Closing his eyes, he remembered how he felt when she was with him, remembered the scent of her hair, the texture of her skin. His mind lingered on stolen hours in a meadow, lying on a blanket with her, her head pillowed on his chest, her glorious hair spilling over him in a rippling, shimmering curtain. He remembered the peace he had felt, the sense of completeness, the conviction that everything he needed in life was in his arms. Though he’d cherished those moments, though he had drunk in the jasmine scent of those silken strands of hair, the satiny feel of her skin beneath his fingertips, he still felt as if he hadn’t appreciated them quite enough.
Because you didn’t think they might someday be beyond your reach.
And he hadn’t. Perhaps it had been naive of him, but he had believed in the happily ever after he and Jess were to enjoy. He had envisioned them growing old together, ruling together. Not once had he stopped to think that it could all be taken away from him. It was simply not in his nature.
“You take things for granted,” Jess had complained when she was angry or disappointed with him.
She was right, and the realization was agonizing. He valued her love above all else, but he had taken it for granted that they’d always be together, and it had made him careless.
“I’m sorry, Jess,” he whispered, pulling himself into a tighter ball, as if he could wrap himself around the memories, hoard them like a greedy miser. He didn’t want to think that memories might be all he had left of Jess.
Chapter 10
Dawn’s chill gray light muted the spring colors and made Lyrane look drab as Jess and Tanvir rode out of the castle’s bailey the next morning. Ten guards accompanied them; Jess had hand-picked five of Lyrane’s best, and Tanvir had selected five from the Estorian complement. Jess would have preferred to ride out just with Tanvir and suspected he felt the same, but their parents had vetoed that idea. It hadn’t been worth wasting precious time arguing over it, so Jess had acquiesced.
She hadn’t slept at all the previous night, and her body buzzed with nervous energy. The twitching in her fingers was difficult to conceal, so she had kept them balled in fists at her sides, hidden by her surcoat. She wanted to leave and, though her mother had tried to convince her to wait until the sun rose, she had ignored the advice, no longer able to remain still.
With each hour that passed, Jess felt as if Dev were slipping farther and farther away from her. Indeed, he probably was. It was difficult to believe his abductors could manage to smuggle him out of the Realm, but his kidnapping had proved that her father’s defenses weren’t impenetrable. A few areas of Lyrane were isolated and remote but Medhan had a comprehensive network within the Realm, and her father’s troops were doing a meticulous job of combing the countryside. Dev’s abductors might have been able to go to ground for a few days within Lyrane, but it would only be a matter of time before they were caught. Jess was convinced that whoever had the guile to carry off the abduction would have had the foresight to know remaining in Lyrane wasn’t an option.
But why hasn’t anyone seen anything? Jess wondered, wanting to scream with frustration. Why have we had no reports of anything suspicious?
She would have liked to speculate a bit with Tanvir, but they were riding too hard to carry on a conversation. It would have to wait until they were forced to take a rest. For now, she would have to live with the torment of the questions that circled through her mind without cessation.
What frightened Jess more than anything was this new knowledge that she could not protect Dev. No matter how diligent she was, no matter how hard she tried, his disappearance had proved to her that his presence wasn’t a given. Never before had she entertained this thought. She had been so certain, so downright arrogant in her belief that they were young, strong—invincible even—that it sent her into a panic to face the reality that this wasn’t the case.
How will I bear it if I’ve lost him forever?
It felt as if someone had punched her in the gut, and the air fled her lungs in a violent gasp, causing her to hunch even lower over her horse’s neck. She knew she had to calm down or she risked falling off her horse, but the pain, the fear, were crippling. This was why she hungered for action; too much time spent in one place meant too much time for her mind to drive her mad with increasingly dire scenarios.
Fortunately for her sanity, the brutal pace of their ride began to take a toll. The more she had to focus on maintaining control of her horse, the less room there was in her head for agonizing thoughts.
