Winthrop was now slumped over in the hard plastic hospital chair, his body shaking with broken sobs as tears shimmered in his eyes, felling to the floor.
The pain in his chest was not a burning anymore, but now had turned to a vast rip that was iced over. He was going to lose her even before he had a chance to keep her.
“Oh god, what have I done,” he wailed quietly into his hands.
To bent up in his misery Winthrop did not notice the click of polished leather shoes that came down the hallway nor the man who sat beside him until the man placed a hand on his shoulder.
“You now know the feeling you placed in her heart when you threw her out. This pain, my boy, is the price you must pay,” Royal said with a bitterness that spoke volumes.
Winthrop looked up at the man with tear-streaked cheeks. “Why does this have to happen to her?” His voice broke and cracked on the words.
Royal’s eyes were misty with tears but he looked away from the boy and up to the blanche white ceiling. “That is only something you can answer for yourself. However,” he looked back to the cowboy with narrowed eyes. “If she dies I will kill you myself and it will take months if not years for you to die of pain.”
Winthrop laughed bitterly. “I die a little more inside with each minute that passes, as she is in there. Nothing you can do could feel any worse. I never even got to tell her.”
Winthrop’s head bent down once more and he took in a deep shuddering breath.
“Tell her what?” Royal asked quietly.
When the cowboy didn’t answer Royal stood and started to walk away. But Winthrop’s words stopped him.
“That I love her,” he whispered, “I never even told her once…”
Royal smiled faintly and walked away once more, this time leaving for good.
With each tick of the clock, it finally drew on the sixth hour and Winthrop had finally given up hope. Slowly and painfully he dragged himself from his chair and stood, without waiting to ask he started for the doors.
“Mr. Canter! Wait!”
Winthrop turned on his heel as Dr. Ross came running over to him. He didn’t miss the fact the most of the man’s surgical gown was covered in blood. He closed his eyes, squeezing them shut and waited for the news that would rip out his heart and make him a hollow man.
Dear god please-!
“Mr. Canter, I need to talk to you. It’s about something private; can I take you into one of the rooms?” Dr. Ross asked with a grim tone.
Without waiting however Dr. Ross pulled him into a darken little office.
“We found something out while cleaning up all the exterior wounds, before we can go in and do anything with the internal bleeding I had to ask your permission for something.”
Winthrop let out a breath of relief and shook the doctor demanding, “She’s not dead?”
Dr. Ross shook his head. “But she will be depending on your answer. Your fiancée is two months pregnant and that makes things difficult for us.”
The breath left his lungs and he stood stunned.
The doctor went on, “You have one of two options. You can keep the child, but then her chance of surviving is less then thirty percent. However even if you terminate the pregnancy her chances are still less then fifty percent.” Ross swallowed the sour taste on his tongue at such talk. Hesitating he asked, “Can I give you my view points?”
Mutely Winthrop nodded at the older man.
“From the view of a doctor I am advised to tell you the best thing for her is to end it. However as a man I don’t believe it that. Not for anything religious, but just as a man who has lost a child like that.
“I had been only twenty one at the time and me and my fiancée had been in a car crash. She never told me she was pregnant and when asked to do the same thing as you I said got rid of it. She healed, but never forgave me and left. It’s been ten years and I still love her, but she’s married with two beautiful daughters. Even on the times we pass by each other on the street she will never look at me, yet she knows I’m there.” Ross sighed heavily. “It’s your choice, but with her odds now anyway it could go either way.”
With a sudden burst energy Winthrop grabbed the man by both shoulders and said, “Save them both I beg you, man. Just save them. I have faith in you.” The deep sincerity in his voice that wavered with a small hope undid Ross and he nodded.
“I will do everything possible, but I have to go now. You should go home and rest. It will be about six more hours till she is done and then we wait. Come back in the morning after you’ve had some rest. I’ll be waiting for you.”
Winthrop nodded at the man and stopped him just before he went back through the doors again.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
Dr. Ross paused, nodded, and went back in.
…
Sleep was not and easy thing to come by, but as Winthrop curled up with a sleeping Lilla he found himself relaxing and slowly drifting to sleep with the sound of soft baby snores in his ear.
Cee had thrown a hysterical fit when he had come back and told her everything and when he told her about being pregnant she said, “Well no shit, you ass!”
Not understanding he had asked, “What do you mean?”
Cee had rushed over to him and poked in hard in the chest. “That’s why you kicked her out of here wasn’t it?”
The moment he realized what she was implying he exclaimed, “Hell no! If I had known then she wouldn’t have set foot on the damned plane.”
Celia’s mouth had dropped open and she stammered, “Y-you mean you d-d-didn’t know?”
“No, damn it,” he growled back.
“But you called them an unnecessary complication and told Devil you wanted nothing to do with the baby!” Cee accused.
“I had no choice but to send her off and I didn’t know about the baby, I thought she was talking about Lilla.”
“Why did you not have a choice?”
