by Hart, Alana
“Cinderella please,” she said as she curled up against her pillows. I grabbed the book from the shelf and snuggled up next to her. I began to read. “You have to do the voices Cole!” she exclaimed when I failed to enact the silly voices I usually used for the evil stepmother and ugly sisters.
I did as I was told, and by the time I finished the story, she was fast asleep. I tucked the covers up around her, kissed her on the forehead, turned out the light and left the room. The story had made me wonder how Morgan would take to having a sister. Would she maybe see Lucy as an interloper, trying to take all our love away from her? I hoped not. I really hoped that one day they would meet, and maybe even become friends.
I went back down to the dining room where Mom and Tom were enjoying a last glass of wine together. I took a breath trying to gather as much courage as I would need for the conversation I was about to have.
“Hey guys, I have some news. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner, but I didn’t want to push anything, or… I don’t know.”
“Son, you can always tell us anything,” Tom said warmly.
“Whatever your reasons for not telling us will have been good ones. We don’t need to know what they were if you can’t explain,” Mom added.
“I’ve found Lucy,” I blurted out.
There was immediate silence, except for the distant ticking of the hallway clock. Both of them looked completely stunned.
“She was in Providence the whole time,” I continued, hoping they’d say something sooner rather than later!
“My god, probably the only place we never looked!” Tom exclaimed. “How is she? When can I see her? What is she doing? Is she okay?” he demanded.
“Slow down, Tom, one question at a time. She’s fine. She went to Rhode Island School of Design, managed to graduate from their undergraduate program and has just finished her graduate degree in interior design. She is a little bit too skinny, and I think making ends meet has been tough from time to time, but she is okay. She is feisty and crazy and absolutely still our Lucy.”
Tom slumped in his chair, tears pouring down his face. “My baby is okay, thank god she’s okay,” he kept mumbling over and over.
I didn’t want to give him false hope so I carried on. “She hasn’t forgiven anyone, I’m afraid. She’s still mad as hell about everything, but I have managed to get her to speak with me, to even spend time with me. You both know I love her, no shock to anybody there - and I am pretty certain she loves me too but everything is all on the basis that we don’t talk about the past.”
“Oh honey, that has to be so tough on you both,” Mom said as she moved to put her arms around Tom and comfort him in his shock.
“It is, but I don’t think she is that far from letting us all back in. There have been hints, I don’t know, but that maybe in time she may even come home to see you all. I know this will be really hard for you to do Tom, but I think we need to give her the space she needs to do it herself.”
Tom nodded, clearly heartbroken that his beloved daughter still didn’t want him in her life, but he was a patient man. He would wait. He would trust me and her to work it out. I patted him gently on the shoulder, wanted him to know I could understand that it must be so hard knowing I had seen her, was still seeing her and he could not.
“I think I may have something that just might help, if you really think she is getting closer to forgiving us,” Mom said quietly. “I was clearing out some of Joanna’s things a few weeks ago in the attic, from her old bureau. I found a letter. It was addressed to Lucy. It’s all about what she asked Tom and I to do. I don’t know if she changed her mind about giving it to her, or if she meant for me to find it and give it to her before now… but if you think it could help I’ll give it to you. It belongs to her. She should have it.”
She moved to the sideboard, and pulled a faded crumpled envelope out of one of the drawers.
“I’ll give it to her Mom. This may be just what she needs to hear.”
Mom gave me a quick squeeze then headed back to Tom’s side. He seemed to have gone into shock, and was still murmuring over and over.
“I’ll get him to bed, it has been a long day, but thank you for telling us. It is wonderful to know she is safe.” Tom nodded his agreement to my mom’s words.
* * *
I drove back early the next morning, and headed straight to the office. I could feel the weight of the envelope in my pocket, heavy with promise, and wondered when to give it to Lucy. It could be the key to bringing us all back together, to make everything relatively normal again. But handing it over to her I knew it would not be an easy moment, and I hoped it wouldn’t make everything worse.
I had barely been in the office ten minutes when the phone rang. “Cole, it’s Mom.”
“Hey Mom, what’s up? You sound terrible.”
“Tom had a heart attack just after you left, we’re at the hospital,” she said, her voice laden with emotion.
“Is he okay? Is there anything I can do?”
“The doctors are running tests at the moment, so we won’t know for sure how bad it was until later. I know you have to work and you wanted to spend the weekend in the city, but I really need you to come home as soon as you can to take care of Morgan. I need to be here with Tom, and Ellie next door can only keep an eye on her today for me. They’re going on vacation tomorrow.”
I kneaded my forehead. “Shit, you don’t think it was because of what I said? About finding Lucy?”
“Oh honey, no. I think it would have happened some time anyway. He has been so anxious and worked up ever since she left home. I know that finding out she was okay was the best thing that has happened to him in years. It is just one of those things. I don’t know if you want to tell Lucy, but I think she deserves to know.”
“You’re right. I don’t know how on earth to tell her, but I’ll find a way. I’ll have to bring Morgan here. I have some final meetings and things I just can’t get out of, but I know Callie will be more than happy to take care of Morgan while I’m busy. She adores her.”
