by C. A. Harms
So yeah, I guess I was pathetic and weak.
I HAD BECOME A GHOST. I was lost so deep in hate and sadness that I was no longer sure if I could ever heal. I feared everything because everything I did had consequences, and those consequences only led me further away from the woman I barely remembered being, who had been so happy and so full of life. Now it was hard to find the happiness in anything.
The dark bruise on my cheek would heal, but the psychological damage would forever be embedded in my soul. I pressed my tongue against the split in my lip, because the pain reminded me that I was still alive. Once again, I thought of running, but just like every time I did, I remembered what was forcing me to stay.
Arthur Palmer, my dad.
He was the most loving, caring man I had ever known. We had lost my mother to breast cancer when I was only six and fought through that loss to develop an unbreakable bond. But when I was sixteen, tragedy struck again when he was diagnosed with coronary heart disease. But he seemed to be doing fine until I was twenty-two. Right after I graduated with a degree in marketing, his health took a turn for the worse, and I blamed myself for focusing on my own life when I should have been taking better care of him.
By that point, I had already met Jase, who’d been a guest speaker in one of the business classes I took during my senior year of college. He wowed me from the start and flirted with me to the point that I had no hope of resisting. His dad was even a bigger charmer, and in the end my father and I were convinced they were the definition of perfection. They knew the best doctors and the best treatment facilities, and money was no concern for them. They took care of my father, for which I was grateful.
But in the end, they played us both.
Now I was trapped, because my father needed the money and the connections they continued to offer.
He was in a facility in the city, and Jase made sure I rarely got to visit him, but I had peace of mind knowing his health was being taking care of. And when Jase arranged for us to visit, I spent hours with him. Dad would ask about my life, and I would tell him the fairy-tale version. I always felt guilty for lying, but telling him the truth would have been even harder. I didn’t think he could handle it either.
Lately the visits with my father had grown even scarcer. Each time I mentioned wanting to see him, Jase redirected the conversation without letting me know when he would grant me another visit.
Meanwhile, I was trapped inside a home filled with people on my husband’s payroll. They each watched me as if they were waiting for me to make a wrong move so they could run and tell Jase. My cell phone was a privilege reserved only for when Jase was around. He monitored my calls, which was easy because I had no one I could truly call. I had lost all my friends after we were married, due to the fact that Jase demanded I always stay by his side, so I had little time to spend with them. Now I understood that was the way he’d wanted it. I had no car, because Jase’s driver took us everywhere, and he knew taking me anywhere without direct approval from Jase would only end in his termination, and worse things, I’m sure. So he didn’t dare cross my husband.
No one would.
“Put this one on,” Jase said as he lay a red dress with a plunging neckline across the end of our bed. “It shows off your best assets, and tonight I need them on display as a distraction.”
Once again he was going to use me to manipulate the people around him, only to punish me for it later.
He turned around and walked toward the bathroom, leaving me alone to dress. I had no choice in the matter. If I argued or chose something a little less provocative, he would make me regret it. The contours of my breasts would be impossible to hide in it, but that was exactly why he had chosen it in the first place. My hands shook as I picked up the dress from the bed and carefully lifted it up to slide it over my body.
I was in the process of adjusting my breasts when Jase emerged from the bathroom and stepped up behind me. I tensed when he placed his hands on my hips and pressed his body close to mine from behind. I held my breath, unsure of his next move. Not knowing when he would strike was almost as awful as the actual event.
“You always smell so good,” he whispered.
On very rare occasions, Jase said something that reminded me of the man he used to be. Only those comments and sweet words no longer meant anything to me. I knew it was just his way of ensuring I would continue doing as he ordered.
“Thank you,” I said, still frozen in place, afraid to pull away and continue getting ready.
“After I secure this deal and everything’s settled, I think you and I should take a little trip,” he whispered against my ear. “I think it would be good for us.”
Tears burned my eyes at the thought of him taking me away. Most women would love to have their husbands surprise them with a whirlwind vacation. For them, it would be a time to rekindle the old flame and devour one another for days without any form of distraction. But to me it just sounded like another form of torture.
“Yeah,” I said in return, and he seemed pleased as he kissed my neck and stepped back, creating some much-needed space between us.
For the next two hours I stepped into the role Jase needed me to take. I wooed the businessmen and complimented their wives. I oohed and ahhed over my talented husband’s accomplishments, but on the inside I just felt dirty. I hated lying to these people, because Jase would fuck them over later, and it would be partly my fault.
Knowing that made living with myself even harder.
They would entrust Jase and his father to invest their money, believing that one day they too would have millions. But they would only be giving the Hellman men the power to rule the rest of their lives. Yes, Jase and his father made them money, but they did it illegally. Most people had no idea what their funds were being used for, and when they had realized it was too late. The Hellman men held their illegal actions over their investors’ heads, and they became fearful of prison time, or worse, for being accessories. So instead of turning Bruce and Jase in, they remained quiet.
Like I said, Jase and Bruce were dirty.
