I stared at her. “The whole of the past year you’ve been torturing me to talk about what happened and ignoring my protests but when Dr. Kendrick says it’s okay, that’s when you finally leave me alone? What is that?”
My mother sighed deeply. “I just thought you were finally moving on and I didn’t want to upset you by bringing it up. I know it’s been hard but sooner or later, you have to move on. It’s not healthy to live in the past.”
I glared at her. “So how long have you been dating William?” I made no attempt to hide my disgust.
“It’s only been three months but I’m really happy Darcie. I wish you could be happy for me too.” My mother said sadly.
“Don’t count on it!” I told her viciously before adding, “Why’d you decide to tell me now?”
“I felt bad hiding it from you,” my mother said patiently. “And he’s taking me away for the weekend so I knew I had to tell you tonight.”
I shook my head in disgust and stood up. “Whatever … just leave me alone. Go and meet your new boyfriend!”
And with that, I stormed up the stairs and didn’t leave my room until my mother had left to meet William.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
At 7.30pm, Danny picked me up and we made our way over to the spring. On the journey over, I tried my best to forget about the argument with my mother but I couldn’t shake it. I knew that I should be happy for her but it just seemed unfair that she had moved on and I hadn’t – well, more like couldn’t – move on.
Nevertheless, I distracted myself by chatting away to Danny about stupid, insignificant things. If he noticed my bizarre behaviour, he didn’t comment on it. When we arrived at the party, we made our way over to Harriet and Samuel.
“Want one?” Samuel asked, holding out a beer to me.
I shrugged and accepted it – to hell with it all I thought, why not have some fun?
I took a sip and noticed Danny throwing me a curious look but he didn’t say anything. I could tell that he knew there was something off about my mood but I was grateful that he didn’t feel the need to question it. Instead, he turned to Samuel and started to discuss football, leaving Harriet to pull me over to one side.
“So, what’s going on with you?” she asked, a deep frown etched on her forehead.
I shrugged. “What do you mean?” I took another sip of beer as she scoffed at me.
“Something’s off with you. Are you okay?”
I nodded. “I’m fine Harriet, really. I’m just still getting back to normal from the accident.”
I smiled at her and downed the rest of my beer.
Harriet looked sceptical. “Are you sure that’s all?”
“Yes!” I told her emphatically before throwing her a reassuring grin.
She seemed to relax a little. “Okay. Come on, let’s get another drink.”
I followed her over to the cool box.
What was one more drink?
Three hours later and I was drunk. One more drink had turned into four more drinks and I was now seeing double. Harriet had tried to stop me taking the last drink but I stubbornly refused to hand over the beer bottle. In the end, she had left me to it and went to find Samuel.
Happy to be left alone, I stumbled my way through the crowd and sat down in a secluded spot by the trees. An hour passed and I was happy that I had managed to evade Danny’s concerned looks for most of the night but now it looked like he had finally found me.
He flopped down on the grass beside me and sighed. “So, you wanna talk about it?”
I turned to look at him and shook my head; I didn’t trust myself to speak.
“You wanna go home?” Danny asked quietly.
I sighed heavily and then nodded.
“Okay,” Danny said. “Come on.”
He then held out his hand and pulled me up.
I wobbled a little when I tried to walk but Danny kept a steady hold on me. We slowly started to make our way to Danny’s car and I was thankful that we went unnoticed by the rest of the partygoers.
Once we were in the car, Danny remained silent while he drove me home. I was beginning to regret drinking so much but I was grateful for the fact that my mother would not be home to witness my inebriated state.
When Danny pulled up outside of my house, he sighed deeply but didn’t say anything. Instead, he got out of the car and helped me into the house. Once he had settled me safely on the sofa, he disappeared into the kitchen and a few seconds later, I heard the kettle boiling.
He returned to the living room a few minutes later with a cup of tea and handed it to me. I took it gratefully and sipped at it while avoiding Danny’s gaze.
“So, where’s your mum?” Danny asked after a few seconds of awkward silence.
I closed my eyes and sighed heavily, willing the room to stop spinning. “With her new boyfriend.”
Danny nodded understandingly. “Ah, not a fan of him then?”
I shook my head slowly as I felt the effects of the alcohol starting to wear off – I could feel the beginnings of a headache near my temples.
I sighed heavily. “She told me about him tonight. I just can’t believe it.” I told Danny, relieved that my words were not as slurred as I thought they would be.
Danny frowned at me. “Aren’t you happy for her?”
I glanced at him. “I guess I should be since she divorced my dad a year before the accident but I dunno … I think I’m jealous that she’s moved on and I haven’t.”
“It’s not your fault Darcie.” Danny told me soothingly while placing his hand gently on my arm.
“But it is.” I said and then quickly looked down at my knees; I hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
Apparently, my sobriety was still a long way off if I couldn’t manage to filter what I was really thinking and what I had meant to say. Well, it has been said that drunken words are sober thoughts.
