I touched his face, drawing him down to kiss me, and the second our lips met, he thrust a little harder. We both gasped, then exhaled together. My body matched the rhythm of his and together we moved faster. God only knew if we were fucking, making love, or somewhere in between, but I just didn’t care because he was inside me and he felt so. Damned. Good.
“Oh my God, Dani, I’m gonna come…” Another shudder straightened his spine and his arms trembled beneath him. His brow furrowed and lips parted, and even through his nearly-there delirium, he seemed to search my eyes for any last second uncertainty.
I hooked my ankles behind his back and rolled my hips to pull him deeper.
Any hesitation he had was gone. He grimaced and thrust even harder, the cords on his neck standing out, and just when I knew he was on the very edge, I swiveled my hips.
“Oh, fuck!” His eyes flew open and he gave one last, violent thrust before he groaned and came.
His trembling arms gave out and he sank slowly down to me, sighing against my shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair, panting in time with him.
When he’d caught his breath, he propped himself up on one elbow and touched my face.
“I’ve been wanting to feel you this way since the beginning,” he whispered, kissing me gently.
“Why didn’t you say so?” I smiled up at him.
He smiled back. “Like I said, it seemed like a bit much to throw at you right at the start.”
“True,” I said.
His smile faded a bit and twin lines appeared between his eyebrows. “You are okay with this, though, right?”
“If I wasn’t, we wouldn’t have.”
At that, he relaxed and kissed me again, but a hint of uncertainty nudged its way back into my mind. If I wasn’t okay with it, we wouldn’t have. Should I have been okay with it, though?
Stop overanalyzing it, I ordered myself.
But even as we settled in for the night, my mind refused to shut up about it. While he drifted off to sleep beside me, I lay awake. I wasn’t sure what to make of all of this. It wasn’t the lack of a condom that concerned me, it was the very fact that I was so unconcerned about it. We were too at ease for a pair of casual lovers.
The intimacy between us had deepened such that taking this step had been a foregone conclusion. I just wasn’t so sure it should have been.
Connor stirred beside me. He exhaled against my shoulder, then was still again. I sighed, trying to follow his lead into sleep.
I was worrying too much. Whatever this meant, there were other factors in play that limited how far this would go. His ex was still in the picture. He was leaving at the end of the summer. It didn’t matter how deep this got because there was a finite, pre-determined end to our relationship.
Whatever pieces of me I gave him, I did so with the understanding I’d have them back in a few months.
With that reassurance in mind, I ignored the lingering nervousness in my stomach and fell asleep in Connor’s arms.
Chapter Nineteen
“Looking good!” Susan called to me from the arena gate.
I reined Dante down from a canter to a walk, the ex-racehorse stumbling once as he made the rough transition. Patting his neck, I steered him toward her. “He’s doing better, but he’s nowhere near ready to be in front of a judge.”
Susan shrugged. “It’ll be a good experience for him if nothing else.”
“Right,” I said. “A nice expensive learning experience.”
“Well, if you can talk Gina out of taking him to the show, be my guest.”
“Yeah right.” I patted Dante’s neck again. “Gavin’s got her convinced that I can work a miracle with him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he told her I’d have this bad boy doing Prix St. George by next summer.”
Susan chuckled. “You’ll be lucky if you get him past Training Level.”
“I’ll be lucky if I get him in the trailer and get him to a show at all,” I said.
“Good point.”
“I told Gina not to expect a championship out of him, but Gavin probably won’t be happy if we don’t get some obscenely high score.”
“Danielle, you could get an Olympic gold medal and Gavin wouldn’t be happy.”
I laughed. “This is true.”
“Guess we’ll see how this show goes, won’t we?” She pushed herself away from the gate and nodded toward the barn. “I need to get Bridger out before my next lesson gets here. Anyway, he’s looking good.”
“Good enough for Intermediaire or Grand Prix?”
“Not in this lifetime.” She eyed me over her shoulder and walked away.