“Thanks sweetie. I’ll see you tonight.”
“Take care Mom, and tell Tom I said hi, and to get well soon. We all need him.”
I let out a massive sigh as I hung up. Fuck! I couldn’t help but feel guilty that my news had somehow caused his heart attack, even though I knew that was impossible. My news, as Mom had said, had probably been everything he needed to hear. But how on earth could I tell his estranged daughter what had happened? And how the fuck was I going to be able to keep everything to do with Mom and Tom out of our relationship when our half-sister would be staying in my apartment for who knew how long?
Our bubble was finally popping after only a couple of days of being together; it was like the world was sending us a sign. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs for putting obstacle after obstacle in our path. But I was determined to hold onto her no matter what.
I quickly called Callie to check if she would be okay to keep an eye on Morgan for me while I did the things I knew I would not be able to change.
“I am more than happy to help out sugar, but I have Lucy here at the office a lot over the weekend, measuring and doing sketches. Chances are they are going to meet – whether you want them to or not.”
“Callie, it is a risk I am going to have to take. I have to take care of Morgan, and I have to get to these meetings. I don’t even know if Lucy is going to be talking to me again when I tell her about this, so I can’t even think about that right now.”
“Good luck sweetie, just drop Morgan off with me whenever you need.”
“You are an angel. Thank you, and sorry if any of this puts you in an awkward position. I have a feeling the shit is going to hit the fan, and my blissful bubble is going to burst big time.”
“Give Tom our love. I’ll send a card and flowers to your Mom.”
My day in the office dragged as I got more and more concerned about having to tell Lucy and get back to Newton in time to pick up Morga
n from Ellie’s. I didn’t have time to deal with what was bound to explode. I went straight to Lucy’s apartment on my way home, determined to get on my way as quickly as I could.
“Hi, you must be Cole?” A cheerful young woman greeted me at the doorway.
“You must be Alison,” I responded politely. “I really need to see Lucy, urgently. Is she in?”
“Hold your horses, you only saw her yesterday. That’s love for you,” she started, then suddenly stopped, looking carefully at my face. “Shit, something terrible has happened hasn’t it?” God I am so sorry, me and my big feet.” I looked down at her tiny shoes and managed the first smile since my Mom’s call. “I’ll just get her. Should I stick around?”
“She may need you, and I have to get going quick, so yes I’d stick around.” I was glad she had such a good friend, someone to help her with whatever reaction this news was going to bring.
“Hey Cole,” Lucy said as entered the room, moving toward me, her face glowing with happiness. I kissed her fervently, but then pushed her gently towards the couch. “What’s up?”
“Lucy, I hate to be the person to tell you this, but it’s your Dad. Tom’s…” she didn’t let me finish. Her mind jumped straight to the worst conclusions. Her face blanched deathly white.
“No, Cole, don’t say it. Please don’t say he’s dead. He can’t be dead!” Tears were flooding down her face. I had known all along that she still loved us all, that the anger would not protect her if she found out something terrible. I cradled her in my arms.
“No, he’s not dead. He had a heart attack. I don’t know how bad it is yet. I’m waiting for Mom to call and update me. I promise I’ll let you know as soon as there is any news. But I have to go home. I won’t push you to make a decision to come with me, but you deserved to know.”
She sobbed in my arms and I held her tightly. She gazed up at me, with abject fear written all over her face.
“I have to take care of Morgan for Mom. She’ll be staying with me this weekend. I know you don’t want to meet her, so I’ll keep her out of your way, but if you need me I will be back in town tomorrow. I have some things I just can’t get out of. A friend is going to take care of her while I do what I have to.”
Lucy took a cleansing breath and nodded as she wiped away the still streaming tears from her freckled face. “I know I should say none of it matters anymore, that this changes everything, Cole – but it doesn’t. Of course, I don’t want anyone to die, and I do love them both, but I’m just not ready yet. I can’t do it.”
“It’s okay Luce. I understand. We all understand.”
I kissed her on her forehead and Alison passed her a box of Kleenex. She blew her nose loudly, and hiccupped.
“I have to get going, but there was something else.” I pulled the envelope out of my suit pocket and handed it to her. “Mom found this a few weeks ago. Maybe it might have some answers for you.”
She took it, and just stared at her Mom’s handwriting on the envelope. I stood up and moved toward the door. Alison followed me.
“I’ll take care of her, keep us updated won’t you? Thank god the run has ended and I am around all weekend!”
“Take care of her. I love her so much.”
“I will, and I’ll make sure she knows.”
12
Lucy
I stared at the crumpled letter, hardly daring to open it and see what on earth was inside.
It was hard to believe that just a few weeks ago I had been living in denial of my past and had no thoughts – or very few at least – about my family and was getting on with my life. Things had been going exactly to plan. Now, here I was in love with my childhood sweetheart – there was no denying that fact –my Dad was in hospital, and there was a letter from my dead Mom in my hands. I didn’t know what to do with myself, what to think, how to act. Part of me wanted to run after Cole and get in the car and go straight to my Dad’s side. The rest wanted me to put my head right back in the sand and pretend I hadn’t heard anything about any of it at all.
