Nathan or Cal tell you that they cornered me at work? Did they tell you that I was a dick to just about everyone after you left. I had the best platoon leader that anyone has seen in a few years and I scared the shit out of him because I couldn’t figure out how to love you.”
“How did you know I was here in Polk?”
“The global email system.” He admitted. “When Cal told me that Tracy had told him that you’d blocked me, I was going to write you on the Army’s email system. And when I finally had the balls to do it, your name was gone. I got so fucking drunk that night that I think Cal came and got me and he and Tracy sat there in the bathroom with me as I puked up so much alcohol.”
“Yes.” Addie said snidely. “I heard all about how you couldn’t change the bed sheets. Did you sleep on the pillow I slept on, etcetera, etcetera.” She waived her hand between the two of them. “But did you once think of how I felt? No. Did you once while you were sexting it up with your submissive…”
“I never kept a submissive.” Conrad corrected.
“Oh whatever.” Addie said. “You were sexting her and I could see it. Did you not think that I wouldn’t look at your page to see if maybe I was just some toy for you? Because I feel like it.”
“Addie.” Conrad rubbed his hands over his face again. “I’m sorry. I used Steph as a way to gauge how I really felt about you. The last night you were in Italy, I almost told you I loved you.”
“Why didn’t you?” She asked.
“Because…” He shook his head. “I don’t even fucking know.”
Addie just looked at him saying nothing.
“But I did mean what I said when I told you in Pittsburgh that you are my anchor line Addie.”
“Tell me.” She said simply.
“Tell you what?” He asked.
She shook her head. “You have no clue do you.”
“I love you Addie Marshall.” He stepped even closer. “I love you so fucking much.”
Addie’s tears came out of nowhere. She wiped her cheek and looked up at him, her arms still crossed over her breasts.
“You think that saying you love me is going to make it alright?”
Conrad shook his head no. “I hope it does.”
He slid his hands up her arms and into her hair and kissed her forehead.
“Conrad.” Addie said on a broken whisper.
“Tell me.” Conrad said.
“I love you Conrad Renner.”
“I love you too, Addie Marshall.”
Conrad took her by the hand and led her to her bedroom. He took her clothes off and sweetly, gently, and tenderly, he took her. His usual dirty talk was curbed with gentleness. He knew that she needed this. She needed the re-affirmation of his love to make up for him not getting in touch with her. He’d done all the usual things, ate at her pussy, and took her nipples in his mouth, sucking gently, and finally making love. For him it was the first time.
For the next four months, Addie and Conrad kept separate apartments across from each other. Conrad maintained that it was for his Post Traumatic Stress from deployments. He wanted to make sure that he could give Addie one hundred and ten percent of him. She said she’d take him with flaws and all, but she understood.
There were times when she would stay with him, but most of the time, he would stay with her. He claimed that it was because she was higher maintenance than he was. But, either way, he kept some uniforms at Addie’s and she kept some clothes at his apartment. Na
than was an ever present face in their lives outside of the bedroom. Still Conrad’s roommate and always teasing them that Conrad should just move into Addie’s apartment because he spent more time there than at his own.
Like any couple though, they had disagreements that they had to work through and then they had to look forward to the ever present field problems and twenty four hour duty that Conrad had to pull. Conrad had showed Addie that he’d gotten rid of any phone numbers from any of his prior submissives. He didn’t want them. It was a bid to show Addie that she was the one woman in his life.
Jim Crisman wasn’t very happy when he’d come into Addie’s office to take her to lunch and saw Conrad standing there kissing her. It was set up that way, but neither of them, nor would Verna say anything. To say that Jim was upset was an understatement considering he and Conrad knew of each other from their old unit in Bragg that they were in.
Nathan’s birthday was finally rolling around and when he finally dropped the bomb on Conrad when and where he wanted to go, needless to say, Conrad was not happy. He’d actually had plans with Addie and he’d had to cancel them. Addie was understanding even if Conrad wasn’t.
Addie had her stash of chic flicks, her silk jammies that Conrad had bought her and his Steelers blanket. She was all set to stay in and wait for Conrad to come back home from Nathan’s birthday celebration. She was stretched out on the sofa in her living room.
“Say the word Addie, and I won’t go. I’ll stay and make love to you all night long.”
Addie searched his eyes uncertain. “I don’t like it, but, I know that Nathan has been around longer than I have.”
“I give a shit about knowing him longer baby, if you don’t’ want me to go, I’ll stay.” He bent down and kissed her gently.
The knocking on the door was more insistent and more than one person now called out from the other side.
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