Luc stepped toward me and then stopped. His voice came out raspy when he said, “Can I? Can I just touch you?”
My breath hitched, and I nodded.
He moved, careful and slow, touching my face with just the tips of his fingers first. His hands flattened and slipped down the sides of my neck, sending an acute shiver through me. Those hands made their way to my shoulders as he stepped in even closer, his thigh brushing mine. Breathing in his scent, I closed my eyes as one hand slid to my back. Luc curled his other arm around my shoulders, tugging me toward him. His warm breath danced over my temple as we stood chest to chest, my hands touching his sides. We were so close that I felt it when he shuddered. Neither of us moved or spoke for several long moments. We just held each other, and then I felt his lips press against my temple before he pulled away.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, stepping back and shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
“Okay.” I cleared my throat, feeling a little unbalanced. “How about you?”
He looked away, and I got hung up in staring at his profile, at the way the muscle flexed when his jaw clenched. “A hundred percent.”
I still couldn’t believe that he was standing here, that he was okay. I pressed my lips together, wondering why he’d left this morning without saying anything. It felt like after what had happened, he would’ve stayed.
His gaze found mine. “All you have to do is ask, Peaches.”
My eyes narrowed. “Stop reading my thoughts.”
“You’re making it hard.”
I moved backward and sat on the bed. Warmth invaded my cheeks. “I thought … I was just wondering if you were okay.”
“Were you worried?”
I started to lie but stopped. “Yes.”
“You don’t need to worry about me.” He sat beside me. “I left because I didn’t know if you’d want me to be here.”
My stomach churned. Couldn’t blame him for thinking that. We hadn’t had a chance to talk after … well, what had gone down between us.
“Is that not what you want?” he asked.
There were moments where I had no idea what I wanted when it came to Luc, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t want to see him.
Looking over at him, my gaze met his. “I … I don’t need space,” I whispered, feeling my cheeks heat. “From you.”
His gaze searched mine in that intense way of his, and then one side of his lips kicked up. “That’s good.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Shifting, I clasped my hands and looked away.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
“Why?” My gaze flew back to his. “Why are you thanking me?”
His head tilted to the side. “If it weren’t for you, I most likely wouldn’t be sitting here, Peaches. If you had run, like I’d told you, I think … I think this would’ve had a very different outcome. When you went after him, you bought me the time I needed to heal.” He paused. “You saved my life.”
At a lost for words, I struggled to find what to say. “I guess I owed you, didn’t I?”
A faint smile crept along his lips. “I guess I’m glad you didn’t listen to me.”
“You’re welcome.” Our gazes snagged, and a long moment passed. A shiver curled along the nape of my neck. “So, um, we really didn’t get a chance to talk afterward, but Micah…? It was him—one of those kids. I’m … I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be—”
“Thinking?” he cut in. “I don’t know what I’m thinking, but I know I’ve tried to … forget about them. About Micah. That’s wrong, isn’t it?”
My brows knitted and I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”
“Really?” He sounded surprised.
“Yeah.”
Luc sighed heavily. “I can’t … I don’t even know what to say about that—about him. There was part of me that had thought of him when you told me what he’d said to you in the school parking lot, but I didn’t know about the growth hormones. Now some things make sense. You know, how violent and out-there their moods were. I don’t know if knowing that they truly weren’t at fault for how dangerous they were would’ve changed anything or not.”
“I don’t understand why he did this,” I admitted quietly. “What he said didn’t make any sense. It’s, like, why go through all of this and then for what? To challenge you? Taunt you? Get you to pay attention to him? Did you understand any of this?”
“Yes. No.” He flopped onto his back and stretched his arms out. The hem of his shirt rose, and a sliver of taut skin appeared. “I mean, I don’t even know if he knew what he was doing. Like a damn sociopath. Do they really know why they are the way they are? Obviously, he had—”
“Issues? Lots of issues?”
Luc grinned, but his smile faded quickly. “I did let him escape, because, I told you—I thought he was okay. That out of all of them, he was going to make it. I was wrong. I got played. Looking back, I wonder if he was always behind the others, you know, manipulating them? I don’t know.” He paused. “But I did look for him, Peaches. Afterward. It wasn’t like I forgot about him.”
“I know,” I whispered, thinking about what Micah had accused him of. “I wouldn’t think that you hadn’t.”
He was quiet as he closed his eyes. “Did you hear him? At the end? He said he knew he wouldn’t win a fight with me. It was like he…” He lifted his hands and then dragged his palms down his face. “Jesus.”
I thought about what Micah had said to me about Luc. That he needed Luc to do something for him. Did he really want Luc to kill him? If so, why fight Luc and not just let him kill him? None of it made sense.
