by Naomi West
Brendon nodded. “Aches and sweats. But, I'm kicking it, you know.”
He looked better than he had a couple days before, when Tanner and the guys had dragged him out of that crappy apartment, but he still hadn't come all the way back. But, undeniably, there was progress. He was still in bed, wrapped up in a heavy quilt and comforter against the perceived chill.
The room, though, was sweltering to Tanner, who was seated in a chair he'd dragged in from the kitchen. “Where's mom?” Brendon asked as he reached for a glass of water on his old childhood nightstand.
“Out getting groceries and stuff. Should be home soon, I think.”
“So, she sent you here to watch me?” Brendon asked as he brought the glass to his cracked lips.
“No,” Tanner said, grinning. “I ditched Star to come here, actually. Just wanted to see you, that's all. Probably see a lot of me this week.”
“Star? The girl from the alley?”
Tanner nodded. “Yeah.”
“She's hot, dude.”
Tanner gave a little smile. “Yeah, yeah she is.”
“What the fuck's she doing with a guy like you?” Brendon asked.
He laughed. “Uh, it's complicated.”
“Lemme guess,” Brendon said with a wry smile, “you're paying her.” He laughed when he saw the look on Tanner's face.
Tanner couldn't help but laugh with him. He couldn't really do anything else. He couldn't just outright lie to his brother. But, also, he couldn't just tell him the truth. Telling him the truth would be . . . awkward. So, the best solution was to just join him, and let the question drift off and die on its own.
“It's good to see you back,” Tanner said, changing the subject.
“Don't lie, man. I've seen myself in a mirror already.”
“You think about it still?”
“Every second of every day, so far,” Brendon said, then gave a dry cough. “This is just fucking miserable, you know? Like, out there, living on the street, scraping to get by. At least I had smack to make me feel good. Here, I'm in a dry bed, with a roof over my head, but I know that I'm not going to feel that anymore.”
Tanner pressed his lips together into a thin line. “Still got your bike in storage somewhere?”
Brendon shook his head. “Had to sell it a couple years back. Willow racked up some payday loan debt, and I needed to help her out to keep the car.”
“Fucking bitch,” Tanner said, shaking his head. “Convinced you to sell your fucking bike?”
“Yeah,” his brother said and got a distant look on his face. “I still can't believe I was with that bitch for so long. But, you know, look it where it got me, right?”
Tanner shook his head again. “You'll get back up. Blood Warriors will see to it. Soon as you detox a little, we'll get you out on a bike, too.”
“Think they'll take me back?”
“Not patched or anything. But, you're family. All the guys are pulling for you. I mean, Blade is one of the guys who came out to get you.”
“I've just let them all down, Tanner. I feel like a piece of shit.”
Tanner shrugged. “Yeah, you turned your back on them.” He leaned forward, looked his brother straight in the eyes. “But, you know what?”
“What?”
“Oil's thicker than blood, brother.”
“Yeah. I remember.” Brendon smiled a tight little smile, his lips pressed so hard together they nearly turned white. “I don't deserve it, though.”
“That's why you rejoin as a pledge, man. Work your way back, same as you did before. They'll be happy to have you.”
Both brothers heard Tova pull up out front. Tanner went to stand up. “I'm gonna help Mom grab the groceries. I hate watching her lift all that shit.”
“You want some help?”
“Nah, I got it. Stay in here, rest up, man.”
As Tanner turned to leave, Brendon rolled over on his side and pulled the blanket up to his chin.
“Hey Tanner?”
“Yeah, bro?”
“I didn't say it earlier . . . but, thank you. It's good to be home.”
“I know, man.”
Tanner stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him.
The back door that led off the kitchen opened. “Tanner? Help me with the groceries, honey?”
“Be right there, Mom,” he said as he headed into the kitchen. He went past her and headed out to her old sedan to start grabbing the groceries. He brought in the paper grocery sacks two at a time, all six of them.
“You feeding a damn army, Mom?” he asked when he came back inside for the last time.
“What?” Tova asked with a laugh as she continued to put up the groceries he'd brought in. “Of course not. But, I figured you'd be here more often, at least while your brother's resting up and getting better.”
He went to help her put up the groceries, but she fussed him away. “I've got it. I'm not elderly.”
She was right, too. She had a certain vibrancy to her that hadn't been there in years. Now, with Brendon back under her roof, she seemed to have a new lease on life. Even her frailty seemed lessened. Sure, she still needed medical help, but her sickness wasn't as painfully obvious as the week before.
“You been talking to Brendon?” she asked as Tanner sat down at the small kitchen table and began to watch her work.
