by Sarah Peis
I silently said goodbye to his beautiful abs, godlike arms, and soft, full lips that I’d never touch or kiss again. Because this was worse than anything my imagination could have come up with.
“Nora, it’s not what you think,” Sebastian said when he saw the expression on my face.
“So you’re not an FBI agent who went undercover at a motorcycle club to catch my ex and whoever he was working for?”
“Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with us.”
“So you didn’t use me to get to him?”
“Kind of, but it wasn’t like that.”
I put my hand up, stopping him from saying anything else and making me cry in front of the whole police station. “No. I’m done. No more.”
And with that I walked away, blinking more than necessary. I’d almost made it out of the police station when I heard shouts behind me.
“Agent York, come back here.”
Then a hand on my arm stopped me from opening the door, turning me the other way. And I was once again facing Sebastian.
“Not how this is going to end,” he growled in typical Sebastian fashion. “I’ll take you home, and then we’ll talk.”
No way was that happening. I was all talked out. Done. Finished.
“I’ll be fine. Stella said she’ll pick me up.” I didn’t need him all up in my space.
He ignored me and instead started walking, taking me with him.
“Didn’t you hear me? I already have a ride,” I said, trying to free myself again.
“I know you do, because I’m your ride.”
“Let me go,” I called out as we made it outside and crossed the road. “I’ll find my own way home.”
His bike was nowhere in sight; instead, he stopped next to a huge black monstrosity. The truck was about three times the size of my little car and looked brand-new.
Opening the door for me, he helped me up. Once I was in my seat, he closed the door and climbed in on his side.
“You don’t need to explain. I understand,” I said, understanding nothing at all. But the last thing I wanted was to listen to lame excuses that would hurt me even more.
In response, he interlaced his fingers with mine, not giving me a chance to pull away. “I don’t think you do.”
I messaged Stella to let her know I was on my way home. She responded immediately and told me the kids were asleep and that they could stay with her and Mason. Instead of messaging back and forth, I called her.
“Hey,” she answered. “Everything okay?”
“I’m fine. Just so mad at myself for being so stupid.”
“What happened?”
“They arrested Jim, and I got caught up in the process.”
“That ratbag,” she cursed. “What can I do to help?”
“I just need my kids close,” I said. The thought of them not being home with me made my heart hurt. “Can I pick them up?”
“I’ll get their stuff ready.”
“Thanks, honey. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” I ended the call and turned to Sebastian. “I need to pick the kids up from Stella’s.”
He nodded, and we turned onto my street. “Let’s swap cars, then.”
I didn’t protest when he went inside to get the keys to my car. When we pulled up in front of Stella and Mason’s beautiful farmhouse, it was pitch dark, the stars in the sky clearer than I’d ever seen them.
The front door opened and Stella rushed out, engulfing me in a big hug that I didn’t know I needed as soon as I was out of the car.
“I can’t believe you had to go to the station,” she cried, pulling me even closer.
“It was only to talk. They didn’t arrest me,” I said, untangling myself from her tight embrace.
She looked behind me to Sebastian. “Sounds like you were conveniently absent when all this happened.”
“Stella,” I growled, widening my eyes at her. This was not the time or place.
“I’ll never forgive myself for not being there,” he said, surprising me. “And if Jim hadn’t knocked Gears out, I would have been.”
I gasped, turning to Sebastian. “Is he okay?”
“He’ll be fine. All that’s damaged is his pride because Jim got the best of him.”
Stella seemed mollified by his response, but she definitely wasn’t welcoming his traitorous ass with open arms.
She led us inside, and Mason met us in the hallway. He hugged me close, and I sank into him. “You sure you don’t want a break for tonight? We don’t mind keeping the kids.”
I stepped back and collided with Sebastian. He didn’t move and neither did I, the contact settling my frayed nerves. “I really appreciate the offer, but I need my kids close tonight.”
He nodded. “I understand. But know that the offer is there whenever you need.”
We followed him and Stella upstairs to one of their spare bedrooms. Lena and Luca were sprawled out on the big guest bed, snoring up a storm.
A smile played on my lips at the sight. I picked up Lena, and without hesitating, Sebastian lifted Luca into his arms, making sure to not jostle him too much. He didn’t wake up, settling in right away.
Once the kids were buckled into their seats, I closed the door with as much care as I could, praying the noise wouldn’t wake them up.
“That calls for a girls’ night in,” Stella declared when we were standing next to my car. “You’re not working tomorrow, so Malena and I will bring the wine, you make sushi, and Willa can bring dessert.”
I managed a half-smile and nodded. I didn’t have to work tomorrow, and hanging out with my girls was long overdue. “It’s a date.”
After more hugs and promises to call tomorrow from both Stella and Mason, we drove back home.
We carried the kids inside, making our way past the front door that hung off one hinge. Once we’d laid them on their beds and pulled their blankets over them, I exhaled in relief. It was a miracle neither of them woke up. At least something was going right tonight.
