by Sean Michael
“Yes, you can see him. Your father’s been taken to recovery. You listen to the nurses and leave when they ask you to. Once he’s in his room, you can stay.”
“My— Okay. Okay. Fine.” Whatever. Father. Lover. World. Whatever, asshole. He needed to see Jessy.
“Room 309. Just down the hall to the right. Listen to the nurses or they boot you out.”
“I will. Promise.” He hurried down the hall, heart pounding in his chest as he opened the door. Jessy had to be okay. Had to. “Jess? Coach?”
A nurse came over. “Are you here for Jessy Turner? He’s just over here, honey. You be nice and quiet and stay out of my way and I’ll probably not notice the clock.”
“’Kay. I’ll be good. Promise.” Mike swallowed hard, stomach burning, eyes searching for Jess.
“Second bed from the end, hon.” She gave a nod toward the bed in question and went back to her desk.
He walked over, standing at the end of the bed, Jess swimmy and blurred with the tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Jess. This is all my fault.”
“Baby?”
“Jessy. I’m here. I’m right here. I’m sorry.” He scooted over, tears spilling.
Jessy wiped clumsily at his cheek. “Are you hurt?”
“No. No. You are. I’m gonna take care of you, Jess. I promise.”
“You’re okay? Thank God.” Jess’s hand fell away, a deep sigh sounding. “Thank God.”
“I’m okay. Gonna take care of you.” Forever. He stroked Jessy’s head, so careful, then sat in the little chair, trying to stay under the radar.
Jessy turned his head, blue eyes blinking at him, one badly swollen, the other with a cut over it. “Am I okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah. The doctor said you were bleeding inside and they fixed that. Your leg is broke too. You’re going to be fine. I’m going to be right here. I’ll make sure you’re okay.” He didn’t have the slightest idea what to do, how long before Jessy could go home, but he’d just figure it out.
God, he was going to hurl.
“Competition over? Where’s your medals?”
“I’m not swimming.” He shook his head, just petting. “You just think about getting better.”
“Not swimming? Baby, you hurt?” Jess struggled, trying to get up.
“No. No. I’m fine.” He shook his head, whispered, “Please. Please, Jessy. You can’t. You’ll hurt yourself. They’ll make me go. Please. Be still.”
“You’re really okay?” At his reassurance, Jessy lay back again, reaching for his hand. “Then why aren’t you swimming?”
He twined their fingers together, held on. “Shh. Please. It’s early. Or late. Or something. Jeff went back to the hotel last night. It was Anderson. The police have him.”
“Little shit. I should have killed him when I had the chance.”
“The police have him. You rest.” He leaned down toward the mattress, rested his head a second. He needed something to drink, something to eat. A nap. Jessy home.
Jessy’s fingers found his hair, stroking. “I want my gold medals, baby. This one’s a big deal.”
He shook his head. “I can’t leave you here. I won’t. There’ll be others.” He couldn’t do it. Not when it was his swimming that ruined everything.
Jessy growled at him. “The wall, baby.”
“Shh. Next year. I don’t want to swim right now. I just want to take you home. Be a normal guy.”
Jessy’s blue eyes met his, pinned him. “Not a normal guy, Mike. This is your time; don’t let this old man hold you back.”
“Not old. Mine.” He shook his head. “You could have died, Jessy.”
“Too hardass to die.”
“I love you.” He stroked Jessy’s forehead. “You need to sleep.”
“You swim. I’ll sleep.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“What’re you gonna do, baby? Watch me sleep. Go. Swim. Make me proud.”
He shook his head, held on. “Please, Jess. I just want to stay.”
“C’mon, help me out of bed. I’ll come watch.”
“No! You have pins and tubes and needles and stitches and shit. You can’t.”
The nurse came over. “Mr. Turner? You’re a little agitated.”
“He’s okay. He is. He’ll be fine.” Please. He didn’t want to go.
“I’m okay. Mike has finals to swim.”
“I’m not going.” Mike shook his head. “He’s tired.”
“He is. He needs to sleep. I’m just going to top his IV up. And then you should try and get some sleep too.” She patted his arm, eyes sympathetic but firm.
