“Right. Steph, we’re family; nothing can keep us apart for long."
Lisa looked at me, and the look in her eyes told me something way worse than what I had imagined was going on at her house. That look worried me. I wasn't sure if Lisa would ever come back. I still had to leave with her because I don’t break promises even when I’m not sure we’re doing the right thing. My friend needed me. She was like my sister, so I was going to be there for her when no one else was.
The bell rang, and we all took off for our classes, agreeing to meet at lunch to finalize our plans. Heading to homeroom I felt lighter, almost as if all my troubles had just vanished. Like I said before, I had to grow up pretty quickly and never really had the chance to make stupid mistakes. Yes, I said it, I knew running away was a stupid mistake, but what else could I do? I wasn't happy. I mean I was cutting myself and my family didn’t even realize it. My mom must have had an idea since I didn’t wear shorts anymore, even when I went to bed, but she didn’t comment.
Sliding into the desk, I had myself almost convinced that this was the right thing to do. No one was going to miss me right away anyway and by the time they do, maybe I would be back home. I hoped this just might be Lisa overreacting to something miniscule, and a little time away is all she would need to clear her head. I knew I needed to talk to her and see what was going on. I was mentally making a list in my head, with my teacher’s voice in the
background, when all of a sudden I get shoved by someone.
Turning to my right I whispered, “Hey, what’s your problem?” I’ve always been the quiet girl, always taking what everyone else dished out, but I finally had enough. I was tired of people taking advantage of me and thinking they could push me around. Just because I don’t give you the reaction you want doesn’t mean you should keep doing it. This random shove made my decision to leave so much easier. I thought that I probably wouldn't ever see this girl again, so I just snapped.
“What did you just say, April?”
I looked back at the girl, “Did I stutter? What the hell is your problem?” I didn’t even know this girl. What was her problem? I always kept to myself, and all I did every day at school was pay attention in my classes, so why did this girl have an issue with me?
“Ms.Andrews please head to the principal’s office and take this pink slip with you.”
I turned to look at Mrs. Hill, waiting for her to send me to the office as well, and she just smiled at me. Mrs. Hill wasn’t your typical high school teacher. She’s cool in that adult way where you want to be friends with and can trust her. Totally shocked that I didn’t just get sent to the office, I started paying attention. We were learning about Robert Frost and his poem about Fire and Ice. I made it through the rest of the day with no problems, but a ton of looks. Apparently standing up for myself meant I got put under the microscope. Seriously, it was like I grew a second head.
As the lunch bell sounded I made my way to buy some nachos, Doritos with melted cheese, grab a soda and went to our table. I knew an interrogation was coming. With all the looks I was getting in the halls, I knew my friends had heard something. It was so unlike “April” to do something like that. It was bound to be questioned. I sighed as I took the seat, my seat, the one in view of absolutely everyone. Well at least that’s what it felt like.
“Oh my god, April. Please tell me you did not get Marissa sent to the office?” Marie screeched.
Who the hell was Marissa? I thought. Then I realized she must be talking about the girl from first period. Yeah, she looked like a Marissa. “What? Was I supposed to do Marie, let her shove me?”
“Well no, but we’re just surprised you actually did something.”
Wow! Was I really that lame? I knew I always let people walk all over me, but for my cousin to actually say something about it made me feel pathetic I guess I should’ve expected that from her since she was one of the popular girls. Everyone loved her. How could they not? She was gorgeous. I was surprised she still sat with me since I was considered a “nerd.” If you were in Honors classes that meant you were a geek and should be avoided at all cost. Don’t you love high school? You spend four years surrounded by the same people since elementary, and yet when you become “smarter” than them, those years of friendship disappear based on popularity. Lame.
“Well whatever, I’m tired of being everyone’s door mat, and I’m over this conversation.”
Conversations around me seemed to disappear. More eyes than I can remember were focused on me. I let out a breath trying to calm myself before I exploded. I have the tendency to harbor my emotions until they build up and explode like a volcano. Can you see the ashes in the sky yet?
Somehow I made it through the next 4 classes. The school day was finally over. Lisa, Sandra and I walked to my house to get a bag ready. We live in this ghetto neighborhood, but the funny thing is I felt safe there. Everyone knew everyone, well except me. I usually kept to myself, but my dad and brother Anthony could tell who is who and where a person lived. Most of the houses were run down. They had chipped paint, over grown weeds, and fences that were falling down. Our house wasn’t that bad, but the garage needed to be knocked down. It had seen one too many twisters in its day and it was barely hanging on. My grandparents lived next door to us in this ugly Pepto-Bismol pink house with a white picket fence. The only house I liked on the block was the adobe one that was across the street from ours. I always wanted to live in a house like that. It had character, and if the walls could talk, I’m sure it would have amazing stories to tell.
Chapter 2
Logan “Mommy it’s so cold.” I feel my body shakingunderneaththe blanket that mommy placed on me. It’s not helping at all. The darknessisallaround us; nothing ismakingit go away. Mommy used tobe able tokeepit away from me. She would hide me in the closet or underneaththe sink inthe cabinets.The darknesswould keepsearchingfor me. Itliked tomake me scream and cry until I couldn’t feel anymore.
