A Little Larger Than the Entire Universe

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by Fernando Pessoa


  You don’t have it, because you don’t know you have it,

  And I don’t have it, because I know I do.

  It exists on its own, and falls on us like the sun,

  Which hits you on the back and warms you up, while you

  indifferently think about something else,

  And it hits me in the face and dazzles my eyes, and I think

  only about the sun.

  12 APRIL 1919

  Between what I see of one field and what I see of another

  field

  The figure of a man passes by.

  His footsteps move with “him” in the same reality,

  But I see him and see them, and they are two separate things.

  The “man” moves along with his ideas, in error and a

  foreigner,

  While his footsteps move by the ancient system that makes

  legs walk.

  I look at him from afar without any opinion.

  How perfect in him is the substance he is: his body,

  His true reality with no desires or hopes,

  Just muscles and the right, impersonal way of using them!

  20 APRIL 1919

  I’m not in a hurry. In a hurry for what?

  The sun and moon aren’t in a hurry; they’re right.

  To hurry is to suppose we can overtake our legs

  Or leap over our shadow.

  No, I’m not in a hurry.

  If I stretch out my arm, I’ll reach exactly as far as my arm

  reaches

  And not half an inch farther.

  I touch where my finger touches, not where I think.

  I can only sit down where I am.

  This sounds ridiculous, like all absolutely true truths,

  But what’s really ridiculous is how we’re always thinking of

  something else,

  And we’re always outside it, because we’re here.

  20 JUNE 1919

  Live, you say, in the present.

  Live only in the present.

  But I don’t want the present, I want reality.

  I want the things that exist, not the time that measures them.

  What is the present?

  It’s something in relation to the past and the future.

  It’s something that exists by virtue of other things existing.

  I want only reality, the things themselves, without any

  present.

  I don’t want to include time in my awareness of what exists.

  I don’t want to think of things as being in the present; I want

  to think of them as things.

  I don’t want to separate them from themselves, calling them

  present.

  I shouldn’t even call them real.

  I shouldn’t call them anything.

  I should see them, just see them,

  See them until I can no longer think about them,

  See them without time or space,

  See with no need of anything besides what I’m seeing.

  This is the science of seeing, which is no science at all.

  19 JULY 1920

  You say I’m something more

  Than a stone or a plant.

  You say: “You feel, you think, and you know

  That you think and feel.

  Do stones write poems?

  Do plants have ideas about the world?”

  Yes, there’s a difference,

  But it’s not the difference you suppose,

  Because being conscious doesn’t oblige me to have theories

  about things;

  It only obliges me to be conscious.

  If I’m more than a stone or a plant? I don’t know.

  I’m different. I don’t know what more is or what less is.

  Is being conscious more than being colorful?

  It might be or might not be.

  I know only that it’s different.

  No one can prove that it’s more than just different.

  I know the stone is real and the plant exists.

  I know this because they exist.

  I know this because my senses show it to me.

  I know I’m real as well.

  I know this because my senses show it to me,

  Though less clearly than they show me the stone and the

  plant.

  That’s all I know.

  Yes, I write poems, and the stone doesn’t write poems.

  Yes, I have ideas about the world, and the plant has none.

  But stones are not poets, they’re stones;

  And plants are just plants, not thinkers.

  I can say this makes me superior to them

  Or I can say it makes me inferior.

  But I say nothing. I say of the stone, “It’s a stone.”

  I say of the plant, “It’s a plant.”

  I say of myself, “It’s me.”

  And I say no more. What more is there to say?

  5 JUNE 1922

  The first sign of the storm that will strike the day after

  tomorrow,

  The first clouds, still white, hanging low in the dull sky . . .

  The storm that will strike the day after tomorrow?

  I’m certain, but my certainty is a lie.

  To be certain is to not be seeing.

  The day after tomorrow doesn’t exist.

  This is what exists:

  A blue sky that’s a bit hazy and some white clouds on the

  horizon,

  With a dark smudge underneath, as if they might turn black.

  This is what today is,

  And since for the time being today is everything, this is

  everything.

  I might be dead—who knows?—the day after tomorrow,

  In which case the storm that will strike the day after

  tomorrow

  Will be a different storm than it would be if I hadn’t died.

