I couldn’t do this again. It was easy for parents, friends, and strangers to give advice. “Tisha, he’s fine. You better say ‘yes’ to that rich-ass man’s proposal.” They made it seem like a ring was golden and having a husband was priceless.
I learned that a woman without the ability to make her own decisions would forever live with regrets. She’d wonder what her life could have been if she hadn’t listened to . . .
I was heaving over the basket; nothing came up. That’s it. I dialed Madison.
She answered, “Hey, hon. How are you?”
I should’ve asked how she was doing, but I had to let her know. “I’ve decided to have the abortion. I’m keeping the appointment I scheduled before I change my mind. Can you go with me?”
Without hesitation she said, “Of course. When?”
“I’m keeping the one I scheduled, in two days. I know your surgery is in three days, so I’m going to ask Loretta too.”
“I’ll pick you up. Let me call you back and get the details. Bye.” Madison ended our call before I could thank her. It was probably my mentioning Loretta that had made her upset. We’d all been friends for thirty years. I had to include Loretta.
I’d promised to take my boys to the local carnival today. They’d gotten up an hour early. Every fifteen minutes they’d peep in to see if I’d gotten out of bed. Not wanting to disappoint my kids, I called their father.
He answered immediately. “Hey, Tisha. Is everything okay?”
That was a valid question. I seldom called him before noon, unless it was important. “Things are fine. Look, I was hoping you could take the boys to the carnival.”
“Sure, when?”
My body was weak. I struggled to say, “Today.”
“Oh, no, Tish. I can’t do it today.”
“Then, is tomorrow all right?”
“I’m leaving for Australia in a few days. Taking my soon-to-be fiancée there to propose to her. The last time I was in Sydney, I found the most brilliant pink diamond. Couldn’t resist getting it for her.”
I leaned over the bucket and heaved. Nothing came up. Why did Lance Thomas have to throw his fiancée in my face? That was probably the only reason he’d answered the phone.
“Never mind.”
“You okay?” he asked.
I sat up. “I will be. But you could take a more active role in the boys’ lives, Lance.”
“If tomorrow isn’t good, I can take them next month, when we get back.”
“The carnival won’t be there when you get back. Why don’t you take them to Australia? I need a break.”
“I gave you what you wanted. Should’ve thought about being a single mom before you divorced me. Besides, where’s your husband? Let him take them.”
That was not his business. “Why do you always say you don’t mind doing something with the boys, but then when I ask, you’re conveniently too busy to commit?”
“Tisha, I pay you twenty thousand a month. If you need time away from the kids, hire a nanny. Don’t question me. Oh, and just a heads-up. I’m filing for a reduction from twenty to ten thousand. You’re right. I’ll step it up and share more time with my boys, but it’s time for your husband to support you.”
Support? Alimony from an ex-con without a job was a wish not worth making. I had to make sure my divorce was finalized before Lance filed for a reduction.
My four-year-old walked in with a bowl of Raisin Bran. His brother had a cup of milk in one hand, and a cup of orange juice in the other.
“Morning, Mommy,” they said in unison.
“Put everything on the nightstand.” I smiled, then switched to speaker. “Say hello to your dad.”
Their faces lit with smiles. “Hi, Daddy,” they said.
“Hey, guys. I’m coming to get you next month and we can go wherever you want in the world. How’s that?” Lance asked.
He could see our kids once a month or twice a year—it didn’t matter to the boys. Their daddy could do no wrong. I had them almost every day and though I knew they loved me, it wasn’t the same kind of love they had for Lance.
They jumped up and down. “I want to go to Disneyland!”
“Disney World!” our other son shouted.
Lance said, “Disneyland and Disney World it is. I’ll arrange it with your mother. Be good. I love you guys. Take good care of your mother. I’ll see you next month. Tisha, we’ll talk about that financial matter when I get back. Take care of yourself.”
Not wanting Lance to hang up on me first, I quickly ended the call as our boys were yelling, “Bye, Daddy!”
