[Title here]

by Spring Trees

  Yet, as if possessed, he stuck himself desperately onto the male who made him chilled to the bone.

  Scary-scary-scary-scary. I want to cry-I want to cry-I want to cry-I want to cry. Mo Shu Mo Shu Mo Shu Mo Shu…

  Nan Ge Er only realized he had shouted Mo Shu’s name out from his throat when Mo Shu gave him a gentle short answer.

  “Mo Shu.” He gripped tightly on Mo Shu’s waist. He could even feel his voice shaking when he shouted Mo Shu’s name out.

  Will you kill me? Just like before, striking your sword at me without even blinking your eyes?

  “I’ll get you to the doctor right now.” Mo Shu though Nan Ge Er wasn’t feeling well, so he reached his hand and touched his forehead, trying to comfort him.

  Mo Shu’s touch made Nan Ge Er shrink involuntarily for a bit, yet his grip on him got even harder.

  I’m not afraid of death, I really am. I never fear death but, the person who treats me sincerely pointing a sword at me is the thing that frights me the most. I’m alright with anyone killing me, except for you.

  “I’m scared.” Nan Ge Er finally couldn’t control himself any longer. His body was almost going to break apart from the trembling. He lifted his head up and looked at Mo Shu, his vision blurring gradually. “I’m scared; don’t beat me. At least don’t let the person beating me be someone you sent over. Don’t kill me. I’m scared. It hurts. It hurts-it hurts…” He got a bit uncontrollable. The previous anguish, etched in his soul deeply, was mixed with the present scene, making him slip into extreme trepidation.

  Mo Shu froze.

  “Cold-it’s so cold-my heart is going to burst from the pain.” Nan Ge Er squeaked, his gaze falling apart, “Don’t kill me, don’t kill me. I’m scared, I’m scared…” The obscure words blurted out were incomprehensible. After repeating his words over and over, his voice became intense gradually, “I’m afraid of pain. What did I do wrong? It hurts- Why did you bring me here? I want to go back- I want to go back. I hate you- I hate you.” He clutched onto Mo Shu’s neck like a maniac, “I dislike fire; I dislike the color black. Hurts-hurts. I don’t want to live any longer. I don’t want to live anymore. It hurts-it hurts!” The blood-curdling screams were exceptionally mournful, as though shrieks from someone in extreme pain.

  Blood flowed out from the cuts he scratched on Mo Shu’s neck. Then, he turned his hands towards his neck, choking on it. The lunatic-like strength was exerted as though to choke himself to death.

  “I don’t want to live anymore. Please-let me die, let me die.” He spouted out again and again while gripping onto his neck psychotically.

  I’ve already died twice. Please don’t make me revive again; I don’t want to suffer like that anymore.

  Mo Shu turned pale. He grabbed Nan Ge Er’s hands at once, discontinuing him from self-harming.

  Nan Ge Er struggled with all of his might, as if planning to murder his own enemy.

  With no choice left, Mo Shu gave him a knife-hand strike, knocking Nan Ge Er down. Mo Shu only realized he was drenched in sweat from the shock when Nan Ge Er finally lost consciousness. He knew Nan Ge Er suffered quite a bit, but never had he even think that his killing today would provoke him that strongly. As Mo Shu looked at the glaring reddish-green marks on Nan Ge Er’s thin neck, he could only feel excruciating pain in his heart.

  Exactly how agonizing the pain is to make him do such actions?

  Although he never found any value in the lives of outsiders, Nan Ge Er’s reaction just then deterred him from killing anyone in front of Nan Ge Er from now on.

  During the next five days, Nan Ge Er had been in a constant semi-unconscious state. No matter the amount of food fed to him, all was puked out. Even water had to be fed in tiny mouthfuls by Mo Shu; it would be thrown out if any more was given.

  He seemed to be possessed by his nightmares. He spent everyday lethargically while kicking up a fuss continually, his life weakening by the minute.

  In a mere five days’ time, all of Mo Shu painstaking efforts of cooking during the last six months gone to waste. Nan Ge Er got so thin, he practically became an emaciated shell of his former self, almost similar to how he was when he first arrived Guang Tian.

  Quite a number of physicians were consulted. They concluded that he had too much stress, and his chances of survival were slim.

