“No.”
“I suppose you could look at mine, maybe. I would need to think about it, but I suppose you could have a quick look during short break.” He winked at her, hoping she would be impressed about how daring he was being.
“Thanks, babes,” she said. “That’s great.”
“Sure. No worries … babes.”
“What were you doing talking to Eric Smith when I came down the corridor?”
“Oh … nothing much. Just … you know.” Noah trailed off, really not wanting to get into it. The memory stick wasn’t his yet. The real facts were still out there. Dangerous.
Jess nodded. “Watch yourself. That guy’s a douchebag.”
Noah grimaced and desperately wanted to retort that Eric might be a “tosser”, he might be a “heathen”, he might even be “an uncultured swine”, but since they were not in America he would not be a douchebag. But he swallowed down his irritation because he and Jess were talking now. Like normal people. “Uh, yeah!” Noah said, forcing a chuckle. “And he’s not just a douchebag!”
“No?”
“No! Hell no! He’s a… a…” Arse! What was he? “He’s a … Douchebagasaurus Rex!”
Jess looked at him, stony-faced. “What’s that? Some sort of…”
“Dinosaur,” Noah interrupted. “A real douche of a … dinosaur. Like, probably the one that told all the others, ‘Oh, don’t worry, that huge speeding meteorite won’t harm us, we’re dinosaurs, we’re unstoppable, just stay out and enjoy yourselves.’”
“Huh.” Jess nodded. “You’re … funny. I don’t get it, but you’re funny.”
“Well, it’s because the way scientists think dinosaurs became extinct was—”
Jess held her hand up. “That’s cool, Noah.”
“I’m interested in palaeontology,” he said, before realizing that perhaps it wasn’t as cool to her as it was to him. “But I like other stuff too. Like … music!” Music was a safe bet. Everyone liked music. Music was cool.
“Yeah?” Jess smiled. “And what’s your jam, Noah?”
He swallowed hard. He knew she couldn’t possibly be asking what sort of preserves he favoured. He smiled at her. “I like so many jams,” he said. “I like all the jams.”
“You’re so cute,” she said, pecking him on the cheek and getting up. “Laters!” And she flounced off up the corridor.
Oh my God. It had finally happened. He’d become normal. Soon he would be fashionable, use teen slang, post inspirational images on an Instagram account…
He turned to go and nearly bumped into Melissa and a few of her friends who were trying to catch up with Jess. “All right, Noah?” she said. “Heard you had fun last night.”
“Er, yeah. Fun, yes,” Noah said, waiting for the inevitable vicious punchline to land.
Melissa smiled. “Cool. Oh, by the way, I googled your mum last night and watched some of her Beyoncé show on YouTube? You know, it’s not bad. I quite liked it.”
Noah stared at her. “Riiiight—”
“Serious,” Melissa said. “And way cooler than my mum – she’s an office manager, for God’s sake. Like, what even is that?”
“Office managers calculate payroll, organize meetings and supervise the work of secretarial, clerical and administrative staff,” Noah said. It was a good job someone had been paying attention at that careers fair.
Melissa gawped at him. “Well, whatever, sounds dull to me! Your mum is way more creative.”
“Uh-huh?” Noah said. This was making him feel nervous. This sort of normal interaction with the cool kids just wasn’t, well, normal.
“Catch you later,” Melissa smiled, giving him a little fist bump on his shoulder and walking off.
Noah stood in a daze.
For reasons he didn’t remotely understand, it felt like he had turned some sort of corner.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
“Is this some sort of pathetic attempt to try and prove you’re not gay?” Harry dropped his lunch tray on the table, kicked out the chair and slammed down opposite. “Messing around with Jess?”
Noah froze, mid-mouthful. “What?”
“Because that’s what everyone’s saying. That’s what she’s saying. That you two…”
“We two, what?”
“Had sex,” Harry muttered.
Noah felt the pasta in his mouth turn to sand as he did his best to swallow it down. “That’s what she’s saying?”
“That’s what everyone’s saying! You were round at hers, you had several bottles of cider and then one thing led to another. Is it true?”
