by B. B. Reid
Too still and for a moment…
I thought I had killed her.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lake
I don’t know what drove me here, but somehow, I had ended up at the playground. For some reason, I felt the need to be here. This was the place it all began. It was where I first laid eyes on my tormentor. He gave me a lot of memories to hold on to for the rest of my life. Most of them were bad, but it was all I had. The good memories were the ones I would cherish. An involuntary shiver ran through me when I remembered the hard way he took me, and the way he controlled my body and my desires. I would miss that. I would miss him.
“I am so stupid,” I grumbled and kicked at the sand beneath my feet.
“Then I have to be the dumbest shit in the world.”
I closed my eyes and kept my head down. It wasn’t real. He isn’t here.
“Look at me, baby.”
A small sound escaped me when I realized he really was there. “Why are you here?”
“The same reason you are… I think I came to find you. Were you thinking about me just now?”
“Why does it matter?”
“It matters,” he merely stated.
“But why?” Because my head was down, I didn’t see him come closer until it was too late. He lifted my chin with his finger, but I kept my eyes tightly closed.
Instead of deterring him, he pressed tender kisses, first on my eyelids, and then all over my face. “Because it means I have a chance.”
“A chance for what?”
“To make you stay.”
I felt his hands on both sides of my face. “Why are you doing this?”
“Open your eyes.”
“Tell me why—”
“Not until you look at me.”
Nope. No way. My knees weakened from the feel of his hands.
“Please,” he whispered against my lips before his connected with mine in a tender kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. The way he handled me made me feel fragile as if I would break at any moment. I probably would.
I finally opened my eyes when he delivered a final peck to my lips and rested his forehead against mine. When I looked into his eyes, they were no longer stormy. They held hope.
“I love you.”
I shook my head, causing our foreheads to rub together. He gripped me tighter as if sensing my need to escape. “I might have even loved you that day in the pharmacy. You were so beautiful… and so scared. For the first time since I met you, I didn’t want you to be afraid of me.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“My biggest regret in life was making you cry, and if I have to spend the rest of it making sure you never have another bad day, then I will die a happy man.”
“I thought you didn't have regrets.”
“Only the ones I can’t change.”
“What about Mitch? And Lily? Will I have to spend the rest of mine convincing you I’m not her ghost?”
“I want to show you something.” He dropped his arms from my waist and pulled his shirt over his head. I gave him a crazy look. It was fifty degrees, maybe colder outside, and he was standing before me without a shirt.
“Keiran, what are you doing? This is hardly the time to think about sex.”
“No, that comes later.”
“Cocky, much?”
“Hopeful.” I softened at his words and the look in his eyes. “Remember when I told you I confess my sins the only way I know how? That’s why I had the tattoo made.
“I can’t believe I’m seeing this for the first time. It’s beautiful,” I finally said after I stared at his back in awe.
Even after the times we had sex, I realized I never actually saw his back. One of us would always run.
I ran my fingers down his back where the tattoo lay. The dark petals sharply contrasted against his skin. Some of the petals were broken in different ways and some looked mended. The mended petals showed a drop of moisture that touched precisely the broken parts. The raindrops were bright blue with a tinge of green reminding me of my own eyes. One particular petal stood out amongst the rest. The tip of the petal hung loosely from the rest barely hanging on and above it was a falling raindrop. The way it fell was peculiar… almost like a shooting star.
“It was for her?”
“No… It was for nothing.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.”
“Then why a lily? Out of any flower or dumb tattoo teenage boys are inclined to get, why something that obviously means something to you? What does it all mean? The broken petals? The raindrop?”
He laughed and shook his head. “It was Keenan’s idea. I told him to make a lily. He—”
“He thought you were healing.”
“What?” Keiran’s head snapped around.
“That’s what the raindrops are for. They are the healing balm. Most of the petals are mended, but some are still very much broken.”
Silence descended between us as I continued to admire his back, and he continued to stare at the wall ahead. His back was tense and stiffened even more as I continued to touch him. “It’s beautiful, Keiran. Do you think it might be true?”
“What might be true?’
“That maybe, just maybe, you could be healing?”
“Well, then I would be forced to admit something is wrong with me.” The teasing lilt in his voice involuntarily made me smile.
“It’s good that I know you’re joking, or I might be worried.”
He turned suddenly to face me and gripped me around my waist, bringing me close. “Why are you fighting for this?”
“Why are you fighting this at all?”
“Because I’ve killed people, Lake. I’ve killed, and I’m willing to kill without much provocation. Do you really believe someone like me could ever be good? I can never be a boyfriend, or a husband, or even a father.”
I ignored the pang in my heart at his rejection of a future. “You aren’t as doomed as you might think, you know.”
“I’m not redeemable either.”
“Then why didn’t you pull the trigger, and why did you want to protect me?”
“Because if I had to protect anyone, it would be you.”
“Are you saying I’m a default?”
