by M. E. Carter
“Hop in,” I say with a kinder tone.
Lauren glances back up, looking startled at my offer. “What?”
“It’s freezing. You’re not dressed for this weather. So, hop in.”
She narrows her eyes. I know she’s trying to decide which is more important—her pride or her physical comfort.
“No ulterior motives,” I promise. “I’m heading toward your dorm anyway. It’s no problem.” I’m not really going that way, but it won’t hurt me to make sure my roommate is with Annika. Maybe she and I can double team Jaxon and get him to make an appointment for a checkup.
Lauren bites her bottom lip as she considers my offer for a few seconds but finally concedes and opens the truck door. The wind blows even stronger now, and I realize I may have underestimated today’s weather.
“Close that door, quick. Shit, it’s chilly out there.”
She does as I ask and slams the door quickly, immediately rubbing her hands together while I roll up the power window. “I know. I had no idea a cold front was coming in. Maybe they’ll freeze to death at the Riverwalk,” she grumbles under her breath. I have no idea who she’s referring to and I have a suspicion I wasn’t supposed to hear that part anyway.
Her legs are covered in goosebumps, so I crank up the heater and wait until she’s buckled in before pulling away from the curb. I expect Lauren to start lobbing insults or small digs my way, but she doesn’t. Instead, she stares blankly out the passenger window until finally leaning her head against the glass.
This isn’t like her. Something is off and it makes me nervous.
“Wanna talk about it?” I offer, hoping she’ll open up. After the last year, I’m somewhat hypersensitive to the skyrocketing statistics of on-campus sexual assault. The way she’s acting has me wondering if I need to put aside my regular feelings about her personality to help her and maybe beat someone’s ass.
She doesn’t answer me, but when I glance away from the road and look at her momentarily, I think I see her wipe away a stray tear.
Okay, enough. I can’t just let this go. I know she doesn’t like letting people in, but if she’s been assaulted, we need to go to the police, the hospital, and possibly back from wherever she came from this morning so I can shove someone’s head into a wall.
“Lauren, you need to tell me what’s going on,” I demand, trying to also remain sensitive to the fact that she may be scared right now. My heart is beating faster than it should, and I can feel the rage building. “If you’ve been hurt, or, or worse, we have a small window of time to gather evidence. I know it’s hard, but we’ll get through this…”
Her head whips over, eyes wide, immediately putting her hand on my arm to stop my ramble. “Ohmygod, no, Heath! No! No, nothing like that.”
Thankfully, we’re at a red light so I can look at her, trying to read her.
“Are you sure? No judgment, Lauren. You know that. Something like that is not your fault.”
For maybe the first time ever, she smiles at me. A real, genuine smile of appreciation for my concern. Well, she also smiled at me when we were introduced. It was downhill after that.
“No really, Heath. I understand why you went there, after what the four of us have been through. But I promise you last night was consensual.”
I take a deep breath, trying to get my blood pressure to normalize. Watching Annika pull her life back together during a very public trial was brutal. She wasn’t just put through the wringer because of the rape. Dating a celebrity’s son meant her name was a loosely guarded secret. There was very little protection of her privacy. She handled it better than most people I know would have, but it was still hard and required a lot of understanding on all our parts. A few nights during the trial, I slept on the floor next to her bedroom door while Jaxon slept next to her to help her feel safe and ensure no one was going to get her in the middle of the night.
Only the four of us knew about those nights. Lauren and I were back on campus in the middle of the summer for our respective training camps, so it’s not like anyone important was around to see. But even if Annika had lived in the dorm during the trial instead of temporarily sharing an apartment with Jaxon, I still would have done it. Jaxon is like a brother to me. If it hurts him, it hurts me. And those few weeks definitely hurt us all.
Lauren takes a deep breath and leans back against the window. Something about her demeanor still isn’t sitting right with me.
“So, if it was consensual, what’s wrong? Was it not good?”
A quiet giggle escapes her mouth, which makes me feel a little better. She flips her hair over her shoulder, and I see some of the brash, opinionated Lauren finally rearing its ornery head.