“It’s—”
“So it’s not true?”
“It’s—”
Melissa being so friendly, the idea his mum was now cool, not being bullied for being gay (so far today) – it all began to make sense. Everyone thought he’d had sex with Jess! And by association, he was now suddenly acceptable. And while that was utterly pathetic, school had felt nice today. It had been pleasant. And if this was the reason, he could presumably look forward to more of the same. Obviously the sex thing wasn’t true, and he wasn’t sure how this misunderstanding could have occurred. Jess would hardly be lying to big herself up – it wasn’t as if having sex with him would improve her own social standing. Maybe she mentioned something about him coming over and people just took it the wrong way? Or maybe she couldn’t remember – what with being knocked out and all.
“Why are you hesitating? Yes or no?” Harry said, staring at him.
“None of that matters,” Noah said. “I did something for you last night that I think you’ll be very pleased about.”
“Having sex with Jess?”
“No, something else.”
“OK, so you’re just ignoring the whole sex-with-Jess thing?”
“I agreed to purchase a little something from Eric Smith.”
There was a second or two of silence whilst Harry took it in. “What the hell?” He frowned, massively unimpressed. “It better not be what I think it is. Not the memory stick?”
“Well, thank your lucky stars, because it is! Cost me a hundred quid, but I’m gonna get it. Get it for you!” Noah grinned.
“You bought that crap off Eric? Is that what you did?”
“Yes…” Why was Harry not down on his knees, licking Noah’s shoes?
“You wanker!” Harry hissed at him.
Noah was stunned. What the hell was Harry’s problem now? He’d just spent his own money making sure their antics weren’t plastered all over the internet! “Hey! I did this for you!”
“Did it for you, more like. Ashamed of kissing me, was that it?”
And there it was. Back to the kiss again. Back to being gay. That’s what everything boiled down to now. That’s where every path in their friendship led. Things would never be the same, because everything was now connected to this. If he didn’t want to get chips after school, it would be because he was ashamed of kissing him. If he didn’t answer his phone, it would be because he was ashamed of kissing him. If he didn’t want to join Harry and his parents on one of their godforsaken garden centre trips, it would be because he was ashamed of kissing him!
“I don’t care! Get it?” Harry continued. “I don’t care if Eric shows the world that stupid video, I’m not hiding any more and I don’t care who knows! And I’m not gonna be blackmailed by him ’cause I’ve got nothing to be ashamed of!”
“Harry, I just didn’t want everyone to see the video! I didn’t mean… It would be embarrassing! And you saw how everyone reacted when they just thought we’d held hands. What’ll they do if they see we kissed? Twice?” He lowered his voice and leaned in to Harry. “With tongues!”
“I don’t care! You know why I was crying in the toilets yesterday? Because Eric tried to sell me that video and I said no. And I knew that when the video got out, just like Eric threatened it would, things would get worse for us, you’re right about that. They would. And I knew that would probably make things even more difficult between you a
nd me. Maybe even… Maybe everything would be lost, I don’t know. That’s why I was crying – because of how I knew you would react. But at the same time, I wasn’t going to be made to feel ashamed of who I was. Who I am.”
“Yes, but…”
“Everyone’s talking behind my back! My parents even know about it, somehow. We had to have this whole talk. Mum’s doing this thing where she’s acting fine, but it’s obviously an act. Like she’s acting the act, making it obvious she’s acting, you know? And I kept hearing her crying in bed last night, and I mean, really?!”
“Crying ’cause you’re gay?”
“Something about never having grandkids.”
“Yeah, but you could, because you could give some sperm to a surrogate mother or a lesbian couple or something,” Noah helpfully proffered. “Although I guess your mum wouldn’t be massively keen on that either.”
Harry gave the slightest flicker of a smile, and Noah was overcome with a terrible sadness. He was sitting opposite the only person he knew whom he didn’t have to pretend around. He didn’t have to be someone he wasn’t; him and Harry just were. And without Harry having to say it, Noah knew that this stuff with Harry’s parents would be hurting him. Unlike Noah, Harry actually quite liked his folks. He was paranoid about disappointing them even by just getting half marks on a maths test, so what was happening now must be off the scale.
