“I’m very flattered. It’s the single most romantic proposal I’ve ever received. I’ll give it careful consideration.”
“That’s all I ask.” He smiled and the skin around his eyes folded into soft crinkles.
“All right.” I sat up a little straighter in my chair and leaned my elbows on the table. “So you’re not going to tell me if you’ve ever been in love?”
“No. I’m not.”
“Why?”
“Maybe it’s because I’m in love with you. You ever think of that?”
“Thatcher…” I shifted in my seat. Pretend marriage proposals were one thing, but this was turning into more than harmless banter.
“Relax, Boots. I’m kidding around. We’ve just met. Besides, you’re already taken, remember? You have a boyfriend, and maybe even a five-year-old fiancé. So don’t worry. I know where I stand.”
I studied his face. Was he backing down because he was kidding, or because he realized he made things awkward?
It didn’t matter, I decided, because Logan was coming home. This was a meaningless conversation between friends. It was just something to pass the time, and I wouldn’t let it be anything else.
“Good,” I said. “Next question.”
“Wait, wait.” He held up a hand to silence me. “Hold up.”
“What?”
“It just occurred to me this ain’t fair.”
“What’s not fair?”
He settled back in his chair, clasping his hands together and resting them behind his head. “It ain’t fair how you’re grillin’ me. I should get to ask you some questions, too.”
“Not my problem.” I pulled my feet up onto the chair and hugged my knees. “You’re the one who made the rules.”
“Well I’m changing ’em, then.”
“You can’t just change them.”
“I can. And I did.” He grinned. “Your turn in the hot seat.”
I caught myself staring at his dimples and looked away. “I don’t think so.”
“You scared, Boots?”
I looked back at him. “No.” It was a lie. Thatcher had a way of cutting to the chase even when I didn’t invite him to, so I could only imagine what he had up his sleeve this time.
“Good then. Five questions.”
“Absolutely not!” There was no way I was sweating through five whole questions. “Two.”
“Four.”
“One,” I said.
He laughed. “How ’bout three? Come on, Boots. At least meet me halfway.”
I sighed. “Fine. Three… but no more. I mean it.”
“Three it is.” He wiggled his eyebrows and rubbed his hands together.
I took a deep breath and braced my hands on the armrests of my chair. “I get the feeling I’m going to regret this,” I said.
“Don’t worry. I’ll start off easy.” He paused to think. “Okay, here’s one. What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?”
I scoffed and let my arms relax. “What kind of question is that?”
“It’s a warm-up question.”
“A warm-up question?” I asked.
“Uh-huh.”
I smiled and shook my head. “All right. I would say… vanilla.”
He smacked the table. “I knew you were gonna say vanilla!”
“No you didn’t!”
“I did.” He nodded. “I pegged you as a vanilla the minute I saw you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” His lips contorted into a half-smile.
I sat straighter in my chair and let my legs fall to the ground. “Are you saying I’m boring?”
He shrugged.
“I’ll have you know vanilla is not boring.” I pointed my finger and tapped it on the table for emphasis. “Vanilla is classic. And pure. And delicate. And it’s… it’s exquisitely subtle. It’s the perfect flavor. And if you think it’s boring, well… maybe you’re the one who’s boring.” I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows, daring him to disagree.
We were engaged in an unspoken staring contest, and I was determined to win. I tried to let my mind wander elsewhere, but I ended up noticing his eyelashes for the first time. They were thick and long, not the kind of eyelashes you’d expect to see on a guy who usually wore a camouflage baseball cap. I was so focused on his eyelashes I almost didn’t notice when his face broke into a smile.
He laughed. “Wow, Boots. You’ve given this some thought, haven’t you?”
“Nah.” I waved my hand in a dismissive motion. “I just made all that stuff up.”
“You’re pretty fast on your feet,” he said.
“Only when I want to be.”
“So… do you really like vanilla? Or did you make that up, too?”
“No, I really do.” I tilted my head. “Did you really have me pegged?”
“I did.” His chin lifted so slightly it was almost imperceptible. “It suits you well, you know.”
“Huh?”
“Classic. Pure. Delicate.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Exquisitely subtle.”
This is his idea of a warm-up question? What’ve I gotten myself into?
“I think you’re a lot of things, but I don’t think you’re boring, Boots.”
His gaze was locked with mine again. I tried to force myself to look away, but I couldn’t. We were talking about ice cream. Ice cream, for crying out loud. Talking about ice cream wasn’t supposed to be this… intense.
“Told you I had you pegged,” he said.
“Um.” I gulped. “Thanks.”
“Next question?” he asked.
“Sure.” My voice came out like a squeak. I wrapped my hands around my glass and stared at it.
“How long are you gonna wait?”
“What?”
He cleared his throat. “Say this guy doesn’t call. Say he really is a fool. How long will you wait?”
His tone was gentle, but it was a gutsy question, and it caught me off guard. I sucked in my breath and held it.
