Her response was almost flippant, which made it all the more depressing.
She began to toy with the plastic menu that was on the table. “Enough about me. Tell me about you guys. How was your trip?”
Ransom and I shared a look before he turned to her. “Interesting.”
“Cataclysmic,” I added.
“But we made it, so…” His words trailed off as a teenage boy approached our table.
“Hi, sorry for the wait. I’m Dylan. What do you want to drink?”
“Dylan!” an older woman scolded from where she’d been hovering at the table behind him. “Say ‘Can I start you off with something to drink?’”
“That’s what I said,” Dylan argued.
The woman glared at him, and he huffed before turning his attention back to us. “Can I start you off with something to drink? Cyanide? Arsenic?”
“That’s it, back into the kitchen with you,” the woman said as she grabbed the kid by the collar and tugged.
Dylan laughed. “I’m kidding. They know I was kidding, right?”
“I’m very sorry about him. We’re short-staffed, and I thought my son could handle the responsibility.” The woman said the words as if each one was a dart aimed at his vital organs.
“I’m so handling it,” Dylan said.
“It’s fine,” Ransom said. “I’ll have orange juice and water.”
“I’ll have the same,” Hudson added.
“Me too.”
Dylan walked away with his mother whispering harshly in his ear.
“What are you guys getting?” I asked because the table had fallen into an awkward silence after Dylan’s departure.
“I’m not sure,” Hudson said. “But we should probably get something light. There’s going to be enough food at this thing to feed a small army.”
“How much family are you expecting?” I asked.
“Tons. I don’t even know where they’re all coming from. Growing up, it was just Mom, Aunt Renee, and our grandmother. But now all of the sudden there are aunts, uncles, cousins. It’s going to be intense.”
Ransom stiffened next to me, and I instinctively put a hand on his leg.
“I didn’t think there’d be that many people there,” he said.
“Me neither. But evidently Grandma is one of eleven. I knew she came from a big family, but eleven is…intense. Like, seriously, did her parents do anything other than each other?”
“That…didn’t need to be said,” Ransom replied, looking disgusted.
Hudson smiled. “Sorry.”
Dylan came back and handed out our drinks.
We watched the tray teeter precariously on his hand as he unloaded it.
“Whew. That’s harder than it looks,” he said as he tucked the tray under his arm and pulled a pad of paper from his apron. “You know what you want?”
“Dylan,” his mother growled. She was a bit farther away this time but clearly still within earshot.
“I’m so sorry, sir, m’ladies.” He added a bow for good measure before continuing. “What fine cuisine can I procure for you on this fine morning?”
We smothered laughs as we ordered. When Dylan had retreated to the kitchen, we exchanged glances and smiled awkwardly, all of us clearly unsure how to pick the conversation up again.
“So,” Hudson said after taking a sip of her juice, “how are you feeling about seeing Mom?”
Ransom began mindlessly tearing his napkin into pieces on the table. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I think I feel so many things, it’s impossible to sort them out.”
“I was kind of surprised you agreed to come. Seeing Mom is one thing, but the rest of the family too? It’s a brave move.”
Ransom shrugged. “As much as ripping off a Band-Aid can be brave, I guess. It just seemed easier to get it all over with at once. And there will probably be lots of distractions to keep things from getting too awkward.”
“That’s true,” Hudson mused.
I sat silently beside Ransom, my mind full of the things he wasn’t saying. That he wouldn’t have agreed to come if it hadn’t been for me. I knew he and I had already covered all of this, but the guilt continued to gnaw at me. Truth was, Ransom probably wasn’t ready to confront his mom, let alone all his extended family. But he was doing it anyway because I’d insisted it would be a good idea.
While part of me wanted to be warmed at the lengths he would go to to make me happy, I couldn’t help but feel truly selfish that I’d put him in that position. What did this man even see in me?
“So, Taylor, Ransom told me you’re going to be a lawyer?” Hudson asked.
I was a little surprised Ransom had told her anything about me, though I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because things between us had been such a whirlwind, and I hadn’t known how much he confided in his estranged sister.
“Yeah. I’m just waiting for my LSAT scores, and then I’ll start applying to schools.”
Saying it out loud made me realize I hadn’t checked the email I used for educational and professional purposes. I had it on my phone, but I’d never been able to figure out how to get it to send me alerts for new emails, so I had to remember to check it regularly. Ever since the Brad…incident…I hadn’t thought to open it.
But now that the thought was in my head, I wasn’t able to resist toying with my phone, my fingers itching to open it to check my email.
“That’s awesome. Any idea where you want to go?”
I did, but that wasn’t a rabbit hole I wanted to go down. It had always been my dream to move to the West Coast after graduation, so it made sense to go to law school out there. But I’d been so focused on the dumpster fire that was my life these past few months that not only had I not given it much more thought, I also hadn’t broached the topic with Ransom. Doing so in a diner while we met with the sister he hadn’t seen in years didn’t feel like the right time to drop that bomb.