But I didn’t need to be able to read minds to see that this was eating away at Luc. Heart squeezing, I reached over and lightly touched his arm. There was a snap of static, transferring from his skin to mine. His eyes opened again and he looked over at me. “Whatever his motivations were, none of it was your fault, Luc.”
“Yeah,” he murmured.
“I’m serious. You did everything—”
“Did I, though?” He laughed, but the sound was harsh. “What I should’ve done was made sure he never left that facility.”
“Luc—”
“If I had, those girls would be alive. That family—”
“He said he didn’t kill that family, or Andy.”
His brows knitted. “And you believe him?”
“Why would he lie? I mean, he was pretty open about everything else he did.” I couldn’t stop the memories from roaring to the forefront of my mind. I started to pull away.
Luc caught my hand. “I’m so damn sorry this happened to you,” he said. His voice roughened. “When I saw you sitting against that tree—saw what he’d done to you? I wanted to—Well, I ultimately did what I wanted to do. I never, ever want you to experience anything like that again.”
I squeezed my eyes shut once more as I flinched. The fear and pain, I could almost taste them. From the moment I woke up this morning, the terror was a haunting shadow. Even with Luc, who had been there and seen the aftermath, I wasn’t ready to talk about any of that.
“I know you don’t want to talk about that,” he said quietly, squeezing my hand. “But I’m here when you’re ready.”
Drawing in a shaky breath, I opened my eyes again. Luc threaded his fingers through mine. I pushed those memories aside to dwell on later, because I knew I would the moment I was alone. “What did Micah say to you? He whispered something, but I couldn’t hear him.”
His gaze dropped to our joined hands, and a moment passed. “Just more insanity, Peaches. That is all.”
Just more insanity? I didn’t believe it. I’d seen the way Luc had reacted. Micah had said something to him. I pulled my hand free.
Luc sat up. “Peaches…?”
My fingers curled around my knees. “What do we do now?”
His eyes found mine. “I think there’s a Godfather marathon on TV right now. We
can watch that.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“I know.” He leaned toward me. “But there’s nothing we can do other than live with the promise of tomorrow while knowing it may not come. That’s the best you can do. Best we can do.”
I stared at him. “Sometimes you sound … wise.”
“What did I tell you? I’m omniscient.”
“And then you ruin it.”
He laughed. “We do whatever we normally do. This stuff that happened? It cannot rule your life, controlling every waking second. If you let that happen, then what’s the point?”
I stared at him. He was right. Again. Dammit.
That now familiar half grin appeared. “It won’t be easy, but I have a lot of practice when it comes to multitasking the stupid, the inane, and the important.”
“Okay,” I said, and then I nodded. A lot of things were up in the air, but it was going to have to be a day-by-day thing.
“I’ve been thinking about everything,” he said after a moment.
I tensed. “That’s a loaded statement.”
“It is.” There was a pause. “Have you?”
I knew what he was talking about. Who I really was. What I may have meant to him. What I still possibly meant to him. Friday night. Him. Me. Half naked.
“I have,” I admitted.
Luc placed his hand on the bed beside me and leaned in. “There’s something I want to make clear between us. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know you’re Evie now. I knew that the moment you walked into Foretoken. You looked like Nadia, you sounded like her, but I always knew you weren’t her. Not anymore,” he said quietly, his gaze latching on to mine and staying there. “Nadia was who you were. Evie is who you are now.”
I swallowed hard. “Do you know who the real Evie was? She did exist, Luc. I was given her name. She was Jason’s daughter. She died in a car accident. I’m not—”
“You’re not that Evie. You are you.” He lifted his other hand and caught a piece of my hair that came loose. He tucked it back behind my ear. His fingers lingered there for the briefest moment. “And you know yourself as Evie. That’s all that matters.”
My lower lip trembled as I closed my eyes against the sudden rush of tears. “Is it really that simple?”
“It can be.”
But it wasn’t, because making it that simple meant pretending like everything was normal. I opened my eyes again. “I can’t take back what I already know and I…” This was a big thing that was hard to admit. “I want to know more about myself—about who I used to be.”
His eyes widened only slightly. “Are you sure about that?”
I nodded. “I am.”
“Then we can do that,” his said, his voice just as soft as mine. “You. Me. Zoe. The three of us can do that, but I want you to know that you are real.”
The knot returned to my throat as raw emotion pinged around inside me, and I nodded again. Moving suddenly, I wrapped my arms around Luc. The action obviously surprised him, because he froze. That lasted only for about a second before his arms swept around me, holding me tight to him.
