Penny gave Faith a slug in the arm. “I hope you know that I’ve been missing your chauffeuring services.”
Faith laughed. “I’m sure you have.”
Penny’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. She gazed around. “So this is where you been keeping yourself?”
“This is where.”
“Faith,” Seth said, close to her shoulder.
She turned to him, and he gave her a warm hug. Then he stepped back and looked her over. “It’s good to see you.”
“Good to see you, too,” she murmured. He looked wonderful. His hair still waved over his forehead in that gentle curl that she loved so much. His warm eyes were open and full of affection. Faith took a deep breath. She wanted to throw herself in his arms again, but she knew it would shock Debbie.
Penny gave Debbie a soft slug in the shoulder. “So, you’re Faith’s other sister, huh?”
Debbie looked up at her with wide-eyed admiration. Not an unusual reaction to Penny’s long blond curls and striking features.
“Hmm,” Penny said, her finger to her lips. “I think that makes us sisters, then, too.”
Debbie’s eyes flew to Faith with such eagerness that Faith nearly laughed out loud.
“That’s okay, isn’t it?” Penny asked, looking from Faith to Debbie.
Debbie nodded her head fast and hard. “Jah,” she murmured. “Jah.”
Faith leaned close to Penny. “You just said exactly the right thing. She’ll follow you anywhere now.”
Behind them, the screen slammed shut again. Nancy stood at the top of the steps, a look of nervousness on her face.
This is it, Nancy thought. This is it. The moment I meet the woman who raised my daughter.
Mrs. Baldwin walked toward the steps as if drawn by a magnet.
Nancy blinked at her and felt an overwhelming urge to walk into her arms as if she herself were Mrs. Baldwin’s child. She swallowed past the growing lump in her throat.
“So, you’re Nancy,” Mrs. Baldwin said. “I’m Margaret.”
“Margaret,” Nancy whispered, struggling to speak at all.
Margaret stopped at the base of the steps and looked up at her. Nancy blinked back her tears and stepped down. Without a word, they fell into each other’s embrace. Nancy lay her head on Margaret’s shoulder and began to weep. She couldn’t help it, nor could she have stopped it if she’d wanted to. The tears simply came, flowing down her cheeks and onto Margaret’s blouse.
“There, there,” Margaret crooned. “It’s all right. Everything is all right.”
Nancy held on tighter. This woman, this kind woman, had taken her precious wee babe and raised her to be a wonderful young lady.
“Thank you,” Nancy eked out. “Thank you.”
Nancy pulled away and looked into Margaret’s eyes. She saw the compassion there. The love. The gratitude. They were connected. Deeply connected. Beyond time, beyond culture, beyond religion. They were as one.
Nancy felt a lightness sweep through her, and suddenly she wanted to laugh. Without thinking, she giggled. Margaret’s brow furrowed, and then she joined her. Together, they stood, so close, so intimate, and they laughed.
Debbie walked over to Nancy and pulled on her apron. “Mamm?” she asked. “You all right?”
Nancy gazed down at her daughter and nodded. “I’m all right,” she said. “More right than I’ve been for years.”
She looked at Margaret and nodded her head. “Thank you.”
“No,” Margaret whispered. “Thank you.”
Nancy slipped her arm around Margaret’s waist. An unheard of thing—an Amish woman putting her arm around an Englisch woman. But it was right. So right, that Nancy’s heart burst with the joy of it all.
Faith was watching them, and her face glowed. Nancy reached out her hand and Faith ran to them both, joining them.
Finally, Nancy broke away. She walked to Mr. Baldwin. She extended her hand, and he took it in his own. “Thank you,” Nancy said. “For raising Faith.”
His eyes filled with tears. “It has been the joy of our lives,” he said.
Nancy turned to Penny. “Hello, Penny. I’m glad to meet you.”
Penny nodded. “Same here,” she said with a smile.
Nancy stepped toward Seth. “You’re Faith’s gentleman friend?”
Seth grinned. “Yes, ma’am.”