“I plan to apply to a bunch of places and see who accepts me. I’ll make a decision from there.” Which at least wasn’t a total lie. I’d always intended to apply locally too, even though that was more of a safety net than anything else.
Hudson’s phone dinged with a text, and she picked it up to read it. “Aunt Renee is being weird this week.”
“How so?” Ransom asked.
While Hudson explained that their aunt Renee had been snippy the past few days and had been constantly checking in with Hudson, I took the opportunity to surreptitiously open my phone.
I scrolled through my email, and there, like a bright, shining beacon, sat my LSAT results. They’d come through a couple of days ago. What kind of moron planned their entire life around achieving one goal and then went completely brain-dead when they were in the home stretch of achieving that goal?
It had been bad enough that I hadn’t put the time I should’ve into studying for them—even though I had been preparing for them for the past year—but to not have been obsessively checking for my results showed just how crazy my life had become.
I needed to figure out a way to get myself back in order, and I logically knew that involved confronting everything surrounding what had happened with Brad. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to do that yet.
“Anyway, enough about her,” Hudson said. She turned her attention back to me before I could open the email and actually see my scores. “It must feel so good to know what you want your future to look like. I have no idea what I want to do,” Hudson said, her voice sounding a little sad.
“You’re still young. You have plenty of time to figure it out,” Ransom said.
“I guess,” she said, sounding unconvinced.
“Are you in school or working while you figure it out?” I asked, putting my phone away. It was frustrating to not be able to check them, but it was probably best to wait anyway. I’d need to give the results my undivided attention, and I couldn’t do that yet. Not to mention I was pretty sure I hadn’t done well and would rather be alone when I sobbed into a pillow for hours.
<
br /> “I wanted to take classes, but…” She shrugged instead of finishing her sentence.
“But what?” Ransom prompted.
She toyed with the tip of her straw instead of making eye contact with Ransom. “Aunt Renee thought it was a waste of time. Mom agreed.”
I felt Ransom tense beside me. “Why would it be a waste of time?”
Hudson smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I wasn’t exactly an honor roll student in high school. They didn’t think it was worth throwing money away for classes I probably wouldn’t pass.”
“That’s bullshit,” Ransom said, his voice practically a snarl. “If you were taking classes you were interested in, you’d probably do really well.”
“I dunno. Aunt Renee always said it was good I was pretty. Otherwise I’d be up a creek without a paddle.” Hudson said the words as if they were a joke, but it was obvious they hurt her.
It wasn’t the first time I’d felt the desire to beat the shit out of their aunt. When I’d heard how she’d taken Hudson while leaving Ransom to fend for himself in the foster care system, I’d instantly wanted to inflict bodily harm on the woman. But hearing how she’d basically told her niece that her only aspirations should be to become a trophy wife made me want to murder her.
And unfortunately for her, that wasn’t completely out of my wheelhouse anymore.
“Hudson, listen to me, okay?” Ransom said seriously as he slid his forearms onto the table so he could lean toward his sister. “People told me shit like that my entire life. Between my ADHD and dyslexia, most people didn’t think I’d amount to much. It’s why I focused so much on football. All it took was the Holts believing I could, and I want to be that for you. You can accomplish anything you want. And I’ll be there to help you any way I can.”
She smiled a small, shy grin that demonstrated how much his words meant to her. “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Please do,” he said, his words pleading, as if he was begging her to believe in herself.
I’d already felt grateful to Melissa’s family for, in many ways, saving Ransom and allowing him to grow into the wonderful man he was meant to be. But the full force of how differently his life might have been without them made my eyes prick with tears. He deserved the world, and he’d come so close to never realizing that.
Our breakfast came soon after, dangling precariously from Dylan’s spindly limbs. But he managed to set everything down without dropping anything, and we settled into lighter conversation as we ate. Ransom settled the tab when we were done, and we walked outside, telling Hudson we’d follow her to the reunion, which was set to start in about fifteen minutes.
After turning on Matt’s SUV, Ransom turned to me. “Ready for this shitshow?”
“Born ready,” I joked. “Are you ready?” I asked more seriously.
He gave me a small smile. “As I’ll ever be.”
And as he pulled out in traffic behind Hudson, I guessed that would have to be enough.
Chapter Thirteen
R A N S O M
We pulled into the parking lot next to Hudson’s small blue Civic. I took in the large park sprawled in front of us and saw people bustling about, putting the finishing touches on various things for the reunion. The lot had a number of cars already in it, and others were pulling in around us.
Suddenly, things felt very, very real.
My breath quickened as I wondered what these people would think of me, what I’d talk to them about, what painful memories might resurface.
A hand on my arm, giving it a gentle but firm squeeze, pulled my mind from the what-ifs. I turned to find Taylor looking at me, concern evident on her face.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I croaked. Jesus. I cleared my throat before continuing. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
She studied me for a second before sitting back in her seat. “What’s the worst-case scenario?”
I huffed out a humorless laugh. “I’m not sure I even want to think about the worst-case scenario.”
“Humor me.”
