by C J Benjamin
“-emi,” whispered #26.
My words stopped short as I caught the barely audible word slip from #26’s lips. “What did you just say?”
“Remi,” he said glancing around nervously, “My name was Remi.”
“I don’t understand,” I stammered.
He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me behind him as we exited the dining hall at an alarming speed and scampered down the hall to the Jane’s room. He slowed down every time we passed a Grift. Grifts are locals who work at the Troian Center because they’re too weak to work with the other locals on Flood damage. Some were injured in the Flood and have missing limbs, some just seem like they’re a little crazy in the head. Most of them are alright enough, but some would rat you out to Greeley in a heartbeat. Luckily, no one really paid any attention to us as we blended in with the other orphans in the halls while they changed lessons. I was out of breath by the time we were behind the stall door in the Jane’s room. #26 crammed us both into one of the tiny, dank stalls on the far end. It was so small inside I had to climb onto the toilet bowl so we could both fit.
“What are we doing in here?” I whispered. “Are you crazy? We’re both gonna get sent to the locker!”
For what felt like forever he just stared at me.
“You are aware that you’re in the Jane’s room right? And you dragged me here, after saying your name is Remi! You should be the one doing the talking now.”
“Fine, will you please keep your voice down though?”
“Fine,” I whispered.
“You should know that some of us know our real names. Like me, my name was Remi, that’s what my parents called me before they were killed in the Flood. I used to have a little brother named Dhani, too.”
“What? Why don’t I know this? Why have you never told me?” I howled.
“Shhhh!” Remi clapped his hand over my mouth. “We can’t talk about this!”
“Why not?”
“It’s forbidden 65, that’s why I haven’t told you. I knew you would go on about it until it got you into trouble. I don’t want to end up in the locker again.”
“You’re right,” I sighed. Then something dawned on me.
“Is that why Greeley sent you to the locker for a whole week?”
“Yes, so you see why I don’t want to talk about it? When we got here they basically brainwashed us into forgetting our names if we were old enough to know them. They told us that we were never to talk about our old names ever again, because it was disrespectful to the island gods because our family namesakes had been wiped out for a reason, and it would bring upon another horrible Flood if we went around speaking such names. You were too young to know your name when you arrived here, so they didn’t bother with you. Plus, you know that if we get adopted the citizens will name us, so it’s easier if we’re not hanging onto our old names.”
“No citizen is going to adopt us Remi, you know that. We’re too old now. They only take the babies that the locals bring us.”
“It could still happen, 65.”
“Whatever you say,” I fumed. “So why did you tell me your name just now when I was telling you about Nova?”
“I was jealous that he gets to go around boasting about his real name. It’s the only thing I have left that reminds me of my family and my home. Sometimes I need to say it to myself just so I know it’s real, that I really did have a life and a family before the Flood,” he said.
“Do you know my name, Remi?” I whispered excitedly.
Silence.
“What?”
“I thought I heard someone. We need to go,” he whispered.
“But, do you…”
“No! I’m sorry, no one does. You were too young. Now can we drop it and go?” he hissed. “And you have to stop calling me Remi.”
I slunk down off the toilet I was perched on and sighed. “Okay, but let me go first so I can make sure the coast is clear.”
I walked out to the hallway deflated. I looked around and there was no one in sight. The Grifts were elsewhere and all the students would be in the dining hall by now. It was almost time to start our Flood work for the day. I glanced to my left toward the buzz coming from the dining hall and then made up my mind that I had lost my appetite and I turned right, and headed to my room. By the time I reached the door to room 13, my eyes were watering. I knew our room would be empty so I barreled blindly through the doorway and tossed myself onto a bed. I buried my face into the mattress and tried to quietly sob for the next thirty minutes.
This is so unfair! I bet everyone else in the Center is walking around feeling satisfied knowing they had a name once and a family that loved them. I have nothing! No one! I will never have any answers and no one cares about me.
I was in the middle of a pretty good pity party when the rest of my class started to stream into the room to change into their work clothes. I gathered myself back together as best I could and tried to wipe the tears away, but stupid Jane #31 saw me before I could. She was always picking on me. I hated the sight of her mean little black eyes and her silky raven-black hair.
She pointed at me and said, “Aw, is da wittle baby cwying? What’s da matta wittle baby?”
“Shut up, 31,” I mumbled.
I slung on my tattered tan linen shirt and faded brown shorts, jammed my feet into my shoes and stormed out into the courtyard where all the years were gathering to be escorted by Grifts to their jobs. I was busy scuffing the toe of my shoe into the sand when Nova appeared by my side.
“What’s wrong now #65?” he said
I didn’t even look up, but I knew it was him from his content voice and the way he smelled like plants and earth from working in the forest all the time.
“Come on,” he said and he grabbed me by the hand.
“Wait, where are we going? It’s time for Flood work,” I protested.
“We’ve got time, and besides this will make you feel better. It always makes me feel better.”