“Here, drink this,” Ali said as she thrust a mug of steaming hot chocolate at me. I took a sip and choked on the huge amount of brandy she had poured into it. “You don’t have to work it all out right away,” she reminded me. “This is all too huge, so just work through it in waves.”
“I can’t think about any of it right now, Ali. It is all just too much to even try and comprehend. I think I just need to work. I’ll sketch and do some mood boards for Glitch. Callie liked a lot of what I suggested today, so I need to do it while it is fresh. It will help me not to fret about all this. I can’t... I just can’t think about any of it.”
She nodded and rubbed my back.
“Probably a good idea. Want me to answer the phone if Cole calls?”
I nodded and handed her my phone.
“I need to just get lost in something for a while. I’ll face up to it, just not now.”
I put the envelope down, and moved to my drafting table. I began to work, and quickly the simple acts of cutting and pasting, and drawing and coloring helped me to regain some equilibrium. I barely even noticed Alison turn the TV on to watch a movie. The work was methodical, and it helped me to sort out the jumble in my head.
I loved my dad. I loved Steph. I loved Cole. I loved my mom. But I was still so angry with all of them. Even my Dad almost dying wasn’t enough for me to forgive him unconditionally. God, why couldn’t I just let it go? Why was I so angry, and who was I really angry with? I simply didn’t know anymore.
I put down my tools and moved to the couch. I paced around the coffee table before I finally picked up the letter.
Would Mom have the answers, like she always used to? Fuck it, I thought, this day couldn’t get any worse, can it? I opened the envelope and pulled out a wad of her favorite floral notepaper. I smiled at the memory of her picking it out in the stationery store.
Her words were simple, and her beautiful handwriting led me onward, tears dripping onto the page with every word. Everything everyone had ever told me was true. I’d been a stubborn fool.
She’d truly wanted Dad and Steph to get married, to build a life together. She hated that she had to leave me, that she wouldn’t see me grow up and get married. She knew just how hard it was going to be for me, learning to cope without her. And of course, she wanted me to be happy.
I think the most surprising thing was that my mom knew how I felt about Cole even before I did. The final line made me smile through the sadness.
“My darling girl,” it read, “you’ve got to learn to trust that stubborn heart of yours. If you love each other, and even if he does end up being your stepbrother, then follow your heart like you should and do what makes you both happy.”
I wished I had gotten her letter sooner, but then again I probably wouldn’t have been ready to hear any of it before now.
Ali had moved to my side, and put her arms around me. She held me like that for what might have been a few moments, and may have been hours. I sobbed, I railed, I was silent, I ranted.
I realized that I had not been angry with anyone really but my mom.
My mom who had left me and never even said goodbye.
I had been so angry that she had said all of this stuff to everyone else, and left me out, trying to spare my feelings. But I knew now she had left me the most personal of goodbyes and I would treasure it always. I knew they were all telling me the truth, had all along. I just hated it that she hadn’t told me. That I’d been the last to know. Even now I was fuming that she had left this letter in a place that hadn’t been found until now. I missed her so much.
Ali finally put me to bed, her arms curled up around me. I slept like a baby. It was the best night’s sleep I think I had ever had, since I had left home at least.
When I woke I knew what I had to do. “I’m going to go home, going to go and see my dad,” I told Ali decisively. She grinned at me and hugged me tightly.
“Good for you.”
* * *
>
I stopped at Glitch to drop off the boards and sketches I’d completed. Even I had to admit they were excellent. Callie welcomed me into the office warmly. “Wow, I love this. When can you start?”
“Well, I’m not sure. I have just had some news that my dad is sick, and so I’m going to go home and make sure he is okay. Can I call you when I know? I know you want to get started as soon as possible, but I really need to go home.” She looked at me, and I thought I could see a touch of surprise first off, rather than the clearly genuine concern that followed it.
“Sugar, that is fine. Our daddies are too important to us girls. You take all the time you need. We’ve waited this long to get started, I doubt if any of us will notice a delay.”
“Thanks Callie. I’ll be in touch.”
I walked down the stairs, and was just crossing the foyer when I saw Cole, walking in through the rotating doors with a tiny redhead at his side. This could only be Morgan, but why on earth would they be here? I panicked, and not feeling ready to meet her yet I ducked behind a load of big boards advertising “Wooed and Won.” Thankfully all Cole’s attention had been on his, our half-sister, so they hadn’t noticed my crazed dash for cover. I peeked around the side of the boards and watched as he picked her up onto his shoulders, and walked confidently across the foyer.
“Hey Cole,” I frowned as I heard the receptionist say. “And hey Morgan. How are you today, gorgeous?”
Clearly they knew each other well, if she’d met Morgan too. I felt a huge surge of jealousy overtake me, and wanted desperately to be anywhere other than here.
“Hi Lesley, is Callie free? She’s going to watch Morgan for me for a bit.”
“I think she has just finished with her morning meeting with the interior decorator, but I’ll check if it’s okay for you both to go up.”