“Yeah, just seeing how he's doing. Not pressing too much on anything, not yet.”
“And?”
Tanner shrugged. “He's sobering up and getting over an addiction. But, he's a Rainier, after all. He'll power through it.”
Tova grunted. “I just wish he hadn't powered through and picked up the damn thing to begin with.”
“Well, we all make mistakes.”
“Oh, I know, Tanner. But, did he really have to make one this serious?”
“I guess not. But, it's what we've got to deal with, Mom.”
“God, if your father had been here, he would've tanned that boy's hide.”
Tanner shook his head and began to draw out the Blood Warriors emblem on the table top with his finger. “Or, he wouldn't have told me to go get him.”
“Don't say that,” she replied. “He loved you boys, you know that.”
“He had a funny fucking way of showing it, then,” he said.
“Still sore about this whole trust thing?”
He snorted. “The old man was an asshole. It's something I came to terms with a long time ago.”
“Still your father, though.”
“I know. But, Goddamn, if I ever have a son, I don't want to be anything like him.”
She laughed. “Yeah? What would you do different? Kiss his boo-boos for him when he falls off his bike? Not get upset with them over dismantling your bike in the middle of the night, then not knowing how to put it back together.”
He laughed. He'd forgotten about that one. Man, their dad had given him and Brendon a whooping on that one. “We deserved that one,” he admitted.
“Well, whatever the man's faults, he raised two strong, capable boys, didn't he? Sure, one fell off the beaten path and got lost along the way. But who doesn't every now and then? He's back now, and that's what’s important.”
Tanner nodded, content to not carry the conversation any further, and to let his mom just work in peace.
Finally, the groceries put away, she came and sat down at the kitchen table with him. “Now, speaking of baby boys,” she said as she pulled out her chair and took a seat. “How's that Star Bentley of yours doing?”
He didn't want to explain everything to her, not yet. Maybe not ever. He looked away and stared at the wall. “She's alright, I guess. Saw her last night.”
“Any closer on having that baby you're trying for?” she asked, trying to be as nonchalant about the question as possible.
He frowned and shook his head. “Mom, I don't want to talk about this.”
“What else are we going to talk about, then? You, me, and Brendon are in this house for t
he next week, Tanner.”
“Well, first of all, it's not any of your business.”
“You think a grandbaby isn't any of my business?” she asked with a laugh. “That doesn't make any sense.”
“Drop it, Mom. Or I'm just going to get up and walk away.”
She waved him off. “Fine, fine. I didn't really want to hear about any of your personal life's details, anyways. Just want you to be careful, and all. She's little Ms. Hoity-Toity, that one. I just got one son back, I don't want another dragged away.”
“Believe me,” Tanner said as he reached out and patted her frail, bird-like hand, “that's not going to happen. My family is you guys and the Blood Warriors. I'm with you till the end.”
“Oh, don't talk about the end,” she said with a grim smile. “I'm already close, and I don't want to think about it.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Star
“It's time,” Tanner said, holding up a plastic bag from the drugstore. He stood in the doorway to her apartment, leaning again the frame.
A week or so had passed since they'd last seen each other and, now that Brendon was well into recovery, Tanner finally had an opportunity to see her. And, damned if he didn't look good. Sure, he was a little tired looking, but she felt like she was on fire as soon as she saw him framed in her doorway.
The memory of his touch, of the way he'd felt inside her, of how his strong arms held her close and pressed her body to his. All her wants and needs came back in an almost-tactile rush.
“Time for what?” she asked as she stepped out of the way and ushered him inside.
“The test,” he said as he stepped past. “I went by and picked up one. I figured, we've been at this baby-making thing long enough, we might be able to see how we're doing. Not that I'm expecting you to be pregnant, or anything. But, we can at least check.”
“It's not even time for my period, yet,” Star said, taking the offered bag from him. She dug into the parcel and pulled out the box. “But, sure, why not? I haven't peed on a stick all week.”
Tanner chuckled.
“You wanna, like, wait out here while I go to the bathroom?”
“Yeah, I guess,” he replied and took a seat on her couch.
She took the box and the bag with her into the bathroom. She didn't real have to pee, but she'd had enough coffee that morning to go if she had to. She closed the door behind her and pulled down her pants and underwear. She sat down on the toilet and began to unbox the test and read the instructions.
She set the box aside and pulled off the cap and sat there, waiting.
As she did, though, her mind began to race. What if she actually was pregnant already? What did that mean? She might have a small life growing inside her. A small life that was owed to the rough biker guy sitting on her living room couch, just outside her bathroom door. Of course, there was the money, too. Five hundred grand to start a new life, for her and the baby.
