Hearts of Grey

by Earl E. Gobel

“How about I just tell you a few lines out of the song and see if you can pick it up from there. Okay?” he asked her.

  “Okay,” she told him as everyone else tried to squeeze in to hear the lines of the song. He just looked at them and smiled.

  Paul slowly recited the first few lines of the song that Jack had always been whistling,

  O beautiful for spacious skies

  For amber waves of grain

  For purple mountains majesties

  Above the fruited planes.

  Then he stopped and waited.

  “My dad used to whistle ‘America the Beautiful’?” she asked.

  “He sure did. All the time. And that lady that sung it on the radio when I first heard it and made the connection, she’s black lady, and man, could she sing. Ain’t that right, Grady?” he asked him.

  “Oh, yeah, Ella could carry a tune, that’s for certain,” Grady answered.

  “Oh my god, you know, I can picture Jack working around the house, and I can hear him whistling. It was ‘America the Beautiful.’ I never thought about it before. How weird. I just thought that he was making it up. Thank you, Paul, that memory was long ago lost, but not now,” Elizabeth told him.

  “You’re welcome. Anytime,” he told her as he returned his attention back to Katie. “A person isn’t always remembered just because of his name, Katie. They’re remembered for the real person that they are on the inside. Regardless of the color of their skin. So now do you know why your dad deserved the flag?” he asked her.

  “Yes, sir, I do. Thank you,” she told him as she stood up and ran around the table and gave him the biggest hug that she could.

  “So where does all of this racism end? I mean, it’s true about what you said. But just because it’s happening surely doesn’t make it right,” Melissa asked.

  “Melissa, maybe it will end someday. Maybe not in my lifetime, maybe not even in little Katie’s lifetime. And even when it’s over, you’ll still have a few whites that are upset about it being over, and I’m sure there will be some blacks that keep bringing it up for no other reason other than they can. Slavery tore this country apart once, and racism can do it again. If we don’t stop it.” He turned back toward little Katie. “You know, Katie, you say that freedom is the word that comes to mind when you say America. I know that you’re only ten, but when you get older, you have to go out and see America.

  “Right now as we speak, President Eisenhower is fighting to pass a bill that will build superhighways all across this great country. Imagine that, you could actually get on a highway here in Savannah and travel all the way across America all the way to California and the Pacific Ocean. How great would that be?” he asked her.

  “Wow, all the way to California? Have you ever seen California, Mr. King?” she asked him.

  “Many times. But what I’m trying to express to you is the freedom that we’re blessed with. You know that there are countries in this world that won’t let you travel state to state. But we can. There’s so much to see and do in this great beautiful big country of ours. Just promise me that you’ll try to see as much of it as you can. Okay?” he told her.

  “I will, and someday, I’ll be standing in California and thinking of you, Mr. King,” she told him as she gave him another hug.

  “Katie, I have a real important question for you,” Grady told her.

  “Okay, Uncle Grady, go ahead and ask me. Ask me anything you like. I’m ready,” she told him.

  “Well, first off, you have to come back over here and sit back down before your food gets cold. Okay?” he told her.

  She ran back around the table and sat back down in her chair. “Like that?” she asked.

  Grady chuckled a little bit. “Yeah, just like that. I was wondering how much you like it here,” he asked. “I mean your cousin Katie is here. I’m here. Mike and Melissa and her boyfriend are here.”

  “Oh, I love it here. Katie is my newest bestest friend in the whole wide world,” she answered.

  Big Katie just smiled at her, but she had no idea as to why her dad was asking her that. She didn’t have to wait that long to find out. Not long at all in fact.

  “Really? That’s good. Because as of this moment, you and your mom are going to live with us. How would that be?” he asked her.

  She just went silent. She turned to look at her mom. “Mom, is that true. We really get to live here? With Uncle Grady and Katie and the horses and—” she just stopped talking.

  “What’s the matter, Katie?” her mom asked her.

