I blew out a breath. “Yeah… that’s pretty tough.”
“An understatement. So I’m trying to be patient. But I want to understand, I want to get to know her, I want to… bond. But she looks at me like a stranger.”
Still holding her hand, I pulled it up to my mouth, kissing her fingers. “I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Both of you.”
“Thank you. It’s just… it’s not that I didn’t consider this, I guess I just hoped she’d see me and something would click for her, like it did for me. It didn’t though, apparently, and that is hard to swallow. I didn’t want it to be this way.”
“Just give it time.”
“I know. I know. But you know… I’m not that great with patience.”
“But you’ve seen what it can do.”
She pulled her top lip between her teeth, chewing at it a second before she nodded. “You might have a point there.”
“Might?”
“Do. You do have a point.”
“I know I do,” I teased, reaching up to cup her chin. “Dacia will come around. You can’t force it, just like I’m sure the Whitfields didn’t force you. Make yourself available, make it clear that you’re on her side, and… give her space to remember – or hell, learn – what it’s like to be free. And human. The rest will come.”
Alicia stared at me for a moment in that dim light, the glow of the machines making her look a different, other-worldly type of beautiful. She had her hair down – I wondered if that was for me, but didn’t ask – and upon a little closer inspection, was wearing one of my tee shirts.
She’d been in my damn apartment again.
“You have some experience with that, huh?” she asked. “Being available, but still giving space to figure it out?”
I smirked. “I mean… I try.”
“Why? Why me? Why us?”
“We just –”
“Don’t you dare say that we vibe,” she interrupted, and I shrugged.
“That’s the answer though. I don’t have anything better than that.”
Alicia shook her head, then gently lowered herself back to my chest, taking care to avoid triggering any pain for me.
“You know…,” she murmured, once she was settled in. “I… I think that’s probably good enough.”
&
I really hope I don’t regret this.
For about the millionth time, that wishful statement played in my mind. All the way to the car, all the way through the drive, all the way to the door.
I needed this to work.
The Whitfields had graciously allowed me to put Dacia up in my reserved suite at Reverie. I’d wanted to put security on her, but it was yet another thing she refused, and I didn’t blame her. After what she’d been through, I wouldn’t want the oversight either, wouldn’t want some hired goon following me around, watching me.
Controlling me.
I wanted to give her, as Cree insisted, space to spread out. The one little measure of power I did keep over her was a key to the room. So when she didn’t answer the door, I took advantage, using the key to let myself in.
I was glad I did.
I found her standing out on the balcony, knuckles turning red from gripping the waist-height rail. Moving to the balcony door, I swallowed hard, trying not to freak out, trying not to give in the urge to simply pull her away, in case I was overreacting. But from my point of view, it looked as if she’d decided it was all too much. And honestly, if she had, I wouldn’t blame her. I’d had this moment myself, only no one else knew.
If they did… I wouldn’t be able to look them in the face.
So instead of reacting like I was worried she was about to harm herself, I swallowed it.
“Dacia,” I called out, keeping my tone light, even if it sounded a little deranged. “I have a surprise for you.”
She turned around, looking so strikingly like me – like our father – that it still made me feel a little taken aback. I still wasn’t used to it – seeing someone who shared so much of me, save for the small details. Maybe that was why Paloma could accept the destruction of an innocent, beautiful child. There was nothing of her there when I looked at Dacia. Only our father.
“What is it?” she asked, in that same irritated tone she always used when I tried to speak to her.
I swallowed my own aggravation to turn behind me, making a “come here” motion with my hand. “Um… there’s someone who wants to see you.”
When Penelope stepped out into the open, coming from where I’d urged her to stop in the kitchen when I saw where Dacia was, the entire energy changed. Dacia’s mouth dropped open, and then immediately, her face broke into an expression of pure joy, followed by a loud shriek that mimicked the same emotion.
I stepped aside, so I wouldn’t be between them, unable to help smiling as Penelope took in who I’d wanted her to see – the surprise I’d refused to reveal on our way here, and had forbidden anyone to mention to her.
“Ms. D!”
A heavy lump clogged my throat as they practically dove at each for an embrace, both dissolving into the kind of ecstatic sobs I’d fervently – but obviously, unrealistically – hoped for my sister and I. I’d put this reunion off, trying to wait until I was sure of Dacia’s mental state. But after a week back in Vegas, she didn’t seem to be thriving at all.
I’d hoped this would work, and I was right… it had.
Here we were.
Them crying tears of joy at seeing each other again, and me… observant but unnecessary now.
I swallowed hard, unwilling to give in to tears of a wholly different kind. Clearing my throat, I took a step toward them, but only Penelope looked up.
“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” I told her, hating the sound of my voice. “I’m sure you have a lot to talk about. Feel free to order room service, pedicures, movies… whatever you want. You can call me when you’re ready to go, and um… I’ll be back to get you. Okay?”
Penelope frowned. “Wait, no. Why would you leave? You should stay, and have a spa day with us!”