Lance gave me the dose of reality that I needed. My mind was made up. The forty-eight hours could not come soon enough. It was hard raising two kids by myself. Although, I’d love to have a daughter, I was not going to be a single mother of three. I refused to have a baby by Darryl and give him a reason to keep begging to come home. Darryl didn’t need to know, and he didn’t deserve to know I was carrying his child.
Rolling over, I realized this was the hardest decision I’d ever made. I was definitely having an abortion. That was final.
CHAPTER 17
Loretta
Madison was a real b-i-t-c-h. She’d coldheartedly ended my honeymoon with Chicago. I was trying to wait her out, but she’d been here with us—all day—for two days. Thank God, her surgery was today, so things between Chicago and me could get back to normal.
I tossed all night in the guest room while she slept in the bed with him. She’d probably thrown out the gift-wrapped packages of underwear I’d spread across his bed the other night.
The few things I had at Chicago’s condo, I neatly folded, then packed in my suitcase. Tears soaked into my shirts, pants, and panties. My packing wasn’t to appease Madison. She wanted me out before she left for the hospital. Chicago wanted me to stay. Maybe I should embrace my religious principles and let her have her husband for this one day. I could come back tonight.
Just like that. I had nursed him back to health, and she twirled in like a ballerina and swept me under her tutu. Why hadn’t God given me a tutu? That way, I could’ve twirled too. Who was I fooling? I wasn’t as graceful a liar as Madison.
I couldn’t accept being second to her again. It was time for me to move on, focus on my relationship with Chaz. He’d given me more than ample time to help his brother recover. My loyalty to Chicago made Chaz love me more, but I’d rather be with Chicago if only he would choose me.
If not, there was still an opportunity for me to shine with Chaz and make Madison fade into my shadow. Chaz was doing an excellent job as advisor to Chicago. None of the owners, Chaz, or the fans wanted Chicago replaced. Everyone loved Chicago, but no one loved him more than I did.
My God in heaven, I asked Him aloud, “What’s the lesson here?”
I wanted Him to answer me. He didn’t. Maybe it was time for me to redirect my affection, accept my perks, and show my face in the GM’s suite at our home game later this evening. Perhaps I was looking in the eyes of the wrong man.
I’d dressed in hopes of pissing Madison off and wishing Chicago would give me “the look”—the one that would make Madison jealous. I wasn’t sure if seduction was something a woman put on or turned on to get a man’s attention.
My jeans weren’t the normal ones I’d wear. They were fitted like a second skin. My blue-and-red jersey clung to my breasts. I was sorry Madison was having hers removed today, but mine were healthy, real and perky. I stepped into a pair of three-inch red heels, then fluffed my hair, which was normally pulled back into a ponytail. I stroked on eye-shadow, brushed on mascara, stroked on an extra coat of raspberry lip gloss.
I knocked on Chicago’s bedroom door. “I’m getting ready to go.”
“Okay. Thanks for everything. You can leave my key on the kitchen counter. I’ll call you later,” he said.
Really? Like that! I went through all this preparation for him to dismiss me from the other side of his door. I should kick it in.
“L
oretta, thanks, girl,” Madison said. “We’re busy right now, but Tisha and I will meet you at the clinic for Tisha’s procedure today.”
I’d forgotten about Tisha’s appointment. Her abortion was today? Damn! That meant Madison’s surgery was tomorrow. I had so much to be thankful for; Madison was in bed with Chicago but she should envy me. I did not have to have surgery.
If I walked out Chicago’s door, I couldn’t stay in the building and go to Chaz’s condo. He was probably already at the administration office at the arena handling business; and unlike Chicago, Chaz hadn’t given me a key to his place. I had to call before stopping by even when I was only a few doors away. What was I trying to prove? It was too damn early to be dressed up for a game. I started to feel foolish.
Not ready to leave, I dragged my suitcase back into the bedroom, closed the door, then removed my clothes. The lime green bra and panties looked great, but I should’ve put on come-fuck-me red. I sat on the edge of the bed and turned on the television.
Knock. Knock. “Loretta, you in there?”
I didn’t answer her. I hadn’t locked the door.
Knock. Knock. “Loretta, are, you, in there?”
