by Hart, Alana
I nodded and ran up the stairs and dove into the shower to rinse the accumulation of travel sweat off me.
The shower was cool, and I felt refreshed when I emerged. I pulled on some swimming shorts, and picked up my cell. I remembered the email and quickly pulled it up. It was a notification of a new member who would like to chat. I sighed heavily and clicked on the link to go to the site, not expecting much but figuring this could maybe be my final date requirement and then this hell would all be over.
I was not prepared for the shock I got when I saw the profile picture of the woman who wanted to maybe hook up with me and was forced to sit down on the end of the bed.
In a swirl of conflicting emotions, my spirits soared and my heart sank as I studied the face before me on the screen.
On the one hand, I realized that this candidate could never be my final date to end the bet. No, I’d still need to keep looking for her. I sighed with mild frustration at the prospect of another evening in the company of the lost and unwanted of Rhode Island.
But on the other, as I gazed into the depths of the emerald eyes of this enquirer, hypnotized by her absolute perfection, I was overwhelmed with relief.
Lucy was alive, and by some stroke of luck or fate or both, she was almost within my reach for the first time in years. Closing my eyes, tears threatening, I took a deep breath and finally allowed all the worry and pain to slowly disperse from my body.
Yet I knew that it would definitely take much more than a week of emails and texts to build this one’s trust to meet me for a date.
I could feel my heartbeat pound against my chest.
Thank fuck that I now knew where she was. I’d always tried to keep my hopes in check over the years, never really believing that I’d find her, and yet here she was beaming at me on the screen.
She looked just as spunky, and clearly as determined as ever. The picture showed her in a cap and gown, so I knew she’d graduated college even without family support. You had to admire that.
What a girl Lucy Rivers had always been. Her face was as familiar as my own once, but now I could see the clearer lines and less rounded features of a woman, not a girl. She looked harder, tougher than I remembered her, but her cat-like eyes were still filled with the sadness I had seen in them when she’d left here five years ago with hatred in her heart.
But still, even through the haunted look in her eyes, she looked fantastic. I could feel the usual pull that her closeness had always left me with as a teenager, an ache in my groin and a desire I could never shake. And all this from a tiny profile photo… I could only imagine the effect she would have on me if I were to see her in person.
Yet, how could I possibly let her know who I really was?
She would run a mile, but I had to know she was okay, had to try and rebuild the trust we had once shared. She was the only woman who had ever gotten me so hot and horny I couldn’t think straight, and trying to maintain our lifelong friendship had been tough as we had blundered through our teen years.
God, I remembered that glorious, summer night like it was yesterday. We had so nearly taken everything to the next level… and that incredible kiss still tormented me to this very day.
The perfect moment when we had finally been alone had been unexpectedly interrupted by the news that would change everything, forever. I could still recall the frustration I had felt, my cock so hard and eager, and my body feeling so robbed of the sensation of her soft breasts pressed up against my hard chest, her silky skin under my fingers.
Even now, just thinking of that night alone in her bedroom made my cock twitch with excitement. Oh, I wanted her… still do.
I pushed the urge to explore the memory further as I tried to figure out my next move. My head felt dizzy with indecision.
I should tell Lucy’s dad, Tom, and my Mom that Lucy was okay, that I’d inadvertently found her. They’d want to know she was fine and had fulfilled her dream of being an interior designer. They had a right to know, I told myself, but an almost imperceptible inkling urged me to keep the information under wraps for now.
Guilt swirled in my belly. Tom had been worried out of his mind for years, had tried to trace her, but without enough money to hire a private detective we had come up against every kind of barrier. The police had deemed her old enough to make her own decisions. Her leaving home had broken the poor man’s heart. Mom had tried to console him, and the arrival of Morgan just six months later had probably helped him to learn to live with the absence of his beloved first daughter, but he had never come to terms with her being gone. It had been so hard for them both when they got married, not having her there, not having her blessing.
It had been tough for me too. I hated the idea that the girl I adored was now my stepsister, but I didn’t take it half as badly as Lucy did. To her my mom and her dad getting married was a betrayal she simply could not get past.
I wondered if she was still angry, or if maybe I could find a way now to be the friend she had so needed then, but that my idiotic, hormonal teenage brain couldn’t bring itself to be at the time. I’d been angry too. I had wanted her too badly. The new sudden change from best friends – and almost more – into being siblings had made it insanely hard to be around her, and my desperate attempts to make her listen, not just react, had made her push me further away too.
But unlike Luce, I had known that Joanna, her mom, had schemed to ensure her husband would be cared for and loved by her best friend even on her death bed. And I was stubborn. I couldn’t, and wouldn’t condemn my mom, or Tom for doing what Jo had so begged them to do – not even for Lucy.
They deserved to be happy too, and I know they found solace from the pain they had both been through in each other, and real love grew between them. It wasn’t just about Jo’s dying wish; it was about what made them both feel whole again. I would never want to deny anyone that feeling. I hoped every day that I would find my better half so I could be whole again too. And here she was, in Providence, Rhode Island - and suddenly the mountain I had to climb to gain her trust again seemed even higher than when I had no clue where she was!