When we made our way back into the kitchen, Sebastian lifted me onto the kitchen counter and put his hands on either side of me. “Stay.”
“But what—”
He went outside, leaving me in stunned silence. I debated if it was safe to get off the counter or not when he stalked back inside, holding a screwdriver and wooden planks.
“You only have three tools,” he said on his way past.
That’s because I didn’t need more than a hammer, screwdriver, saw and glue. That was all I knew how to use, and as soon as something took more than one of those three tools, I had to find someone else to fix it for me.
After a few minutes I heard the door closing and figured he must have used the screwdriver to fix the planks to the door for a temporary fix. Instead of using a hammer, he’d made sure to not wake the kids and opted for the painstaking task of putting screws in with my rusty screwdriver.
He came back a few minutes later. I was still sitting where he’d left me, stunned at his thoughtfulness.
“The door is okay for tonight, but I’ll get someone out tomorrow to replace it. Since I’m staying on the couch, nobody is going to come in whether you have a door or not.”
“You’re not staying here,” I sputtered, bracing my hands on the counter, ready to jump down. “There’s no reason for you to keep up this charade. Jim is under arrest.”
Sebastian dropped the screwdriver on the kitchen table and caged me in before I had a chance to hop off the counter. “No matter how our talk goes, I’m staying.”
“I can tell you right now how our talk will go. With you walking out and never contacting me again,” I said, incensed at his audacity.
“That will never happen,” he said, leaning close enough that I could make out the gray specks in his eyes.
I hesitated, torn by conflicting emotions. My feelings for him were like a deranged fairy that just wanted to throw herself at him and forget he ever lied. And my brain wanted to find a kitchen knife and poke him a little. Only i
n the arm, of course. Or maybe his leg. Nothing to permanently damage him, just something to cause a little pain.
“What do you want?” I asked, tired of dancing around the real issue. Because he had to have ulterior motives for being here.
“You,” he said, his voice thick with emotion, his tense jaw working overtime. He’d pull a muscle soon if he kept it up.
“I don’t understand,” I said, because I didn’t. He had what he wanted and could move on to his next assignment. What did he still need me for?
“I know you think this was all a cover, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.”
I put my hand to his chest, applying pressure. He didn’t move back an inch but rather leaned into my touch, closing his eyes. I sat, mesmerized by his beauty, intoxicated by his smell. If he kept this up, I would forget he ever broke my heart.
“Are you saying you didn’t hook up with me because of my connection to Jim?”
He opened his eyes, stepping closer. I let out an undignified squeak, not sure my emotions would be able to withstand this conversation. He looked like he was in pain and I was his remedy.
And then I finally understood what this was all about. He was a good guy. I’d always known it; the girls at the club had said the same thing to me. And he was trying to soften the blow. Let me down easy. It was time I acted like the adult society deemed me to be instead of the heartbroken fool I really was.
“I loved our time together, and it’s no secret I’m attracted to you. It’s not something I can just switch off. But don’t worry, I’ll get over it eventually. I want you to know I forgive you and I understand. It was a job, and one you did well,” I said, the words tasting like poison on my tongue.
Sebastian shook his head and lifted one hand behind my back, the other into my hair. “Nora, I—”
I couldn’t stand to hear how he enjoyed our time together or something equally as painful. “Don’t feel guilty. And for the love of all you hold dear, don’t stick around because of it. I don’t ever want to be someone’s second choice. Or worse, a charity case. I have great memories I’ll cherish forever. Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”
He pulled me closer. “Nora, listen to me—”
“Stop trying to be the good guy. Not everyone gets their happily ever after, and I’m a big girl. I’ll be okay. Find your person, Sebastian, and don’t settle for anything less. I think—”
He put his hand over my mouth and stopped me from continuing my bullshit speech. It hurt to even say the words and to give him absolution.
“Shut up,” he growled. “I’m not going anywhere. Not because I feel guilty about what happened between us but because I fucking love you. I nearly lost my mind when I found out you were connected to Jim. The only reason I never approached you until I had no choice was because I tried to keep you out of his mess.”
Well, that’s not what I thought he was going to say.
His hand was still over my mouth, making it impossible for me to respond.
“Do you really think I’ll let you kick me out that easily? I’m a stubborn bastard and hard to get rid of when I see something I want. And newsflash, baby, you’re the only thing I want.”
Now he’d gone and done it. I was speechless, my eyes wide, my hands clenching into fists on his shirt. He dropped his hand from my mouth and stepped between my legs, which automatically widened to accommodate him.
When I didn’t kick him in the nuts, he must have deemed it safe to proceed, and he pressed close and his mouth found mine. I felt crippling relief at his lips on mine. I thought I would never again experience the sensation of completeness that seemed to come with his touch.
He pulled back slightly and spoke against my lips, each brush melting me further. “You are everything to me.”
I leaned closer, not finding the right words, my mind going into overdrive.
“I heard about Jim being here too late to do anything about the raid,” Sebastian explained. “I thought you were safe with Gears watching the house. I never thought Jim would be so ballsy as to knock him out.”