“I’m saying that you matter. Regardless of how much I don’t want you to.”
“You really know how to make a girl feel special,” I quipped.
“I’m not a sunshine and roses kind of guy. I’ll probably never be able to lay you down on a bed of roses and make love to you.”
I slipped my arms around his neck. “Maybe I don’t want roses.” I bit his bottom lip, which instantly led to a kiss that threatened to consume us both. “Maybe I prefer your thorns.”
“One day you will.”
Don’t fight this, baby. “One day isn’t today,” I countered.
“Are you willing to take that chance?”
Yes. “Maybe.”
“I’m not worth it.”
“For a guy who oozes sex appeal, you have zero self-esteem.”
“I really wish a lack of self-esteem was the problem. It’d be much simpler then.”
“Simpler how?”
“It would make everything possible.”
“Why did you hate her so much?” No matter how I felt, I was still afraid that one day he would wake up and realize that he would never believe I wasn’t Lily.
He buried his face in my neck and breathed in.
“Because she did what I didn’t have the strength to do. She didn’t let them take her soul. That’s what made her strong… That’s what made you strong.”
He thought I was strong?
“In the hospital, you said I broke you, but it’s not true. I can’t break you, baby. I never could. When she died, I thought I died with her, and when I saw you for the first time, I thought she sent you as a reminder of all the evil I’d done. But the day you told me that you loved me, I realized she didn’t send you to p
unish me. She sent you to keep me alive.”
“Do you really believe that?”
He didn’t answer, but his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I want you to read this.”
I hesitantly took the paper from his hand and unfolded the careful squares. The paper was worn and discolored from time, but when I saw the first words, I knew it was from his mother. I couldn’t read it quick enough:
Gabriel,
My sweet boy.
I lost you. I didn’t protect you.
I lost you because I didn’t protect you.
I can only hope, wherever you are now, you are safe, and you are loved. Loved better than I ever loved you. If this letter ever finds you, I hope you can one day understand what I did was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I would die a thousand deaths if I could just do it over again—if only there had been a way for me to have protected you both.
A mother should never have to choose.
A mother never should choose.
John… your uncle… He wanted so much to bring you home. He loved you, too. I’m also to blame for what I forced him to do for the sake of your brother. It destroyed him as much as it destroyed me. I know deep down we will never be the same. Our love is lost with you and our souls are forever damaged.
I only hope one day, someone will be able to love you unconditionally. I hope someone will one day give you forever.
I didn’t realize I was crying until one of my tears blotted the paper.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes.”
“Yes?”
“You are my forever, Lake… will you give me forever?”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lake
TWO MONTHS LATER
“Are you mine?”
“Keiran!”
“Answer me, Lake.”
“I fucking love the way you say my name.”
“Tell me now or so help me, I’m going to fuck it out of you.”
“I think you already are,” I teased.
He thrust into me hard and kissed me even harder. “Damn it, girl. What are you doing to me?”
His hand came up to clutch my left my breast as he began a hard rhythm that lifted me on my toes with each forceful thrust. My moans turned to squeals and then screams as my body welcomed the familiar pounding. He made me suck his finger to muffle my screams while another finger pinched my nipple.
I flooded his cock from the slight pain. God, even after all this time I still loved the fucking pain.
The sound of the desk rocking mirrored the tandem of my wildly beating heart.
I loved every minute of it.
“Keiran, please—” My head fell back, and I let out a long, guttural moan when his hips moved in a deep grind. He pulled almost all the way out of me and slammed back inside. I gasped.
“You sure?”
“Stop, Keiran. They’ll hear.”
“I don’t give a fuck. What did I promise you earlier?”
“You’re a sick fucker,” I gritted, working myself on him. I needed to come, but he was acting his usual asshole self.
“And you’re a mouthy little bitch. Give me what I want.”
“No.” He dug his cock deeper and harder into me. “Keiran!”
“Give. Me. What. I. Want!”
I screamed uncontrollably and gave in. “Please let me come… I love you.”
“Again.”
“I love you. Shit!” He hit a spot deep inside me that finally sent me over the edge.
“Mouth,” he gritted. “Who do you belong to?”
“Just fuck me!” I was beyond frustrated from the pent up need.
“Who!” he demanded.
“I’m yours!” I screamed. I bit down on his shoulder as my orgasm rocked my body, and I shook uncontrollably against him.
He suddenly pulled out and ripped the condom off. I felt hot splashes hit the fabric of my dress. The aftermath of our mutual orgasm was as intense as the sex. It took a few moments for our breathing to even out, but he watched me with a cocky grin on his face.
“Why did you do that? Now I’ll have to go home!”
“You shouldn’t be wearing this dress. It’s too short.”
“You don’t think you’re being controlling?”
“Yes.”
“I see.”
“Are you upset?” He lifted his head and looked down at me.