I turned my attention back to Dante and urged him into a steady trot. I tried to ignore the nervousness in the pit of my stomach. The show was coming up fast and this horse was simply not ready. Though it was Training Level, the lowest and most basic level of dressage, it still required much finer training than I’d had a chance to give him.
Gavin was certain Dante was on the fast track to Prix St. George, but the only fast track in Dante’s world was the racetrack he’d retired from. He was less than two years out of his racing career with at least one abusive owner in his past, and that meant I still had a lot to undo before he was ready for any competition.
But, Gavin insisted he was ready. Or would be, if I knew what was good for my career.
I sighed and focused on coaxing Dante into a supple, collected trot.
Movement from the corner of my eye caught my attention and I looked up to see the black Jeep coming down the long driveway. Ah, Connor, always the perfect remedy for a sour mood. My stomach fluttered with excitement.
He got out of the Jeep and started toward the barn. Then, just when I was about to call him to get his attention, he saw me and changed direction. I steered Dante to the railing and stopped.
As Connor approached, our eyes met and he hesitated for a second. It was barely noticeable, just a hitch in his step, nearly stumbling but not, then he recovered and continued. His expression changed, though. He looked at Dante, as if intrigued by the horse, but it seemed like he was doing it to avoid looking right at me.
Something was…off.
“Hey, you,” I said.
He looked at me and smiled, though it seemed forced. “Hey.”
I leaned down to kiss him. As I did, Dante swung his head around, shoving Connor back with his nose. We both laughed.
“Hey, this is my girl, you bastard.” He gently nudged the horse away. I pretended Connor’s playful claim didn’t give me a pleasant shudder, especially given his odd demeanor.
“Okay, let’s try this again,” I laughed. I leaned down again and he kissed me lightly, backing off after our lips had barely made contact.
He just doesn’t want Dante bumping into him again, I told myself. And I’m at work. He’s trying not to make me look unprofessional. The tightening knot in my gut disagreed.
Connor gestured at Dante. “This isn’t one of yours, is it?”
“Good memory.” I smiled, hoping he’d do the same.
He did, though the eye contact was fleeting. “Thought he didn’t look familiar.”
“This one would’ve been sold a long time ago if he was mine.” I paused. “Okay, he’s not that bad. But our personalities aren’t all that compatible.”
Connor raised an eyebrow. “Personalities? Compatible?”
“Yes, yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous,” I laughed. “Just, trust me on this one.”
“You know them better than I do,” he said with a shrug. “I’ll take your word for it.”
“So you don’t think I’m crazy?”
He grinned. “Now let’s not jump to wild conclusions here.”
I gestured menacingly with my whip. “Don’t make me—” His smirk cut me off and I rolled my eyes. “Pervert.” Deep down, I allowed myself a sense of relief. He still had his flirty sense of humor. Maybe I was imaging this after all. Clearing my throat, I said, “I’m just about done with him. Let me finish up a
nd we can go.”
“I’m not in any hurry.” His smile was subtle, as it always was, but something in his eyes made me wonder if he was forcing it.
I turned my attention back to Dante. When I pushed him into a trot, I glanced in one of the arena mirrors to check his form and made the mistake of looking at myself. I quickly looked away, pretending I wasn’t as disheveled as the mirror said I was. I wasn’t really that sweaty. There wasn’t really that much dirt on my well-worn breeches or faded T-shirt. My hair—which was perfectly clean—wasn’t falling out of my already messy ponytail, hanging in loose strands around the side of my face.
I looked like hell, but he had to understand that dirty and disheveled were occupational hazards in this business. He knew I worked around horses. He’d seen me at the horse show, though I wasn’t nearly as unkempt there. You’re not that shallow, are you, Connor? I was imagining it. I had to be. He wasn’t like that. But why the sudden change in his demeanor when he saw me? I groaned to myself, trying to concentrate on Dante.