4
Lucy
I still couldn’t believe that I sent a message to “Apollo.” Hell, I must have been possessed. I didn’t have time to date, and I certainly didn’t need anyone in my life that couldn’t even be up front enough about something as simple as his real name.
He probably won’t even respond, I mused. And laughed at myself for getting so caught up over it. I needed to concentrate on my marketing. If I didn’t find some new clients, and pronto, I would soon be joining the unemployment line and I was not ready for that.
I was almost nearly finished on my final project for my postgraduate degree, and the client was extremely happy – thank god. However, unlike my normal jobs, there wouldn’t be a juicy fat check waiting at the end of this one. I was only able to charge my material costs since it was for my qualifications.
And yet, my bank account was crying out for funds. I quickly checked my balance through an app and sighed when the familiar numbered appeared on the screen. I was down to my last fifty dollars. Did I really believe that just by checking the balance for the umpteenth time that day would make the number magically grow? Bah. I had to figure something out quick, because I had no idea if I could make it stretch until the end of the month if I didn’t manage to get another job lined up for when I finished my current one.
I felt like I’d tried everything. I’d delivered more flyers around all the rich residential districts than my feet could cope with – my heels had been covered in blisters by the time I finally made it home. I’d also sent out emails and letters, even tried calling every business within a fifty-mile radius, and yet nobody seemed to be hiring.
Where was my knight in shining armor or fairy godmother? I just needed one person to give me a break who preferably also had some great contacts. Was that too much to ask for?
If I could only get my foot in the door somewhere. I’d dreamed of get
ting to tackle the new tech company in the financial district’s head office. It was a fantastic old Victorian block, and they hadn’t done anything to it since they’d moved in… neglected it if you asked me. I’d walked past it a few times and the building has practically screamed out to me for some love and attention. A job like that could keep me in work for months, if not years. If only I knew how to get hold of one of the directors, but they seem to be guarded closer than the President. Nobody got near them, or in through their heavily guarded door. Believe me, I tried. Apparently they were geniuses and did not take kindly to unannounced visitors that tried to slip in with the lunch crowd. I’d have to find another way, I considered.
The front door opened, Ali entered in a bit of a whirlwind and discarded her belongings on our small shabby chic table. She took one look at me and sighed. “Okay grumpy, get your coat. I’m taking you out for dinner. I need a great big steak and I do not want to eat alone.”
Ali’s voice was her ‘not to be argued with’ one. Well tough, I thought, I was going to argue anyway.
“I am not a charity case, and I can’t afford to eat in, let alone out, so sorry, you are on your own, sister,” I said in a huff, even though the idea of a big porterhouse dripping with blood made my taste buds tingle.
“This isn’t charity. I need your advice. I need iron, and therefore I need you and I need a steak. Get your butt away from that desk and come out with me. If not I’ll get it as takeout and bring it home so the smell of it fills every bit of the apartment and you’ll be forced to join me.”
I frowned while I struggled to keep a smile at bay. Alison knew me way too well. I can’t for the life of me resist the smell of food. She had weakened my resolve to accept her charity on too many occasions to know just how to push my buttons.
“You tease! Okay, okay. Do I have enough time to have a quick shower and wash my hair? I think I still have paint everywhere from work.”
“Sure, I love you Luce, but I would prefer it if you didn’t smell of paint thinner. It kind of ruins the taste of the beef. So sure, use my shampoo if you like.”
I grinned a little shamefacedly at her. You couldn’t put anything by her; she never missed a damn thing. I had run out of toiletries a few weeks ago and had finally worked my way through all the tiny little ones that we had lying around for guests to use and was now just going for the “get everything wet and hope for the best” approach.
Thirty or so minutes later, with my stomach rumbling eagerly, we were speed walking to Fleming’s on West Exchange Street. We couldn’t get there fast enough.
It was pricey, but so good. Their thirty-two ounce Porterhouse to share, slathered with their special porcini mushroom rub was quite possibly the closest thing to heaven I have ever experienced, culinary speaking.
We had splurged on one just twice before: on the day I graduated two years ago; and when Alison got her first job at the Trinity Repertory Company eight months ago. She was a great actress, and they had loved her so much that they had kept her on permanently. She had barely missed a show for them in that time and she loved the range of things she got to do on stage. It was a rare night that she had off from the theater. I was glad, and grateful, that she wanted to share this one with me.
“Okay, I need your advice,” she started once we had placed our order and been presented with our bottle of Chilean merlot. I sipped my glass and enjoyed the sensation of the warm fruity wine moving over my tongue and down my throat. “I’ve been offered the lead in our next production.”
“Wow, that is amazing, congratulations! Why on earth do you need my advice about that?” I asked, pleased as anything for her and more than a little bit confused.
“Anthony will be playing the male lead,” she said with a big sigh.
“Oh, shit…”
“Right?” she replied.