“No,” I insisted. “I want you both to be able to relax, and have fun, so… you do that, okay? She came for you, Pen. Just like she said she would. Do you understand how brave that was? Don’t you want to hear about that?”
She sucked her teeth. “Uh, yeah, but I… I don’t understand why it means you can’t stay. Aren’t you sisters?”
I closed my eyes for a second, knowing she didn’t understand the way those words stung me. When I opened them again, I smiled, brushing her wild hair out of her face. “Pen, I think she considers you a sister. And the two of you need time. So I’m gonna go. No arguing, okay?”
She let out a loud huff, but said nothing, and I didn’t even bother looking to Dacia. I turned for the door, ready to get the hell out of there as fast as I could, before my hurt feelings bubbled over. I was almost out the door, almost safe, when I heard “Alicia, hold on!” ring out. I sucked in a deep breath, then turned to see…
“Dacia?”
The expression on her face was pure discomfort, mixed with… something else. She clasped her hands in front of her, rocking back on her heels a moment as she chewed at the inside of her lip.
“What is it?” I asked, trying not to sound as hurt and annoyed as I felt.
She pushed out a deep sigh, and then shook her head. “I’m sorry. I just… I can’t.”
“Can’t what?”
“Look at you. Be around you. And… I don’t mean any harm by that, I swear, it’s just… when I look at you… all I remember is fear. No words, no sounds, nothing else. Just… terror.”
I wasn’t sure that my heart could break more, but at that moment… it did. “Dacia,” I said, taking a step forward, and cringing when she took one back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“I know. I just wanted to explain, so you didn’t think I was just… being a bitch to you. I see you, and I recognize that your face is like mine, but I don’t… I don’t remember y
ou. And just looking at you… I feel like I can’t breathe, and like something horrible is happening to me. And I’m so sorry, because I know you must be a good person. I see how all these people love you, and how you brought Penny here for me. I know that how I feel isn’t your fault—”
“But it’s not yours either,” I rushed out, wanting badly to pull her into my arms, but refraining. “There’s a reason that you feel like that around me – because that’s what you felt the last time we were together. And I didn’t do a good job of keeping you safe, but… that won’t happen again, okay?”
“It’s them,” Penelope said, inserting herself into the conversation. “The Belroses. They probably did it on purpose… to keep you away from each other. But you’re away from them now, and you don’t have to hold on to it. You can let it go… let it break.”
I smiled, knowing Pen had good intentions – and the wise words of the same therapist I’d seen – but also knowing that it wasn’t quite that easy. Even she was only where she was because she talked to the woman, who specialized in trauma victims, three times a week.
“Dacia,” I said, my tone soft. “I don’t expect for us to be immediate besties. Especially after what you just shared with me. I just… if you’d be willing to at least talk to someone, who can maybe help you work through it, so that maybe we can at least be friends, or… something. Anything. Please?” I asked, not caring this time that my voice was breaking.
I saw the bob in her throat as she swallowed hard, then nodded. “I can do that. And…” she pushed out a fortifying sigh. “Maybe… stay for at least a little bit?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately, my enthusiasm making both of them giggle as I tried not to break into sobs.
I’d made her laugh.
That was new.
“Only if you’re comfortable with it,” I added, before I settled in and got comfortable. After a moment’s hesitation, Dacia nodded.
“Yeah. Yes, it’s okay.”
A full grin spread across my face as I returned her nod. “Okay. Um… how about we get something to eat?”
&
“So you stayed the whole time?” Asha asked, looking up from nursing KJ to await my response. She was snuggled into Kingston’s side, creating a perfect little family picture that made me smile before I answered her question by shaking my head.
“No… I could tell she felt really antsy, so I left and let her and Pen do the pedicures and movies or whatever. Pen actually spent the night.”
“But it was cool that she was open to it,” Kingston stated, his eyes on Asha and the baby. “And she went to the therapist too, right?”
I smiled again. “Yep. Two sessions in the week since she finally talked to me. And get this – I’m invited to the mall with her and Penelope tomorrow afternoon.”
“That’s what’s up, but uh… I guess that means your ass just isn’t coming back to work, huh?”
I laughed at that and then laughed again as KJ popped off of Asha with a loud smack that made her cringe. His head rolled back, eyes closed, a tiny trail of milk dripping from the corner of his mouth as he slept.
“I don’t know why he always does that,” Asha fussed as she pulled her shirt back up to cover herself.
“He gets that from his daddy,” King said proudly, prompting Asha to roll her eyes.
“Being loud and demanding and dramatic? Yeah. He sure does.”
I grinned at their exchange, knowing that this display was deeply affectionate for them – knowing how they must feel about me, that I was allowed to witness it. Asha carefully stood, and King was right behind her, helping her steady herself, making sure the baby was secure, making sure she didn’t need a drink of water.
Annoyed, Asha cradled the baby in one arm, waving Kingston away from her. “Will you relax? I got it. I’m going to go put him down, and then get in the bathtub, and let you two talk.”