“You’re very welcome here,” she said. Nancy wondered about Faith’s relationship with this boy. If Faith decided to become Amish, it would never work. Never. She glanced back at Margaret. Faith was busy pointing out things, and the two of them were smiling and laughing. Nancy felt a twinge of guilt. If Faith became Amish, her relationship with Margaret would be forever altered. Altered in such a way that Margaret might feel as if she’d lost her. Nancy took a deep breath. She couldn’t think on such things now.
She sent up a prayer for guidance.
Debbie had come to stand next to Penny. Penny gave her a smile. “Want to show me around?”
“Jah,” Debbie said. “But can I go get Gracie? She’s five.”
“Why not?” Penny answered. “Get whoever you like.”
“Maybe Jimmy and Jeremy want to come, too.”
“Wow. There’s a lot of kids here, aren’t there? At home, it’s just me and Faith.”
Nancy listened to Penny’s words, and her throat constricted. No. No. She couldn’t think about anything now except showing Faith’s family a lovely time.
“Shall we go inside,” she said loudly. “You can meet the rest of the family.”
As she spoke, a pony cart turned into the drive. Nancy braced herself.
“It’s Esther,” Faith whispered, worry etched across her face.
“Jah.” Nancy looked at Margaret. “My mamm.”
Margaret’s brows rose, and she looked at the cart pulling close.
“Whoa there,” came Esther’s sharp voice. She secured the reins and climbed down, her slightly bent body handling the hurdle to the ground easily. She stared at Debbie. “Get Jeremy to see to the horse,” she said.
“Where’s Dat?” Nancy asked.
“Didn’t come,” Esther answered. “Might be by later. Don’t count on it, though.”
Nancy’s lips pressed into a straight line. It really was no surprise that he hadn’t come. He’d barely spoken to her for years after she’d had the baby. Hardly a word for years. So the fact that he wouldn’t want to meet Faith’s adoptive parents or Faith was no real shock.
Nancy shuddered and pulled her thoughts back to the present. “Mamm, I’d like to introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin, Faith’s sister, Penny, and Faith’s friend, Seth.”
Esther planted her heavy black shoes on the ground and eyed them all. Her face was unreadable.
“I’m so happy to meet you,” Margaret said, extending her hand.
Esther gazed down at her hand and after a slight hesitation, took it in her own for a quick shake.
Mr. Baldwin stepped forward. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
Nancy noted that he didn’t offer his hand. She wondered if he was trying to be respectful of their ways, or if he was trying not to make her mother uncomfortable. She snorted quietly to herself. Where her mother was concerned, it probably wouldn’t matter either way. Esther wouldn’t be pleased no matter what.
Nancy looked toward the door and was surprised to see Abel standing there. She wondered how long he’d been there, watching them.
“Abel,” she said. “Let me introduce you.”
Nancy made the introductions, and then everyone went silent.
“Well, Debbie is going to show me around,” Penny finally stated. “And I think some of her brothers and sisters are coming, too.”
As if on cue, the rest of the children tumbled out of the house. Nancy made more introductions and then the children and Penny left for the barn.
“Shall we go inside and sit. Dinner will be ready soon.”
Nancy herded them all inside to the front room. Except Abel. He went
out to the barn for some reason.
Chapter Nine
Faith escaped quickly to follow Nancy to the kitchen.
“Ach, Faith, perhaps you should stay out there with your family and Mamm.”
Faith peered back toward the front room. Esther was sitting in the rocking chair by the heating stove, her hands gripping the arms of the chair. She was rocking heavily as she studied each member of Faith’s family.
“Perhaps you’re right,” Faith told Nancy. “Why didn’t Abel come in with us?”
“I think he’s feeling a bit out of place. He’ll come in to eat. Now, go on with you.”
Faith went back to the front room. Esther watched as she sat down next to her mother on the davenport.
“Who’s helping Nancy then?” Esther nearly barked.