I started to turn the horse back toward the center of the arena when something banged inside the barn, followed by a terse voice. Dante stiffened.
“Easy, Dante.” I stroked his neck and looked at the gate that connected to the barn. More noise and voices came and Dante fidgeted, dancing in place and snorting, probably trying to decide between running or not.
I walked him in circles, trying to settle him. He was afraid of everyone and everything, but Gavin in particular terrified him. And judging by the echoing voice and stomping footsteps, Gavin was heading toward the arena. I quickly turned Dante toward the opposite end, getting him as far away as I could before my boss appeared.
We were halfway across the arena when something clanged and crashed by the gate. A wheelbarrow with a pitchfork in it, by the sound of it, and Dante grunted with panic, shuffling from side to side as if he couldn’t decide which way to go. He finally settled on his usual direction: straight up.
He reared, and I held on with my legs, loosening my grip on the reins so I didn’t pull him over on top of me. When he came back down, he backed up a few steps, then started up again. It was only a half-rear this time, and as soon as all four feet were on the ground, I pulled one rein to my right, bringing his head around to my knee so he could neither rear nor run.
“Easy, easy,” I murmured. “Easy, Dante.” I stroked his neck with my free hand, speaking quietly and calmly in spite of my desire to scream at Gavin.
“You all right?” Connor called to me.
I stroked Dante’s mane and said over my shoulder, “I’m fine, don’t worry.” As long as Gavin doesn’t terrify the damned horse again, I’ll be just fine. Fortunately for everyone, my boss stayed quiet, instead disappearing back into the barn. He must have been putting some tools away, not coming out here to engage me, and for that I was thankful. I didn’t want a more panicked Dante than I already had, nor did I want Connor to see the way my boss spoke to me.
I walked the horse in small circles until I was sure he was more or less settled, then urged him into a canter. We made a half lap around the arena, then I brought him back down to a walk and praised him. Barring any more Gavin-induced panics, now our session would end on a positive note.
I took my foot out of the stirrup and swung my leg over, dropping to the ground in a cloud of dust.
“I’m taking him back into the barn,” I said to Connor. “Go around to the main door and I’ll meet you in the aisle.” He nodded and went in the direction I’d indicated. I led Dante from the arena into the barn and cross-tied him in the aisle. A moment later, Connor joined me.
While I unsaddled the horse and groomed him, Connor leaned against the door of an empty stall, but he didn’t say much. Neither did I. It was usually so easy for us to fall into conversation. Now something was on his mind and I was afraid to ask just what.
So we didn’t talk.
I caught his eye and his quickly darted away. This wasn’t like him. Not at all. Quite the turn-on it must be to see your woman looking like sweaty, unkempt hell. I gritted my teeth. I’d had a few boyfriends along the way who didn’t care for my dirty and disheveled side, but even Matt hadn’t been repulsed by it. So maybe Connor Graham has a flaw after all, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
No, that wasn’t like him at all. There had to be something else on his mind. Something bothering him. There were plenty of other things in his life besides me and my appearance, any one of which could be the cause for his strange mood. Still, I couldn’t help but worry. He’d seemed fine until he saw me.
Maybe he’d asked me to lunch because he wanted to end things. I hoped and prayed that wasn’t the case. Even though I knew this was a short term arrangement, every time I caught so much as an inkling that it might end sooner than later, I panicked. That alone worried me.
“Hey, stranger!” Susan’s voice came out of nowhere and brought me into the present.
“Hey, you.” Connor smiled and gave her a quick hug. “They still let you work here?”
She snorted. “Are you kidding? This place would go under without me.”
“I’m surprised it hasn’t gone under with you,” he said.
She elbowed him. “Danielle, how do you put up with him?”
I shrugged. “He puts out.”
Startled laughter burst out of both of them. My eyes met Connor’s, and his humor diminished when his eyes darted away again.
The three of us made small talk while I finished up with Dante, and when I returned from taking him back to his stall, Susan had left.
