Anne Launer placed her hand over her mouth and gripped her husband’s hand. Both parents stared at the doctor, their pleading eyes begging him for an alternative. The psychiatrist sighed and took a deep breath before he spoke again.
“Herr Launer, I know you are a man of great wealth, of great standing in our community. Of course your payments to me have been very generous, and my findings will naturally remain confidential as will any medical report.”
Siegfried Launer appreciated the kind words. He and Doctor Schumacher were old friends and he knew that he could trust the psychiatrist completely.
“I understand, old friend,” he said, “Of course this is not an easy decision to make.”
Anne continued to cry. Her child, her precious daughter, her loving, kind, gentle, and beautiful baby. Her Heidi. Mad. Insane. Suffering a disease of the mind that Anne did not understand, a curse that had been sent from the devil himself. The signs had been there but both Anne and Siegfried had put it down to mere childlike antics. They had assumed early on that Heidi was just playing a game. Living out a fantasy, maybe even a sick, twisted crush, as young girls sometimes had on older men who were famous, influential, and popular. But now it had been confirmed. Poor Heidi. Engulfed in madness.
Anne remembered the first time her daughter had spoken of being the Chancellor’s niece, claiming that he was her uncle and he spoke to her regularly. Both Siegfried and Anne had believed this talk was partly due to the discussions within the home between friends at dinner parties and gatherings, which Heidi may have overheard. Of course the papers, and the streets, were full of stories about the Chancellor and his ambitions. They had assumed that their daughter’s talk of them being imposters, of being sent by ‘him’ to protect her had been either silly jokes, or maybe even hormonal changes, an infatuation that would soon pass. But it had not passed nor abated. They had been forced to keep her away from school, from friends and even from relatives, fearful that her tall tales could bring them not only embarrassment but also trouble. No matter what punishment the child had been given, whatever reassurance, her delusions had remained. Anne and Siegfried Launer now knew that any hopes of an end to their daughter’s fantasies, for that is what they were, had evaporated.
“Herr Launer, Siegfried, if I may,” said Doctor Schumacher, “You are a rich and popular man, your wealth and your business interests are strong. Maybe there is another way. There is the possibility that a change of environment could help alleviate some of the child’s notions. There could be a way we can avoid having the unfortunate girl committed to an asylum.”
Anne looked hopefully towards her husband. “Continue, please,” said Siegfried.
“Sir, I understand that you have connections in America, business interests there. Maybe, and it is only a slim possibility, if we remove your daughter from the source of her delusion and settle her in a new location, away from the newspapers, movie reels and this environment of uncertainty and fear, her sickness could be halted. I have seen delusions such as this before, but never in one so young. I am afraid that, while she remains here in Vienna, her delusions will only increase, to the point of not only embarrassment to your family, but maybe to even serious consequences.” Schumacher’s tone had turned grave.
Siegfried knew exactly what the doctor meant by ‘serious consequences.’ Times were changing; a new period of nationalism had gripped not only Germany but also Austria. There was talk of beatings, of a new type of disdain for certain members of the community. There was talk of blame. Anger was brewing. The Chancellor, it seemed, was at the root of this. He had many loyal supporters. If someone were to misunderstand Heidi’s illness, assume it was mockery, and believe that she was being flippant and not sick, then it could lead to consequences. It was true, as Schumacher had said Siegfried’s business interests did encompass the United States. He had many friends and business associates in New York. He had sold fine pieces of jewelry to customers across the Atlantic, and he had established contacts and was well respected, as were his work and designs. He could arrange something. He knew just the couple, friends and employees he trusted, who could accompany Heidi. If there was a chance for his daughter to be cured, he would spare no expense. Maybe Heidi leaving Austria, temporarily of course, would result in a cure. Would dispense these notions. Would repel the madness.
