Poison, Perennials, and a Poltergeist (The Petal Pushers Mystery Series)

by Hayes, Tina D. C.

  The semi had come to a stop on its side of the road, so moving the trailer that swung around even with the cab was the main objective. The men, thinking much more quickly than Darci would have thought possible, unhooked the trailer and had it towed out of the way a couple minutes later. The next problem to tackle would be the cattle that stood huddled like witless statues on both sides of the yellow line. As the driver tried unsuccessfully to shoo them into the left lane, Darci let loose another expletive.

  “Oh hell.” Charlotte grabbed her tummy with one hand and the stopwatch with the other, huffing through the contraction.

  “How far apart are they now?” Darci fidgeted with the seatbelt, since it was the only thing she found to grab.

  “Um.” Charlotte winced apologetically. “About eight minutes.”

  “Good. We’ve still got plenty of time,” Darci said, her voice full of confidence she didn’t feel. “Nothing to worry about.” She sat there for three endless seconds that seemed like a decade. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”

  Charlotte reverted to her normal personality. “Well, I had planned to hike through the woods, then maybe go bareback bronco riding on one of those bulls, but fine. For you, I’ll sit still.”

  Darci jumped out and trotted to where the men stood discussing how to move a few thousand pounds of walking sirloin out of the way.

  Tow Truck Guy asked the semi driver, “Why cain’t you move your own cattle outta the way, man? They ain’t listenin’ to you a’ tall.”

  “These ain’t my damn cows. I just get paid to drive ‘em wherever the man who owns ‘em tells me to.”

  Oh, good grief, Darci thought. Easy to tell these three were a bunch of city boys. The last thing she needed. She realized she’d have to take care of the situation herself, and the time she’d spent on her grandparents’ farm flooded through her memory.

  Darci moved at a steady though not too fast pace toward the cattle. “Y’all stand across the road with your arms out like this,” she instructed the men, her voice ringing with authority she didn’t know she possessed. They mimicked her airplane arms, following in a horizontal line behind her, and exchanged looks that said they hoped she knew what she was doing.

  “No sudden moves, just don’t let ‘em get around you.” Darci knew she couldn’t second guess herself now, with Charlotte about to give birth in the car. “Let’s just try to move ‘em off the road into the bean field.”

  Most of the cattle moved in the direction Darci wanted, possibly eyeing the fresh soybean plants that must have looked like a bovine buffet to them. One big steer wasn’t so eager, though. He mooed and nodded his head up and down in warning, his eyes glued to the people coming toward him with outstretched arms.

  Intimidated, the three man army behind Darci slowed to a stop.

  “Oh, for God’s sake! It’s not like he’s gonna bite you or run you through like in a bullfight cartoon.” Darci stomped her foot in frustration, which the steer didn’t seem to appreciate. “Come on, back me up here.”

  The nervous bunch followed her lead. Soon the small herd moved off the road and into the field. The way her day was going, Darci expected the owner of the crop to show up any minute and hand her a bill for whatever the cows ate, tromped over, or shit on.

  She tried to scrape a mound of cow poop off her shoe as she opened the car door. “The cop is moving his car in front of us, then we’ll follow him to the hospital. Yuck.” The greenish black manure wasn’t coming off too easily. “Just a minute.” She ran to the trunk, where she kept a pair of orange rubber boots. She chucked her sneakers in, slammed the trunk shut, then hopped back in the driver’s seat wearing bright tangerine footwear with her jeans.

  “What does he want now?” Charlotte directed Darci’s attention to the truck driver on his way to the passenger side window. It looked like he had a bunch of weeds tucked under one arm.

  “What the hell?” Darci said, her finger on the button to let down the window.

  “These are for you, little lady.” He handed Charlotte a bouquet of wild honeysuckle that grew on the roadside, tied together with a red bandana. The scent from the yellow and white blooms masked the smell of cow manure that wafted up through the trunk. “Sorry about the holdup.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet,” Charlotte said, burying her nose in the flowers. Darci tromped the gas pedal then, so she had to yell the rest of her thanks through the window as the green Volkswagen sped off behind the squad car. The guy was still waving, the last sight they had of him in the rearview mirror.