“You know what? No. No, it was not good. In fact, it was terrible,” she rants, hands waving around. “What is the matter with these guys? Do they not understand that not wanting a relationship doesn’t give you permission to not put in your best effort? There is an expectation for you to bring your A-game. That wasn’t even a C-game. Hell, that wasn’t even a middle school game.”
She notices when I grimace and the look on her face changes from rage to amusement.
“That wasn’t quite the right analogy was it?”
I shake my head, my own laugh bursting out. “Be careful saying that kind of stuff about kids in public. It would be hard to cartwheel with an ankle monitor after you get arrested.”
“No kidding. I can’t believe I said that.” She sighs and the mood takes a downward turn again. I can’t figure out why I’m still unnerved about it. I should be thanking my lucky stars that she’s quiet. It’s still too early in the morning for her normal energy. Those are the keywords though, aren’t they? Normal energy. This isn’t her M.O. The vibe she’s giving off is one that feels an awful lot like defeat.
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” I offer. “I get that your pissed he was terrible in the sack. But you seem sad. That’s not a bad lay. That’s something else.”
Lauren shakes her head with a sad smile. “It’s okay. Just a misunderstanding of what the morning after is supposed to mean.”
Unless she’s looking at the tick in my jaw, she has no way of knowing she just pressed my other trigger button. I’ve never told her I have three sisters or that protecting them from the douchebags of the world isn’t always successful and it’s almost as painful for me as it is for them.
There’s no chance to ask anything else, though, not that it’s my place. As soon as I pull up into the no parking zone in front of her dorm, she jumps out of the car with a “Thanks for the ride, Heath.”
Throwing the gear shift into park and turning on my hazard lights, I climb out of the vehicle and chase her to catch up. “Hang on,” I call. “I’m coming, too.”
Lauren stops and turns around, the furrow in her brow a little more pronounced since it makes the smudged mascara darken the creases around her eyes. “I’m fine, Heath. You don’t have to walk me in.”
“No,” I huff a small laugh. “I’m trying to track down my roomie. I figure he’s here.”
Understanding dawns on her and she waves for me to keep following. She pulls open the door and I grab it over her head for her to walk through. The same dude that is always at the reception desk is still sitting there, feet propped up on the counter. He lowers the magazine in front of his face for a brief second to nod once at us and goes back to his reading. I have no idea what that guy’s job actually entails, but he’s been here every time I’ve stepped through that door.
Lauren and Annika are on the bottom floor this year, thank God. I got suckered into helping them move out last year and back in this year. It was a hell of a lot easier to carry all their crap when I wasn’t navigating a flight of stairs. It also means we just have to turn the corner and walk a few doors down to reach their room.
Grabbing her key from her clutch, Lauren lets us in. Not all that surprising, the room looks like a tornado hit. Clothes and shoes and rogue textbooks are thrown everywhere. It make
s my Type A personality itch.
Also not surprising is Annika sitting at one of the desks, a book open in front of her. She looks up with a smile on her face, not appearing at all like she just woke up, except for the weird plaid pajama dress thing she’s wearing. But again, not a surprise. I’ve always known Annika is a morning person. Her waking him up first thing was literally the only complaint Jaxon had when they moved in together for the summer.
Now he complains about the fact that she doesn’t wake him up in the morning, because he has to get dressed and truck it across campus to the dining hall to get breakfast instead of sitting in his boxers eating something she’s already made.
His life is so hard sometimes.
“Hey,” Annika says quietly, as to not stir Mr. Sleeping Beauty. “I didn’t expect to see you home for a few hours.”
Lauren’s back stiffens slightly but she says nothing and keeps walking across the room dodging piles of crap as she goes. I assume headed for some warmer clothes. Pulling open the top drawer of her dresser, she pulls out a medication bottle and pops a pill in her mouth. Well, that’s weird. And again, none of my business.
“And I didn’t expect you to bring someone home with you. Certainly not this guy,” Annika says with a smile. She’s been witness to our butting heads enough times to know Lauren and I being together is unusual. “Good morning, Germaine. You’re up early.”
Crossing my arms, I lean against the wall by her desk, trying to keep my voice down. “Looks like I had the same idea you did. I’m heading to the library. Care to join me or would you rather study in those…” I give her a quick once-over, “…grammy jammies?”