I felt the stiff breeze of the salty air, and as I looked past him I saw he was leading me around to the Southern wall of the Center that faced the ocean. It was the one way I could tell what direction I was facing even though I couldn’t see over the tall coquina-shelled walls that surrounded the Center. I always wondered why it was so securely walled. No one was going to try to break in and steal a bunch of orphans. And it’s not like we were going to break out with nowhere to go. We stopped at the far corner and Nova pointed to a big banana palm that had nestled its way into the corner of the yard.
“What? A stupid plant is supposed to make me feel better?”
“Not the plant, little Jane, look beyond it,” he said pushing me toward it.
I felt a warm breeze rustle through the palms just then and could see a shimmer of light coming from behind the leaves.
“What is that?” I asked.
I leaned closer and danced on my tippy toes trying to get a better look. Nova smirked at me and slipped behind the tall broad leaves, disappearing from my sight. After a second my curiosity got the best of me and I followed him. Behind the palm there was a perfect eight-by-eight-inch hole missing from the wall, and you could see the white-sand beaches and crashing waves beyond.
“Ohhh….” I said, finally realizing what made Nova feel happy. The sea always made me feel better too. How did he know that? I wondered.
“Come take a look,” he said moving aside so I could get a better look.
I grabbed the rim of the hole with my fingers and tried hoisting myself up while balancing on my tippy toes, but my eyes still barely cleared the opening.
“Ha-ha, don’t you ever get tired of standing on your tip toes like that, little Tippy?” he laughed.
Before I could come back with a clever remark he scooped me up and slung me onto his back so we could both peer through the hole at the calm ocean. I could have stayed like that forever, with Nova’s warmth radiating through my whole body as I clung to his shoulders and gazed at the sea while the salty air lapped at
my long blonde hair.
He must have sensed my happiness too because he said, “See, I told you you’d feel better.”
“Ok, so you were right,” I smirked.
“So, what had you so upset there, Tippy?”
“My name I guess.”
“Did you forget your name again? I heard you like to daydream, but that’s bad,” he joked.
“No, I didn’t forget my name, it’s Jane #65; only that’s not the name I’m talking about. I mean my real name, like you and Remi.”
“Oh. Who’s Remi?” he asked.
So I told him all about my best friend, John #26, and about his real name being Remi. And how this whole thing had come about because I was telling Remi about how he had told me his name was Nova, and then about no one knowing my name, and then #31 picking on me.
“Tippy, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything to you. I didn’t know you were going to take the name thing so seriously,” he said. “And your friend Remi is right, you can’t go around talking about names. He sounds smart, so you listen to him, alright?”
“But…”
“And give 31 a break. I know she can be tough, but it’s only because she’s so sad over… well you know. We all lost a lot of people we loved in the Flood.”
“I did too, that’s no reason for her to be so mean. We all lost our parents!”
“Some of us lost more than that, Tippy.”
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind,” Nova said sullenly.
Sadness seemed to fill his eyes and he shrugged me off his shoulders and started to walk back toward the courtyard. I scurried after him.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Nova, what did I do?”
“It’s okay, Tippy, you didn’t do anything. It’s just … you almost have it easier because you were so young when you came here that you don’t remember your family, your parents, brothers, sisters. I still do and so does Jemma. We both lost our little sisters in the Flood.”
“Jemma?”
“That’s 31’s name. Now don’t go repeating that okay? You’ll just give her another reason to go after you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. 31 had a name too? Was I the only one who didn’t? I was lost in a thousand questions and had to jog to catch back up to Nova’s long strides.
“I’m sorry you lost your sister, Nova,” I added breathlessly when I caught him.
“Thanks,” he said and gave a stressed smile for my benefit.
“What was she like?”
He stopped walking and just looked at me for a moment. I was about to apologize for being so nosy when he smiled and laughed.
“Huh, no one’s ever asked me that before. She was a lot like you actually. Always under foot, too short and too curious for her own good!” he said, with a real smile this time as he poked at me.
And then he did something that no one had ever done to me before. He kissed me on the top of my head and trotted off to join the other fourteen-year-olds as they headed out to the forest for Flood work.
I stood there stunned for a moment. No one had ever kissed me before, and it made me feel funny. My ears burned again and my cheeks felt hot. I could hear my heart pounding in my eardrums. Suddenly Remi nudged me to follow him and the rest of my group out to the fields to sort through rubble. The rest of the day seemed to swim by. All I could think about was Nova. At first it was just in a curious way. Like, how did he know so much about the other kids and everyone’s names, and the hole in the wall? But soon he was all I thought about, all day, every day. He slowly worked his way into my daydreams as well. I began to live for these dreams that brought me to this perfect fantasy world where we would go on hikes together into the rainforest and we’d hunt for gems and treasures among the ruins from the Flood. And we could keep anything we found. Or sometimes we would play on the beach and race into the waves. I would imagine that we’d swim out to sea and find our parents waiting for us on another island. They’d be so happy to see us and say that they never stopped searching for us.
