Dear Tabitha

by Trudy Stiles

  He laughs softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward. This is what I do, and you just happen to fit perfectly into my story. Your character will add the perfect amount of angst and conflict that I’ve been struggling to find. This will round out my story, and my editor will have the finished product in a few days.” He seems genuinely embarrassed that he made me blush.

  “It’s okay. I’ve never had anyone write about me before, you know?” I relax a little more as I watch him type.

  “Are you going to tell me your story? So I don’t get the plot points incorrect.” He nudges me.

  This is just so weird. I decide that I have nothing to lose, and I’m sure this will never be seen by anyone. Who is Jason anyway? He doesn’t look famous or like anyone that’s on the New York Times Bestseller List or anything. What the hell.

  I dive into the story of my life. I tell him about Trina and all of the foster homes that I bounced to and from. I recount some of my time in Portland and the abuse that I suffered at Tony’s hands. I tell him about Sara and Emily. I don’t know why, but I tell him practically everything. Instead of becoming anxious and sick over all of the truths in my life, they spill from my lips in a way that I’ve never shared before. I feel invigorated that I’ve put all of this awful shit behind me, and I’m a stronger person now. I hesitate, but then tell him about Seth and Alex, and how I single handedly destroyed two relationships.

  I pause when I think of Alex and realize that I’m doing it again. I’m destroying whatever relationship I have with him right now. He needs answers and I need to tell him more. I shouldn’t have run out without telling him what I was doing. It wasn’t fair for me to leave him hanging when he needs me to fill in the blanks.

  Jason’s hands hover over the keyboard and he turns to me. “Holy shit, Tabitha. How are you even here? I’m just… in awe.” He shakes his head and looks down at his hands. “Can I use some of this? I mean, I’ll change your name to protect you, but your story is just so real and so gritty. I’m not kidding when I tell you that your character just moved up to top billing in my story. She just became the heroine and a force to be reckoned with. I’m afraid that my lead character just started a love triangle and is about to destroy the other love of his life.”

  “Whoa,” I say, stunned silent.

  “For you to have overcome all of that makes for a true fairy tale. Tabitha, you have no idea how strong you are, do you?” he asks as his warm eyes find mine.

  “I know what I’ve dealt with, so yes, I think I know. But I’m afraid I’m not strong enough for what I’m about to do.” I’m terrified of what is going to happen when I get off of this plane and see Sara for the first time. I try to recall what she looked like when she was born. That vision has been buried for such a long time. What does she look like now? Will she look like him?

  He gently places his hand over mine. “Your life is amazing. You have no idea how much you’ve just inspired me. Thank you.”

  I look into his smiling eyes, and then hear the intercom and that muffled voice again telling us to straighten our seats and prepare for landing. My ears start to clog and pop. We must be descending quickly. I can’t believe how fast the last few hours have flown. Talking with Jason and telling him my life story has kept me from thinking about what could go wrong on a giant plane like this.

  As we descend, I grasp onto the armrests tightly.

  “Landing is the easy part,” Jason says quietly. He stows his laptop in front of him and places his hand over mine.

  It’s odd, but I don’t feel weird at all. I feel like he’s an old friend trying to keep me calm. “We should meet up for coffee when we’re both back home in Philly.” I feel like I just made a new life-long friend.

  “That might be pretty difficult since I don’t live there. I’m going home to Portland. I was just in Philly for a book signing.” He smiles and lets go of my hand. We’ve landed.

  “A book signing? Wow, you must be pretty famous.”

  “Ah, I’ll never tell. Oh, and Jason’s my real name. I write under a different name. You’ll have to see if you can find me on the shelves some day.”

  “Oh? You’re not going to give me your pen name?” I’m confused and slightly amused. “You just wrote me into your novel. The least you could do is tell me.”

  “Like I said, in a few weeks, check out the New Release bookshelf in your nearest bookstore. I have a cover in mind, and I think you’ll be drawn to it. Thanks to you, my book is now complete. Just editing and then production is next.”