“I’m not blaming you for Jim getting arrested at my house or for me getting taken to the police station,” I replied, meaning it.
No matter how much I looked for more things I could blame on him so I could hang on to my anger, this wasn’t one of them.
I let out a deep breath, overwhelmed with today, overwhelmed with Sebastian sitting right next to me, and really just overwhelmed with life.
“You lied to me,” I said, my whisper cutting through the heavy silence. “You used me. And worst of all, you broke my heart. I don’t even know your real name.”
I still couldn’t believe he really wanted to be with me. Our kiss should never have happened. I was sending mixed signals and hated myself for it. I wasn’t one to play games. What you saw was what you got with me. But when it came to Sebastian, I seemed to jump right onto the crazy train. Especially if he made all my dreams come true by telling me he loved me.
“Sebastian is my middle name. My first name is Lincoln. But I’ve grown to love it when you call me Sebastian.”
I stared at him, not sure what to respond and he took it as his cue to continue.
“I’m sorry for how things went down, but I’m not sorry for what happened between us. I stayed away from you for a year. And a man only has so much self-control when everything he ever wanted is right in front of him.”
Oh God, did he really just say that?
Oblivious to my inner turmoil, he took my hand. “How can I make you trust me again?”
“I don’t know,” I said, studying his beautiful face, wincing at the pain shining in his eyes. “But I need to think. Can you give me some time?”
He lifted my hand and pressed his lips to the back. “I can do that.”
I stood up, desperate to touch him but knowing I’d regret it if I let him back in before I had time to sort my head.
“I need to go to bed,” I said, watching the hurt and longing play over his face.
“I’ll be here if you need anything,” he replied, pointing to the couch.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth, the routine helping to settle my heart that was beating a drum solo in my chest.
When I crawled into my cold bed, I dragged the sheets over my body, burying my head in the pillow.
A flash of loneliness tore at me, the pain so acute that I curled up into a ball and stayed awake for most of the night, replaying Sebastian’s words over and over again in my head.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“Did you make miso soup?” Stella asked, piling her plate high with food.
I snatched the last piece of prawn sushi off the platter before she could reach it, making her pout. “I made you ramen. And sushi. Do you know how long it takes to cook all that? Especially with kids in the house?”
Stella and Malena had come over for a girls’ night as promised, bringing our other friend Willa with them. I hadn’t seen them in a while, and I missed them. The last member of our group, Maisie, couldn’t come tonight because she was at her boyfriend’s cabin. And if she wasn’t hiding out with him in the middle of nowhere, she was busy with her store and pregnancy.
And the reason why I hadn’t seen Willa in forever was that she wasn’t only managing her aunt Rayna’s café while she was participating in Shake That Cake, but she was also going to culinary school at the same time.
And I had two jobs, two kids, and not much free time, making a catch-up a rarity.
The whole group of girls was not only generous and always willing to help, but each one of them was also a knockout. If I didn’t love them so much I’d hate them for it.
I’d cooked more food than we could possibly eat, but leftovers were always welcome in my house. The kids had demanded pasta for dinner and refused to try any of the Japanese food I’d made. That was nothing new, but I wasn’t going to give up trying.
“Fine.” Stella sighed. “I guess I’ll survive with all this amazing sush
i instead.”
Malena threw a chopstick at Stella who ducked, tipping over her wineglass.
I threw her the paper towels that were already on the table for exactly that reason. The girls were messier than my kids, especially when it came to food.
“We should start selling sushi at Sweet Dreams,” Willa said, waving her chopsticks around.
She hadn’t been able to pick up a single piece of food with them. Everyone else was almost finished, and Willa was still on her first plate.
“Screw this. I’m not made to eat with two sticks,” she said and threw the chopsticks on the table.
Stella giggled. “I told you to use a fork.”
“I wanted to use chopsticks,” Willa pouted. “You guys make it look so easy.”
“Okay,” Malena said, looking at me and stuffing her face while talking at the same time. “Spill. And don’t think you can leave anything out again.”
I knew she was still hurt that I hadn’t told her about the money Jim stole. And that I didn’t ask her for help when things got tight. But she knew most of what was going on, so I just needed to fill in Willa and Stella.
“How are you doing for wine? Do you want more?” I asked, eyeing her still full glass.
“Stop stalling, chiquita,” she said around a mouthful of food.
“Urgh, Malena, I think I just saw a half-chewed piece of salmon floating around your mouth,” Stella complained, refilling her own glass.
“Naw, I think that was prawn,” Willa put in.
Malena shrugged and continued eating. At work, she was the picture of perfectionism and dressed like every guy’s wet dream—I knew because we often had lunch together and I would pick her up from work with Lena in tow. Yet at the moment she was wearing leggings and an oversized sweater, her thick long hair bunched up in a messy bun. And there wasn’t a stitch of makeup on her beautiful tanned skin. She didn’t really need the makeup, but I got why she did it. Makeup was armor, and she wielded it to perfection.