I rubbed my hand through my hair as I thought. “I guess it’s that they all think I’m not worth knowing. Or someone says something nasty and I start a brawl.”
Her jaw worked as she sat silently for a moment before shifting her body to face me. “These people… I get they’re your family, but they’re strangers too. And they didn’t have to be. A lot of them chose to be. It’s not you who should worry about their judgments. They should worry about yours. You’re here, giving them a chance that most of them probably don’t even deserve. And if they don’t see that for the gift it is, then fuck them. All of them.”
She reached out and gently caressed my cheek with her fingertips. “They don’t determine your worth, Ransom. You know who you are. You know what you’re worth. And everyone who knows you—truly knows you—is fully aware of what an honor it is to have you in our lives. You’re the best person I know. And nothing that happens today will change that. Even if you start a brawl.” She said the last part with a smile, and I was thankful she could still joke with me about something like this after all that happened with Brad.
Maybe I was reading too much into it, but it made me feel as if she knew I’d never intentionally hurt someone—at least not in a permanent way. While I’d always do what I could to protect her, I wasn’t a danger to her or other people. I wasn’t even aware I’d been worried she’d be scared of me until she set me at ease about it.
“Thank you,” I said.
She gave me a wry look. “You don’t really have anything to thank me for. You wouldn’t even be facing this situation if it weren’t for me.”
I looked out the window at where the family I didn’t know was gathering and finally felt myself unclench. “I think I needed to face it.” Looking at her, I continued. “And I think I needed to face it with you. Knowing you have my back… I can face this because I have you on my side.”
She moved so fast she was almost a blur. She pressed her lips to mine in a fierce, though short, kiss and then pulled back just far enough to look me in the eyes. “I will always have your back.”
“And I’ll have yours.”
“Good,” she said before smacking another kiss to my lips. “Then let’s go make this reunion our bitch.”
I laughed loudly, the action loosening the remaining heaviness in my chest. “Let’s.”
We climbed out of the car and made our way to where Hudson was waiting for us. I appreciated that she’d waited, as if she’d sensed I’d need some extra support. I let Hudson lead as we made our way toward a giant table situated at the far end of the grassy park where food was being set up.
“Mom,” Hudson said when we got close.
And then there she was. She’d been bent over as she sorted the food, and I hadn’t recognized her until she looked up with bright-blue eyes I’d always been told were identical to my own. Her hair was a lighter shade of blond than it had been when I’d been growing up, but it suited her.
She was a bit plumper than she’d been last time I’d seen her, a little more weathered, but I’d still have known her anywhere.
Her eyes widened when she saw me, as if she were surprised, despite knowing I was coming. It took her a moment to react, and we both just stood there and stared at each other as if we were each taking measure of the other. And even though this woman didn’t necessarily deserve the consideration, I couldn’t help but wonder if I lived up to her expectation.
“Ransom,” she whispered, and the word seemed to push her into motion. She came around the table quickly, closing in on me and wrapping me in a tight hug.
It took me a moment to react. I wasn’t used to maternal affection from this woman. Even during the better times, she hadn’t been very demonstrative. Add that to the fact that I hadn’t seen her in close to a decade, and my body had to catch up to my brain and accept that this wasn’t a stranger hugging me.
I returned the hug, my hold on her loose and tentative
. But my reticence didn’t seem to have affected her, because when she pulled back, tears were shining in her eyes and her smile was wide.
She reached up and cupped my cheek. “Look at you. So handsome. It’s so good to see you.”
I cleared my throat before replying. “It’s good to see you too.”
She gazed at me for a moment longer before she noticed Taylor standing beside me. Stepping back, she dashed at her eyes before running a hand down her flowy floral shirt. “How rude of me. You must be Taylor. I’m Kari.”
Taylor shook the hand my mom had stretched toward her and smiled. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too. I’m so glad you both could come.” My mom looked around as if the environment would somehow inspire conversation. “Are you hungry? We have tons of food.”
“We actually just had breakfast with Hudson,” I said.
“Oh, that’s right. I knew that. Um, well, do you want me to introduce you around, or…?” She left the sentence hanging there, making it apparent there weren’t likely many alternatives to her doing just that.
I wondered who the meet-and-greet portion of the day would be more awkward for—me, my mom, or the rest of the family? For all intents and purposes, I’d been the son who’d been thrown away. But despite how awful it was to feel like trash, it was perhaps even worse for them to be confronted with said trash, knowing they’d been the ones who had discarded it.
Not that my extended family had owed me anything. Most of them had had enough of Kari’s shit before I’d even been born and likely had no idea I’d even been born, let alone what had become of me. But I still felt like one of their skeletons slipping out of the closet. Would they give me a chance, or would they try to stuff me under the nearest mattress until I was simply a lump that made them marginally uncomfortable when they lay a certain way?
There wasn’t much else to do other than find out. But I didn’t necessarily want to be pranced around like some kind of show pony my mom tried to sell to potential buyers.
Let's Not & Say We Did (The Love Game Book 5) Page 11