  “I’ll be able to visit Dad anytime I want to?” she added.

  “Yes, Katie, anytime you want to,” Elizabeth told her as she fought back the tears, for she knew that Katie would soon be visiting her as well.

  “Well, what do you think of that idea, Katie?” Grady asked her.

  “That would be swell, Uncle Grady, but what about all of our stuff back home?” she asked.

  “I’ll have it all moved up here for you, Katie,” Mr. King told her.

  “But there is one thing you’ll have to do first, Katie,” Grady told her.

  “And what’s that?” the little girl asked.

  “You have to ask your cousin if it’s okay first,” he told her.

  She got up from her chair again and walked right up to her cousin and just stared at her. “Well, what do you think? Would it be all right if Mom and I moved in with you guys?” she asked her with the most profound look on her face.

  “Gee, I don’t know. What do you think, Daddy, do we have enough room for these two?” she asked him.

  “Wow, never thought about having enough room. We might have to move some stuff around but—”

  Little Katie cut him off, “Uncle Grady, Mom already told me that you have fourteen bedrooms. Nobody has that much stuff.” She turned her attention back to her cousin. “Well? Yes or no?” she asked again.

  “Sure, we’d love to have you. But your uncle really does have that much stuff,” Katie warned her.

  “You’re kidding?” the little girl looked really concerned. But her frown soon turned to a smile.

  “Thank you, Katie,” the little girl said as she gave her cousin a hug. “Mom, they said it was okay. So are we?” she asked her mom.

  “Sure, Katie, if that’s what you want,” she told her.

  Big Katie saw the pain in Elizabeth’s eyes, and she knew the answer as to why. But she didn’t know the when part. And Katie suddenly looked at Elizabeth with a whole new perspective. She wondered if little Katie knew. Probably not, she thought to herself. She threw her daddy a look that told Grady that she knew the reason behind it.

  I told Elizabeth that you would catch on rather quickly, Grady told himself.

  Little Katie was jumping around giving everybody hugs and when she got around to her Mom, she just stopped and looked at her.

  “Mom, are you okay?” the little girl asked her.

  “Yeah, just a little tired, is all. It’s been a long day. I’ll be fine,” she told her.

  Little Katie looked up at her uncle.

  “Mom has been sick a lot. I think she might be sick again,” she told him.

  Big Katie was right on it as she walked around the table and took her cousin by the hand.

  “Come on, coz, you and I can go for a walk. Uncle Grady will help your mom. Okay?” she told the little girl.

  When Katie had the little girl far enough away, Grady looked at her.

  “Elizabeth, are you okay?” he asked her.

  “Grady, I really need to lie down,” she told him.

  Grady and Paul helped her into the house and got her upstairs and put her out across Katie’s bed since hers was bigger than his.

  “There, is that better?” he asked her.

  “Yeah, thank you. You’re a good man, Grady Windslow. You too, Mr. King,” she said before her eyes closed and fell asleep. The two men left her alone to rest as they went back outside. As they got outside, Paul lit a cigarette.

  “She looks pretty
bad, doesn’t she?” Grady asked him.

  “Yeah, she does. But she’s a fighter, Grady. She learned that from you and your brother,” he told him.

  “I reckon so. But that still doesn’t make the outlook look any better, does it? Damn, why her? Why now?” he asked.

  “I don’t have the answers to that one, my friend. But I will tell you this. You’ve helped her more than you could ever know, Grady,” he told him.

  “Yeah, and how’s that? She’s dying, and there’s not a damn thing I can do for her,” Grady told him.

  “But you already have. Her main concern was her daughter. Where would she go, what would happen to her. You and your daughter have answered her worst fears. Can’t you see that?” he asked him.

  “Yeah, I guess so, but still . . . it’s hard to watch knowing that there’s nothing you can do. It rips you up on the inside,” Grady told him.

  “I know, but there is one more thing that you’ll be giving her when the time comes,” he told him.