“I cannot promise you that your daughter will cease these delusions. They may simply go away, or they may remain with her forever – I do not know. I wish, sir, that I did. Maybe she will appear cured, but then, something could trigger these false delusions, these imaginary memories, again. I am at a loss as to how to make this sound any easier for you.” The doctor scratched his head before he spoke again. “Maybe some sort of neurological trauma, a bang on the head for instance, or if she was older, a stroke could rid her of these fantasies. Maybe something will trigger her mind into rejecting these notions, but when, or if, this will occur, I cannot say.”
Siegfried nodded. “Please explain, these fantasies she has about being his niece, about him protecting her, could they have been brought about by fear? Am I to blame? We have talked openly in front of the children of our fears, of our concerns. Could I have caused this sickness?”
“My dear friend, Grandiose Delusions is characterized by fantastical beliefs that one is famous, omnipotent, wealthy, or otherwise very powerful. The delusions are generally fantastic, and typically so farfetched that they are dismissed as being unbelievable. Sadly, Heidi’s delusion could be seen by some as plausible, and not, should I say, a supernatural delusion. She is a highly intelligent child. It has been noted that the presence of these delusions in people with a high intelligence is greater than in lesser-educated persons. Similarly, the presence of grandiose delusions in individuals who are the eldest child is greater than in individuals who are the youngest of their siblings. As Heidi is your eldest child, I am afraid that this disorder was not brought about by fear, but unfortunately, by her own mind. You are not responsible. Please be assured of that.”
The doctor’s explanation was of some relief to Siegfried, but he could still not absolve himself of blame. He felt responsible for the daughter he loved so dearly, and therefore responsible for her illness.
“So, these delusions, this fantasy, these ridiculous notions, she believes them all to be real?”
“I am afraid so. She believes she is in an exceptional relationship with the Chancellor.” Schumacher shook his head as he spoke again. “Her grandiose and expansive delusions are also hallucinations. She remembers events, recalls names and people as well as situations that never happened. Sadly, this may continue for the rest of her life. There is, though, the slim chance they may not. It is why I implore you to consider sending the child away, for a short while, rather than have me commit her to an institution or have her remain in Austria. This is a situation that could place your whole family in danger.”
Siegfried Launer, his heart heavy, turned to his face devastated wife and spoke, “We have no choice, my dear. She cannot remain in Austria. If she continues these ramblings and fantasies, if she talks to the wrong people, maybe even a party member, then who knows what trouble we may be in? We have two other children to consider. I have the business to consider. I shall arrange for her to go to America. After a time, we will contact her, ascertain if her sickness has gone. We have to do this, for the family. Do you agree?”
Anne did not have to be asked. Of course she agreed, and even though it broke her heart, she knew that there was simply no alternative. Her firstborn. The daughter she loved more than life itself. Her angel. Little Heidi, always with a book in her hand, always reading; oh how she enjoyed her books and the stories. She was the girl with a thirst for knowledge and a heart of gold. Leaving. For how long? And so far away. Once again Anne’s eyes welled with tears.
Siegfried Launer turned to face Doctor Schumacher. “I shall arrange passage to America, I shall tell her that she is leaving, and that we shall call for her to return soon. I shall speak to her
this evening, after I tell her the fairy story about the forest, witches, and wizards, and of course, after I return from the Synagogue. Maybe I shall see you at temple this evening, Doctor?”
“A wise decision, my friend. A wise decision,” replied the doctor, “And yes, I shall see you this evening for Ma’ariv.”
The doctor saw himself out, and Anne and Siegfried embraced. Siegfried kissed his wife gently on the forehead, “It’s for the best, dear. Heidi will return, and we will be a family again. I will send for the Mullers, they are good people and Franz has represented me in America many times. He will be happy to help, and Ida is an excellent English speaker. She will be able to teach Heidi the language. I can easily arrange passage, there are ships sailing on a daily basis. We are doing the right thing.”
“I know we are,” agreed Anna.
From her room, Heidi had overheard most of the conversation. What nonsense, she thought, it was all a trick, but maybe it was a plan that he had come up with.