“It’s ok, Logan. Just picture the heat from the sun. Feelhow the sunwould warm your skinwhen you would go swimming and hold on to that thought.”
I’m sitting on the floor of my closet where mommy wrapped me in a sheetoff the bed.The closet smellslike dirty clothes, and the floorissocold. She tells me tobe quiet asshe shutsthe door. “Logan you can’t make a sound or the darknesswillfind you. Nomatterwhat you hear, stay here.”
Inod my head like Iunderstand what she was sayingeven thoughIdon't. I hear her cryingoutside. I stand upin the closet withthe blanket around me, shaking. I can’t tellif It’sbecause I'm cold or because I’mangry. I open the door and creepout of the closet andsee mommy lying on the floor. She isn’t moving. I run toher asI’mcryingscreamingat her to wake up. I don’t see him coming at me from behind.Now It’sdarkness. I see nothing.
That’s the moment when my body decided to jerk awake. I was covered in sweat, and my heart was racing. That was what happened to me most nights since I was 9 years old. My mom always sounded sad and scared since we left the darkness behind. We were always running. I couldn't remember the last time we stayed in a place longer than a couple of weeks. Then the fight in Mom just stopped. I wasn't 9 anymore. I knew that the darkness wasn’t the dark but a person. He haunted my dreams turning them into nightmares. He haunted the days as well. I felt like we couldn't escape him. He wouldn’t allow it. The darkness that was always with us was my father.
We didn’t talk about him much or what happened that night 6 years ago. I remember waking up in the hospital with my mom telling the doctors that I fell. I knew the truth, but she was trying to protect us. I never understood her logic. How was not telling the cops the truth helping us? It was protecting him, the darkness that plagues my very
existence. Sometimes I felt it inside of me, fuelling the hatred I had towards him. I didn’t want to be like him. I couldn’t be like him.
All the moving around put a strain on my mom. She wouldn’t say it, but I could see it in her eyes. She tried to keep a smile on her face, but it didn’t r
each her eyes like it used to. I didn’t know what to do to help her. She was the only person in the world that mattered to me.
I refused to ever get close to anyone because I never knew if I would have to pack up and leave. It was always the same. We would stay in the cheapest hotel we could find for no longer than 3 months. I talked her into home-schooling me for a while so we didn’t have to worry about the outsiders getting involved. I would do odd jobs for random people in whatever town we were in at the time. I mowed lawns, took out trash, and washed cars, anything and everything to get some money to help my mom out. She never told me what she did to earn money, but with the way she looked when she came home, I could only imagine. I saw it killing her more and more every day.
My mom was beautiful. She had the greenest eyes I have ever seen. Her skin was so smooth and tan. She had the straightest black hair framing her face. She’s the only person I have ever called beautiful, and she’s the only girl I’ll ever love. After seeing the relationship with my mom and father, I refuse to even date. What’s the point? I mean all you do is hurt each other and then one of you leaves. It’s just better to stay single.
I knew life must be hard for mom. She deserved to be happy, and the life we have definitely couldn’t make her happy. Hell, I couldn't ever remember a time when I was happy.
We’ve always lived in the state of Nevada, but eventually we ended up in Las Vegas permanently. This was the first time we had even made it to a big city. Mom had friends who offered her their house. They said they were moving out of Nevada but didn't want to sell it. All we had to do was keep up with the bills. So that’s what brought us here.
It was the first time we lived in a house and not a hotel room. Everything was beginning to look up. Mom enrolled me into school, I got new school clothes, and mom was doing amazing. She was working for a casino that knew our “situation” and kept her safe. That was the most important thing to me, her safety. I was old enough to know how to defend myself if I needed to, but mom couldn’t. I began working out in the school’s gym during my free time, while anticipating and almost welcoming the time I would run into my father.
I didn’t have to wait long. We were coming home from the store when someone was leaning up against the door. Everything in me told me to grab Mom and run, but my feet wouldn’t cooperate with the signals my brain was sending. As we got closer to the door, all the hatred I felt for this man began surfacing. The look on his face said he finally won. Two months. We were only here for two months before he found us. I noticed that the little old lady, who Mom called Agatha, from next door was discreetly looking at us through a window, and I felt an overwhelming calmness wash over me when I locked eyes with her. I had to pry my eyes away so I can turn to focus on the man that’s haunted every moment of my life. I was rewarded with a punch to the face.
Blood busted out of my nose, splattering the concrete and my new white shirt. I don’t know why I ever tried to wear white. It never made it home without some kind of stain, usually food, but blood in this instance. Mom was being dragged into the street by her hair. In the distance I could hear the police sirens getting closer, but all I could do was stare at him. Adrenaline propelled my frozen feet forward, and I jumped on his back knocking him down. He let go of my mom’s hair so he could catch himself. Then he was coming after me. I had enough time to tell my mom to run to Agatha’s house before he landed another punch to the side of my head.