The road unfurled before Jess’s unseeing eyes. The land south of Mashala Palace was largely flat countryside dotted with a few idyllic hamlets and villages, nothing that seemed as if it would provide any cover for Dev’s captors. But what if someone in Lyrane had aided them? As she stared at the farmers working in their fields, Jess couldn’t stomach the possibility that one of them might be a traitor. The thought of banging on the villagers’ doors demanding to search their homes was insupportable, though it would have been well within her rights.
After several hours of riding, they stopped to break their fast and to exchange horses with one of the local lords. Though the lord offered them the hospitality of a meal, Jess declined, and she didn’t miss the look of relief in his eyes. Her father kept horses stabled at his own expense at the estates of the lords who lived along the main southern route, but her party was so large the lord would have to provide them with some of his own horses. Any whiff of disgruntled feelings on the lord’s part was dispelled by the fat purse Jess handed him as compensation for his trouble.
“Do you think this search is pointless?” Jess asked Tanvir as they gulped down their meal.
Tanvir cast a glance at the knights accompanying them, but they sat a safe distance away from the royal pair. “Do you want my honest opinion?”
“Do I look like a delicate lady of the court who needs to be told pretty lies, lest her constitution prove unequal to the truth?” Jess snapped.
“No, of course you don’t,” he said, quirking a brow at her. “But you do look like the distraught betrothed of my brother.”
“Don’t patronize me, Tanvir. Don’t you dare patronize me.”
“I’m not. You know I would never insult you in such a manner. I’m worried about you. I’m worried about whether pursuing Dev is the best thing for you.”
Outraged, Jess’s hands balled into fists and she turned toward Tanvir, her meal forgotten. But, before she could speak, he held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Peace, Jess,” he said. “I simply mean you may be too close to this.”
“And you aren’t?”
His smile was wry. “I’m not the one who’s known for my passionate nature.”
Jess’s fingers fumbled with several strands of loose hair, attempting to tuck them back into the braid that was coming undone, thanks to the hard ride and the wind. “This is reality, Tanvir. Heroes have passions, fears, hopes. Do you know why that is? It’s because they’re human, not some fictional god-like being as they are so often portrayed in your beloved books.”
“I know that,” he said mildly. “I did not meant to pick a fight with you, I swear. I just need to know you can keep your wits about you.”
“I don’t need to prove anything to you.”
His face hardened. “Yes, you do. You and I both know that this situation is precarious at best. My brother’s life may very well hang in the balance and, while I know how deeply you care for him, I need to know if your emotions are going to get in the way of reason. I will not allow you to jeopardize his life.”
She wanted to shout at him, scream until her throat was raw. Jerking a hand across her eyes, she turned away and took several deep breaths. Had he purposely gotten her worked up just so he could evaluate her reaction against some mysterious checklist known only to him?
But when she finally managed to get her anger under control, she stole a glance at him and saw the emotion swirling in the depths of his eyes. He was good at putting up a placid front, but Dev’s disappearan
ce had rocked his foundation just as forcefully as it had rocked hers.
“And can you stop pretending you’re perfectly composed?” she asked, keeping her voice low and even. “Lest you fool yourself into thinking you’ve locked all your feelings away, leaving your mind in a state of complete rationality?”
It was his turn to look away, and a short silence fell between them. The food held no appeal for her, but Jess had spent enough time astride horses and on the battlefield to know she would need the energy, and she forced the tasteless bites down her dry throat.
“I doubt we’ll find him,” Tanvir said suddenly.
Her stomach plummeted, and she regretted the mouthfuls she’d forced herself to ingest. While Tanvir wasn’t saying anything she herself hadn’t thought, hearing it spoken aloud by someone else somehow made it all much worse.
“That’s what I’m afraid of. But how could someone smuggle him through the ports?”
“My guess is that his captors are continuing to drug him. If he’s unconscious, they could smuggle him aboard a ship in a crate or a sack.”