But is that what she wanted? A new life, far from here? What about Tanner, then? What about the father of her child? The relationship, if she could even call it that, would be over between them. No more mind-bending sex, no one to hold her tight at night, no strong hands running over her body.
She found herself not wanting to be pregnant. Not yet, at least. If she was, all this might be over. She would have held up her end of the bargain, and he could start to take care of her as just another financial burden. Where would she be, then?
She shook her head as she felt the urge to pee coming. Five seconds, the box said. No more than five seconds in the stream. Got it. She dipped the tip in, counting Mississippis in her head. She pulled the stick out after five, held it tip down as she took care of everything.
Tanner was waiting for her in the hallway. “Well?” he asked as she came out.
“I haven't looked,” she said. “I thought we should, you know, together.”
He smiled a tight smile, one Star couldn't discern the meaning of, as he joined her in her small bathroom.
Star sucked in a breath as she held the stick up to the light.
“Does that . . .?” Tanner asked.
She nodded.
There was a blue cross, a positive symbol, on the indicator. Just like she'd feared.
“Well,” she said with a sigh, “there you go. You've got your baby now. Happy?”
# # #
Tanner
Suddenly, he felt like he'd been living in the attic, or a dank basement, for the last couple weeks, and someone had just come in and turned the light on over his head. But, instead of an overhanging light, the bulb had been a simple little test that Star taken. The thought that he was going to be a father just shot right through his chest and punctured his heart.
He was going to be a father. A pops, just like his old man had been. Maybe not exactly like him, of course. But, shit, he was going to be a dad.
“I . . . I . . .” he mumbled, unable to get any real words out his mouth.
“Well?” she pressed. “Aren't you happy about getting your inheritance, at least?”
He realized, as she asked her question that, honestly, he didn't really give a shit about the money. The inheritance was important for helping his mom, of course. But, in the grand scheme of things? No, the cash and assets didn't really matter. What mattered was his blood, and that his and Star's child grew up to be healthy and strong.
Tanner shook his head.
“Well, what then?” she asked again, concern in her voice. “Tell me, Tanner.”
“You're having my baby,” he said, a smile slowly growing on his face. “I mean, I'm going to be a dad.” He turned to her slowly, to that beautiful heart-shaped face of hers. He reached up a hand, touched her cheek. “Yes. I'm happy.”
She smiled wanly at him. “So, what does this mean for us?”
A flash of memories surged in his mind suddenly. An image of the big Roaming Wolves member looming over him, baseball bat in hand. That guy, whoever he was, he was out there, still. And, this was personal. A moment of doubt entered his mind. He needed to keep Star, and their child, away from this guy. Safe from him.
“Well, our agreement was that you'd get to keep the baby,” he said, surprising even himself as the words left his mouth. “I don't get a say in it, do I?”
“Of course you get a say in it. This thing takes two, doesn't it?”
He shrugged, continuing with his line of thinking. “That wasn't the agreement. In fact, the agreement was for us to have a baby, and then that be it.”
“So, you want to stick with it, then? And not stick with me?”
“No, that's not what I'm saying.”
She paused, pressed her lips together, and glared up at him. “What's going on? What aren't you telling me?”
Tanner looked away. “I'm just worried, that's all. I still have to go after the Roaming Wolves, for what they did to Brendon. One of them, one I saw in the apartment where we found my brother, I think he's got it in for me.”
“What do you mean? What does that have to do with us?”
“I mean, I don't know if I can protect you from them. From him.”
“You got Brendon back,” she pointed out, her voice getting more exasperated. “What more do you need to do?”
“Look,” he said, begrudgingly telling her about the MC's business, “we think we found where the guy is, the guy who got Brendon hooked on smack.”
“What?” she nearly yelled, then turned and went into the living room.
“We've got these guys right where we want them, now. I mean, this could all be over soon.”
“You're going to be a fucking father, Tanner,” Star yelled. “And you want to go traipsing around, chasing after bikers?”
“These guys have it out for me, out for us. We need to show them we can't be pushed around.”
She gritted her teeth and turned away from him for a second. When she looked back, her eyes were on fire. “I want to go with you, then.”
“What?” Tanner asked, his head
almost snapping back in surprise. “Fuck no. This ain't women's business. You can't just show up and expect to do this kind of thing. What if you got hurt?”
“What if I got hurt?” she yelled. “What if you got hurt?”
“You know what,” he said, pushing past her to get to the door. “I'm going. I'll talk to you later.”