I wake up shaking and burning. My skin is red and pouring sweat. My jaw is normal; as is everywhere I’d been injured. This is something different. I have failed. The monkey hadn't survived and I am paying for not saving him. I vomit and grab a rag next to me. I swish water and spit it onto the forest floor.
Alice has set a place aside for me for when this happens. Only she, Leon, and I can enter. Even Dillan and Skylar have to ask my permission. I had insisted on it being just her and I, but she insisted on Leon and I’d given in.
I know he is there before I look up seeing him. I wipe the sweat off shaking and burning, I imagine it being much like an active volcano that can't spit out the lava inside. Sitting there just stewing inside the mountain. That is what happens to me when I fail to save an animal.
Leon comes over and lays down behind me as I fall backwards too weak to even hold myself up. He purrs, my big scary watchdog actually purrs. I think about the monkey and cry. I don’t fear pain, I fear failing those that have only me to speak for them. I failed this one. I waited an extra day, and it was a day to long.
He doesn’t scold me or berate me. He doesn’t tell me it is not my fault. It is my curse. Empathy for animals, the ability to speak to them and for them is my gift, as Alice calls it but, also my curse. She and I both know what it is to have something be powerful enough to use for good or evil.
I could use it for self-gain, the animals would suffer but I would thrive. I don’t. Instead, I take on the curse as well as the gift. When I fail, I suffer. When I succeed their lives are better. No one in my current life berats me. I wouldn't stay if they did. They understand, but that doesn’t stop them from worrying. I understand. Sometimes I am not sure I will come out of this alive. It gets more painful each time.
I start to doze and despite accepting my curse, I still beg my body to let me sleep through the worst of it.
When I wake later, I am still lying against Leon. He is still awake and keeping watch. We are safe, but he refuses to leave me alone.
'Belle we have to look for a way to break your curse.'
"No."
He sighs and pulls up as I lift myself off him. He sits in front of me and looks me up and down.
'You are too thin, your muscles are weaker, and you are slower. You are going to get caught more and more and one of these days someone will kill you.'
"It's what I am meant to do Leon. You know I can't just stop helping them."
'Even to save your own life!'
"If I die, I die. At least I will go having made a difference. I can't imagine not helping those poor animals. No one else will speak for them."
'That doesn't mean you have to suffer in their place!'
I shrug hearing my shoulder crack really hammers in his arrogant hear that look. He and Alice don’t really get that I can’t come back whole because when I first came here, I was already broken and I can never be whole again. Until all the animals are free to live their lives as something other than as test subjects, entertainment, or food I can’t rest. I will live and die like this. Suffering in place of them.
I don’t wish for an early death because that will mean my ability to help will be gone. Still, I agree the suffering is bad but I really can’t end it unless I stop caring about the voices begging for help.
"If it stops others from suffering I gladly do it."
'What about those of us that suffer when we see you suffer? Don't you care about us at all?'
I sigh. Well this is a new one. "Do you remember what I told you when you saved me?"
'That it would be better to leave you with that doctor and live my life wherever you smuggled me to.'
"Yes. Leon you are invaluable to me, you and I both know it…even Alice can see it. I warned you off because I cannot have anyone caring for me. I don't want others to suffer and I know seeing me like this hurts. I wanted you to live and enjoy life, free again. You weren't always caged. Don't you remember what it feels like to be free? Don’t you want to feel that again?"
'Even in the wild I would not be free.'
For the first time since meeting Leon I think perhaps he does understand, maybe he is not whole either, maybe he is already broken. Our pieces fit together, broken and jagged, but always smoothed out by the other. I give him a small smile and run my fingers through his mane. He sighs and lays down.
'I will stay. Next time I go in with you and we will save them all.'
I smile and curl up next to him. He readjusts so he is as wrapped around me as much as he can be. I am already sweating, but his warmth always makes me feel safer so it is worth the discomfort. Oddly enough, it doesn’t add any.
"Wake me in a bit."
He purrs me back to sleep, likely hoping I will sleep until this hell is over.
Alice:
"How is she?"
Leon snuffed and harrumphed. Animal he may be, but his human mannerisms haven't left him. I watch her sleep shaking and burning from the inside out. Her gift, her curse. He wraps around her, a protective force against a darkness neither can see.
'She will recover only to do it again.'
I sigh. We both know how Belle will die; it doesn’t take a psychic to figure it out. One day she won’t succeed and it will kill her, whether it is the person she saves an animal from or the curse of failure doesn't matter, her heart will be her death. Which will keep Leon from ever being able to be whole once again.
"You love her very much. Everyone…everything here can tell."
'She does not know. Nor does she feel the same.'
I look her over curled into a ball…. well almost. She is too skinny. Bony. Her attacks are getting worse so even though Leon and I take better care of her than she ever did herself she looks worse. Still, she seeks him out when she needs relief or help. Her spells are not enough to kill her, not yet.
"You are using the mating bond to take some of the pain away?"
He licks the sweat off her forehead before rubbing against her head. He is an animal, in love with a human.