4
Smack! A crack with a rolled up stack of papers to the back of my head brought me swiftly back to reality. I was sitting at one of the large wooden tables in Miss Neilia’s lesson. She was our reading and writing teacher, and I normally found myself in trouble with her because I always got so caught up in the stories we were reading that I’d end up daydreaming, just like I had today.
“#65, would you please pick up where #31 left off?” Miss Neilia said impatiently. Her round, brown eyes peered at me over the rims of her glasses.
Oh no, I had no idea where that was. Stupid Nova, getting me into trouble again. Why can’t I stop thinking about him? I thought frantically.
“#65! Don’t make me repeat myself again.”
“Sorry ma’am, what page were we on again?”
“Miss Neilia, can I please continue reading?” #31 interrupted sweetly. “You know 65 will just stutter her way through the chapter anyway.”
“Very well #31, you may continue,” sighed Miss Neilia.
Then 31 grinned at me with an overly sweet smile and the rest of the class snickered in response as she began to stutter through the reading, imitating me.
“That’s enough 31, let’s all settle down and please continue,” Miss Neilia warned.
I couldn’t stop glaring at 31. I hated her in a way I never hated anyone or anything before. I had never done anything to her, but she hated me nonetheless. Anger was boiling up inside of me, blinding my thoughts. As I was feeling my eyes start to well up, the bell chimed and we were dismissed. I bolted into the hallway ahead of the others and was about to round the corner into the Jane’s room when Remi caught up to me.
“65, wait up. Are you okay?” he asked.
“I don’t want her to see me cry!” I choked out.
“Okay, c’mon. We’ll go back to our room.”
“No, I just want to be alone right now, okay?” I sobbed as I ran off.
I ran out to the courtyard, straight back to the hole in the wall where Nova had brought me. I curled up behind the shelter of the large palms and cried myself dry. Soon I heard everyone spilling out into the courtyard to get ready for work. I was in a foul mood, but I crawled out from behind the palm and met up with my year. I managed to hide through lunch, but skipping Flood work was not an option unless you wanted to get sent straight to the locker. I joined Remi and stood in line while the older kids got escorted out first. Nova gave my pony tail a tug as he walked by.
“Hey!” I yelled, but when I saw him wink and give that devilish smile, I couldn’t help but laugh.
“So, that’s him, huh?” said Remi bitterly.
“Yeah, why do you say it like that?” I asked.
“No reason, forget it.”
“Okay, fine. What do you want to talk about then?”
“How about work so we don’t get in trouble today, okay?” replied Remi.
“Fine. Are you excited that we get to go work out in the forest soon? It’s almost time for the New Year Gala and we’ll be fourteen! That’s old enough to go into the forest!”
“Um, I guess.”
“I’m excited,” chirped the small girl in front of me.
I stopped for a moment to look at the tiny smiling girl. Her name was Jane #42 and she was in our year. She’d never really spoken to me before, but she seemed friendly enough with her shining amber eyes and her bright smile taking up most of her delicate face.
“See, 42’s excited for the forest. This job is getting dull. We’ve been picking through rocks since we were eight. I’m ready for something new.”
“I guess so,” said Remi.
“Well don’t forget we will get to go into the forest and see what all the fuss is about,” I said in our favorite teacher’s exaggerated voice. “C’mon you know you’re excited to put all that boring reading from Plants and Poisons lessons into use.”
This got Remi to giggle a bit because that was our favorite lesson. Our teacher Miss Ban
na was a little bit over animated. She would get so excited describing a poisonous plant to us and what it could do to a person, that she would get winded and have to sit down on her desk and fan herself while wiping little beads of sweat from her forehead with the old cloth she kept tucked in her shirt. We loved to mimic her frenzied voice when studying for her exams. We spent the better part of our walk to the fields having a great time impersonating her. Even 42 chuckled quietly as Remi and I joked.
“Well I have never seen such a horrible… vile… suffering… infested… infection as when someone mistakes a cantamum for a crenia!” I quipped.
“Having a good laugh, 65? You know I could tell the Grift on you right now and you’d go straight to the locker!” steamed #31. “You might not be so funny then, would you?”
She must have been walking behind us the whole way there. Remi froze, knowing that 31 was cruel enough to do it. I turned to face her.
“Oh give me a break, 31. I wasn’t even talking to you, okay?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It doesn’t mean anything, 31. She’s sorry, aren’t you, 65?” said 42.
“What’s this? Did you make a new friend, 65? That makes sense since you can’t even talk for yourself. You have to make your little friends do it, don’t you? Is it because you’re afraid you’ll st-st-stutter?” squawked 31.
“No, I don’t have a stutter and I don’t have a problem, unlike you, Jemma!”
Silence
Now I noticed that I was attracting a crowd, and for some reason this just infuriated me. Why was I always the freak show?
“What did you call me?” she hissed.
“You heard me. I know your name and that you act all mean and tough because you’re really just sad inside like the rest of us—because you miss your little sister!”
Pain. Blackness.
After that, everything was a bit spotty.
At first there was a crunching sound.
Then more pain and more blackness.
Then I heard shouting.
Then I saw the sky. It was blinding.