Jess’s mouth watered and she took in a deep breath through her nose, trying to force the bile back down her throat. An image flashed before her, a vision of her vibrant, laughing Dev drugged into submission, and she couldn’t take it.
“You must promise me something,” Jess said, ignoring her roiling stomach.
“What is it?”
“You must promise me you will not stand in my way. I have no desire to see whoever took Dev brought to justice. I want to be the one to make his abductor bleed.”
Tanvir was quiet for a moment and she could see he was worried. “Jess, whatever happens…if there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that Dev would not want you to become a shadow of yourself.”
“I had no idea you had such high moral standards,” she retorted, unable to keep the acid from her voice.
His eyes narrowed. “This is about more than your need for vengeance. This is about both our Realms, about the people who depend on us to maintain the law of the land. What message do you think it will send if you act out of a need for vengeance rather than a need for justice? And who are you to even think of denying my parents the right to exact justice on their son’s abductor?”
Digging her fingers into her scalp, Jess tried to relieve the pressure that seemed bent on splitting her skull in two. Leave it to calm, reasonable Tanvir to make her feel as though she were some sort of base criminal.
He may be the only one who can save you from yourself.
The thought made her stomach lurch once more, because she could not deny the truth of it.
“All I’m trying to say is I don’t want to see you fall apart,” Tanvir said, his voice softer now. “I told you Dev would never forgive me if some harm were to befall you. I wasn’t speaking only of physical harm.”
Her hands shook as she lowered them to her sides. “If I let go of this anger, there will be nothing left but guilt and blame, and I fear that may cripple me even more.”
“Guilt and blame are useless, especially because you have no reason to feel them.”
She heard the words but they did little to set her mind at ease. “We should go.”
Nodding, Tanvir stood and gathered his things, but she could tell by the way his mouth was pressed into a tight line that he wasn’t about to let her off so easily.
Chapter 11
Bit by bit, Dev recovered, regaining some of his strength. It was bliss beyond measure to finally have control over his own limbs, though he was careful to move only when he was certain no one was looking. The constant presence of a guard outside his door struck him as a ridiculous gesture. Where could he possibly go? It was not as if he could stage a daring escape while in the middle of the sea.
I will not allow Ellaria to defeat us. I will be with Jess again.
His despair began to give way to anger and he stoked it, reveling in the strength it gave him. As long as there was breath left in his body, he would do everything in his power to ensure no harm would come to Jess. Somehow, some way, he was determined to break free of Ellaria, to return to the life she had stolen from him.
He went over what he had heard while he was convalescing, but he had gleaned precious little. Though Ellaria had paid him regular visits, he had feigned sleep when she was around. Perhaps he should have done what he could to pump her for details, but her presence made his skin crawl, and, weak and sick as he had been, he had not felt prepared to deal with the unhinged gleam in her eyes.
When she visited, she was always accompanied by at least one guard. Crazy she might be, but Dev had to admit that Ellaria wasn’t stupid. She and her companion usually conversed in low tones as they hovered over Dev, and what they said made little sense. He could decipher names and dates, but they were meaningless to him. She had some sort of master plan in play; that much was obvious. However, the details eluded him, no matter how many long hours he spent trying to pick them apart. At first he thought the coded speech was meant to prevent him from learning anything, but he came to conclude that it was, in fact, due to her lack of trust in the ship’s crew. That told him that, whatever she had planned, its repercussions would be monumental.
Dev soon deduced that they must be getting close to their destination, because the coded speech ceased altogether and Ellaria and her cronies emitted a palpable tension. The next time she came to see him, she paced back and forth, and the creaking grated on Dev’s nerves.
“It looks like there’s a squall coming,” Ellaria’s companion said, her voice tense.
“Let me see.” Dev opened his eyes the merest crack, watching as Ellaria strode over to the porthole, unceremoniously brushing her companion aside.