“I don’t know how I feel.” I truly didn’t. Even after being officially together for the last two months, to have him openly admit he wanted to control me was still hard to take in. Would it make me weak if I let him?
“I am not going to abuse you. That’s not what I want. I want to make you happy, but I also need to keep you safe. When I said there wasn’t a greater threat out there to you than me, I lied, or at least I thought it was true at the time.”
Before I could respond, he lifted me by my arms and set me on my feet next to the teacher’s desk.
“Besides… it was either this or break his face in. Why did you kiss him?”
“I told you, it was part of the deal for the fleas.”
I’d forgotten all about my promise to Collin until I saw him sitting in the cafeteria instead of outside in the rain. When our eyes collided I saw the hurt and embarrassment and couldn't feel lower. I knew word would get back to Keiran who thankfully had a meeting with Coach Lyons but a promise was a promise. Unfortunately, that meeting must have been a quick one because he walked in just as my lips were pressed again Collin’s and so our little rendezvous began. He had already been pissed about the dress so to see me kissing another guy no matter the reason blew a certain fuse that left me sore between my thighs.
“Turn around and bend over. I’ve been craving the taste of your pussy all day.”
I did as he said, and when his hands lifted my dress once again, my heart began to race with anticipation.
He clutched my hips and pulled me into his groin causing my back to arch. “Fuck, your ass is hot.” He slapped it again. “Perfect.”
I knew when he moved away when I could no longer feel his still hard cock nestled in my butt. He hooked his hand around my thigh and lifted it to hang off the desk. I heard him growl a second before his tongue touched me. The sensation of him licking and sucking me became too much, and as I came into his mouth, I reached behind me and grabbed onto his hair. I was sure my fingers were digging into his scalp, but he didn’t seem to mind as he moaned and continued to lick me with his tongue. His lips placed delicate kisses on my now sensitive pussy before standing up. I looked behind me just as he was slipping on another condom.
“Like this, baby,” he said turning me to face him. He lifted me up on the desk. “I want to see you come this time.” He slipped inside me slowly. I loved it when he took me hard and fast, but I loved it when he was slow and sweet just as much. He took my lips with his as he began to move inside me. I wrapped my legs tighter around his thrusting hips and whimpered into his mouth every time he thrust deep, hitting that sensitive spot inside me.
“You feel so good,” I moaned.
“You feel even better,” he groaned before he bit the top of my breast.
* * *
Keiran and I managed to sneak from school so I could shower and change. He was giving me the silent treatment, so I used the time to think over the last two months.
A lot had happened since Keiran and I became official. Most of it had been great as Keiran and I got to know each other on a different playing field. We were no longer the tormentor and the tormented. We were no longer enemies.
The hardest time was one day when I came home from school and I had been calling Keiran ever since he hadn’t shown up for fifth period. For the entire day, he had been acting strange, but surprisingly more affectionate, as if it would be the last time we were together. I walked through the door after school in time to see Aunt Carissa knee Keiran in the balls. He fell to his knees and groaned in pain, but thankfull
y, didn’t retaliate. After everything, it would kill me to let him go.
I rushed forward but didn’t know who actually needed help. I just prayed Keiran didn’t try to hurt my aunt.
As it turned out, Keiran told her everything starting with the day he pushed me at the playground. The only part he was smart enough to keep secret was the six weeks he blackmailed me into being his sexual slave. I had no doubt she would have done more than knee him if he had.
It took a lot of work and groveling on both of our parts, but we were both finally able to earn our way back into her good graces. The hardest part of it all was living with her disappointment and hurt.
Jackson had also stuck around after Mario was arrested. They eventually confirmed what my gut was telling me. Aunt Carissa had fallen in love. I was sad I had missed the romance but was too happy for them to let it bother me for long. I was just glad she had finally found someone.
Mario and Arthur’s trial was set to begin in two weeks, and the detectives were sure that they would be convicted… as long as Keiran, Quentin, and Diana all testified to more than just what happened at the gym. They would have to testify to everything.
Diana was still around. She was actually the cause of our first argument as a couple. I found out she was still staying with Keiran even after her father was arrested. According to him, she helped bring him down and was no longer trying to seduce him, but it was the principle.
So what did he do?
He convinced my aunt she was practically an orphan and had nowhere to go.
And what did my aunt do?
She moved her in.
It was hard at first when she found out Diana was Mario’s daughter, but when she shared her story, it warmed my aunt up to her. I had to admit, it warmed me up to her, too.
Sheldon still couldn’t stand her.
Diana and I weren’t exactly BFFs, but we got along. She was actually part of the reason for today’s classroom session. Keiran had been working overtime kissing my aunt’s ass. He had refused to touch me again until I was out of her house. She took me shopping and suggested a red, low-cut dress that flirted around the edge of decency. My reluctance was the reason she was adamant I wear it and shamefully, it worked like a charm. Not only did everyone in the school, girls and guys, drool, but Keiran about lost it when he saw me.