  I realize that the storm doesn’t fall from my eyes,

  But if I’m no longer in this world, the world will be

  different—

  There will be one person less—

  And the storm, falling in a different world, won’t be the

  same storm.

  In any case, the storm that’s going to fall will be the one

  falling when it falls.

  10 JULY 1930

  RICARDO REIS

  I was born believing in the gods, I was raised in that belief, and in that belief I will die, loving them. I know what the pagan feeling is. My only regret is that I can’t really explain how utterly and inscrutably different it is from all other feelings. Even our calm and the vague stoicism some of us have bear no resemblance to the calm of antiquity and the stoicism of the Greeks.

  (FROM RICARDO REIS’S UNFINISHED PREFACE TO HIS ODES)

  I love the roses of Adonis’s gardens.

  Yes, Lydia, I love those wingèd roses,

  Which one day are born

  And on that day die.

  Light for them is eternal, since

  They are born after sunrise and end

  Before Apollo quits

  His visible journey.

  Let us also make our lives one day,

  Consciously forgetting there’s night, Lydia,

  Before and after

  The little we endure.

  11 JULY 1914

  To Alberto Caeiro

  Peaceful, Master,

  Are all the hours

  We lose if we place,

  As in a vase,

  Flowers on our

  Losing them.

  There are in our life

  No sorrows or joys.

  So let us learn,

  Wisely unworried,

  Not how to live life

  But to let it go by,

  Keeping forever

  Peaceful and calm,

  Taking children

  For our teachers

  And letting Nature

 
Fill our eyes . . .

  Along the river

  Or along the road,

  Wherever we are,

  Always remaining

  In the same, easy

  Repose of living . . .

  Time passes

  And tells us nothing.

  We grow old.

  Let us know how,

  With a certain mischief,

  To feel ourselves go.

  Taking action

  Serves no purpose.

  No one can resist

  The atrocious god

  Who always devours

  His own children.

  Let us pick flowers.

  Let us lightly

  Wet our hands

  In the calm rivers,

  So as to learn

  Some of their calmness.

  Sunflowers forever

  Beholding the sun,

  We will serenely

  Depart from life,

  Without even the regret

  Of having lived.

  12 JUNE 1914

  The god Pan isn’t dead.

  In each field that shows

  Ceres’ naked breasts

  To the smiles of Apollo,

  Sooner or later

  You will see the god Pan,

  Immortal, appear.

  The Christians’ sad god

  Killed none of the others.

  Christ is one more god,

  One that was perhaps missing.

  Pan still offers

  The sounds of his flute

  To the ears of Ceres

  Reclining in the fields.

  The gods are the same,

  Always clear and calm,

  Full of eternity

  And disdain for us,

  Bringing day and night

  And golden harvests

  Not in order to give us

  Day and night and wheat

  But for some other, divine

  And incidental purpose.

  12 JUNE 1914

  Snow covers the sunlit hills in the distance,

  But the tranquil cold that smoothes and whets

  The darts of the high sun

  Is already mild.

  Today, Neaera, let us not hide:

  Since we are nothing, we lack nothing.

  We hope for nothing

  And feel cold in the sun.

  But such as it is, let us enjoy

  This moment, somewhat solemn in our joy,

  While waiting for death

  As for something we know.

  16 JUNE 1914

  The day’s paleness is tinged with gold. The curves

  Of the withered trunks and branches gleam

  Like dew in the winter sun.

  The chill air shivers.

  Exiled from the ancient homeland of my

  Beliefs, consoled only by remembering the gods,

  I warm my trembling body

  With a different sun from this:

  The sun of the Parthenon and Acropolis

  Which lit up the slow and weighty steps

  Of Aristotle speaking.

  But Epicurus speaks more

  To my heart with his caressing, earthly voice;

  His attitude toward the gods is of a fellow god,

  Serene and seeing life

  At the distance where it lies.

  19 JUNE 1914

  Wise the man who’s content with the world’s spectacle,

  And who drinks without recalling

  That he has drunk before,

  For whom everything is new

  And forever imperishable.

  Crown him with vine leaves, ivy or twining

  Roses. He knows that life

  Is passing by him and that

  The shears of Atropos cut

  The flower and cut him.

  He knows how to hide this with the color of the wine

  And to erase the taste of time

  With its orgiastic flavor,

  The way a weeping voice is hushed

  When the bacchantes pass by.