  Grady just turned and gave him a weird look. “And what might that be?” he asked.

  “Grady, because of you, sir, she’ll be able to rest next to her husband again. And you did that. Nobody else. Just you. And if you ask me, that’s the best thing you could have ever done for her,” he told him.

  A small smile started to grow across Grady’s face. “I did do that, didn’t I?” he asked.

  “Yes, sir, you sure did,” Paul said as he walked down off of the porch. “And I see that you were right about your daughter catching on too. A very observant young lady you got there,” he added.

  “She takes after her mom,” Grady said as he too stepped down off of the porch. “But it makes you wonder just how much little Katie knows, doesn’t it?” he added.

  “Funny I was thinking the same thing. Bright little girl just like her cousin.” Paul said as he dropped his cigarette onto the ground and ground it into the dirt with the toe of his shoe.

  “You know what, Paul? All of that stuff that you were telling Katie about how the blacks are looked at differently and treated differently, I’ve never understood any of that. I mean okay, yes, there was a time when the white men bought and sold them like property. But that was darn near a hundred years ago. I really think it’s time that we get past that part of American history and move forward,” Grady told him.

  “Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But the truth of the matter is this. Your daughter was raised not to think that way, so she doesn’t. But when you have a racist parent, you’re going to have some racist kids. And trust me, when I tell you this. There’s a hell of a lot of racist parents still out there. So it’s going to be a long, hard battle as we try to break those chains.

  “And even when this racist stuff is all over maybe years from now, you’ll still have some black folk who will be mad as hell that it ever happened in the first place, and just as many, if not more, white men who are equally upset that it’s over. It’s going to be a no-win scenario for everyone. And then you throw in the hate words. Words like nigger and spook and so many more, words that are designed to do only one thing, and that’s to cause hurt. And those words do that. And I know they’re only words, and in reality they don’t mean anything, but it’s the racist bastard that’s using them that you’ll need to be concerned with. It’s all nothing more than a great big ball of hate that’s starting to get unraveled. And if you ask me, it’s about damn time.” Paul told him.

  “I agree with you. Racism is a nasty, dirty part of this world that we live in. And it’s about time that we start cleaning up after ourselves,” Grady told him.

  “You sound a lot like your brother. I don’t know if I ever told you this before, but Jack used to talk about you all the time,” he told Grady.

  “Really? Jack talked about me, you say? I can only imagine the things that he said about me,” Grady replied.

  “Well, I can assure you that he never spoke bad of you. That’s for sure. And I do recall him talking about your daughter, Katie, too I might add,” he told him as he placed his hand onto Grady’s shoulder.

  “What in the world did he say about her?” Grady asked.

  “He used to tell us all about this beautiful blue-eyed niece of his and how much he envied you and your wife. I can distinctly recall him saying, ‘If I ever had a daughter, I’d want her to be just like Grady’s daughter.’ And when I saw your daughter for the first time, I knew not only why he had said that, but after seeing little Katie, I knew that he had gotten his wish as well,” Paul told him with a huge smile on his face.

  “Really? Now if that doesn’t touch you down to the bone, I guess nothing ever will,” Grady replied with a smile of his own.

  “So let me ask you this. Are you guys ready for this wedding to happen or not?” Paul asked him.

  “Oh, yeah, we’re ready all right. About as ready as a coon is right before he gets shot maybe,” he said with a hint of laughter to his voice.

  “That’s what I thought. If you would allow me the honor, my sister and I would like to offer you our help,” he told him.

  “I’m not sure that we really need any help. But if you two want to, I reckon it can’t hurt. Why? What do you have in mind?” Grady asked.

  “Oh, you’ll see. Just a little something to make it a day to remember, is all. Especially for the girls. I’ll tell ya, but it has to be our little secret. Okay?” Paul said with a sinister tone to his voice.

  “Not quite sure I like the tone of that, but then again, this could prove to be rather fun. So tell me what you’re thinking,” Grady told him as the two of them started walking across the pasture, back to where their guests were.