  In excruciating anxiety, Mo Shu almost killed those useless physicians out of rage to appease his anger.

  Fortunately, the people from Guang Tian who lived there kept persuading him. In the end, someone was appointed to fetch the doctor over; Nan Ge Er’s life was finally rescued after taking a series of medicine.

  When Nan Ge Er regained his consciousness again, it was already noon. A person lay on the side of the bed with a white coat draped over his shoulders.

  As soon as Nan Ge Er woke up, Mo Shu, detecting a change in Nan Ge Er’s breathing pattern, awakened as well. He looked towards Nan Ge Er. After pulling through the illness, Nan Ge Er’s state of mind had calmed down quite a bit. He wasn’t as fearful as before.

  Moreover, since he consumed nothing, he had no means to be agitated.

  Even though Mo Shu noticed Nan Ge Er had woke up, he did not utter a word. He only reached his hand out, brushing away disheveled hair on Nan Ge Er’s forehead. After a long while, he finally whispered, “I will never kill anyone in front of you again.”

  Nan Ge Er blinked as an acknowledgment.

  “You almost scared me to death.” Mo Shu continued. As Mo Shu was keeping watch every day and had no mood to eat, he became much thinner as well. Due to that, he looked even slimmer and more attractive, as though he would ascend to the heavens at any moment.

  As Nan Ge Er blinked, his tears started streaming down.

  “Mo Shu.” He called out in a soft, hoarse voice.

  Mo Shu stroked his head.

  “Living-is too much of a task.” Tears trickled down his cheeks as he expressed weakly, “It is really difficult.”

  Mo Shu wiped his tears away while focusing his gaze on him.

  “Don’t kill me; don’t hurt me. Or else, my life has no meaning to it. I can only live on if you dote on me.”

  After a long silence, Mo Shu muttered, “Alright.”

  Chapter 39

  * * *

  Mo Shu simply assumed Nan Ge Er didn’t like him killing others, yet clueless that what Nan Ge Er actually feared of was his pragmatic expression when he murdered others.

  Nan Ge Er could only survive through that because he had struggled on the brink of death twice, seemingly always ending in an agonizing death. Plus, he was much more tenacious than any normal person. If it were someone with slightly lower perseverance, that person probably would have broken down long ago.

  In his first life, he was burnt alive by a blazing fire. That stinging stench emitted from his scorned body, the terrifying feeling of breathlessness; all of those were something he had once experienced.

  Then, five years ago, he was tormented for three years. He endured all kinds of tortures; whipping, the fiery pillar1, bone piercing needles. Suffering from hunger that could drive one mad, he even became willing to consume the dirty limescale in the water. The icy cold water was so chilling; it almost froze his soul.

  He inched close to death at every single moment.

  The most despairing part to him was, all of that came from someone he protected since young.

  He only felt freed when he fell down the cliff.

  Humans should die peacefully; it was a mercy from the heavens. Pitying the arduous labours in humans’ lifetime, the heavens granted them a natural death. It was a punishment from the heavens if one died a torturous death without an intact corpse. One would have to suffer an excruciating end due to the punishment, while repenting on the wrongdoings made in the past

  Nevertheless, every single one of that still ended up being a mercy from the heavens.

  No matter a natural passing or retribution, all of that ended with death anyway. No longer needing to suffer nor
worry about the unforeseen future, one only had to rest in a peaceful, long slumber.

  However, what if one couldn’t die a natural death, and was instead tormented yet again after dying once, while still unable to die in the end?

  It truly could be deemed as hatred from the heavens.

  He really had no idea what had he done wrong, and what unforgivable crimes he had committed, that made fate hate him as such. Since, in the end, he still had to die one more time. Who knew how much he had to suffer before reaching that demise.

  Thus, he wished for death. Since he would end up dying anyway, might as well speed up the process, ending in a smooth and clean death when he was still clear headed, to avoid suffering an excruciating torment in the unforeseeable future.

  After all, he only felt dread towards his life, and fearful of the impending tomorrow.

  Just that and nothing else.

  Nevertheless, he still decided to live on in the end.

  Although life is filled with agonizing hardships, I’m still willing to live on.