“She asked me to come out here,” Faith said, feeling attacked. She saw her mother’s surprised glance at Esther.
“I’ll be helping her.” Esther stood up, nodded to everyone, and left.
“Yikes,” Margaret whispered to Faith. “She seems upset.”
Faith felt a sadness spread through her. “Not really. She’s like that most of the time.”
Margaret looked directly at Faith, searching her eyes. “How are you? I mean, really?”
Faith shrugged, knowing that her dad and Seth were listening intently. “I’m fine. I like it here. They’ve been real good to me.”
“When are you coming home?” her dad asked.
“Henry!” cried her mother.
“It’s what everyone wants to know. I don’t see anything to be gained from beating around the bush.”
Faith glanced at Seth and saw the question in his eyes, too.
“I don’t know,” she murmured.
“What?” Mr. Baldwin asked. “What did you say?”
“I said I don’t know.” Faith spoke more loudly.
“It’s just that we miss you,” her mother said. She reached toward Faith and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “But we’re real glad that it’s going so well.”
“Jah, it is,” Faith said.
Everyone went still, and Faith realized what she’d said.
“I mean yes,” she said quickly. “Yes, it is. Sorry. Sorry.”
Her mother swallowed, and her eyes widened. Her mouth stretched into a stiff smile. “No harm done. I knew what you meant.”
“So you’re speaking their language now?” Dad asked.
“No.” Faith shook her head. “No. I can’t understand much of anything.”
“You think we might take a walk or something?” Seth asked. “I’m mean, later. After dinner?”
“That’s a good idea, Seth,” Faith’s mother said. “I’m sure we can spare you both for a while.”
Faith glanced at Seth. She did want to be with him alone. She did. Sitting there with all of them staring at her made her feel like a specimen in a science experiment.
“Dinner is ready,” Esther said, stepping into the room.
They got up and went to the dining area. Faith organized them on the long benches and then went to the front porch to holler for Penny and the kids. Within minutes, everyone was seated, including Abel.
“Do you feed the chickens?” Penny asked Faith. “Debbie showed me what to do. And that goat! What a cutie!”
Everyone laughed, and Faith breathed a bit easier. As she sat and tried to eat, she felt as if she’d entered some sort of otherworld. It was surreal, having her adoptive family and her birth mother and half-brothers and half-sisters at the same table. Even a grandmother. She took tiny bites and did her best to swallow, but her throat had closed up and her stomach hurt.
She felt a pull in her heart toward Nancy and her Amish family. But the pull of her adoptive family was just as strong. Stronger, it seemed, as her mom brought up funny memories of Faith as a child. Nancy’s eyes were moist, but Faith saw the hunger on her face. She wanted to know everything. Faith would have thought that her mom bringing up her past would be hurtful, and perhaps in a way, it was. But Nancy wouldn’t let her stop. She asked for more and more.
Penny entertained the children by making silly faces and showing them how they could make animal shadows on the wall when it got darker. Faith was amazed. She had no idea Penny was so good with kids.
It was Seth and her father who were quiet. Seth kept glancing at her, but she looked away, not ready to see the yearning and questions in his eyes. Abel made some attempts at bringing her dad into a conversation, but they both seemed to give up after a few half-hearted attempts. Esther sat stiff as a hitching post, her beady eyes taking it all in. Faith had never known the woman to be silent for so long. But she was glad. Esther had a way of making everyone feel attacked, whether they were or not.
After dinner, her mother jumped up to help clear the table.
“Nee!” Nancy cried. “You’re our guest. You’ll not be helping.”
But Margaret remained standing. “Nancy, I respect that. I would say the same thing if you were at my home. But I’m asking you to reconsider. I would be honored to work with you in the kitchen. Together. The two of us.”
Everyone around the table stopped talking. Nancy blinked rapidly and then with tears in her eyes, nodded. Esther stood. “I’ll be helping, too.”
Nancy looked momentarily displeased, but she covered it quickly.
“Seth, perhaps Faith can show you around?” Mrs. Baldwin suggested.