“What do you mean?” Danny asked suddenly.
I slowly lifted my head to look at him. “My dad – the accident – it’s my fault.”
Danny shook his head. “No it wasn’t Darcie. I read the article.”
It was my turn to shake my head. “No Danny, I’ve never told anyone what really happened that day – not even my mother.” or Dr Kendrick I added to myself.
I watched as Danny frowned and then asked hesitantly “Are you ready to tell someone now?”
I glanced at my knees again and then slowly nodded. “I think I am.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I closed my eyes, sucked in a deep breath and transported myself back to the day of the accident …
“The sun was shining and it was turning out to be a really great day. I was really looking forward to spending time with my dad because I hadn’t seen him much since the divorce. Anyway, he decided to take me fishing – don’t ask me why – but I agreed. Everything was going well and we were just relaxing when the storm hit.”
I paused, taking a shuddering breath and continued. “Dad had said for us to go back before it hit but I was selfish and didn’t listen. I demanded that we stay out just a little longer since I was having such a good time with him. Anyway, the storm ripped apart our boat and that’s when things really got bad.”
My voice shook slightly now but I was determined to carry on. “I couldn’t see a thing … I was being thrown about and I was screaming for my dad … eventually he found me and told me that it would be okay … he helped me find some debris from the boat and told me to cling onto it.”
I now balled my hands into fists as I fought back the tears that were threatening to take over. “He did the same but after a while I got tired … I kept sinking and my dad had to keep pulling me up. After that, everything started to get a little blurry … all I can remember is that my dad kept helping me stay afloat but he was struggling to stay awake too …”
I trailed off and Danny took the chance to speak. “But how was it your fault Darcie? You can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your hands.�
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I shook my head furiously. “No, it is. After the rescue, I remember hearing the paramedics talking – they said that Dad had exhausted himself when he kept saving me from going under the water … His age didn’t help his chances of surviving either but he would have if he hadn’t have kept trying to help me. He died because of me.”
At these final words, I looked at Danny and saw him shaking his head.
“Don’t blame yourself Darcie; your dad was just trying to protect you.”
I completely lost it then.
“I made him stay out longer than we should have!” I yelled. “I was the one who was too weak to stay afloat! I was the reason why he was too tired to fight for his life! It is my fault Danny and nothing you say is going to change that!” I shouted at him furiously, tears streaming down my face.
He tried to reach out to comfort me but I pushed him away. When he tried again, I lashed out angrily but he was relentless. In the end, he wrapped his arms tightly around me and refused to let go no matter how hard I pushed at his chest.
Eventually, I found myself drained of energy and just let him hold me. It was then that everything we had shared with each other hit me at full force. Every emotion attacked me in that one moment and I just wanted to let it all out. I clutched at Danny and buried my face into his shirt as my body was wracked with gut-wrenching sobs.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that but it was surprisingly therapeutic with Danny just holding me while I cried myself hoarse. He rubbed my hair soothingly until I calmed down enough to look up at him.
He didn’t look freaked out by my total mental breakdown, instead, I was startled to find that his hazel eyes were rather red too. Sucking in a deep breath, I gently pulled out of his embrace and we just stared at each other.
Danny was the first one to break the silence. “How long have you been holding that in Darcie?”
I stared at my knees. “Too long.”
He nodded understandingly. “Okay, well now it’s time to start over. You can’t keep doing this to yourself Darcie. Don’t you see? You’re doing the same thing I did when Josh died.”
He sighed heavily. “I blamed myself too but sooner or later, I had to accept the fact that bad things happen. It’s out of our control and I know it hurts like hell but you learn to move on. Yes, the pain never fades and it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do but eventually you learn to breathe again.”
I lifted my head to stare at him. “But how?”
Danny smiled. “Make them proud. Don’t waste your life dwelling on the past.”
I didn’t say anything but gave him a small smile which he returned.
“Well,” he said suddenly. “I guess I’d better get going. Are you gonna be okay on your own?”
I nodded and he stood up. I decided to get up too so that I could walk him to the door and was pleased to find that I was stone cold sober now.
“Night.” Danny said as he pulled open the door. “Call me if you need anything.”
I nodded. “Yeah, night.”
I then gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks for everything … and sorry about tonight.”
Danny smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll call you later, okay?”
I agreed and waved him off before making my way up to bed where I passed out rather quickly.
My hangover hit me like a ton of bricks. My mouth was dry and my head was pounding. I glanced at the clock – 10.21am. I groaned and forced myself to get up, knowing I’d feel better after I had some food in my stomach.
After forcing down some horrendously strong coffee along with a cereal bar, I started to feel a little better. It was then that the events of last night came back to me. I couldn’t believe that I had told Danny the truth about the accident but in a way, I was glad that I had.