'I try. She has too big of a heart. It hits her so hard because she cares. If she didn't…'
We both know how that works. If she didn’t let it bother her as much she would suffer less. She could save animals and be happy she saved them and sad she lost them. She would have attacks, but not as bad. Not like this. We also both know that is not going to happen. Belle will always believe there is a way to save someone or something; she just is not smart enough to see it. In reality, she gives her life to this cause, or I should say the cause is her life.
"You are protecting her in every way you can. Just keep loving and protecting her. We will keep looking for a cure to your curse…"
'I don't care about my curse. Break hers first.'
I know he is serious but I am not sure if he fully comprehends what that means. If Belle's curse is broken, she loses the ability to speak with animals, and he stays cursed…"Leon if she loses her gift with your curse still unbroken…"
'I know the risks. It will not stop me from protecting her at any cost. Even if I am stuck like this for the remainder of my life. Even if we cannot talk anymore. I want her to live. To be happy. To be safe.'
I sigh. "I will switch focus to her curse then. Don't you dare lose hope that you two will be together someday. I want little shifters running around here wreaking havoc and stirring up trouble."
He gives a nod before licking the parts of her visible. Shifters have healing enzymes in their saliva and it will help keep her from bursting into flames, a worry we’ve actually had a few times as her temperature exceeded what can kill a normal human. However, Belle is not normal and even I do not know why. I will find out and together Leon and I will save her so she can save him.
Belle:
I wake to snoring. A basket of fresh fruit and cold water is next to us. Alice must have stopped by when I was unconscious. I reach forward and grab a bottle of water. I move nothing but my head and arm; I do not want to wake Leon. Call me crazy, but waking a sleeping predator while his gian
t paw lays over you seems like asking to be eaten. I must move a bit more than I thought because he stretches and yawns freeing me to sit up to eat and drink and get my strength back.
'I wouldn't eat you. Even being startled awake. I always know it's you when I first wake.'
"That’s sweet. I get it. I know it's you too."
He head butts my knee and purrs before going over to the tray that has meat on it. Its true hunting is not allowed here, but everything dies at some point and the few predators have enough food because Alice ensures the meat is safe after death for not just Leon, but also Tora, Turok, and his mom. They are the only meat eaters here so far.
Most of the predators I free want their homes back and that is where I release them. Only these four have come with me. I think Fina only agreed because she and Turok were the only ones to escape the massacre of her family. Her other four pups and their father were murdered in front of her eyes. Using her abilities to protect rather than hunt is okay with her.
Tora has such strong maternal instincts for a predator unable to have children that she won’t hunt anything. She has seen so much death for animal pelts and almost joined in that demographic. She welcomes the ability to care for orphans, no matter their species, and protect them as well as any true mama would.
Leon is a bit of an anomaly. He has chosen to come to stay with me specifically. He also eats fruit and vegetables though he has a healthy supply of meat. Alice had worried predators would change the dynamic, so Dillan came up with a brilliant plan. He brings animals old and sick. Once they pass Alice purifies the meat and the predators have food.
Their passing is peaceful and it keeps the prey here safe. None of them really misses the hunt, after all once being on the other end of it you can’t help but shy away.
We eat in silence and once done I lay back down. The attacks don’t always go away as quickly as I would like. I have to wait another few hours to be sure it won’t flare up again. Leon shuffles behind me so I can lay back down resting my head in his warm fur. I rub my cheek on the course fur and scratch around his shoulders. He lets me do as I wish; he is used to my constant presence. He is by far the most insightful cat I have ever owned.
"Thanks for staying with me."
'Odd. Usually you say the opposite.'
"I know. I'm sorry."
He purrs and flicks me with his tail. I push it away laughing until I ache. I tire so easily after these episodes.
'Sleep some more. You need your energy. Turok will be worried from not seeing you for a couple of days. You know he will follow you around and want to play for hours.'
He is right I will have everyone and everything following me. I curl up and allow myself to fall back to sleep. Dreaming of a world where it is okay for me to love animals as much, or more, than loving other humans. However, not even Alice's paradise can give me that.
Chapter Three
I wake and allow Leon to carry me. He is not letting me out of his sight and within reaching distance is good, even better is constant physical contact so he can monitor my health like one would a sick child. Which I am still considered too often. Being only twenty means I am basically still in diapers to Alice. Luckily, not everyone here is immortal so I can hold my head up high as an adult in most parts of town.
"I'm sorry Leon. I know I am a lot of work. If you ever want to go home just tell me where it is and I will get you there."
'With you is home.'
I sigh leaning forward to rest my head on his mane. It is always the same answer. Some days I wonder how he can think that because my life is insane. Other days I am glad because it means I won’t be alone forever.
"Leon have I ever mentioned how much I love you?"
'After every attack.'
"And you still don't believe me?"
'It's not the same as how I love you.'
Leon is a lot more articulate than other animals. He knows more, he is very self-aware, and at times seems human…or would if he wasn’t a lion. He has been confessing his love for me since my first attack. He insists it is why he stays, because that’s what you did when the person you love needs you.
"Leon…"
'Let's not speak of anything stressful to you. You need to recover not bother over more things.'