  Charlotte’s contractions were even closer together when they pulled under the emergency room canopy. Darci waved to the policeman, shouting her thanks as she helped Charlotte waddle inside. She handed her over to a nurse, then sprinted back out to park the car and bring in the Lamaze bag.

  Jimbo, to Darci’s extreme relief, skittered into ER just as a maternity nurse was about to wheel Charlotte down to delivery. Darci kissed the mother-to-be on the forehead, then reminded her she’d be in the waiting room if she needed anything.

  Darci found Wade and Paxton there waiting for her.

  “Hi Hon.” Wade put his arm around her shoulder when she fell into the chair beside him. Paxton seemed engrossed in some animated show on the television, which he watched until he dozed off. “I saw the missed call on my cell when we got back to the pickup, and when I called Petal Pushers, Hoyt told me the news. We got here as quick as we could. How’s Charlotte?”

  “She’s fine, but I’m amazed how fast things are moving, especially since it took me eighteen hours of hard labor to deliver Paxton. Charlotte’s water broke around nine this morning and now she’s fully dilated just four hours later. It’s a good thing she didn’t sneeze in the car, ‘cause I’m thinking the baby would’ve squirted out if she had.”

  While they waited for news, Wade tried to break the silence. “You wanna hear about the big bass I hauled in with that new lure I ordered off eBay?”

  Darci had just opened her mouth to tell him exactly what she thought about his fishing trip when Jimbo bounced into the room.

  “It’s a boy!” Decked out in green delivery scrubs, Jimbo grinned from ear to ear.

  They headed to the nursery to wait beside the window for a peek at the baby. Everyone cooed like idiots, their faces pressed against the glass, when a nurse put him in a little bed that looked like an aquarium on wheels.

  His little pink head, crowned with a fluffy blue hat she knew Jimbo’s mom had knitted for him, was the only part of the baby they could see. A yellow and green striped blanket, which matched the others in the nursery, was wrapped snuggly around the infant.

  “Oh, look at his teensy little hand.” Darci pointed to the miniature pink arm the baby boy worked free from his blankie.

  “That’s gonna be his pitching arm,” Jimbo bragged. He gave Paxton a playful punch on the shoulder. “Think he’ll be ready for battin’ practice next week?”

  Paxton offered up a forced grin, but his mother saw him look at Jimbo as if he thought his cousin-in-law belonged on the floor with the mental patients.

  “Did y’all decide on a name yet?” Darci hoped Jimbo hadn’t convinced Charlotte to name him after his grandpa Bertram.

  Jimbo beamed as he introduced his son. “We named the little man Cole Thomas Villines. Cute but macho, don’t ya think?”

  Petal Pushers’ Plant of the Month for July is

  Honeysuckle

  Lonicera x heckrottii

  Vine

  Common name: Woodbine and Trumpet Honeysuckle.

  Brief description: The vines can grow twelve to twenty feet, with pink and yellow tubular flowers that attract hummingbirds and butterflies. A few varieties are scentless, but Pink Lemonade honeysuckle (Lonicera x heckrottii) and wild honeysuckle, with white and yellow flowers, and most others have a deliciously sweet scent.

  Symbolism: the bond of love.

  Trivia: Want to taste honeysuckle? Here’s a trick most kids from Webster County could show you
. Pick a fresh honeysuckle flower and hold the end between the thumb and index finger of your left hand. Pinch off the base of the flower with your other hand and it pull it and the stamen, slowly and carefully, out through the bottom. You’ll see a bead of nectar. One taste will let you know why the bees and hummingbirds flock to it.

  Growing instructions: Honeysuckle grows well in full sun or partial shade, and should be pruned as needed. They spread quickly and can be invasive, but it’s pure heaven to smell honeysuckle when you walk past it on a summer day.

  Uses: These can grow along a fence, on an arbor or trellis, and up the side of buildings. Honeysuckle works well as a cut flower, so mix some in with your wildflower bouquets.