“I’m just wondering if you’ve thought about it,” he said.
I let the air in my lungs escape quietly through my nose. I didn’t know how to respond, because I didn’t want to think about the possibility of not hearing from Logan again. But it was a possibility. I knew it, but I wasn’t ready to face it. Not yet.
“I haven’t thought about it. So I don’t know,” I said.
“That’s fair.” He folded his arms on the table. “I didn’t mean to cross the line, Boots.”
“You didn’t.” I looked up at him. “I guess it’s a good question. I’m just… I’m not ready to go there.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
I nodded.
He didn’t miss a beat. “What are you most afraid of?”
“Me?” I relaxed and leaned back in my seat. “I’m not afraid of anything.”
He shook his head. “Everyone’s afraid of something, Boots.”
“I’m not. Honest.” I heard a twig snap in the trees and jumped. “Oh. I guess I’m afraid of bears.”
Thatcher raised an eyebrow. “You’re afraid of bears?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Since when?” he asked.
“Since… um, last week.”
“Last week? And that’s your biggest fear in the world? Bears?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged. “They’re the ultimate predators. They can run, swim, and climb.”
He laughed. “Whatever you say, Boots.”
“All right, Mr. Know-It-All, what do you think I’m most afraid of then?”
“You really wanna know?”
“I do. Lay it on me.”
He seemed to be thinking it over for a while. “Nah. Never mind.”
My blood pressure went up a notch. “Tell me.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said.
I ached to know what he was thinking, and yet I dreaded it, because I was afraid he’d say something I didn’t want to hear. Still, curi
osity had the stronger pull, and I pressed the issue.
“What is it? Just tell me,” I said.
“Forget it.” He looked away. “Bears it is.”
“You can’t do that!”
“I can, too. I’m the one making the rules, remember?”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms. “But I’m not saying another word till you tell me.”
“Come on, Boots…”
I looked down and pretended not to hear him.
“Don’t do this,” he said.
I raised my eyebrows. I could play this game all night if that’s what it took.
“You can’t just stop talking.”
I uncrossed my arms and examined my nails.
He tilted his head back to look at the sky. “Fine. You win.”
“Good.” I smiled.
“You’re sure you wanna know?”
I nodded.
He brought his head down and looked back at me. “Okay, here goes. I think…”
I leaned forward. “What?”
“I think you’re afraid you’re not enough.” His expression was serious.
I snickered. “That’s ridiculous!”
He raised his hands in surrender. “If you say so.”
“It’s the most outrageous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Is it?” he asked.
I squinted and studied his eyes. I could sense sincerity there, and something else… concern, maybe?
“I don’t think it’s outrageous,” he said. “In fact, I think it’s why you’re here.”
“You think I’m here because I’m scared?”
“I do.” His lips were set into a straight line.
“Scared I’m not enough… what, exactly?”
“Not successful enough.” He paused and glanced to the side. “Not lovable enough.”
I flinched. Not lovable enough? Does he really have to go there?
“Don’t be mad,” he said.
“Why do you feel the need to psychoanalyze me all the sudden?”
He took a deep breath. “You said you might be leaving.”
“No, I said I am leaving.”
“Right. Well I may not get the chance to see you again. And if that’s the case, I don’t want you going home thinking you’re not enough. ’Cause it’s not true. And besides, I know how it is.”
“You know how what is?” I pursed my lips and stared at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“I know how it is to walk through this life like you’ve got something to prove.”
I sat on my hands and looked out into the surrounding darkness.
“Please don’t be mad. Just think about it,” he said.
I softened. There was something about Thatcher’s delivery, something nonthreatening about the way he spoke to me. Under normal circumstances, his words would make me mad. But with just the two of us out here, I felt an unusual sense of security and freedom, and I didn’t feel like I needed to defend myself.
“You okay, Boots?” he asked.
“Yeah. But you really know how to lighten the mood, don’t you?”
He smiled. “How’s this for lightening the mood? You’ve got one question left.”
My eyes widened. “I do, don’t I?”
“Sure do. So go ahead and lighten the mood all you want.”
“Sorry, but now I want to grill you even more.” I thought about it for a moment. What did I want to know about Thatcher? He seemed so unshakable, so sure of himself. I wanted to find his weakness. I wanted to expose his vulnerability; to see if there was a soft spot underneath his confident shell.
I stared at the table as I thought about it. When I looked up, he was watching me with a slight smile, and I noticed I was chewing on my lip without meaning to.
“I’m ready.” I took a sip of my drink and nodded. “You ready?”
“I’m all yours. Make it a good one.”
“Last question.” I lowered my chin and looked up at him, “What’s your biggest regret?”
“Wow.” He tilted his head back as if he’d been punched in the jaw. “You’re gonna go there, huh?”
I shrugged. “You asked for a good one.”