Kingston’s eyes stayed on her until she was out of sight, and even then it took him a second to turn back to me.
“Wow, you are… so gone,” I observed, shaking my head. “It’s a little scary, honestly.”
He scoffed. “Yeah. Just wait until you and Dudley Do-Right have been at it a year. Then you come back to me and tell me if you don’t understand it now.”
“I never said I didn’t understand it. I said it was scary.”
“Yeah,” he agreed. “It is. Especially once it’s… not just the two of you anymore. Speaking of which… how is that all working out?”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Well… we found out today that the baby is a girl, who Loren wants to name Ethel, after her late mother, and Cree wants to name Janie, after his.”
“Yikes.”
I laughed. “Yikes is right.”
“But… everything is cool though? Baby healthy, Loren healthy… you and Loren not at each other’s throats over that nigga?”
“Absolutely not,” I chuckled. “Honestly… it’s more like Loren and Cree at each other’s throats over me..”
King’s eyes went wide. “Okay, stunt then,” he laughed. “Look at you, being the prize at the top of a love triangle. I’m proud of your evolution.”
“Oh shut up. Loren is having her needs tended by a firefighter with, as she puts it, “a mean upstroke she wasn’t expecting”. She’s just messing around to get under Cree’s skin.”
He grinned. “Which she can do because ol’ boy is already whipped.”
“He’s not whipped.”
“You’re right. Your ass is whipped. And before you deny it… have you spent a single night at your own place since they released him from the hospital?”
I narrowed my eyes. “I really can’t stand you. He got shot. He needs help!”
Kingston snickered. “Yeah, and I know what kind of “help” y’all are giving out. We already talked about this, remember?”
“I’m going ho—I’m leaving,” I corrected as I stood, not caring to lie. I almost wished I had though, when King busted out laughing as he stood to walk me to the door of what was supposedly Asha’s apartment, even though King was here all the time now that the baby was born.
“Don’t be maaad,” he teased, hooking an arm around my neck to pull me into a hug. He kissed my forehead, then pulled back, his expression suddenly more serious as we approached the door. “Hey… thank you for having lunch with my parents yesterday. I know you’d said you were cool and all, but I think it did them a lot of good to actually see it, you know? They came over for dinner and to see the baby after, and they were really happy.”
“I’m glad,” I nodded. “But I’m definitely not upset anymore. At all. They’ve gone above and beyond for me, and for Dacia. I’ve got nothing but gratitude.”
After we exchanged goodbyes, I left, taking my time to go back to my car. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t concerned about danger lurking around a corner. I mean… I wasn’t naïve to the fact that it still existed, but for now… I didn’t feel like it was coming for me.
In my car, I buckled in to pull out and head for Cree’s place, but a notification on my phone caught my attention. I put the car back into park to check it, frowning when I saw that it was a message from Loren, in our group text with Cree.
Is something wrong?
My concern was quickly smoothed into amusement as I realized it was just a video of her belly, showcasing the – frankly, frightening – phenomenon of the visible shifting and quaking as the baby moved around in her belly.
“She’s already taking after Alicia. Look at those kicks! – Loren.”
“Ha! Soon to take over as toughest bad ass in town. – Cree.”
I tossed the phone onto my seat without responding, sitting back to close my eyes in an attempt to not feel so… happy.
But it was so overwhelming that I lost that battle.
I’d never imagined that this, as unconventional as it was, would be my story. I was… the girl who survived, the one who stood tall at the end – battered, bruised, and alone, but… alive.
I wasn’t supposed to have all this other stuff.
A growing family, and a love life, and… joy, where I’d long expected darkness, and sorrow, and it felt… like more than I deserved.
Or maybe exactly what I deserved – a journey along many different paths that had, finally, converged into a direct path to the thing I’d long been afraid I didn’t possess – my own scarred, perfectly imperfect, multifaceted humanity.
There were no robots here.
Just… me.
- the end.
“If you could just relax… that would be great.”
“How am I supposed to relax? How? How? How?”
“By shutting up, for starters,” I snapped, more harshly than intended, but… I really needed his ass to calm down.
Admittedly, it was cute that he was so worried, both about the baby, and about Loren. But that same concern, and his million questions, was what had driven Loren to put him out of the birthing room. She was trying to labor peacefully, in the birthing pool she’d paid to have set up in her office just for this purpose. Her obstetrician was here, the aunt who’d raised her was here, and so was the doula she’d been getting to know for the last sixteen weeks.
Even Alec the firefighter, who she was dating now, was here – a whole room full of support to bring this baby outside the womb, into love and safety. But… that didn’t keep Cree from saying…
“You know why she wants you in there, but not me, right?”
“Because you’re getting on her damn nerves?” I asked, looking at him in the mirror as I scrubbed my hands, knowing that my role might require me putting my hands in the birthing pool.
He shook his head. “Nah. She’s been trying to get your hands in her pussy for goddamn five months – this is her chance now. This is her time.”
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