Why should I respond? To give her the answer she wanted? Instead, I started changing channels.
Madison opened the door. I looked toward her, then back at the television.
Softly she said, “Loretta, you were supposed to be gone. Turn off the TV, get dressed, and get out before I throw you out.”
I didn’t know what made me ignore her. Maybe I wanted Chicago to rescue me? Perhaps I didn’t care? But what I hadn’t done was move.
“Loretta, I know you heard me.”
Silence ended the words coming out of her mouth, until Madison gracefully ushered my four-wheel suitcase out of the room and opened the front door. The sound of her footsteps trailed into the bedroom, then stopped. I sat on the bed with my back to her. What was she going to do?
Ow! My neck snapped backward.
Madison’s fists were wrapped around my hair. She dragged me onto the bed. I was at a disadvantage as she stood behind me.
“Bitch, let me go!” I yelled.
“After all the shit you put me through,” she said, yanking my hair, “you’re lucky I’m pregnant.”
I locked my fingers around her wrist, then yelled, “Chicago!”
She snatched my bicep and yanked me from the comforter.
Whack! My hand landed across her pretty, little face. I hope she didn’t think I was going to just let her assault me without my fighting back. Now I really hated her.
She snatched my hair again. I wished she had hair long enough for me to do the same, but she didn’t.
“Bitch, even if he comes in here, he wouldn’t help your ass over me. I don’t know what you’re trying to prove, Loretta, but you will never be me. If you don’t get out of my house, your hair will be in the hallway with your other belongings,” she said, slinging me out of the bedroom.
Her strength was unbelievable. It had to come from a place so deep that it resurrected from hell.
The tightening of her grip hurt. I felt strands of my hair detaching from my scalp. Chicago hadn’t come to my rescue. It was time to concede before I ended up with a bald spot.
“Fine, Madison. Let me go. I’ll leave.”
She released her fingers. Strands of my hair were wedged between her fingers. I felt stupid fighting—not because she was pregnant. I contested those Real Housewives shows, where women were constantly attacking one another, but now I understood how things could escalate in a matter of seconds.
None of this would’ve happened if I’d left when she’d shown up. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t made that stupid bet.
Wiggling her fingers, Madison sprinkled my hair, letting it fall to the floor. Her face, where I’d hit her, was beet red. I was turning into a person whom God wouldn’t approve of. All of this because of a man.
I quietly went into the bedroom, put on my clothes, then stood outside the doorway. As Madison started closing the door, I said, “Oh, don’t you want these,” holding Chicago’s keys in my hand.
“Keep ’em. I’m calling a locksmith.” She closed the door.
I hurled the keys against the door, got my suitcase, and stormed toward the elevator. Madison had declared war by putting her hands on me. I was definitely going to get her back.
Heading home, I parked in my driveway. Instead of going inside, I went next door to Tisha’s.
Opening the door, she said, “Hey, girl. You’re early, but come in. I’m not allowed to have breakfast. If you’re hungry, though, I’ll fix you something.”
I stood in her doorway. “I’m good. I just came by to tell you that I’m not going to the clinic with you. Aborting Darryl’s baby is wrong, and your not telling him is worse.”
“You have the audacity to pass judgment on me?”
“I’m not judging you. I’m your friend and I’m a Christian. I’m not a hypocrite. And it’s not too late to change your mind.”
Tisha didn’t have to put me out, like Madison had done. I left.
CHAPTER 18
Tisha
Tears filled my eyes when I exhaled. “I appreciate your coming. It means a lot.”
Madison sat beside me at the clinic, holding my hand. I wanted my mother here, but I needed her to watch my boys. I’d have lots of time to talk with my mother when Madison took me home. Mom would be staying at my house for a few days to care for us.
The waiting area was full. Abortion was not going to be my form of birth control but I’m glad it was my choice. This was my first and my last pregnancy termination. I was definitely having my tubes tied; until then, I’d use condoms and take birth control pills. I’d gotten rid of my husband, but I wasn’t giving up sex with a new man. Nor was I waiting for my divorce to be final before dating.