Mike nodded. “Can I sleep here? With him?”
“No, son. You can’t. He’s going to be moved in a few hours. Why don’t you go home, sleep, and come back in the morning?”
“Has to swim in morning,” muttered Jessy.
“I don’t live here. We’re here for a meet.”
“Mike?” Coach Daniel’s voice sounded. “I came to take you to the hotel. You have to rest.”
“Make him swim,” ordered Jessy, gruff voice beginning to slur.
“Always coaching, huh, Jessy?”
“When I stop, know ’m dead.” Jessy’s eyes were staying closed longer and longer. “Want Mike race. Show ’m.”
“Shh. Sleep, Jessy. You sleep. I love you, you know that, right? More than anything.”
He was going to puke.
Or cry.
Or something.
“Mmm, love. Baby.” Jessy’s blue eyes finally stayed closed.
Coach Samuels’s hand landed on his shoulder. “Come on, Mike. Let me drive you back to the hotel. You can sleep in with Jason and Rick if you don’t want to be on your own. Then I’ll drive you all down to the pool tomorrow.”
“I’m not swimming.” He stood up, swayed a little.
Coach Samuels’s arm went around his waist, supporting him and guiding him out. “I’m not the hardass your coach is, Mike, so I’m not going to force you to do it. But he’s not going to be out of commission long, and I’d hate to be the one who didn’t race when he specifically asked me to.”
He chuckled, the sound surprising him, leaning against the UT coach. “I don’t want to talk to any reporters, Coach Samuels. Please.”
“I’m parked on a side street. We can avoid the front and back way altogether and just duck out. I wasn’t interested in talking to them any more either. It’s all over the damned news. I heard the UCLA boys were laying odds you wouldn’t show tomorrow. I’ve put in a request to have the whole team suspended from the Championships, but I don’t imagine the governing board’ll have the balls to do that.”
Mike nodded, rubbed the bridge of his nose. “It’s not supposed to be like this.” It was supposed to be about speed.
“I know. The coaching system needs an overhaul if kids are going through thinking this is the way to get ahead.” Coach Samuels gave him a squeeze and helped him into the car. “You want to go back to your hotel or the venue hotel and stay with the UT team?”
“I want to stay with you.” He didn’t want to be by himself.
Coach nodded. “I’d feel more comfortable to have you with the team.”
The car started up, and Coach took a left at the main street. They passed by the front of the hospital where there was a mess of reporters hanging around the doors.
Mike rested his cheek on the headrest, watching the street lights go by in a blur. Tired. So tired.
His poor Jessy.
He closed his eyes against the worry and fury and pain that filled him.
Man, this…. This just sucked.
Chapter Nineteen
JESSY WAS not happy. He hurt. He was in the damned hospital, and he had no clue where Mike was. He finally got the time out of a nurse—1:00 p.m. Okay. So Mike was probably swimming. There were finals today, if it was Friday, and tomorrow.
Christ, it hurt to think. He felt like he’d been run over by a truck. Truth was, if he could trust
his memory, it had only been a small car.
He tried to get out of bed. Then he tried to reach for the phone. He could call Samuels’s cell phone, find out what the hell was going on. He was hurting pretty good by the time he gave up and the nurse came to put something in his drip for the pain, and then he was kind of floating, sleeping in a haze.
When he woke again, Mike was curled in the chair beside him, sleeping. He reached out automatically, swearing softly when he couldn’t reach. Mike was okay. Not even a scratch. Just a faint pink.
Thank God.
Mike’s eyes flew open, looking him over. “Hey. You okay?”
“Baby. Better now. You look tired.”
“Yeah. You hurting? I can get the nurse.” He got a smile, Mike moving the chair over so they could hold hands.
“It’s not so bad right now. Did you win?”
Mike shook his head. “Second in the two hundred freestyle and butterfly, third in the relay.”
“I’m sorry, Mike. If I’d done something about Anderson before it came to this, you wouldn’t have been distracted.” Damn it all. He should have been there, reminding Mike to focus on the wall.