  Tools & Tips: Everyone should take advantage of the local garden tours going on this time of year. This is a terrific way to learn how to incorporate different plants into your landscape, meet fellow gardeners from your area, and pick up all kinds of new ideas. There’s no better way to spend a sunny afternoon.

  Daisy, the little parakeet you’ve probably seen helping me at Petal Pushers, is a fan of this plant. I bring in springs of honeysuckle to put in her cage, and she loves to tweet away perched on it.

  Grandma Odette’s Famous Hummingbird Cake

  My Grandma Odette’s been on my mind lately, so as an added bonus this month, I thought I’d include her recipe for Hummingbird Cake. Let her know how much you love it the next time you see her.

  Ingredients:

  3 cups all-purpose flour

  2 cups sugar

  1 teaspoon baking soda

  1 teaspoon salt

  1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

  3 large eggs

  1 cup canola oil

  1-1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

  1 8-ounce can crushed pineapple, with the liquid

  1 cup chopped pecans

  2 cups mashed ripe bananas

  Cream Cheese Icing (recipe below)

  (Optional) ½ cup chopped pecans

  (Optional) edible flowers (nasturtiums, honeysuckle, or even squash blossoms, just be sure the ones you use are safe to eat)

  Instructions:

  1. With a big wooden spoon, mix together flour, sugar, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Add the eggs, oil, and vanilla, stirring until the batter is moist. Gently fold in the undrained pineapple, bananas, and pecans.

  2. Grease and flour two or three round cake pans, your choice, and divide the batter between them. Bake at 350 degrees for twenty-five to thirty minutes, or until a toothpick poked in the middle comes out clean.

  3. Cool for ten minutes before removing from the pans.

  4. When completely cool, ice the layers with cream cheese frosting. Put extra pecans around the edge and arrange a few edible flowers on the top.

  5. Keep refrigerated.

  Cream Cheese Icing

  Ingredients:

  8 ounces of cream cheese, softened

  ½ cup margarine, softened

  16-oz bag of powdered sugar, sifted

  1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  Instructions:

  1. With an electric mixer, beat together the cream cheese and margarine until smooth.

  2. Gradually add the powdered sugar until light and fluffy, then add the vanilla.

  Chapter 8. August

  We can complain because rose bushes have thorns,

  or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.

  ~ Abraham Lincoln

  On her weekly visit to Golden Days Retirement Home, Darci wondered why she couldn’t find more to do. The thin application of mulch around the bushes prevented grass from sprouting through, but she expected to see at least a few stray dandelions in the border, and found it strange that not a single weed infringed the tidy flowerbed. She deadheaded some of the older rosebushes, snipping off wilting blooms to encourage new ones to form in their place, then decided to check on the herbs.

  It wasn’t necessary for her to come by as often as she did, but since the building was located in the middle of town and everyone knew Petal Pushers tended the landscaping, she wanted to keep the grounds in pristine condition. Word of mouth was free advertising, after all. The other reason she enjoyed stopping by was the conversation. Most of the people who lived there were vivacious and lively, eager to talk to her about everything from flowers to fashion to the latest antics of some the more risqué residents.

  Bernice gossiped with Darci while she sat on the sidewalk pinching back herbs. “Edith Wilson coming to the cafeteria in her slip was the buzz until yesterday. Edward Johansson got irritated with the attendant who brought him a diuretic, a medication he thought he didn’t need and ought not have to take. Well, to prove his point, Ole Eddy unzipped his fly and took a whiz all over the male nurse’s white shoes. That wasn’t half as shocking as what he told the man to do.” Bernice lowered her voice to a temporary whisper. “Eddy told him, in less polite words than I’m gonna repeat, to go fornicate with himself! He sure did. Then, while the poor guy’s shoes were still dripping pee, the old cuss offered to let him use his walker.” Bernice shook her head and laughed.

  “I’m almost afraid to ask, but why would somebody on staff need to use his walker?”