“Gods’ breath,” Ellaria swore, slapping her open palm against the porthole. As she moved away, Dev caught a glimpse of the storm-darkened sky outside and his stomach twisted with dread.
“Milady, I told you it was risky, that it’s not a proper port as it’s prone to bad weather and—” the companion babbled, her nervousness making Dev’s muscles tense. Just how bad was the brewing storm?
“Silence.” The venom in Ellaria’s voice immediately quieted the other woman, and Dev squeezed his eyes shut, holding his breath for a second, until he reminded himself to continue with the charade of being asleep.
A crack of thunder rent the air, followed by a bolt of lightning, the flash causing a red flare behind Dev’s closed eyelids. The wind began to howl and the ship lurched. He wouldn’t be able to maintain the farce of his sleeping for much longer unless he wanted to be thrown from the bed and tossed around the ship like so much detritus.
Footsteps scurried outside the door and it burst open. “Milady,” an anxious male voice said. “You should stay here. Bad storm’s comin’ in from the north.”
As if to prove his point, thunder boomed so loudly Dev’s ears felt like they would burst. He couldn’t prevent himself from gasping in pain, but the sound was lost in the sudden roar of wind that whistled down the stairs.
“Get back to your post,” Ellaria snapped, and Dev heard the man beat a hasty retreat. “Bar the door,” Ellaria ordered her female companion.
Dev decided the time for subterfuge had ended, and another burst of thunder gave him a good excuse to pretend to wake. He let out a loud groan for effect, opening his eyes slowly, but he needn’t have bothered. Ellaria’s attention was fixed on the porthole, and whatever she saw outside made her eyes grow so large the whites were luminous in the murky twilight. The ship pitched with sudden violence and Ellaria’s companion cried out as she was thrown against the far wall of the cabin. Seizing hold of the table next to him, which was bolted to the floor, Dev just barely managed to prevent himself from suffering the same fate. He waited for the ship to steady, but it was a futile hope, and he looked up to where Ellaria had been standing to find that she had moved to a post, her arms wrapped around it. With a grunt of effort, Dev somehow managed to move his weakened body, hooking his legs around the t
able’s legs. It made it easier for him to maintain his hold, but only just. Another violent lurch caught him by surprise, and he hissed in pain as he was thrown into the table’s edge, his cheek glancing off it, making him see stars.
Terror ripped through him, and his heart felt like it was trying to escape from his chest. He’d always hated being on a ship, no matter how calm the journey. The previous year he had been caught in a storm while at sea, and it had been enough to make him go off the idea of sailing altogether. He’d never forget emerging from that ship, knees shaking so hard he thought he’d have to crawl down the gangplank. When he’d reached the wharf he’d been tempted to fall to his knees and cling to the ground, but he forced himself to stand upright and look impassive as the sailors disembarked, bantering about the tempest. He’d been incredulous at the careless tone of their voices, wondering with a sense of unreality if they’d been on the same ship as him, but then he realized that such hair-raising episodes must be fairly regular occurrences for them. Shuddering, he’d felt a new appreciation for those who ferried his favorite goods across the sea.
He had accompanied his father to Moritan for a summit Mallaric had called. As they rode from the port to the capital city of Ygres, Omar’s retinue had caught up with them, and the two kings hailed one another with genuine pleasure. Jess rode up beside Dev, grinning at him. It hardly seemed possible, but she was even more beautiful than she’d been when he’d seen her at his mother’s ball two years before. It didn’t matter that she was clad in riding leathers instead of silks, that her tangled hair had been carelessly tied back rather than woven into an elaborate arrangement. She was enchanting, and he found it difficult not to stare at her like some gaping fool.
“Did you have a pleasant voyage?” she asked him.
Making a face, he hoped he didn’t turn an unappealing shade of green. “We were caught in a storm.”
“So were we.” He looked at her in surprise, feeling a little ashamed that, unlike him, she seemed to be taking the trauma in stride. Had he overreacted?
[Fairytale 02] - Asleep (2013) Page 6