“My fault. Everybody’s wigged out.” Mike leaned down, kissed his knuckles.
He turned his hand, stroking Mike’s cheek. “You okay, baby?”
Mike nodded, leaned into his touch. “You don’t worry about me. I get to worry about you now.”
“You don’t have to worry about me, baby. I’m too much of a hardass to kill.” Fuck, he wanted to be home. Of course the house in Austin wasn’t even that anymore, but he still wanted to be home and holding Mike.
“The doctors say I can drive you home in a week. We’ll rent one of those huge SUVs and be tourists.”
“We were supposed to go to Australia. Fuck. I’ve got to cancel the tickets.”
“Shh. I did it. I called after the meet and got everything taken care of.” Mike kissed his palm. “I got your book from the hotel room and started down the list of stuff. Moved over to the little hotel here by the hospital too.”
“Oh, now keep this up and you won’t need me anymore, baby.” He tried not to feel sorry for himself, but he was hurting and couldn’t take care of his swimmer like he was supposed to.
Mike snorted, shook his head. “I’ll always need you.”
“I hope so, baby.” Because the day Mike didn’t need him anymore was the day he could just lie down and die. He swallowed hard. “You think you can ring the nurse, Mike? I could use a hit of the good stuff.”
Mike nodded. “I’ll go get her. You just relax.”
Then Mike was gone. Moving quick, taking care of him.
It didn’t sit easily on his shoulders, admitting he needed help, getting it from the person he was supposed to be taking care of in the first place. He shifted awkwardly, wincing at the pain.
When the nurse came in to give him a shot, Mike wasn’t with her; Jeff Samuels was. “Hey, old man. I sent Mike to the snack bar to eat something. How’re you feeling?”
“Like I got run over with something a hell of a lot bigger than that rinky-dink little car.”
Jeff laughed, sat down. “You look like shit, man.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet.” He got serious, looking Jeff in the eyes. “How’s Mike handling things?”
“Better than I’d have guessed, really. He’s a little shocky, but he’s functioning.” Jeff shrugged. “Mike’s already got a spot on the team at Worlds, whether he swims tomorrow or not. He doesn’t need to work himself into a fury.”
“He wants to swim it. Well, maybe he doesn’t want to today, but when Worlds roll around, he’ll be happier with a berth on merit, not on pity.”
“It wouldn’t be pity, Jessy. The kid’s been through hell and just keeps winning.” Jeff shook his head. “You push him too hard, and he’ll break.”
“I’ve never had to push him when it comes to the swimming, Jeff. And I’ll be damned if I’m the reason he doesn’t go out there and do his best this time.”
“Anderson is the reason.” Jeff sighed, stretched out. “Hank’s in a damned tizzy. Anderson’s folks are big money—which is why he’s on the team—raising a big stink.”
“I hope he’s in a hell of a lot more than a tizzy. You know damned well that man either sanctioned what Anderson did or turned a blind eye to it. And I’ll bet his biggest worry is that his team’s going to come under too much scrutiny for his doping program to continue.” He winced as his vehemence made him pull something, and he relaxed back into the bed, waiting for the fucking drugs to kick in properly.
Jeff nodded. “UT’s lawyers are going to handle Mike’s case, yours, so that’ll be something, yeah? Y’all can get back to normal sooner.”
He nodded. “We were going to go to Australia after the Nationals, Jeff. Get away from it all, swim, play in the ocean. Mike was so excited about it.”
“Yeah, I heard him canceling all of it this morning.” Jeff’s face was sympathetic. “The reporters are dogging him pretty bad. You two are national news.”
“He hates reporters. Can you kind of shield him from that as much as possible, Jeff?” He hated this, hated not being able to do for Mike himself.
“I’m doing my best, Jessy. He’s managing okay. He’ll crash at some point, sleep for a week, but he’s managing.”
He nodded, sighing as the drugs started making everything fuzzy. “He shouldn’t have to, but it’s good he can.”
Jeff chuckled. “He can’t swim forever, Jessy. Eventually he’ll move on and have to have a real life.”