“Look, Harry, I’m sure we can sort this out, I’m sure—”
“Yeah? Really? See, I don’t get you any more, Noah. You maybe sleep with Jess, maybe don’t, but it’s definitely nothing to do with what happened between us. Then you buy the video off Eric, but not because you’ve got a problem with gay stuff. I mean, it was a kiss, Noah. A kiss! So what? Who cares?”
“Look, Harry, I can explain everything… I mean, when you put it like that, sure, I agree, it sounds awful. And –” he lowered his voice again “– you know, I’m cool with the gay stuff, like, I mean, with you being gay … even if I’m not … gay, not that I’ve… I mean, I don’t entirely know what I’m trying to say really, but please don’t be mad at me. Maybe I made a mistake, then… Got it wrong about the video. But, please… We’re … best friends. Aren’t we?”
Harry shrugged. “I thought we were.”
“Well, yeah!”
“You won’t be buying the video, then, will you?”
Noah stared at him, cornered. It was a no-win situation. Buy the video, upset Harry. Don’t buy it, have the world see what they did. “You don’t think we should have it? Rather than… I mean, you want it all over the internet, then?”
“Have you heard anything I’ve said?”
“Yes, but—”
“I’ve had enough.”
Harry stood up abruptly and stormed out of the dining hall as all eyes turned in their direction.
“Ooooh! Lovers’ tiff!” said a Year Eight kid at a nearby table, to appreciative laughter.
Noah put his head down and pretended to be preoccupied finishing his pasta. He aggressively speared the last of it on to his fork. This. Whole. Situation. Really. Sucked!
“What’s the pasta ever done to you?” chuckled a fully broken male voice.
Noah looked up and froze in terror. There, looking down at him and for some reason placing his tray on the same table as Noah’s … and now actually sitting down opposite Noah, was Year Thirteen’s Josh Lewis. THE Josh Lewis! Noah turned to look behind him – surely Josh was talking to someone else?
“What’s up with your mate?” Josh asked, starting on his lunch of chicken breast and salad.
“Oh … he … er, he’s … you know, so, yeah.” What are you doing here, Josh, surely you’ve made a mistake!
“Uh-huh.” Josh nodded, chewing on his chicken.
Noah sat staring at Josh, unaware his mouth was slightly open, mesmerized by this beautiful boy eating his no-carbs lunch. He watched Josh take each mouthful of tender grilled chicken and crisp salad, chewing slowly, exuding that confident, charming and in-control air he had about him. Josh had never spoken to him before. Never even noticed him before. So why now? Did he think Noah was someone else? Or had Josh gone blind, perhaps? A freak sporting accident, robbing him of his sight, disorientating him in the canteen…
“So … you and Jess, then?” Josh grinned.
This was unbelievable. A rumour that he might have got with a popular girl and suddenly Noah Grimes was worthy of being spoken to by Josh Lewis. It was brilliant, but terrifying. Brilliant because he finally wasn’t a social pariah. Terrifying because the things that had made him so weren’t actually true. What if Jess Jackson’s memory suddenly came back, in crystal-clear detail? Or what if Noah himself couldn’t keep the pretence up and said something that immediately proved it was all a facade?
It would be like the kidnapping story he made up about his dad.
“Hmm, ahhh – hum…” Noah muttered, smiling and trying not to actually say anything that implicated him one way or another, just as Gran would advise.
“Cool,” Josh said, taking a swig of mineral water from his sports-capped bottle.
“I like your bottle,” Noah said, desperately grabbing on to any conversation topic he could find.
“Yeah? You like sports? You into anything?”
Noah flailed around for something to say. Josh Lewis was talking to him. He had to talk back. This was his chance. This could be acceptance. This could change everything. “Badminton?” he finally offered.
“Bro, badminton is for pussies.”
Noah gave a nervous laugh. “Oh, yes. Yes, er, bro, I… It was a joke. ’Course not! Badminton!” he scoffed. “As if! Ha!”