Winthrop closed his eyes and sighed in frustration. “I had gotten a call from Dutch; if she didn’t leave he would have bombed the ranch. Either way she wouldn’t have been safe but it was the best choice!”
Cee frowned and closed in on herself. “Seems to me that you cared more for the ranch.”
He laughed without humor. “It won’t be my ranch for much longer. Our loan from the back ran out, and without any money to pay some of it back it’ll be gone and sold, by the end of the month.”
Cee reached into her purse and held out a folded paper to him. He took it and asked, “What is it?”
“Devil told me to give it to you when she left for her sister’s apartment a few weeks ago,” Cee shrugged. “I never had the chance, but I don’t think you deserve it now, after all you’ve done. Thanks to you she may still die.”
Winthrop opened the paper to find it a bank statement.
“She paid it all off you know and then some to keep up and an account for the ranch. Three million to pay for the land and everything on it and two million in an account to spend on it as you see fit.”
He was pretty sure his jaw had almost hit the floor. He had known she had money, but he had never dreamed she would have enough to pay off the loan and even if she had he would never had let her.
“She told me that she did it because for the first time in her life she felt like this a home and she didn’t want her new home to be taken away.” Cee headed for the stairs. “Look after Lilla while I sleep.” And she was gone.
Devil was a whirl wind in herself, but so was her friend.
Now all he had to do was wait a few more hours till he could leave and see Devil. To even see if she had lived, if not he had no idea what he would do.
If Dutch hadn’t died Winthrop would have killed the bastard himself.
Lilla interrupted his dark thoughts with a yawn and a little cry.
“Shhh,” he soother her.
Yes, just a few more hours.
Chapter Thirty Three
“Winthrop, I’m sorry we couldn’t
save them,” Dr. Ross said quiet in the private waiting room for the Intensive Care Unit. “I wish we could have.”
Winthrop fell into a chair as all the life, hope, and will to live went out of him leaving a numb chill that creped into his bones.
In an anguished sob he whispered, “I failed her. I’ve lost them.”
Dr. Ross watched for the second time in his life a strong, proud, and tall man break over and fall to pieces. It was not a site he wanted to see never again. He had had to tell families of the other patients he had lost and those had been no easier, but to watch a man go through what he had hit close to home and tears stung the backs of his eyes.
Not only that but he held the secret from the cowboy he had once before worked on Devil. It had been when she was eleven and had come to the hospital beaten so bad no one could have told you who the kid was let alone a girl. This case was not something that he took lightly and it would haunt him for years to come.
Sighing heavily Ross as next to Winthrop and rested a hand on the man’s shaking shoulders.
“This isn’t the end, kid. There will be more in the years to come. The pain never go away completely but there will be more to fill the holes in your heart.”
This pain was not something that could be put into words. The agony in his chest was like ever burning lava that he couldn’t die from, but to keep burning in forever. He was so angry! How could he have let her die? It was all his fault for pushing her away even if it had been to protect her he should have never let her go and now it was too late. There was literally nothing left for him.
Devil was gone, their baby gone, and the bastard who killed them too. Winthrop couldn’t even torture the son of bitch just to make him pay for what he had done.
His hands fisted against his face.
Why had god let this happen to him! Had he not paid enough?
The answer must have been no, for only pain was his reward for anything that happened.
The only one left was Lilla and the thought of seeing her pained him about as much as Devil being dead. No, he could never see the little girl again without being reminded and going crazy over it. He would have Celia take the girl and raise her.
“Winthrop, are you listening to me?” the doctor asked. “Would you like to go in and see her before we move her?”
Now the man would ask him to see her like that? To see her beaten and bloody and still with new death fresh upon her lips? No, he didn’t want to see her that way, but to say goodbye one more time-!
“I want to see her,” he chocked out.
With a solemn nod Ross led him to a private room and opened the door.
Winthrop hovered in the door away staring in at Devil’s small fragile body laying on the bed, a white sheet covering her up to just beneath the chin. She was so pale, her lips purple and not the lush rose pink he remembered them. Even battered and still with death she was beautiful to him. Never mind the long stitched up gashes on her left cheek and forehead or the bruise shadowed around her neck.
He walked forward slowly, each step like a knife in his heart and his feet dragging as if lead bricks were tied to them. He was shaking in his dusty boots so badly just looking at her hurt. Her sweet face relaxed, no longer in pain, but in rest.
Winthrop’s hand reached out before he even thought to do it and he stopped himself a foot from the bed curling his outreached hand into a fist. Tears streamed hot down his unshaven cheeks.
“Why does it hurt so much,” he whispered to the doctor how came to stand next to him.
“Its just how it is. I’ll leave you in here for a while, I have some rounds to make, but you can’t stay too long.”
He only nodded and listen to the doctor leave. He stared at her for so long, willing her to come back. Slowly he uncurled his fingers and stroked her soft cheek.