  “Oh, he didn’t need it, but Eddy gave him a vivid description of something that sounded mighty uncomfortable for him to do with it!” Bernice winked and slapped her knee. “I’ll tell you what, sweetie, there’s nary a dull moment under this roof.”

  One morning not long after, Wade’s assistant took a load of lumber to a job site on the other side of town. The company truck being Wade’s only vehicle, he asked Darci for a lift to work.

  The sky was a beautiful shade of golden pink, a few fluffy cumulus clouds adding soft texture to nature’s canvas as Darci drove Wade down Main Street. As they approached Golden Days, she caught sight of something that brought her VW Bug to a screeching halt in front of the retirement home. Wade muttered a few choice words when the steaming hot coffee from his spill proof travel mug sloshed onto his crotch.

  Mabel Guthrie maneuvered her cane at a surprising pace as she dashed across the lawn. Her damaged left arm flailed as if threatening some unseen adversary, and she appeared to be charging the flowers that bordered the building.

  Darci threw open the car door and jumped out, unsure whether Mrs. Guthrie was being chased or attacking the foliage. She kicked off her sandals as she sprinted across the dewy yard, damp bits of grass sticking to her feet as she zipped toward Mabel. How the hell could a woman that old who’d suffered a debilitating stroke move so fast? Darci heard Mabel holler as she shortened the distance between them.

  “Scat!” Mabel hissed. “Git!”

  Two squirrels, who looked as if they were scared half out of their furry little wits, darted out from behind a large clump of monkey grass that grew in the border along the front of the retirement home. In their escape, they ran twin spirals up an oak tree at the edge of the property, then disappeared amongst acorns and bird nests high in its leafy boughs.

  Darci looked back toward Mabel, who still had no idea anyone stood a few feet behind her. “Look. Wha. You. Did.” She shook her head as she limped toward the flowerbed.

  Mabel stepped into the border and carefully placed her feet between the ruby red impatiens. Darci restrained herself from rushing over as Mabel eased herself steadily to the ground, her cane supporting her as she slid down the wall. She saw the determination in her eyes, plus she wanted to see what she planned to do.

  In a seated position, Mrs. Guthrie shook her head as she smoothed out the piles of mulch the pesky critters had been digging in. With her functional right hand, she picked up an impatiens one of the little buggers uprooted, carefully removed a few damaged leaves, then replanted it in the hole from which the bushytailed squirrels had ripped it.

  “Is everything all right, Mrs. Guthrie,” Darci asked, bending down beside her. She remembered her request to be addressed by her first name and amended, “I mean Miss Mabel.” The citizens of Webster County still went by the time
honored Southern tradition of using ‘Miss’ for older women who deserved respect, if calling them by their first name.

  Mabel’s head came up when Darci spoke. Elbow deep in mulch and red flowers, she looked a bit embarrassed, as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. “Sorry. Squirrels. Messed. Your. Flowers. Up. Didn’t. Mean. Bother. Your-”

  “I saw those little farts running off when I came up.” Under normal circumstances, Darci would never interrupt Mabel or anyone else intentionally. But seeing how laborious long sentences were for her, and since she saved the border plants from the damn rodents, she thought this interruption was for the best.

  “Thank you so much for fixing up the mess they made!” Mabel had indeed put everything in the border back to rights, even smoothing the mulch back over the dirt and tossing the leaves that had fallen off. If Darci hadn’t witnessed what happened minutes before, she would never have known anything had been amiss. “You certainly didn’t have to, but you did a great job of it.”

  Darci helped the older woman up, then the two stepped out of the plant bed. Darci followed her to the bench nearest them.

  “Not. Mad?” Mabel appeared worried that she might have overstepped her bounds or gotten in her way somehow.

  “Of course not. Shoot, you just saved me a lot of work. I appreciate it.”

  As they sat there, Darci noticed that Wade had moved her car to an actual parking space near the curb. She could see him reading the paper in the front seat, obviously not planning to rush her. Being his own boss had its perks, like not getting yelled at if he showed up a few minutes late.