Faith stood. “Come on, Seth.”
“Mamm, can we play then?” Debbie asked.
Nancy nodded. “Jah. You kinner go on outside.”
“Gut!” Gracie said. “Penny, will you play with us?”
“I was awaiting your invitation,” Penny said in a falsely royal voice.
The children giggled and ran out the front door with Penny.
Faith and Seth followed, but once outside they separated from the group. Seth took Faith’s hand as they walked down the drive. “Is it okay to hold hands?” he asked.
Faith shrugged. “I imagine they’ll get over it,” she said with a smile.
“It’s good to see you, Faith. Real good.”
And it was. Faith’s heart fairly burned inside her at his touch. But at the same time, she felt like crying. She had no idea why.
Seth watched her. “What’s wrong?” His voice was tender.
“I told Nancy I was thinking of becoming Amish.”
He stopped, frozen in place. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Yes, I heard you. Are you serious?”
“When I said it, I was very serious.” She pulled on his hand to keep walking. The last thing she wanted was someone in the house to observe them or worse, to hear them talking.
He reluctantly let her pull him along. “But Faith…”
“I know,” she said, as misery swept up her throat. “I know.”
“We couldn’t be together if you did.”
“I know.”
“Faith…” His voice faded, and her name hung in the air between them.
“I feel at home here,” she said when they reached the end of the drive. She walked under an elm tree, and he followed her. “It’s like something that was missing has been found. The hole’s not there anymore.”
He didn’t respond. He only stood and looked at her.
“I know you probably can’t understand what I mean.” Faith scuffed her shoe over the patchy grass. “I don’t completely understand it myself.”
“So that’s why you want to be Amish?” His voice was low and tense.
“I guess.”
“Shouldn’t it be more of a religious decision?” He sucked in his breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was unfair.”
She knew full well why he’d said it. First of all, he was right. It should be a religious decision. But more than that, he didn’t want to lose her. She saw it in the way he stood, the expression on his face, the dread in his eyes.
He stepped closer and put his hands on
her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” She took his hands off her shoulders, held them briefly, and then let go. “I’ve been fairly certain these past couple days. And I’ve made Nancy happy. She wants it more than anything. I can tell.”
“Of course, she does, Faith. She’s missed you for almost twenty years.”
“I know.”
“Your parents? What do they say?”
“I’ve said nothing.” Faith wished she could say that she still felt certain about becoming Amish. But standing there with Seth, feeling herself come alive at his touch, seeing his love and feeling her answering love, it was confusing. Completely and utterly confusing.
It made her stomach hurt.
“Faith?”
Tears gathered in her eyes and fell down her cheeks. “I just don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I want to.” She looked at him through her tears, as if pleading with him to show her the truth. To tell her what to do.
But no. This had to be her decision, and hers alone.
“You don’t have to decide now,” Seth said, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. “There’s no hurry now, is there?”
He was so close to her. She felt his breath on her cheeks. She felt his heart reaching out to hers. His eyes were wide and dark and deep. Her throat tightened. Could she say goodbye to him? Could she leave him behind? Could she cut him out of her life?
With a gasp, she collapsed against his shoulder. His arms came around her, and he held her tightly. “Aw, Faith. It’s going to be all right.”
There’s no hurry now, is there? His words played over and over again in her mind. He was right. There was no hurry. None at all.
“Faith?” he whispered in her ear.
“What?”
“Why can’t you have it both ways? I don’t understand.”
She pulled away from him. “Both ways? You mean be Englisch and Amish? It doesn’t work like that, Seth. You know it doesn’t.”
Seth shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. I mean why can’t you have both Nancy and your new family, and us? If you don’t become Amish, does that mean you’ll be cut off from your Amish family?”
Is that what she’d been thinking? That if she didn’t become one of them, she would lose her birth mother? Faith’s lower lip trembled. Such reasoning made no sense—no sense at all. Why should she lose Nancy again? Her heart throbbed.
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