That was all it took to undo him again. He fell to his knees and buried his bed in the bed next to her small frame, clutching her hands. A flood of the memories shared with her and Lilla flashed before his eyes. Her walking up to his door covered in mud for the first time, the first time he noticed the flash of fire in her eyes, and the first time he held her in his arms.
Fingers softly brush the hair from his forehead. “It hurts so bad,” Devil whispered.
Everything was foggy and she was tired like she had never been before, she couldn’t even open her eyes but she knew she was dreaming. She would be dead soon if this pain was telling her anything. Even the small movement of her hand was agony, but she wanted to enjoy her last moments with this Winthrop since she would never see the real one again.
Winthrop head snapped up and he gasped, “Devil!”
“Listen to me,” she whispered hoarsely through dried lips. “I am sorry, so sorry I couldn’t save them! I was to protect them, but I couldn’t.”
Tears flowed unchecked from the corners of her closed eyes. She squeezed his hand weakly.
In a panic he bellowed for Dr. Ross at the door and turned back to her. “Shhh. I know, but it’s not your fault, all that matters is that you are here!”
“What?” Ross asked rushing in. When he saw what was going on he ordered for Devil to be given another dose of pain meds.
“She was alive!” Winthrop grabbed the doctor by the arms and gave him a shake.
By god she’s alive ! Relief had washed through him like water from a broken dam.
Doctor Ross was confused. “Of course she is alive, but that not guaranteed at the moment.”
“Then what did you mean you could save them? Who are they?” Another shake.
Ross removed the man hands and looked away. “She was pregnant with twins. We couldn’t save them, there was to much damage inside.”
Winthrop felt a deep sorrow for his children that would never be born in the world, but at the moment Devil being alive over shadowed everything.
“Thank you. Thank you for bringing her back to me,” Winthrop thanked the man seriously.
A faint smile crossed the man’s lips. “I wish I had been so lucky. Good luck, Mr. Canter.”
Chapter Thirty Four
Three weeks later…
“After the plane crash in Billings and after finding out the truth behind everything that happened and caused the crash we bring to you the full story of murder, crime, and a music star. Miss Devil Runner, a country super star at only the age of nineteen, had gone to Billings for a concert after disappearing for two months-” the TV screen went black.
“Don’t listen to the crap,” Grange said coming in to sit on the edge of her bed.
It had been hell for her after she had come around after the first week. The pain had been so bad that they had to sedate her twice to stop her from have pain spasms.
“It’s not crap,” Devil muttered, she had been liking the way they made her seem like the sweet little victim. “Why are you here anyway?” She looked him over and he grinned sheepishly.
“The boss sent me to see how you were doing, but I wanted to come anyway,” he added quickly as Devil started to sit up with a glare.
She dropped back to the bed with a grunt of pain. Of course Winthrop wouldn’t come himself anymore. The second time she had awaken with him be her side she had tried to get out of bed and slug him, forgetting about her injuries. That little episode had caused her to rip open the stitches in her stomach and had left her screaming at him through her pain on the floor blooding. The first time she had been resigned and numb, they had told her she had lost the babies. That had been part of the rage to fuel her attack for the second meeting.
Grange leaned over and touched his forehead to her’s. “He worries about you. Can’t you forgive him even if it’s a little?”
Devil closed her eyes and put a hand on his cheek. “Grange you are a sweet man, but this is not something that can just pass. I have already forgiven him about kicking me out, Celia explained he hadn’t known about the baby or babies as it was. But I lost them, I was the one who was suppose to protect them and I didn’t. I am angry that h
e could just forgive me for losing them.” Tears stung her eyes. “I am not truly mad with him, but how could he forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?”
Grange scooted her over on the bed and climbed up next to her, then tucked her into his side with his arms wrapped around her. He leaned he head against the top of her’s and sighed. “I could not forgive myself for Jenny’s death either, still haven’t, but I realize there was nothing I could have done to change it. You will get over it in time. There will be other children.”
“He will not want me back, the only reason he worries is because he pities me,” Devil sniffed.
Grange gave her a squeeze and was silent a moment before he said, “If he doesn’t want you, then I do.”
That shocked Devil, her head snapped to the side and she stared up at him. His expression was serious, but he cheeks were flushed a dull red with embarrassment at saying the words.
After a pause Devil smiled gently. “You really mean it, don’t you? When did your feelings change?”
“I came to notice about the time we went to your sister’s apartment. You may not know this but after I found out what all happened from Winthrop I cleaned his clock,” Grange’s deep voice said with a smile.
Devil was touched by his words, but if only it could work this way. “If only it could work that way Grange. I do love you Grange always have, I see you are part of my family, but-”
Grange pressed a finger to her lips. “I know what you mean Devil. You love me, but you’re in love with Winthrop. But I’ll always be here when you need me.”
Devil snuggled down again his side and smiled. “Thank you,” she whispered before drifting off.
Grange grinned, he had finally said it and now all he did was pick the right time to tell the Boss about it. Once again it was only a matter of time.
Broken Road Page 14