Chapter 18
“So you see, Mother, everything is going to be just fine…”
Heidi was no longer listening. She hadn’t been listening for the last twenty minutes. Everything Steven was saying simply floated over her. It was as if she was in a dream…or a nightmare. Her thoughts were lucid. Her memories were real. What had she done? Her whole life spent despising her own people? She knew she was crying but could not feel the tears, and Steven hadn’t noticed that she was crying. Too interested in his findings, and no doubt the wealth he was soon to inherit, thought Heidi as her tears continued to flow. She knew now, now she could not communicate it, that she had been a bad mother. Pulled and swayed by hatred, she had been bullying and controlling. Her husband had loved her and she had used him. She had so many things to say, so many things to do, so many wrongs to right and now that she knew the truth, she couldn’t.
The brain is a complicated organ. Strokes can lead to increased brain function in one area and decreased function in another. Memories stirred, familiar names mentioned…there was no telling what had prompted Heidi’s recollections. There was no way to decipher what had finally cured her of her delusions. How ironic, she thought. If she could have stopped the tears and been able to move her mouth, she would have smiled; she would have probably laughed out loud.
“Steven, I think your mother has heard enough for one day,” said Sarah Launer, “I think she wants to rest. I think she is crying.” Sarah walked over to her mother- in-law’s bedside and gently wiped the tears away from Heidi’s face. Despite her disdain for Heidi, she could not bear to see her suffer. It was obvious that the old woman was upset and it was the first time Sarah had ever seen Heidi cry. “I think we need to go. We can come back tomorrow, dear. After the parade.”
Steven nodded, indicating that he agreed with his wife. He leant over his mother and kissed her on the forehead. “I love you, Mom,” he said, “We will see you tomorrow afternoon.”
Thank you Sarah; thank you for your kindness. Please forgive me, forgive me for all I have done. Forgive me for not being the mother I should had been to you and my son, forgive me for not being the grandmother I should have been to your children. Oh, I have so many regrets. I have so many wrongs to right, so many bridges to mend. Please don’t go. Please sit with me. Please stay a while a longer.
But it was too late. A nurse, an orderly, and the doctor replaced Steven and Sarah as they left Heidi’s room.
“Okay, I am going to give you something that will help you sleep,” said the doctor, “Jane here,” he indicated to the nurse, “is going to make you comfortable, and Max,” referring to the orderly “is going to clean you up a little, and change your diaper. So you just relax, okay?”
Heidi though, was already back in 1937.
Chapter 19
1938 Austria Vienna
“We will see you very soon, my angel, once you are feeling better,” said Siegfried Launer as he kissed his daughter on the cheek.
“Feeling better? What do you mean feeling better? I am fine, look what he gave me,” Heidi pulled a toy luger from the travel bag that sat in her lap. “He gave it to me, my uncle, it is his. He used it once, in the Great War. He gave it to me at the dinner party last night, when you were all sleeping. He loves me. That’s why he is sending me away. Away from you. You are imposters. He will punish you for what you have tried to do to me. You tried to trick me and confuse me. But it hasn’t worked.”
Siegfried smiled at his daughter as his stomach clenched with the nausea of heartbreak. He wanted to shake his head, and he wanted to cry out loud. He wanted to hug his child. Heidi had taken the toy gun from her brother’s toy box. Her delusions were getting worse, and the sickness had now completely engulfed her. He stifled his tears and continued to smile at his daughter.
“One day. I will use this gun,” said the child as she held it aloft, admiring it, and twisting the fake weapon in her hand. She smiled at the man at the side of the car, who talked to her as if he knew her. “Who are you again?” she asked. “You seem familiar? Did he send you, to make sure that I am fine?”