“Let me put my gear away and we can get out of here.” I smiled at Connor, hoping he’d do the same. His lips offered only the ghost of a smile, one corner of his mouth curling upward just slightly, not quite far enough to extend to his eyes.
Resting my saddle against my hip, I picked up my bridle and took them into the tack room. Dull footsteps on concrete told me he was walking with me, but I didn’t look over my shoulder. I wished I could read his mind. There must have been something bothering him, something on his mind that quieted his usual friendliness. He was never the type to be incredibly animated or boisterous, but this mood was…odd. He wasn’t cold or hostile toward me, but the longer this went on, with something hiding just beneath the surface, the more it unnerved me.
Whatever it was, I’d ask on the way to lunch. In the tack room, I put my saddle on its rack and hung the bridle on the wall beside it. Dusting my hands off, I turned around.
And halted.
Connor leaned against the doorframe, arms across his chest and the very slightest hint of a grin raising the corner of his mouth. He didn’t avoid my eyes but met them full-on. Boldly. Like he’d never even thought to look anywhere but right at me.
And in his eyes, that look.
Goose bumps prickled my skin and electricity radiated from my clit and up my spine, nearly making me shiver. I had to be imagining the way he looked at me. Or else I’d imagined the way he’d been looking at me since the moment he’d arrived.
I smiled and cocked my head. “What?”
The corners of his mouth rose a little higher. “Nothing.” But still he didn’t take his eyes off me.
I laughed self-consciously, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of my face. “Connor, you’re looking at me like that.”
He tilted his head slightly, just enough to add mischievousness to his expression. “Looking at you like what?”
“Like that.” I swallowed. “Like you’re thinking about things that should wait until I look a bit less like hell.” I gestured at my sweaty, disheveled self.
“On the contrary.” He pushed himself off the doorframe and started toward me. “It’s the way you look right now that’s doing this to me.” A heartbeat later, his lips were against mine and I knew he was telling the truth. I couldn’t fathom how or why, but I also couldn’t argue with his passionate, breathless kiss.
When he broke the kiss, he just looked at me, breathing hard and m
oistening his lips. He tucked a few unruly strands of hair behind my ear and his hand kept going, sliding around the back of my neck and pulling me to him again.
His lips brushing mine, he whispered, “If you only knew what you do to me, Dani.”
“Looking like this?” I said. “But—”
“The minute I saw you like this…” He trailed off as he watched his hands run down my sides and over my hips. “Jesus, Dani, ever since I got here I’ve been going out of my mind because I couldn’t touch you.”
“But I’m—” I shook my head. “I look like—”
“You look like a woman I want to fuck until I can’t move.”
My breath caught. “Connor…”
“I can’t explain it,” he said. “I just, I can’t. But… my God, Dani…” He trailed off and pulled me into another kiss, pressing his hips against mine. It shouldn’t have surprised me that his cock was that hard, but knowing it was and feeling it against me were two different things. I shivered.
He dipped his head and kissed my neck, sliding his hand over my shirt and gently cupping my breast. “I want you so bad right now,” he said against my jaw. “If there was no one else around and I could get away with it, I would fuck you right here and now.”
He lifted his head and when our eyes met, I understood all the looks he’d given me since he showed up. Or rather, the looks he hadn’t given me. The lust in his eyes explained it all: he was struggling to stay in control. His distance wasn’t coldness or anger, it was restraint.
Restraint that, judging by the look on his face now, was suspended by a very, very thin thread.
I pushed my hips against him, biting my lip when he closed his eyes and groaned. When I reached between us and squeezed him gently, that thread frayed just a little more.
“Dani,” he whispered, trailing trembling fingers down the side of my face and neck. “I want you. That’s all there is to it. I want you. Now.”
I could barely comprehend that I had this kind of power over him, that I could reduce him to single syllables and shaking hands. That I had the same effect on him that he had on me every. Damned. Time.
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