It was actually quite surprising how light I felt after I had poured my heart out to him. Perhaps it would be therapeutic to do the same with my mother (after all, Dr Kendrick had always been bugging me to be more honest with my feelings). Vowing to myself that I would tell her everything when she came back the following day, I happily made my way to bathroom – I was in dire need of a shower: it was my last attempt at curing my hangover.
Once I was dressed, I started to feel a little more like myself. I checked my phone and found that I had two new messages.
The first was from Harriet:
‘Hows head 2day?’
I laughed a little and replied:
‘Not 2 bad. Soz 4 being moody.’
Two seconds later and Harriet replied:
‘No prob. Glad ur betr. Danny-boy luk after u? ;)’
I rolled my eyes and typed back:
‘Tell u bout it l8r ;)’
When Harriet didn’t text back, I looked at the other message. It was from Danny:
‘Wana do sumthin 2day?’
I was just about to reply when my phone rang and I found Danny’s name flashing up on the screen.
“So, are you back in the land of the living?” came Danny’s voice, sounding very enthusiastic.
I chuckled. “Just about. I was just about to text you back. What did you have in mind?”
Danny paused and then said, “How about swimming a few laps …” He trailed off at my cry of outrage and started laughing.
“You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”
“Me? Never!” He chuckled down the phone before adding, “Nah, in all seriousness, d’you wanna go to the spring?”
I sighed heavily. “Sure, let’s just revisit the scene of the crime! No thanks – I might start vomiting at the memory.”
Danny paused for a few seconds. “Okay, well what’s your suggestion?”
“How do you feel about a chill-out day?”
“Well what does it involve?” asked Danny, a hint of curiosity evident in his tone.
“Come by my house in half an hour and you’ll see … oh and bring junk food.”
And with that, I hung up, not giving Danny the chance to question my request.
Twenty minutes later and I had tidied the living room and raided my DVD collection for something suitable to watch; now all I was waiting on was for Danny to turn up. Suddenly, I heard a noise and glanced out the window to see Danny’s car pull into the driveway.
A few seconds later and the doorbell rang. I let him in and saw that he had two bags full of various chocolate bars, crisps and sweets.
“Is this good enough?” he asked, gesturing to the bags.
I laughed. “It’s more than enough! Come on in.”
We both settled on the sofa and after a fleeting moment of awkward silence regarding what had happened last night, I told Danny to pick the film. Once he had made his choice, I put it on and sat back down beside him with the snacks between us.
We sat watching the opening titles but I could feel Danny’s eyes on me. I glanced at him and threw him a quizzical look.
“You okay?” I asked, feeling a little uncomfortable about the look he was giving me.
He nodded. “I was just wondering if you’re okay – d’you wanna talk about last night?”
I shrugged. “Honestly, I just feel really stupid.”
Danny shook his head. “Don’t. I’m really glad you told me everything. It felt like you were finally starting to trust me. I wasn’t wrong – was I?”
“No.” I told him with a small smile. “I do trust you … it’s been a while since I felt like I could tell anyone anything about my personal life.”
Danny frowned. “But why do you feel the need to push people away?”
I avoided his eyes and spoke to my knees instead. “I guess the only other person I could tell anything to was my father. After he died, I just felt so alone. I know I have my mother but I thought that if I told her the truth about what really happened on the day of the accident – I guess I thought that she’d hate me. It’s silly to think that but I just found it easier to cut myself off from everyone.”
“Yeah, after Josh, I felt the same.” Danny sai
d understandingly. “But then I realised that he wouldn’t have wanted me to live like that.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I guess knowing what you went through helped me to speak about my past. I feel incredibly lucky having you as a friend – you’re a really great guy Danny.”
He smirked. “’Course I am! Not to mention devilishly handsome and a kick-ass swim teacher to boot, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, that too!”
Danny laughed and then suddenly looked serious. “You are okay though, aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” I reassured him. “Or at least I will be.”
We both shared a meaningful look and then focused on the film. However, my attention was on something else – I had just felt a sudden change in my friendship with Danny – and it made me wonder if it was a good thing …
Chapter Thirty
After that weekend, everything started to change in my life. My mother and I had a conversation about what really happened the day of the accident and after many tears, our relationship was starting to get back on track. She didn’t blame me for what had happened and urged me to forgive myself since I couldn’t have done anything. I knew she was right but it was still hard to accept. However, for my mother’s sake, I made more of an effort with her and I had even met William. Slowly but surely, I started to feel like I was finally trying to move on.
Over the next few weeks, I spent more time with Danny and it was always on the back of my mind that I just might be starting to have more than platonic feelings towards him. However, I kept pushing these thoughts away as I had to focus on the competition – I was starting to panic about how quickly it was approaching.
It was now a mere four weeks until ‘A Thousand Leagues’ and Danny still had a lot to teach me. It also didn’t help that I was now starting to have more flashbacks due to the stress of it all. However, Danny was still as patient as ever and I was slowly starting to believe that I just might do okay in the competition after all.
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