  And he waits, a calm drinker and almost happy,

  Only desiring

  With a desire scarcely felt

  That the abominable wave

  Not wet him too soon.

  19 JUNE 1914

  Each thing, in its time, has its time.

  The trees do not blossom in winter,

  Nor does the white cold

  Cover the fields in spring.

  The heat that the day required of us

  Belongs not to the night that’s falling, Lydia.

  Let’s love with greater calm

  Our uncertain life.

  Sitting by the fire, weary not from our work

  But because it’s the hour for weariness,

  Let’s not force our voice

  To be more than a secret.

  And may our words of reminiscence

  (Which is all the sun’s black departure brings us)

  Be spoken at intervals,

  Haphazardly.

  Let’s remember the past by degrees,

  And may the stories told back then,

  Now twice-told stories,

  Speak to us

  Of the flowers that in our distant childhood

  We picked with another kind of pleasure

  And another consciousness

  As we gazed at the world.

  And so, Lydia, sitting there by the fire

  As if there forever, like household gods,

  Let’s mend the past

  As if mending clothes

  In the disquiet that repose must bring to our lives

  When all we do is think of what

  We were, and outside

  There’s just night.

  30 JULY 1914

  Bearing in mind our likeness with the gods

  Let us, for our own good,

  See ourselves as exiled deities

  In possession of life

  By virtue of an ancient authority

  Coeval with Jove.

  Proud masters over our own selves,

  Let’s use existence

  Like a villa the gods have given us

  To forget the summer.

  It’s not worth our while to use in another,

  More fretful manner

  Our wavering existence, a condemned stream

  Of the somber river.

  Like the calm, implacable Destiny

  That reigns above the gods,

  Let’s construct a voluntary fate

  Above ourselves,

  So that when it oppresses us, it is we

  Who’ll be our oppressors.

  And when we enter the night, we’ll enter

  By our own two feet.

  30 JULY 1914

  The only freedom the gods grant us

  Is this: to submit

  Of our own free will to their sovereignty.

  We should do just that,

  Since only in the illusion of freedom

  Does freedom exist.

  It is what the gods, subject

  To eternal fate, do

  To maintain their calm and unwavering

  Ancient conviction

  That their life is divine and free.

  Imitating the gods,

  Who are no freer on Olympus than we are,

  Let’s build our lives

  Like those who build castles of sand

  To delight their eyes,

  And the gods will know how to thank us

  For being so like them.

  30 JULY 1914

  Remember, with quick steps, on the white beach

  Darkened by the foam, the ancient rhythm

  That bare feet know,

  That rhythm repeated

  By nymphs when they tap the sound of the dance

  In the shade of the trees; you, children

  Not yet concerned

  With concerns, revive

  That noisy circle while Apollo bends,
/>   Like a high branch, the blue curve he gilds,

  And the tide, high or low,

  Flows without ceasing.

  9 AUGUST 1914

  We’ve always had the confident vision

  That other beings, angels or gods,

  Reign above us

  And move us to act.

  Just as in the fields our actions

  On the cattle, which they don’t understand,

  Coerce and compel them

  Without them knowing why,

  So too our human will and mind

  Are the hands by which others lead us

  To wherever they want us

  To desire to go.

  16 OCTOBER 1914

  Lost from the way, you clutch your sterile,

  Toilsome days in bundles of hard wood

  And think you are living

  Life without illusions.

  Your wood is only weight you carry

  To where you’ll have no fire to warm you,

  Nor will the shades we become

  Endure weight on their shoulders.

  To rest up you don’t rest; and if you pass

  Something on, pass not wealth but the example

  Of how a brief life is enough,

  Brief and not too hard.

  We use little of the little we scarcely have.

  Work tires, and the gold isn’t ours.

  Our own fame laughs at us,

  For we won’t see it

  When, brought down by the Fates, suddenly

  We’ll be ancient and solemn figures,

  Ever more shadowy,

  Until the fatal meeting—

  The dark boat on the gloomy river,

  And the nine embraces of Stygian cold,

  And the insatiable lap

  Of the land of Pluto.

  [LATE 1914 OR 1915]

  THE CHESS PLAYERS

  I’ve heard that once, during I don’t know

  What war of Persia,

  When invaders rampaged through the City

 

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