Anthony had broken her heart. They had dated all through college, been real hot and heavy. She had thought that they were headed toward an engagement at least, when he had announced that he’d been offered a part in an off-Broadway play and that he intended to go alone so he could enjoy ‘everything he could’ about the entire experience. It had been crystal clear what he had meant by everything, that he wanted to play the field and fuck his co-stars, or anyone else for that matter, if the opportunity should arise.
“Well, I suppose the question is: Do you still love him?”
I‘d always believed in getting straight to the point of other people’s problems. It cuts out all the bullshit and gets it all dealt with so much quicker. I know I should be the same about my own crap, but somehow I seem to do nothing but dither and brush my stuff under the rug. Maybe it was time to stop doing that, and maybe take a bit of the advice I would be happy to offer anyone I love.
Alison looked at me for a moment, then her eyes darted away, and her mouth made tiny little movements as she thought about the question. I waited as she considered her answer, not wanting to push.
“I don’t think so. I mean, I know he is a complete prick, and I so don’t want to waste another moment of my life on him, but I guess what I am afraid of is that I just don’t know, and won’t know until I see him again.”
I nodded my understanding. How would I feel if I ever saw Cole again? Cole wasn’t remotely like Alison’s ex, but still how could I know for sure deep down what I obsessed over all these years was actually accurate and true?
You know exactly what you’d feel, a little voice inside me screamed.
“Hey Ali, trust me on this one, if you are in love with a guy, truly in love with him, just thinking about him even after five years will still give you goose bumps. And the idea of dating anyone else will seem like it is a betrayal of his memory, and whenever you let your guard down and let him into your head you will struggle for days to put him back in the box marked ‘Do Not Open.’ You got any of that going on?”
“I am utterly glad to say that no, I do not have any of that going on about him Luce, but sounds like you still do about Cole. Sorry I opened up that can of worms for you honey.”
She frowned, and I saw real concern in her eyes. Ali is one of those rarities, a black-haired Celtic beauty, with long lashes that frame the most vivid baby blues. She is tiny and petite, and would make the perfect elf or pixie if she only had pointy ears.
“Nope, we aren’t going there. Tonight is about you and your shit, not mine!” I tried to sound jokey, but just the mention of his name already had me distracted. Yeah, I knew exactly how sending the email to Apollo had made me feel like the absolute worst person alive. How could I even think about replacing Cole in my heart?
Thankfully the steak arrived just in time to diffuse the tension, and we ate heartily, both of us ravenous. It was delicious, and my body reveled in the massive burst of nutrition. I struggled to finish my share. My stomach had shrunk so badly from the months of barely getting enough in to keep me going. But I was determined to do so. I knew I needed it, all of it. Finally done, and only a few tiny droplets of grease remaining on our plates, feeling bloated and uncomfortable, we both leaned back in our chairs and giggled at each other.
We knew the look of shock we’d get from the waiter when he returned to collect our empty plates. We were both pretty small and slight, and yet could eat our own weight in anything and never seem to gain a pound. I had been curvy before my financial troubles, but everything now was pretty angular and sharp. Ali was still pretty feminine, looking like something ethereal and insubstantial almost, with her cropped hair and upturned nose. But we were both pretty active because of the work we did, and we burned through everything super quick.
“So, how is the hunt for clients going then?” Ali asked me as we finished off the bottle of wine.
“Not great, but I’m sure I’ll find something.”
“Please, will you let me at least make sure there is food in the fridge for you Luce? I’m getting really worried about you. I’ll be earning more as the lead, and I can afford to help you out. It isn’t as if you didn’t d
o the same for me when I was trying to get my first acting gigs. Please quit being so proud?”
With a full tummy for the first time in weeks, it would have been so easy to try and pretend I was fine, to let my damned stupid pride get in the way – but I knew in my heart that she was right. I couldn’t continue to work this hard on nothing. I nodded at her reluctantly.
“Sure, thanks Ali.”
My cell pinged. I was grateful for the distraction. We could hopefully change the subject. The screen flickered into life and I saw a message from Apollo.
“Anything interesting?” Ali inquired, curious as she took in the wary look on my face.
“Well, you know you signed me up to that dating site, and I told you it wasn’t happening?”
She nodded with a definite gleam in her eye, clearly excited that I had done something about it.
“And? What did you do?” she squealed.
“I sent a message to a guy.”
Ali’s face transformed, grinning like a mad woman and made a show of clapping her hands together. “Well, tell me more… tell me everything!”
“He calls himself Apollo. He seemed okay. At least he’s responded.” I was trying so hard to sound nonchalant, but just seeing his name had sent shivers through me and I suddenly felt a little clammy.
“So are you going to open it and tell me what he says?”
“I’m not sure I can,” I said as I almost dropped the cell, my hands were shaking so badly. “I wasn’t expecting him to get back to me. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” I could feel my heart racing really fast now, and my breathing had gotten more rapid and I was almost gasping for air.
“Want me to have a look? Remember you don’t have to reply, don’t even have to open it if you don’t want to Luce. But I think it might help you if you do. You need to work through this, once and for all.” She took my hand and held it tightly. She had been my only family for such a long time, and I was so lucky she was my friend. She put up with all my chaotic behavior and screwed up moods.