“You’re right. Fair enough.” He looked off into the darkness, collecting his thoughts. When he spoke, his voice was soft and his words were slow and measured. “I lost a relationship with someone very important to me because of a disagreement that seems ridiculous now. I can’t undo what has been done. And I will always, always regret it.”
The certainty of his answer surprised me.
“You’ve thought about this before,” I said.
He nodded. “It’s my biggest regret. I think about it every day.”
There was silence for a while, expect for the steady chorus of crickets increasing in volume all around us. He was right. There was so much I didn’t know about him. And the more I found out, the more I wanted to know. I wanted to be closer to him. Physically closer. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t deny it. I caught myself scooting my chair toward his.
“Thatcher?”
He turned to look at me.
“Why are you here? I mean, why did you come back?”
I thought I detected a little sadness in his smile. “Sorry. You’re out of questions, Boots.”
Something about the way he said it gave me the impression he wouldn’t have answered the question anyway.
“Now it really is getting late,” he said.
“Yeah. I guess so.” I exhaled as I stood from my chair. He stood, too, walking around the table until he was face-to-face with me. He was close, maybe a little too close; so close he had to look down at me when he spoke.
“I came here tonight because I wanted to spend time with you,” he said, “and I’m glad I did. This was nice. Do you think it was nice?”
I looked up at him, my mind racing. Is he going to kiss me?
He smiled. “You don’t have to say anything. I know how it is. The boyfriend and all. But if he doesn’t call, and you decide to stay, I’ll be around for a bit. And, if you’re not going to marry me, I at least want to have dinner again sometime. If that’s okay with you.”
I forgot how to speak. I literally forgot how to form words. He was so close. Why was he standing so close? I was sure he was going to kiss me. Or, was it I wanted him to kiss me?
Everything about the moment seemed electric. There was something in the space between us, something indescribably magnetic; something I never quite felt before.
It moved me, stirring up a longing from deep within, and before I could stop myself, I was reaching up and wrapping my arms around his neck.
It was like I was watching myself from somewhere far away as I pulled him down close to me. His nose was touching mine, and I could feel his breath on my face. I tilted my head to the side just enough so I could press my lips against his.
He seemed stunned at first, but then he responded, kissing me back with a gentle urgency. And that’s when I remembered.
Logan.
What had gotten into me? I’d never, ever, in all my life been so forward. And besides, I had a boyfriend. This was wrong.
I pulled away and looked up at him through startled eyes. As the seconds ticked by, the empty air felt heavy. I was desperate to break the silence, but I couldn’t think of anything to say.
Say something, Tess.
I hugged my arms across my chest.
Say something, Tess!
“Um. The pizza was good. Thanks.”
He took a step back, shook his head, and gave a little chuckle. “You’re very welcome.”
The pizza was good? The pizza was good? I wanted to kick myself.
“You, um, want me to walk you out?” I asked.
“No need. I’ll walk around. Good night, Tess.”
I watched him as he started off around the cottage. He took about two steps, and then turned back, as if he remembered something else he wanted to say.
“You looked good in the boots. But you look good in sweatpa
nts, too.” He winked again, and then he was gone.
I stood there for a long time, staring after him and feeling what I spent the past few days trying not to feel… giddy.
CHAPTER 10
I sat on my suitcase, using the weight of my body to hold it closed as I tugged hard on the zipper. I’d spent the morning packing and tidying up the cottage in a hurry. It was time to go. Time to leave before this thing with Thatcher got any more out of hand.
I was falling for him. Hard.
Which was crazy, because at the very same time, I was anxious for Logan to come to his senses and pop the question already. Any minute he would call. It was so close I could feel it. And I wasn’t about to mess it all up because of some guy with a charming Southern drawl and an adorable set of dimples.
Oh, those dimples…
I shook my head. It was definitely time to get out of here.
A knock at the door came as I yanked the zipper closed.
“Tessy?” I heard Jake’s voice call. “Tessy? You in there?”
I walked over and unlatched the door. “Hey.”
“You’re packing.” He stepped through the threshold and surveyed my bags. “Why are you packing?”
“I have to go,” I said.
“No, you don’t.”
“I assure you, I do.”
“Tessy, you can’t go. I need you.”
“The website’s done. I can work on it more from home, if you need me. You’ll be fine. I have a life to get back to, Jake. I can’t sit around here forever.”
“We both know you can stay a little longer.”
I turned away from him and busied myself with making the bed.
He walked around to the other side of it and stood across from me. “Please, Tessy?”
His voice sounded so pathetic; so unlike him. “Please?” he asked again. “It’s important. I need you to stay for a little longer. You have to trust me.”
“I’ve done what I came to do. What else do you need me for?”
He looked around the room as if he were searching for a response written on the wall somewhere. “I don’t want to tell you,” he said.
I threw my hands into the air.
“Not yet, anyway. Please, trust me, Tessy. You just have to trust me. I’ll tell you soon. I promise.”
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