“Excuse me,” I said, causing Jase to redirect his attention from the person he was talking to toward me. He tightened his grip on my waist and gave me a questioning look. “I just need to go to the ladies’ room and freshen up before dinner is served,” I said in explanation as I plastered on a fake smile and leaned into my husband.
Appear as the loving devoted wife always, Kinsley.
The thought made it hard to breathe.
“Hurry up and come back to me,” he whispered sweetly before leaning in to kiss my cheek.
I fought the urge to roll my eyes as I stepped away and turned toward the exit of the ballroom where the event was being held.
I felt like running, just craving the moment alone that I was seldom granted. I ignored the people I passed, who looked as if they wanted me to stop and talk, offering them smiles. I had been given a small taste of freedom, and I was embracing it.
Once I was safely tucked inside the women’s restroom, I took the first available stall I could find, shutting and locking the door. When I leaned back against the metal, the coolness felt amazing. For a moment I closed my eyes, taking the time I had been allowed to breathe and attempt to relieve some of the tension coiling through my body.
I stayed that way for a while, then panicked as I realized I didn’t know how much time had passed. Fearing that Jase would come looking for me, I hurried to relieve myself, washed my hands, and rushed toward the door. Just as I was reaching for the handle, it flew open. I stumbled back to keep from being hit in the face and held my hand out in defense.
Relief washed over me when I looked up and didn’t see Jase. An older, kind-looking woman with gentle eyes stepped inside and offered me a sweet smile.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I almost hit you.”
I felt like I had seen her somewhere before. Something about her seemed so familiar.
“It’s okay, I’m fine, really,” I replied an
d gave her a reassuring smile.
She stared back at me for a moment, tilting her head to the side with a puzzled look on her face. But then she smiled once again and I relaxed.
“You’re Kinsley, right?” she asked. “Your father was Arthur.”
I nodded, realizing then where I knew her from. “Yes I am,” I said. Then her words hit me. “Wait, ‘was’?”
“I remember seeing you visit him on occasion. I haven’t worked at Whisper Ridge for close to a month, but I do stay in touch with the other caregivers there, and I was so sorry to hear about your father, dear.”
I had never in my life been more confused than I was in that moment. I stood staring at her as if I was mute.
“He was always one of my favorite residents. That man always left a smile on the faces of everyone he came in contact with. Such a kind soul. I know the ladies sure do miss him too.”
My heart sank. “What? I’m not sure I understand what you’re referring to.” My heartbeat hammered in my ears, and I felt lightheaded and nauseous, as if I may pass out at any moment. Tears welled in my eyes. I already knew the answer to my next question, but I had to ask it anyway. “What do you mean they miss him?”
Even though I’d seen this woman before, I couldn’t remember her name. But she had obviously spent time with my father, because the way she described him and his kindness was dead on. She stared back at me without answering my question, and I found myself suddenly growing angry.
“Answer me,” I said as my nostrils flared. “What happened to my father?” None of this was her fault, I knew that, but I couldn’t control my emotions.
“I’m so sorry. I just assumed that you of all people would know.” She sagged and her own eyes filled with tears. “Your father passed away last week.”
I felt my body collapse to the floor, and I did nothing to stop it. The impact barely fazed me because in that moment my heart was breaking.
“He didn’t tell me,” I whispered. The woman knelt at my side and took my hand in hers. “Jase didn’t even tell me he died.” The words burned in my throat.
I shouldn’t have been surprised, but how could someone keep that kind of news hidden? Did he think I would never find out? How long did he think he could continue to delay our visits and make excuses?
“Who is Jase?” she asked.
“The man who has destroyed my life,” I confessed as tears fell down my cheeks. “He’s taken everything from me, including the only man I’ve ever truly loved.”
The bathroom door opened, and I looked up into the eyes of the man I suddenly no longer feared. I didn’t have anything holding me back from leaving him, and now I didn’t care if he finished destroying me, because on the inside I already felt dead.
“What happened?” he asked, playing the role of the caring husband. He rushed forward and leaned down, reaching out to place his hand on my shoulder, and I recoiled from his touch.
“Don’t touch me, you son of a bitch,” I screamed and scrambled backward to gain some distance from him.
Jase’s features morphed from concern to anger immediately. “I think I need a few moments alone with my wife,” he told the woman without taking his eyes off me.
“I’m sorry, sir.” The woman stood and squared her shoulders. “I don’t think this young lady agrees.”
Jase stood too and turned to face the woman. He was challenging her, and I instantly feared he would hurt her. Only she didn’t seemed intimidated by his stance or his presence.
“I said I need to be alone with my wife.”
“And I said this is the ladies’ room, and I’m not leaving. If this young lady decides to talk to you, that’s up to her, not you or I.”
I had never witnessed anyone stand up to Jase without hesitation. It was empowering to watch.
I decided in that moment that she was amazing.
“Now you can either leave this room peacefully, or I can call my son, who just happens to be a very large man and slightly volatile when provoked. You see, he’s spent a little time in prison for beating the hell out of arrogant assholes like you.”