“He’s only just started competing with the big dogs. He’s got another ten years in him easy.”
“Mike. I…. It’s probably just the worry, but he told the team he’s retiring.”
“What?” Fuck, whatever they’d given him had him hearing things.
“I don’t know. It’s just what Jason told me.”
He shook his head. “I think I’m hallucinating, Jeff. I could have sworn you said Mike’s retiring.”
“I am.” Mike stood in the doorway, pale as a ghost. “I’m done. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Baby.” He shook his head, the words thick in his mouth, the fuzzy getting harder to think through. “We’ll talk.”
Mike nodded. “Out of my chair, Coach. I’m going to stay here with Jessy tonight.”
Jeff chuckled, stood. “You want me to come get you for the meet?”
“The rental company gave me a car. I’m good.”
“Gotta go swim, though, baby.” He nodded, and the world kind of spun, and he decided just lying there was probably a good idea.
“Shh. Sleep, Jessy. You need your rest.”
“Love you, baby.” He reached out, holding on to Mike’s hand. Yeah, he could sleep.
Mike kissed his forehead, his eyelids. “Love you.”
“Mmmm, love you, baby,” he said as he squeezed Mike’s hand. “Gonna stay for a bit, yeah?”
“Not going anywhere, Jess. I promise.”
“Know. Love.”
He could feel everything getting farther and farther away, and he let himself be pulled under.
All the while, Mike’s hand held his.
Chapter Twenty
MIKE SAT all night long, just holding Jessy’s hand, tears streaming down his face. God, he was tired.
And sick.
He was coping, though, wasn’t he? Yes. Yes, he was. Coping.
He had an SUV rented to get Jessy home. He had withdrawn from the meet. He had canceled all the Australia stuff, called Aunt Kathy, called their doctor in Austin, called the real estate agent. He moved motels; he hollered at doctors; he flirted with nurses.
He?
Was Mr. Cope.
Which explained the tears at three in the morning when everything was dark.
Jess made a noise, hand jerking in his.
“Shh. Shh, love. I’m here.” He brushed his cheeks, murmuring softly.
“Baby?”
Jessy’s eyes blinked open, the blue slightly glazed.
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s me. You hurting?”
“A little. Not as bad as I was.” Jessy frowned. “You’ve been crying.”
“I’m good.” He found a smile, kissing Jessy’s forehead. “You should sleep. It’s late. Early. Whatever.”
“Been sleeping.” Jessy rubbed his cheek. “You win, baby?”
“I withdrew from the meet, Jessy. I told you that this afternoon.” He kissed Jessy’s palm. “I couldn’t leave you here.”
“Oh, baby….” Jess shook his head. “No. Not because of me.”
“Shh. No. Because of the asshole who hurt you.”
“Then he won, baby. He kept you from swimming.” Jess tried to sit up.
“Please. Be still. You’ll hurt something. Please, Jessy.” He helped Jess back down. “Easy.”
“I hate this. It’s not right.”
“No, but we’re dealing.” He kissed Jessy’s forehead. “We’re dealing.”
“When did you get so tough?”
“When I almost lost everything important to me.”
“Oh, baby. Told you—I’m too much of a hardass to die.”
“You got hurt saving me.” He hung his head, shook it. “I’m so sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”
“What? This isn’t your fault, baby. There’s nothing to make up.” Jess was trying to sit again, hand on his arm. “What do I always say? The wall. Just focus on the wall.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Jessy. What does the wall have to do with anything important?” He sniffled, petting Jess’s hand.
Jess frowned. “It’s what we’ve been working so hard toward, Mike. Every day for the last… long time.”
“I just…. I’m tired, Jessy. I’m tired. Someone tried to kill you because of the damned swimming. It’s not worth it anymore.” He sighed. “I’ll get a job, work to pay my part of the rent; you’ll get another swimmer. It’ll be okay.”
Jess shook his head. “Don’t worry about the rent, baby. Don’t… don’t make any final decisions while you’re upset.”
He nodded. It was good advice, solid advice, and he didn’t want to argue anymore. “Okay. Okay. I will. You have to relax, though.”