My face was planted against his chest. “Thank you.”
“For what, Peaches?”
I let out a hoarse laugh. “I feel like there’s a long list.”
His hand smoothed my back, curling around the nape of my neck. “There’s nothing you need to thank me for.”
There was so much, probably too much based on the way the back of my throat burned.
Luc pulled away, seeming to sense that I needed physical space at the moment, and I did. The truth to who I used to be was still a messy ball of emotion. One that would be unraveled with a little bit of time, but maybe never completely.
There was a knock on the door, and a second later it opened. Mom stuck her head in, and I tensed, waiting for her to whip out a gun. Her gaze moved from me to him. “You know, Luc. You could’ve just used the front door.”
“I could have,” he replied smoothly. “But where’s the fun in that?”
“Hmm.” She took a deep breath and seemed to prepare herself for what she said next. “Why don’t you guys come downstairs? I’m making lunch.”
My eyes practically popped out of my face. Mom was making lunch, and that invite included Luc? What in the hell?
Interest filled Luc’s face. “Does that lunch include grilled cheese sandwiches?”
“Actually, it does.”
My mouth dropped open.
He scooted to the edge of the bed. “And tomato soup?”
“Luc,” she said, and sighed.
“Does it? Because if you say yes, we’re going to be new best friends, and yeah, that would be weird, with the age difference and all, but we’ll get past that. I know it.”
Her lips twitched. “I just put the soup on the stove.”
“Hot damn,” Luc murmured.
Mom looked over me. “Five minutes.”
Sort of shocked, I nodded. “We’ll be down in a few.”
She left, leaving the door cracked open, and for some reason that made me want to laugh. It was such a mom thing to do.
And it made sense.
Because she is my mom.
My chest felt a little lighter, a little less tight.
I glanced at Luc, not at all surprised to see him watching me closely. “I think she’s starting to like you.”
“How could she not?” he replied. “I’m irresistible.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Oh, I bet you would.”
My lips turned down at the corners.
“You know what else I know?”
Figuring this was going to be a doozy, I sighed. “What?”
Those beautiful, downright tempting amethyst eyes met mine. “I think you’re starting to like me.”
Thinking back to what had happened between us on Friday night, the whole starting-to-like-him thing was pretty obvious.
Granted, I’d been overly emotional and had kissed him for all the wrong reasons, but there was no denying the attraction there or the wanting … or the blossoming curiosity when it came to him, to us.
I didn’t know what lay in store for us, if anything did. Luc knew Nadia. Had even loved her. He didn’t really know me, but somehow we were here again, and when I saw the half grin appear, my chest swelled and my insides knotted in delicious and scary ways.
His lips kicked up.
“Are you reading my mind?” I demanded.
“Never, Peaches.”
My cheeks heated. “Okay. Two things you need to start doing. Stop calling me Peaches and stay out of my head.”
Luc’s lashes lowered and then swept up. “You want to head downstairs?”
“Sure.” I scooted to the edge of the bed. “Wouldn’t want you to miss out on your grilled cheese sandwich.”
“Or tomato soup. Don’t forget that.”
“The horror.”
Luc rose swiftly, turning to me as he extended a hand. My gaze dropped to it. He wiggled his fingers. I didn’t need to take his hand. I could stand on my own, but I took it anyway, somewhat welcoming the charge of electricity that pulsed between us.
A tumble of bronze waves fell over his forehead as his fingers curled around mine. He smiled, and it reached those eyes of his and it reached something in me. Luc turned away.
I let myself smile then, when he couldn’t see, and it was huge and wide, reflecting all the weird, messy, exciting, and unknown feelings banging around inside me. I smiled like I hadn’t in days. Maybe weeks.
“Knew it,” he murmured.
Yanking my hand free, I smacked his back and I smacked it hard. “Dammit, Luc!”
He laughed.
“Stay out of my head.”
Luc looked over his shoulder at me. His lips curled into a teasing grin as those stunning violet eyes met mine. “Anything you wish, Peaches. Anything.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JENNIFER L. ARMENTR
OUT is the #1 New York Times, USA Today, Amazon, iBooks, and international bestselling author of the Lux series and other books for teens and adults. She is a #1 bestseller in Germany and Italy, and a top seller in markets around the world.
Her young adult novels have sold over a million copies since 2011 in the United States alone, and have been finalists for the Goodreads Choice Awards, a winner of the 2017 RITA award, and many others.
Jennifer lives in West Virginia with her husband and dogs. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
About the Author
Copyright
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
THE DARKEST STAR
Copyright © 2018 by Jennifer L. Armentrout
All rights reserved.
The Darkest Star Page 36