“You should join the rugby team. We could use a scrum half.”
“Oh, right, I’m not sure…?” Noah said, quickly hiding his trembling hands under the table.
“Or a winger? You fast on your feet?”
“Not … sure…” Noah repeated.
“Cool.” Josh shrugged. “So. Jess.”
Noah nodded. “Jess.”
“She’s a fine girl. Lots of lads be jealous you’re hitting that.”
“Oh. Right.”
“But I gotta hand it you, bro. S’always the quiet ones!” Josh chuckled and pulled a protein shake out of his bag. “Listen, yeah, I know we’ve never talked before, but you seem cool. And I like your style. Lot of boys brag about it endlessly. I like that you’re being relaxed.”
“Right!” Noah said, staring at Josh, unblinking.
“And most lads I know are full of it. But you seem different. So … mates?”
“What?” Noah whimpered, in utter disbelief.
“Wanna be mates? We can compare notes, on the ladies?” he said, winking at him.
“Sure! Yeah! Deffo!” Oh my God, this was bloody BRILLIANT!
“Now,” he continued, “what marks would you give her?”
“What? Marks? Marks for who?”
“Jess, you bellend!” he chuckled. “Gotta give your girl marks out of ten.”
“In what categories?” This was a whole new world, and he didn’t much like it.
“How good the sex was!”
“Oh! Oh … er … what are the grade boundaries?”
“Zero is crap, ten is out of this world. What would you give Jess?”
“Um… I… Five?” he said doubtfully, thinking it seemed like a safe sort of number. In the middle. Average.
“Five, huh?”
“Could be a six?”
“Well, which?”
“Five, then. Let’s say five.”
“You’re hard to please. I like that. You’ve got standards.”
“Sure have!”
“And so have I. Me and you are gonna get along just fine! Do you fancy a Coke?”
“Oh! Yes!”
Josh handed him a two-pound coin. “Grab me one too, will ya? Make sure they’re cold!”
Noah took the shiny coin and bounded off to the vending machine. He was going to have an ice-cold Coke with Josh Lewis. A
boy who wasn’t going to try and kiss him. A boy that was happy to engage in a bit of light banter, nothing heavy. No accusations. No problems. He might not be his best friend, but he was sure as hell a better one than Harry was being right now.
He approached the Coke machine and inserted the coin in the slot, just as he felt a warm hand come down on his shoulder.
“Afternoon, Mr Grimes!”
Noah turned to come face-to-face with a smiling Mr Baxter. “Getting something from the vending machine?” Mr Baxter said. “Chocolate, or a nice beverage?”
Noah squinted at him. Why was he engaging in pointless chatter?
“Just a Coca-Cola,” Noah said. “For me and Josh Lewis.”
“How’s things?” Mr Baxter continued.
Noah rubbed his nose. This was his chance to plant seeds of doubt. “Well, Mum’s got an horrific fungal foot infection. She’s prone to them, it’s fully gross, so it’s lucky she’s still secretly in love with my dad, because he’s the only person who loves her regardless, you know? And she does really, really love him. Even though she sometimes lies and says she doesn’t. Of course, she’s always on the lookout for a naive rich middle-aged man who she can ultimately fleece, but hey, that’s my mum!” Noah pulled at his collar and gave Mr Baxter a wide smile.
Mr Baxter blinked back at him, blew out a breath and patted him gently on the back again. “Excellent. Crack on, kiddo.”
And he walked off. Kiddo? A word you would only use if you were being some sort of try-hard stepdad.
Noah’s blood ran cold. How much more trouble did the universe want to send his way?
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“FIVE OUT OF TEN?!” she screamed.
Noah had been making his way across the playground towards the gates, but he spun round as a furious Jess Jackson stormed up to him, looking about ready to gouge his eyes out with her impossibly long nails. “FIVE out of TEN?!” she repeated. “FIVE?!”
“Hello, Jess.”
“Disrespectful! That’s what it is! You’ve disrespected me!”
“No…”
“Why are boys all the same? Can’t wait to brag about it to your mates, can you?”
“I haven’t!”
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