My vision started to blur, and spots danced behind my eyelids. It felt like there was a set of drums being played in my head. Then I started to feel pain all over. I opened the eye that wasn't swollen shut and realized I was lying on the concrete and being kicked repeatedly. I brought my knees in to protect my chest. My hands went up to protect my face from a black boot aimed at it. Then the sirens sounded louder. It was like they were right in front of my face. Then there was yelling on all sides of me. Someone was saying to step away from the kid. Someone else was saying to get on the ground. Mom’s sobs were somewhere behind me, and I heard a voice right above me saying someone is under arrest. Then darkness took over.
Mommy, Where’s my mommy?I keep searching for her but she’s not in her room or hidinganywhere she toldme to look for her. She wouldn’t just leave me. He must have her. Ineed tofind her. We need to leave again. He’s getting closer to her, tome, tous.
“Logan we have togo now! Grab whatever you can asfast asyou can,he found us again.”
“Logan.”
“Mom?”
“Yes Logan, can you open your
eyes?”
“Are they not open mom?”
“No sweetie. He found us, and you’re
in the hospital.”
“Is he in jail now Mom? I’m tired of
being scared and always looking over our
shoulders.”
“I know baby. The cops arrested him
for attempted murder. He’s not going to
be able to hurt us for a very long time." “That’s good Mom. Oh, Mom, I love
you.”
I fell back asleep and didn't wake up
for what felt like months. The doctor said
I was in a coma-like state for a little over
two weeks. He said that it was normal
after what my body had been through. I stayed home from school an extra
week. I wasn’t ready to face questions
from people just yet. At least that’s what I
told myself. I wasn't sure how to act
anymore. I got so used to not making
friends so I wouldn't have to worry about
it when I had to leave. I didn’t even know how to make them. It’s funny how you can feel alone even when you’re
surrounded by so many people.
Something was going on with my
mom. She stopped eating so much and
began looking sick. She’s lost so much
weight that I was starting to worry about
her wasting away.
Six months since my father went to
jail, I started making progress at school on
the friend crusade. There were a few guys
that live close by so we hung out once in a
while. I never did let them come over to
my house though. It was like an unspoken
rule. No one asked and I didn’t offer. My house was amazing according to
everyone else. When you first walked in,
you would be standing in the sitting room.
My mom’s friend has expensive taste. I
think that’s part of the reason I didn't
want people to come over. I didn’t feel like it was my home even though it was. My room was the only place that offered me comfort. It was plain just like me, with dark colors and no real direction. Black furniture, black walls, black sheets, the only color you could find in the room is
from the books I read.
My mom started to become really
distant, but I’m not sure if that was her
doing or my own. Some days were better
than others, but I knew something must
be going on with her, but I had no clue
what it was.
Chapter 3
April We finally made it to Steph’s house, and I kept getting this overwhelming urge to make sure Steph understood what was going on. The last thing we needed was for her to screw it up somehow. She's the kind of person that only has your back when it suits her, but expects you to always have her back no matter what.
“Hey Steph , you remember what we talked about, right?”
“Of course April. Don’t call your house, and if your parents call, tell them you’re taking a shower. I got it.” She sounded annoyed.
Steph’s house was way bigger than mine. It had this awesome room upstairs that I would have killed for (not literally). Though her house was big, it was a little stuffy. Her mom was always cooking, so the house was always hot.
M
aking sure all our basis are covered, we left to go to Lisa’s boyfriend's house. I have to admit I was so nervous that I thought about turning around several times, but that would have made me look weak. So I straightened my back and walked to the house. We were a little early, but he was supposed to be off work today anyway because of what we had planned. Apparently Lisa had thought this through. After we had been sitting on his front porch for like thirty minutes, I started to think the gods may be trying to tell us to not go. As it started getting dark outside, I looked up to the sky. There’s something about the stars that always calm me. The moon captured my attention. It was a full moon with a ring aroundit. From the bits and pieces I’ve picked up from my mom and in my own research, a ring around the moon for wiccans means there’s trouble close. We were just being given more and more reasons to head home.
I must have sighed really loud because Lisa interrupted my inner ramblings. “He’s supposed to be here April. I don’t know what’s taking him so long.”
“Well, Bubba said that if he doesn’t get back in twenty minutes to call him that he can pick us up, and we can stay at his place. Lisa this is ridiculous. He knew we were coming, and yet he’s still not here.”
“I know. His phone keeps going to voicemail. We should probably just call Bubba.”
I was so frustrated that I’m pretty sure there was steam coming out of my ears. I imagined looking into a mirror seeing the steam rising from my ears and I chuckled. This felt ridiculous. How was it possible to screw up running away? Not to mention how much I was stressing over the fact that I had an argument with my mom before I left. She wanted to take us out to eat at my favorite Chinese place, and I threw a fit. It was not my finest moment. I swear you would have thought I was ten years old with how I was acting, complaining about how I never get to do anything, and why couldn’t they just leave me alone? I felt absolutely horrible about it. I loved my mom, and I hated to hurt her, but my friend needed me. Frankly, I needed to get away to put some perspective in my life.
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