  Holy shit! He is a bestseller! Or at least a pretty big author to be published and on the New Release shelves. “I work in a bookstore. I’m sure I’ll be one of the first to see it, but you have to tell me what the title of the book is, or at least your pen name!”

  He unfastens his seat belt and grabs his carry on items. “You’ll know when you see it.” He winks, walks a few steps down the aisle, but stops to look at me over his shoulder. “Thank you, Tabitha, and I wish you all the best in what you’re about to do.” And then he’s gone.

  Did that just happen? I shake my head and grab my carry on bag. I try to catch up to him, but he’s disappeared into the crowded terminal. That was weird in so many ways. I can’t believe he took off like that without giving me a clue to who he is.

  I shrug my shoulders as I make my way to the baggage claim area where Marta’s driver should be waiting for me. I look through the crowd and see a man holding a sign with my name. I make eye contact with him and I nod. He ushers me to a car parked just outside the door. “Welcome to Portland, Miss Fletcher. My name is Carlos,” he says as he loads my luggage into the trunk.

  Thoughts of Sara, Marta, and Tony swirl through my head, causing me to be apprehensive about getting into the car. Carlos opens the back door and gestures to me. “It should only take us about thirty minutes to get to Ms. Constantino’s house in Lake Oswego. I took the liberty of getting you some coffee for the ride.”

  I slide into the back seat and say, “Thank you.”

  The car is warm and spacious so I stretch out my legs so I can relax. I reach for the cup of coffee in the holder on the door, flip the top, and breathe in the aroma. It brings back memories of just how much I always enjoyed my coffee breaks in Portland. They were my escape from the brutal reality of the club and Tony.

  The drive is quiet and peaceful. As I look out the window, I realize that I was never able to experience the beauty of Oregon while I was here. The inside of the club was my prison, and the only time that I left was to go to the doctor once while I was pregnant and then to give birth to Sara.

  A few years ago, I purchased a coffee table book with photographs of Oregon’s beautiful landmarks. I used to sit and flip through the pages, imagining that I had a different life when I was in Portland. I pictured myself hiking to Bridal Veil Falls and Multnomah Falls. I imagined myself spending a weekend at Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood and running through the waves at Cannon Beach. These fantasies never replaced the harsh reality that I endured while living in this city, but they helped me see what else was out there.

  Half an hour later, the car slows as we approach a large gate. The driver taps a button on his visor and the gate slowly opens, revealing a palatial home in the distance. The long driveway weaves through lush landscaping as we near the house. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a home quite like this. It’s completely stunning, and I suddenly feel small.

  We stop in the large circular driveway in front of a sprawling marble staircase that leads to the double doors of the mansion. “Here we are, Tabitha. I’ll be right around to let you out,” the driver says. But I don’t wait for him. I open my door and step onto the paver driveway. My legs tremble as I look up the ten or twelve steps that lead to the large wooden door.

  My past and my future are behind that door.

  Sara.

  Present

  Age 24

  “DAX, I need a ride to the airport,” I say into the phone without any other introd
uction. I’m frantic and need to get out of here now. I need to go after her. I am on the next direct flight to Portland, and it lands about an hour after she gets there.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” he asks.

  “I’m going to Portland and my flight leaves in less than an hour. I need a ride.”

  “Portland? What’s going on, Alex?” he asks, sounding concerned.

  “I’ll explain on the way. Can you pick me up in fifteen minutes?” I realize that he doesn’t even know about Emily yet. It’s going to be an interesting conversation.

  I hear him rustling around and it sounds like he’s in bed. He puts his hand over the phone and I hear his muffled voice say, “I gotta run. You can go back to sleep if you want. I should only be gone for about an hour.”

  Then I hear a female voice say, “Sure, Dax. And thanks.”

  It’s not often I see Dax with a girl. He’s usually very private about his escapades. I feel bad because I know he won’t be with her more than a few times. I’ve never seen him commit to any girl, since … Lara.