His manners seem more than human. In fact, I have noticed most animals, despite being territorial, have much better manners than humans do. They don’t have the ability to be evil as we do. Leon's manners with me are straight out of the time of ladies and gentlemen with a little ‘modern women like to do their own thing and I accept that’ thrown in.
"Okay. Wake me when we get home."
He gives a small snarl so I know his opinion on the matter, that I should still be asleep in a peaceful environment, but continues along the path to home. Not too quickly though.
He jostles me a bit when we near home. I climb down, but keep a hand on his back just in case I start to fall when I jump. Good thing to because the second Turok sees me he runs for me. A growl from Leon brings him up short before he lowers his head and tail and basically tiptoes to me. I squeeze so Leon will know that is not okay. He stalks off and I sit down patting my lap for Turok.
"Don't worry about Leon he is just hungry."
'Mama said you were sick. Are you better now?'
"Mostly." I smile and rub his head ruffling his puppy fur. I lean down and bury my nose in it letting it tickle my face. Sweet innocent baby smell. Yes, animals have it too. It is softer than a human baby’s is and just as comforting.
'You should eat Belle! When I do not feel good mama makes me eat so my ’mune system stays healthy.'
I chuckle. "Your immune system."
'Yeah that!' He prances around me bouncing with all his puppy energy. Too bad, he won’t share. I feel like a zombie. It is becoming the norm more and more.
"You are right. I need something to eat. I am famished."
'Follow me!'
I do because Turok is learning to be helpful and we want to encourage this behavior. I shoot a glare to Leon who lays to the side of the front door. He ignores me licking his paws.
'Apologize to Turok or you aren't coming inside the house.'
With that I shut the door, slam it is more accurate. I hear Leon huff and leave the doorway. He obviously needs to stew a bit. Hopefully he gets over whatever it is fast. As much as I hate to admit it, some days he is all that is keeping me going.
The next time I feel the pull is just days after my failure. I still can’t make it through my testing trail at my normal speed and accuracy, but not going will end with a poor animal suffering so it doesn’t matter if I am up to par or not. Leon and I still haven't made up, in fact he has been with Alice quite a bit. Since Fina is not out patrolling, she stays with her son and I go to find Skylar. He gives me the jewel we use to save animals; I can come and go but the new animals have to be brought in and passed by Alice before staying.
"Thanks Skylar. See you soon."
"Is Leon not going?"
I smile and shrug. I do nonchalant so well most never question me.
"Flying solo this time. Unless you want to come?"
He shakes his head.
"I am glad you took over for me. You have a higher success rate than I ever did and I have much to do here."
I open the portal and wink at him. "See you later Skylar."
I jump through steeling myself for my first solo mission in years
It is Germany, southern Bavaria. I know because it is one of the provinces that still gets winter…also I recognize one of the cuss words. I dress for an average. If I am in the desert, I don’t want to melt, but if I am in snowy landscape I don’t want to freeze to death. I am glad I always bring a scarf. It either stops the sand from blinding me, or stops my face from freezing.
I pull my winter gloves out of my pockets and put them on. I always wear combat boots and cargo pants. I grab my hat out of another pocket donning it as well. I can’t get any warmer without a parka and, as big as thes
e pockets are, they were not that big.
I grab my taser; I am going to be getting real close because there is no one to create a distraction. I don’t want to stab everyone if I can avoid it. Also, some of the bigger boys go down better with electricity than a stabbing. The heart always responds to a high electrical current, but with enough muscle they can count on adrenaline to stop the pain from a knife… for a bit anyway.
Snow is German and she is one tough bitch. I love her to death, don't get me wrong, but she is someone you didn’t peeve off… and she is smaller than the average German. She helps me prep by sparing with me, she can use almost any weapon you can name having been alive long enough to master them all. It has made me more efficient, but as I learned long ago, never expect everything to go right.
Though I have to say I get annoyed at her telling me I am as good as I can be…because I am not German. The patronizing sucks but she is a hell of a fighter so I let it slide, plus she is one of those pesky immortals that sees me as a baby still. Damn immortals. Still, it is nice to know another human freak, even if our freakish sides are different. She is poisonous and I talk to animals…everyone has their issues.
The cold brings me back as I try to suppress a shiver. I fail because Germany in winter is like that seventh level of hell kind of cold. The same can be said for the northern United States. I swear I come back from there with ice hanging from my nose, eyes, and mouth if I dare to breathe or blink.
I look around and find the voice. They are inside opening the window to yell at the dogs locked up outside. Alice will be fighting frostbite for sure. I put the taser away and grab my magic knife.
"Shhhh, I am getting you out of here."
The dogs stop barking, but that alerts the humans. They look out as I open the door and let the dogs out. I open a portal and makes sure they are all through before starting to jump through. I didn’t think the man would get out here that fast. So, when he grabs me and I jump he goes with me. The portal is unstable. I belong in IvyWood and he does not. We have not prepared for this situation so the portal doesn’t know how to react.
"Not IvyWood! Anywhere else!"
Beauty the Beast Tamer- Light Page 2