A muscle in Jase’s jaw twitched repeatedly, and I knew he was doing all he could to control his anger. Without saying another word, he turned his head and looked down at the spot on the floor where I remained. “I’ll be waiting outside in the hall for you. I suggest you clean yourself up quickly and not leave me there long.”
“MY NAME IS ADELINE ULLMAN,” the woman said as she helped me from the floor and led me toward the sink as soon as Jase had left. “You can call me Addie.” She tore a paper towel from the dispenser, turned on the sink, and held it beneath the running water. Carefully she patted it between her hands to remove the excess water before she began to press it against my cheeks. I flinched, not from the coolness but the contact itself.
“I assume that man was Jase?” she asked, and I only nodded. “And he is your husband?” Again I nodded, feeling ashamed to admit that.
“I’ve been around a long time, honey,” she stated. “I’ve seen things and heard things in those years that sicken me to my core. But nothing disgusts me more than the sight of a man using his power over a woman.”
My vision blurred with tears, and I tried to blink them away.
“I’m going to ask you something, and I will only ask it once, so please answer truthfully. I will not push or beg someone to allow me to help them.” She looked toward the door to make sure we were still alone. “Do you want to leave with him?”
Jase had spent the last five years molding me into the person he wanted me to be. He held power over my life and everything in it. But I no longer had a reason to remain in the depths of hell. I could be free of him with just one word.
“No,” I whispered.
I looked up at her, and she offered a gentle nod in response. She quickly reached into her purse and pulled out her phone. “Are you calling your son?” I asked hopefully.
Addie gave me a gentle smile. “I don’t have a son, sweet girl,” she whispered. Suddenly I felt disappointed that some tattooed ex-con with bulging muscles and angry eyes wouldn’t be rushing to my rescue. “But I do have a very scandalous nephew who I know has ties to some very sneaky men who owe him some favors. I don’t ask his business, but I do know he’s just the type of person we need right now to get you away from that man.”
“It won’t be easy,” I said.
My body jerked in surprise as a loud knock erupted from the bathroom door. “It’s time, Kinsley,” Jase said angrily.
“You let me handle that, sweetheart,” she assured me, appearing unaffected by him.
Being set free from the clutches of Jase and his father was something I had dreamed of often. I used those dreams as an escape when times were tough, and they helped me survive, but I couldn’t believe it could actually happen.
Something would interfere. Jase or his father would stop my escape. I could feel it in my bones. The fear of this sense of freedom being ripped from me at any moment terrified me.
The fire alarm shrilled, and I looked over at Addie in a panic. She stood tapping away on her cell phone, unfazed by the alarm or the murmurs of concerned people that filtered into the bathroom from beneath the door.
“Kinsley, let’s move,” Jase said, beating on the door even more angrily than before. The metal plate on the bottom of the door rattled from the force of his fists.
Then suddenly the knocking stopped. I remained frozen in place, staring at the door. I knew at any moment he would burst through it and force me to follow him. I was trapped in this bathroom with no form of escape, and he knew that. Any moment he would take away this small amount of hope and punish me for my actions. I could almost feel his angry hands on me. He wouldn’t even allow me to mourn my father, as he had already taken Dad away from me. Fear took me over, and my head was once again spinning.
Just then the door opened and a sob escaped me as I scurried backward until my back slammed against the corner of the wall. Ignoring the pain in my hip, I
began to tremble in fear.
Only it wasn’t Jase who filled the doorway, it was a younger guy. He was scrawny and his long, blond hair hung in his eyes. It looked greasy, as if it hadn’t been washed for days. His left eye twitched uncontrollably, making it obvious that he was on something.
“Richey, it’s about damn time. I was about to start digging a hole as plan B.” Adeline hurried to my side and took my elbow.
“That freak of a husband of hers wouldn’t take the hint. We had to pay Lisa extra to distract him until hotel security forced him to leave,” he said. “We have a small window here, Ad. Let’s get going.”
“Then stop holding us up,” she barked as she led me toward the door. I stumbled along hesitantly until she looked back and offered me a gentle smile. “Sweetheart, he’s not out there, but no one can determine how long it will be until he comes back. So we need to move.”
“Where are we going?” I asked as I gave in and allowed her to lead me from the bathroom.
“Richey here knows some people that can help you disappear,” she assured me, and I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by “disappear.” She must have noticed the confusion on my face. “I’ll explain once you’re out of this hotel and safely out of the hands of that man.”
I nodded as I continued to follow her and the scary little guy down the hallway that led in the opposite direction of the ballroom. I looked back over my shoulder what felt like every few seconds, fearful of Jase appearing. It couldn’t be this easy. Could it?
When I saw the exit sign in front of us, a huge sense of relief washed over me. It was so close.
“Kinsley!”
My body jerked as my name rang sharply through the hall. I looked back over my shoulder and saw Jase moving through the hallway, weaving around the people still scrambling around, attempting to get out of the building. But Adeline never gave me time to stall. She just continued to drag me along, and I had never in my life been more thankful.
Jase yelled out my name angrily one last time before the metal emergency exit door before us was pulled open, and within seconds I was pushed in to the backseat of a waiting SUV.