  “I’m back. I’ll be outside your apartment soon,” he says and disconnects our call.

  I pack a duffle bag and realize that I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I don’t even know where that shit Tony lives. This may be a wild goose chase, but I don’t care. I need to get to Tabby quickly.

  I look around my apartment, hoping that I didn’t forget anything when I hear Dax’s horn from the street. I lock up and jog down the stairs to his waiting car.

  “Alex, what’s going on?” he asks as I slide into the front seat next to him, tossing my bag into the back.

  Dax is like my family. I need to tell him everything.

  “God. Where do I start?” I fasten my seatbelt and begin with what’s happened during the past few days. I don’t spare a single detail as we weave through traffic on the way to the airport.

  Dax’s face drops. “Holy shit, Alex. You may have a kid. A kid you knew nothing about until now.” He raises his voice and slams his fist on the steering wheel.

  “It’s not that simple.” I’m suddenly ready to defend her actions. “She didn’t find out until a few months after I left her. During that time, she also fucked Seth.” I wince, shaking my head. “So she doesn’t know who the father is. She decided to give the baby away because neither she nor Seth were in a place to raise a child. She has no regrets about doing it.” The realization of this entire situation is finally settling in with me. She doesn’t have regrets, and I need to get to that point, but I don’t know if I can.

  “Holy shit, Alex. This is insane! No regrets? What about you? Does she regret not telling you?” He’s fuming as he tries to stay in the lane.

  “She regrets a lot of the communication issues between us. She said that she tried to call me, but some girl answered my phone.”

  “Stacy,” he snarls.

  “Yes, that’s what I’m guessing. She made Tabitha feel like there was something going on between us. Stacy hung up on her, and Tabby just didn’t call back.” I can’t rehash this any longer. “Listen, what’s done is done. Tabs made her choices, and they suck, okay? I need to get past this.” I look out the window as we sit in snarled traffic. My flight leaves in forty minutes, and we’re about six miles from the airport. I hope I can make it in time.

  “Tell me what you know about Emily,” Dax says.

  I tell him all that I know about Emily and the Finnegans. I explain to him about the adoption process and how they came to be her parents. Remembering their smiling faces in the Christmas photos softens my heart a little bit. I could never give her that kind of happiness or security. Emily has the perfect life with two people who are stable enough to give her the life that she deserves.

  When I’m finished telling him everything that I know, he sighs. “Wow. I don’t know what to say man. This is strange and kind of sucks. I’m sorry this has happened to you. To all of you. Part of me thinks this all happened for a reason, and you’re all better for it. Maybe this is your chance to get your shit together. Learn from her. Shit, she is so different than when we left. She’s strong, confident, and actually seems to like herself now.”

  His observations are spot on and I’m glad that he’s seen what I have seen. Tabby is different. Stronger. More confident.

  “So will you please explain to me why you’re going to the airport?” He interrupts my thoughts with this practical question.

  “Tabby took off to Portland. I don’t know why, but I’m worried about her. Dammit, what if Tony is waiting to grab her when she gets there? It doesn’t feel right that she’d take off like this. I think that she’s in some sort of danger. I need to be there to protect her. To help her,” I say through my heavy breaths.

  “Dude, do you even know what you’re getting yourself into? What did she tell you about this trip? What makes you think Tony’s going to do something to her?” He sounds skeptical. He knows enough about the horrors that Tabby endured in Portland and I wish he was as worried as I am right now.

  “It’s not what she said. It’s how she’s acting. She told me that things were going to be okay. They’ll be different. She just acted very ‘off’, and I don’t have a good feeling. I can tell she didn’t think this through and she doesn’t realize how much danger she’s putting herself into by going there. I already told you what a vile monster Tony is, and the things he did to her. Man, I can’t let him touch her again. She’s come so far over the past few years, and I don’t want to see Tabby destroyed. Or worse.” Saying this out loud raises my anxiety level to new heights.