Siegfried once again smiled, though behind the smile, his heart was breaking. It was obvious that there would be no cure for her madness, not yet at least, and maybe even never. But he did have hope. There was always hope. He had arranged passage to England, then on to New York at short notice, and the Muller’s would accompany Heidi on her journey. They had agreed immediately when their friend had asked them to act as Heidi’s wards, and, for appearances, her parents. Ida and Franz were good people. Franz was tiring of business and Ida had one passion and one passion only: baking. Childless, they had nothing to keep them in Austria, apart from the prospect of a war led by a man who they did not support. They had not hesitated at the chance of a new life, and the moment Franz’s Jewish employer had proposed the idea, they had agreed. They were compassionate and understanding people who knew of Heidi’s affliction and they could be trusted, even though they were not Jewish. The Launers considered the Mullers to be among their closest friends.
Savannah seemed as good as any place to Siegfried; it was quiet and on the coast, and the sea air could do nothing but help Heidi. A large city such as New York, full of picture houses and newspapers filled with stories from Europe, would not be conducive to her recovery, Doctor Schumacher had advised.
Siegfried would send money via his bankers in New York, who would arrange the necessary transport to Savannah. There, the Mullers would open a bakery business with their niece Heidi, who they would eventually adopt as their own child. Siegfried had considered obtaining false documents for his daughter and changing her name, but he had chosen not to. She was Heidi. Heidi Launer. She was born with the name and maybe she would die with that name.
“Yes, that’s right, he sent me,” said Siegfried, “to make sure you are safe, and to make sure you make it to America safely. In case anything happens,” his voice crackled with emotion as he nodded gently to his daughter.
“I knew it! He would have been here himself I am sure, but I expect he is just too busy. And these people, they are pretending to be my parents?”
“Yes dear,” said her father, as he nodded in the direction of his daughter’s chaperones, who both smiled reassuringly at him. “Yes dear, for your safety. It is very important that you keep your identity secret. That you tell no one. He told me to tell you that.”
Heidi smiled. She knew it. This was all part of the plan. She knew that he loved her. Wasn’t he the one who gave her the gun? Wasn’t he the one who read her those stories? She would pretend for him. Pretend that these people were her mother and father. She stared at the other woman, and the man who had been talking. They were crying. She did not know why. She had only just met them. Hadn’t she?
As the car carrying his daughter crunched into gear and slowly crept from the driveway of his large home, Siegfried hugged his wife. Both were now emotionally drained, tired and saddened, and they would tell Heidi’s siblings that she had gone away for a holi
day; that she would return soon and not to worry. Their sister would be back one day. Siegfried had plans. Later that year, he would visit Savannah. He would see his daughter, check on her condition. He and Anne would see Heidi again, he just knew it, and if she was cured, they would bring her home.
* * * * *
On the day the Nazis arrived at his home and took him and his family to the train, they had asked Siegfried where his other daughter was, as according to records, he had two daughters. They had searched the house, convinced that the girl was hiding, but when they found no trace of her, they shrugged their shoulders and led the family away, allowing them to take a few possessions with them. That memory though, of the car driving his beloved Heidi away, driving her away to a new life, safety, and away from the evil that had arrived at his home…that memory would one day bring him great comfort. The knowledge that at least one member of his family had been spared and hadn’t suffered with the rest of them had seen him through the darkest days and nights. That memory carried him through the horrors of Auschwitz, through the knowledge that two of his children and his wife were already dead. That image, the irony of it all, his daughter saved by the notion that the man who would have snuffed out of her life in the blink of an eye was her uncle, gave him some solace. And maybe, just maybe, before they led him to the gas chamber to meet his death, he had managed one last smile.
Chapter 20
St. Patrick’s Day
She needed to somehow communicate. The regret, the sorrow she felt, the pain, and the agony of the truth was just too much. Her beliefs had been shattered in an instance, her memories now tarnished. Heidi Launer stared at the ceiling of her hospital room as she lay paralyzed, desperate to somehow get a message to her son, to anyone. She guessed it was early morning, by the beams of sunlight that peered through the center of the closed curtains. Steven and Sarah would be on their way to the parade, if they wanted to secure a good view. Oh how she wished she could be with them.
Saint Patrick's Day - The Gordonston Ladies Dog Walking Club Part III: A Dark Comedy Cozy Mystery With A Twist Page 11