  This time, he was still bedridden for a good half-month. Sure enough, the New Year was spent in bed.

  The person, who should have been fetched by them originally, was arranged to be fetched to Guang Tian by someone else instead. Mo Shu accompanied Nan Ge Er as they passed their days peacefully in the small town of Jun Yao.

  The Guang Tian citizen living in this small town had the identity of a trader. Who knew what methods he used, but during their temporary stay in the town, not a single governmental officer came over to inquire about the loss of more than twenty lives that day.

  After promising again and again that Nan Ge Er truly wasn’t in danger, the doctor was released and returned back—although the doctor’s disciple was keeping watch of Guang Tian, he still felt much more at ease doing that himself.

  As Mo Shu accompanied Nan Ge Er in his recuperation for yet another week, half of the first month in the lunar year passed by. Even though his life was saved, his thinned face couldn’t get plump anytime soon.

  This caused Mo Shu to worry again for quite some time. However, the work in Guang Tian couldn’t be neglected for long either. Hence, when Nan Ge Er got slightly better, both of them set out towards Bei Jun again.

  Truly as promised, during the journey, Mo Shu never killed a single soul.

  Though, Nan Ge Er couldn’t really bear to see him restraining himself in such a strenuous way. Nonetheless, if he allowed Mo Shu to kill freely, blood would probably be trailing behind their journey from Jun Yao to Bei Jun.

  In any case, he was just someone normal, incapable of disregarding human lives like Mo Shu.

  After living in Guang Tian for all those years, Nan Ge Er realized his heart was getting softer, or perhaps, weaker.

  Today was similar as before. Both of them rode the horse together while strolling through the streets of the bustling city — their lodging today was at a villa of a certain wealthy merchant. Hearing Mo Shu would be passing by, the merchant instructed servants to arrange the food and accommodation for the two of them.

  If Nan Ge Er didn’t get together with Mo Shu, he probably would never know this affluent merchant, famed throughout the four countries, was actually a citizen of Guang Tian.

  But, after a second thought, he didn’t really find it strange.

  When had Guang Tian citizens ever did anything inferior to outsiders? Each and every one of them was the cream of the crop; none was mediocre.

  This city was indeed much larger as compared to the previous town, and the pedestrians’ outfits were much more vibrantly colored and plentiful than the small town. However, the two males on a horse still attracted countless gazes.

  Not to mention their unique attires, and that troublesome appearance of Mo Shu.

  Some even whispered to one another, wagging their tongues.

  Nan Ge Er didn’t know martial arts, so he couldn’t quite hear what was said. On the contrary, being highly skilled in martial arts, Mo Shu’s hearing was much more exceptional. He began feeling uncomfortable once he heard those filthy words spouted out.

  According to his usual habit, so long as the person wasn’t from Guang Tian, no matter if it was just blocking of path, Mo Shu would still strike down with no hesitation. Sometimes he did so without rhyme or reason.

  To him, killing such a weak fellow was as simple as crushing an ant. Even if there were three to four thousands of them, he merely found it as a slightly lengthened waste of time.

  Now, with those things uttering such unpleasant words, killing them ten times over probably still weren’t enough to simmer his anger.

  Mo Shu reached his hand out to his waist involuntarily and touched his sword.

  As Nan Ge Er was in Mo Shu’s arms, he obviously noticed his movements. Mo Shu must be thinking of killing again.

  Nan Ge Er held his hand out and gripped on Mo Shu’s wrist. “Let’s go.”

  Living among regular people, Guang Tian’s citizens probably had to spend quite some effort to hid themselves. If Mo Shu continued his killing spree, it would undoubtedly stress them furthermore.

  Perhaps the doctor was referring to this when he said about wanting Nan Ge Er to restrict Mo Shu.

  Mo Shu loosened his grip, stroking Nan Ge Er’s head instead, “Mn.” He shook the reins with one hand, prompting the horse to continue on.

  Nan Ge Er poked his head out from Mo Shu’s arms, before glancing at those gossipers.

  As he had not much time to recover after pulling through the illness, his face was only the size of a palm. This caused his eyes to look huge and rather nimble as they moved around.