Men, like my husband, used the reasoning “You’re a married woman. You shouldn’t be sleeping with another man.” They never cared that fidelity didn’t apply to them during their marriage. If Darryl’s whorish behind tried that line on me, no explanation was warranted. I was so done with Darryl, I wouldn’t let him kiss my ass. Didn’t want to be that close to him again.
Looking around the room, I had no idea so many women weren’t keeping their babies. We all had experiences worth sharing. Maybe I’d write my life story.
Marry Him for Money, Not Love. Since I’d had a rich husband and a poor one, I was wiser. Money was better.
If it weren’t for Lance, I wouldn’t have a beautiful home that was mortgage free. My kids might have to share clothes, shoes, a bedroom, and a bathroom. Lance could be a better father when it came to sharing time with the boys but I needed to thank him for being an excellent provider.
That should be the boys, Lance, and I vacationing in Sydney. I wondered if his soon-to-be fiancée was black. Was she younger? Prettier? Did she have kids? If so, would Lance do more for her children than he did for his own? Now that I was ending my second marriage, I realized my most memorable moments of our being a family were with Lance, and those times were good.
I had said “I do” to Darryl based on the love I had for him. He never loved me. When I analyzed both relationships, Lance had little time and lots of money. Darryl gave me no time and his butt was broke. My one-way streak of love had come to a dead end for Darryl.
I asked Madison, “You ever think about publishing a tell-all book?” I bet hers would be more exciting than mine.
“Absolutely not. Broke and vindictive women kiss and tell. I ain’t there and I never will be that woman. You okay?” she asked, touching my knee.
I couldn’t stop my right leg from shaking. I was there for Loretta when Madison wasn’t. Was a friend to Madison when Loretta was not. I was always the one accepting my friends for who they were.
Loretta had changed. Regardless of how she felt, she should be here with us. Each time we met, she was different. Like she didn’t know who she was anymore. She was venge
ful toward Madison. I couldn’t say she was “revengeful,” because Madison hadn’t done any harm to Loretta. Sure, Madison was confident; some would say “arrogant,” but she never stopped being a friend to Loretta. Even when she’d refused to drive to Port Arthur to rescue Loretta from Granville, Madison did have a point. Loretta had gotten herself into that mess.
“It’s okay to be nervous. You’ll be fine,” Madison said, drying my tears. “You’re making the right decision. Wish I were as brave as you.”
“Why did you decide to keep your baby, knowing it might not be Chicago’s? What are you going to do if Granville is the father?” I asked.
Madison’s eyes filled with tears. It was my turn to return the favor. She stared straight ahead. I wasn’t sure if she saw anything in front of her. Or, perhaps, if she was like me, lost in thoughts so shattering that all she could see were her own thoughts.
Slowly she shook her head; then she said, “I don’t know, Tisha. There’s a part of me that feels I may not have much time to live. What if my cancer spreads when they start operating on me? Or what if after I have the double mastectomy tomorrow, I won’t love myself. I think God is punishing me.”
“God wouldn’t do that, Madison. Maybe He’s testing you. Or blessing you with this baby. Either way, you’re the bravest woman I know.”
If God’s plan was to bring Madison home, perhaps He was blessing Chicago by giving him his firstborn. I prayed my best friend’s baby wasn’t for Granville. Silently I asked God to forgive me for what I was about to do. Wasn’t sure if I could repent in advance for premeditated murder, but I couldn’t imagine having a baby by Darryl.
Madison gave a half smile; then she nodded. “I’m either brave or stupid. Guess I’ll know for sure in five months.”
A woman dressed in white scrubs opened a door beside the check-in desk; then she said, “Tisha Thomas.”
Whether I was having a girl or a boy, I would’ve given the baby my last and Darryl’s last names, Thomas Jefferson. A girl named Thomas. She would’ve been strong. I imagined her skin dark and smooth like mine. Her natural, thick black hair would’ve been just like mine. I would’ve homeschooled her, like I was doing with the boys. They knew their alphabets, numbers up to fifty, the multiplication table up to two, could spell and write their names and addresses.
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