  A Little Bit of Shakin’ Going On

  The two cousins walked out across the field. Neither of them said anything. They just walked in total silence. Then little Katie stopped and looked up at her cousin.

  “Katie, my mom is really sick, isn’t she?” she asked.

  Katie didn’t know what to tell her cousin. Katie herself didn’t know much more than that she was sick. But just how bad her sickness was she didn’t know for sure.

  “What would make you say that?” she asked her little cousin.

  “Mom thinks because I’m only ten years old, I wouldn’t or maybe couldn’t understand. But I lay in my bed sometimes late at night, and I can hear her crying. And I know that she’s talking to God,” little Katie told her.

  “Well, just because she talks to God that’s nothing to be overly concerned about. After all, I talk to God all the time, and look at me. I’m not sick, am I?” she asked her.

  “It’s not the same thing. I know something is wrong, really wrong. And I hope that you’re not going to talk to me like a kid just because I’m only ten,” she told her older cousin.

  “I would never do that. But I really don’t know what I can tell you, dear. I simply don’t know enough about your mom’s condition. It’s not that I won’t. It’s more like I can’t just because I don’t know the facts yet,” she answered.

  “Would you like to know what I think?” the little girl asked.

  Katie was shocked to hear her little cousin talking like this. She surely didn’t sound like a little ten-year-old girl. But she was curious about her cousin’s thoughts on her mother. So Katie told her, “I’d love to hear what you think, Katie. Go ahead, I’m listening.”

  “I think Mom is really sick. I know that she’s been to a lot of doctors because I went with her. And she’s always crying when we leave. But I think that she’s going to be with Dad soon. I know that she doesn’t want to go, but I don’t think she has a choice in the matter,” Katie told her as she wiped a tear from her eye.

  Katie just stared down at her little cousin. How could this sweet, innocent little girl take the idea of her mom’s sickness so candidly? She kneeled down before her and looked her straight into her eyes. “Katie, you’re a very brave little girl, but I don’t think you should be thinking that way, not until you have the facts at least. I mean maybe you’re right
and maybe you’re not, but thinking that way before you know for sure can’t be a good thing,” she told her.

  “I don’t want to think about it. But when I hear her crying, I can’t help myself,” she told her.

  “I know. That would be really hard, I guess. But you really need to sit down with your mom and tell her exactly what you told me, the same way that you told me. Your mom deserves a chance to explain all of this to you before you start thinking the worse. Okay?” she told her.

  “Okay, I will, but do you really think she’ll tell me the truth?” she asked.

  “Katie, your mom would never lie to you. And you know that too, don’t you?” Katie asked her. But in the back of her mind, she wasn’t being totally honest with her niece. Surely, her aunt would tell her cousin the truth, wouldn’t she? Truthfully, she couldn’t be sure that she would or wouldn’t.

  “Yeah, I think you’re right. I apologize for thinking that way. It was wrong,” she told her.

  “Well, it’s okay, I guess, but just this time. But your mom loves you, Katie, and she deserves a chance to tell you the truth herself. Did you know that I lost my mom when I was ten. Just like you are now?” Katie asked her.

  “Really? Did you cry?” she asked.

  “Oh, yeah. I cried for days. I still do sometimes. I miss her so much, but I talk with her all the time. And I feel better,” Katie told her.

  “You talk to her? Just like we’re talking now?” she asked.

  “Well, sometimes. But most of the time, I talk, and she just listens. I know she’s there because I can feel her presence. And just like I talk to my mom, you can talk to your dad too,” Katie explained.

  “Me? I can talk to my dad? Really?” the little girl asked with much enthusiasm.

  “Sure. Tonight when you go to bed and when you’re all alone, just start talking to him just like you’re standing there in front of him. You’ll see, he’ll answer you,” Katie explained.

  “But what if someone hears me talking to myself?” she asked her cousin.