  “I’m sorry for stating the obvious here, and I know that I’ve been a recent supporter of the two of you finally working things out, but what gives you the right to chase her clear across the country on a hunch? She didn’t invite you to go with her, and maybe there’s a good reason why she isn’t telling you everything.” Leave it to Dax to always be the Devil’s advocate. He has a point.

  “I know. Everything you’re saying makes total and complete sense to me, but I just have a gut feeling and need to follow it through. I couldn’t live with myself if I wasn’t there when she needed me. I still care about her, Dax. A lot.” I will admit this to him, and he knows that my feelings go much deeper than that. She’s all that I’ve thought about for the past few years. About what my life would have been like if things happened differently. If Seth didn’t exist.

  It suddenly hits me that, despite all that’s happened over the past few days, and the revelation about Emily, I still love her, and I need to be sure she’s alive to hear me say those words to her again. I can’t let Tony take that away from me. From us.

  “So explain to me what you’re going to be doing out there?” he asks.

  “First, I have to figure out where he lives. I know that he owns a club in Portland, and it’s a seedy strip joint on the outskirts of town. I’ve texted Kirsten to get his last name. Hopefully, that will make him easy to find. I don’t know what to expect when I get there, but I’m going to do my best to find her and bring her home. What happens after that, who knows?” As my plan begins to hatch in my head, I realize how disorganized this whole thing is.

  I’m done talking about this and I attempt to change the subject. “Who was that at your place this morning? Someone new?” I ask.

  He taps his fingers on the steering wheel and doesn’t answer at first. He seems nervous, and now I’m not going to let this go. I’m intrigued.

  “Well? It isn’t everyday that you have a girl back at your place, especially one that obviously spent the night.” I push him for an answer.

  “Her name is Natalia. That’s all I’m going to say,” he answers, trying to dismiss me.

  The name sounds familiar, and I can’t quite remember where I’ve heard it before. “Natalia. Why do I know that name?” I ask.

  He looks nervous. “Shit, I shouldn’t have told you. Can you keep it to yourself? Please don’t mention it to the guys that she was at my place. Especially Garre
tt.”

  Now I remember. Natalia. She was the model in our video last year, and Garrett got his paws on her for a while. From what I understand, he was banging her all over the video set and for a few weeks after. Oh shit, Garrett won’t be happy about this.

  “I promise, my lips are sealed. But how serious is this with her? Garrett will find out.”

  “I don’t know, man. She’s a hard one to pin down. She’s totally into me and we’ve spent some time together. But we agree that we don’t want anyone to know, for obvious reasons. I don’t want any trouble from the band. You know we aren’t like this at all, into sharing girls. Even though Garrett is a total douchebag when it comes to chicks and hooking up, he’s also very territorial. Fuck, I should have kept my mouth shut. I don’t want him to give either of us a hard time.”

  “Listen, I’m not going to say a word, okay? Just be careful, and if things are serious with her, at some point you’re going to have to come clean. Keeping this hidden and secret isn’t going to do anyone any good. Okay, I’ll stop lecturing now,” I say and it seems ironic that I’m giving him some solid advice, but I’m not taking any of his.

  “Yeah, and I don’t know how serious it is. I like her a lot, but her schedule is insane, and right now, I’m looking for quiet and peaceful. After being on the road for a few years pretty much straight, I am enjoying being a home body. She’s not like that at all. She’s a party girl and is into the club scene. You know that is totally not me. So, I really don’t know how far this is going to go.” He looks a little sad about the last statement. I can tell that he’s really fallen hard for her, and he’s already preparing himself for some heartache.

  “Well, do what feels right and the rest will come naturally.” Geez, I’m a regular love guru, aren’t I? I chuckle at myself and shake my head, as I can’t believe these words are even coming out of my mouth. I become anxious again when I realize that I’m cutting it close to catch my flight.

  “Sounds like someone should be taking their own advice, huh, Alex?” He peers over to me and laughs.