  However, all who came in contact with his eyes would feel their hair rising all over. He had a pair of bone-chilling eyes, which was as cold as ice. His gaze towards them appeared as though anyone in his line of sight had already died. In truth, they had no idea that they might actually be dead if not for Nan Ge Er’s presence.

  Nan Ge Er didn’t really object when Mo Shu stated he wouldn’t kill in front of him. That was only because he wasn’t willing to witness Mo Shu’s ruthlessness during his murdering. As for any other times, he felt incapable of controlling it.

  Still, he hadn’t let out what he thought to Mo Shu, since he didn’t wish Mo Shu to know he fear him that much instinctively.

  Mo Shu clearly found it natural, yet Nan Ge Er felt frightened about it; he didn’t want Mo Shu to feel perplexed by that.

  Although it wasn’t proclaimed bluntly by Mo Shu, Nan Ge Er had more or less guessed that Mo Shu found nothing wrong at all with what he had done

  And yet, it was the most unseemly part of it. Nonetheless, he didn’t have any inkling how to explain it too, so he had no choice but to let Mo Shu continue on such a misunderstanding.

  It was precisely due to Mo Shu’s overly pragmatic look which made him unable to explain.

  It was also precisely because Mo Shu, even though not knowing the reason of Nan Ge Er’s sudden outburst, decided to repress his killing de-si-re without any slightest hesitation, which caused Nan Ge Er’s refusal to have Mo Shu realize the fear he had.

  He would rather let him misunderstand than make him aware of his fear.

  I don’t possess much now, so I don’t want to lose even a single speck of thing

  The white horse galloped while carrying two people, reaching in front of the mansion at the end of the main street. Personnel was already waiting at the gate. They were headed by an old lady, with a few able-bodied males behind and their families further back. Servants of different sizes and ages crowded together, almost jamming up the street.

  “Xian Sheng, you’ve finally arrived.” The old lady was around sixty, looking quite dignified. She had a rosy complexion and a resonant voice, “The journey must have been hard.”

  Mo Shu rode the horse towards the old lady and got off. Afterwards, he reached his hands out to get Nan Ge Er down before helping him to stabilize his footing.

  “We need some rest.” Mo Shu supported Nan Ge Er�
��s slightly unsteady body. Then, he smiled towards the old lady, “Zhi Niang, is everything prepared?”

  Nan Ge Er noticed, Mo Shu was the usual, gentle and kind Mo Shu-xiansheng in front of Guang Tian’s citizens; but once he came in contact with outsiders, he would go berserk without fail, turning into a bloodthirsty demon—any little reason was enough to get him on a killing frenzy.

  “Of course,” the old lady, named Zhi Niang, replied, “Chu Yi is here this time around. Would you like to meet him, Xiansheng?” she lead the way while talking.

  The people at the back cleared out a path wordlessly.

  “Chu Yi.” Mo Shu supported Nan Ge Er as he walked behind. Noting what Zhi Niang said, he seemed to ponder for a while, before answering, “Please make arrangements, Zhi Niang.”

  “Yes.”

  Chu Yi? Who is that?

  Nan Ge Er was filled with confusion.

  * * *

  1 The fiery pillar: a torture device in ancient China which has people roasted alive by tying them to a hot bronze pillar

  Chapter 40

  * * *

  After Nan Ge Er slept with the company of Mo Shu, both of them went to the dining room for dinner.

  The aroma of food caressed them once they stepped in through the door.

  “Hungry yet?” Mo Shu chuckled, tidying Nan Ge Er’s hair while asking him.

  Nan Ge Er shook his head. He didn’t feel much hunger, only lightheadedness.

  “Not feeling hungry isn’t great,” Mo Shu looked at Nan Ge Er, a little troubled, “It is much better if you feel hungry.”

  Nan Ge Er lifted his head and smiled, before sitting together with Mo Shu.

  An array of dishes filled the table, yet only Zhi Niang accompanied them. The others stood by the side respectfully, waiting upon them.

  “Xian sheng.” Zhi Niang greeted them with a smile, shifting her sight to Nan Ge Er, who was beside her, “This must be Nan Ge Er.”

  Nan Ge Er smiled towards her.

  “Yes.” Mo Shu made Nan Ge Er sit beside him, before answering Zhi Niang.