She laughs and swats at me. “Shut up. It felt like winter in here when I got up.”
I shoot my eyebrows up playfully. “I don’t even want to know what you were sleeping in if you were cold with that man-sized heating pad lying next to you all night.” I gesture over to the lump on her bed. Jaxon hasn’t even moved since we walked in. I can still hear him snoring.
She blushes and scoffs. “Heath Germaine! It’s not like that. We don’t always have sex.”
“I know,” I say mustering up the seriousness I don’t want to bring into the conversation, but feel I have to. Now seems to be the perfect time. “Which is why I’m a little worried about him.”
Annika’s face falls, and I know she’s thinking the same thing I am. Something is wrong with Jaxon’s health, and without him taking charge of the situation, we don’t know how to help him.
“I don’t think I need to be here for this part of the conversation,” Lauren whispers. “But I do need to wash last night off me, so I’m going to shower.” Sure enough, she’s popped her hair up in a bun thing and is holding a ton of stuff—clothes, a towel, a bag with giant shampoo bottles. I thought it was bad sharing a communal bathroom with a bunch of guys. At least all I take to the shower with me is a towel and a bottle of three-in-one soap.
Once the door closes behind her, Annika turns back to me. “I’m worried, Heath. How is he doing in practice?”
Moving closer so we can keep speaking in hushed tones, I give her the honest answer. The one neither of us wants. “He’s dragging, A. He’s grumpy. He’s breathing heavier. He’s slow, which I know is normal for him, but slower than usual.” I wink at her, acknowledging my attempt at humor to diffuse the seriousness of the situation. It doesn’t work. She’s biting her lip, obviously as worried as I am. “Something’s not right, but he gets mad when I bring it up.”
“You don’t think he already knows do you? And that he doesn’t want to tell us that… that…”
“Don’t even say it,” I interrupt her. “We’re not putting those words out in the universe. I don’t think he’s gotten checked out yet. In fact, I’m almost positive. We just need him to make an appointment to see his doctor. I’m afraid he’s going to collapse on the field.”
Annika nods in agreement. “I keep trying to bring it up, but he just changes the topic, you know?”
I nod, because I do know. For as much as he bitches about his dad not wanting to talk about certain things, Jaxon himself sure has mastered the art of deflection.
Right on cue, the man in question rolls over, making Annika and I freeze like deer in headlights, waiting to see if he’s awake now or if we’re safe to keep talking. After a few seconds of holding our breath, he finally starts snoring again.
“Let’s just keep working on him,” I suggest. “It’s his life and all, but he can’t just shove his head in the sand and pretend he doesn’t have a real reason to get himself checked out. But maybe when you get on the field and see it firsthand, he’ll finally listen to us.”
Annika nods in agreement. Getting into the athletic training program is a huge honor, but she still has a few weeks of classroom time before she gets out to the practice field. “I would be a shitty girlfriend if I just let him ignore this and then he …” She stops herself from finishing the sentence which I’m grateful for. I’m worried, yes, but I don’t want to think about the worst-case scenario. Not yet, at least.
Putting my hand on her shoulder, I squeeze, hoping to convey my support. She pats my hand and smiles half-heartedly. It’s scary knowing the statistics of adults who have a second bout of cancer after beating it as a kid. In this case, ignorance really does sound blissful.
“Anyway, I’m gonna head out and hit the library before people start waking up and take all the good tables,” I announce.
Annika shakes her head. “Yes. Because there is such a huge demand for the library at eight-oh-seven on a Sunday morning.”
“The one time I agree with you is the one time it’ll bite me in the ass, and you know it.” We both chuckle quietly because she knows I’m right.
“Good luck getting through to that guy.” I gesture to Jaxon, whose mouth is hanging wide open as he snores. “I can see how concerned he is that we’re worried about him.” If I had time and Annika would let me, I’d put a bug in his mouth right now. Unfortunately, Annika is one of those good girlfriends who protect their boyfriend from harmless pranks.
“I can see the wheels turning in your brain, Heath. Don’t even think about dropping something in his mouth.”
Like I said… overprotective.
I turn toward the door and then spin back as a thought occurs to me. “Oh. You may want to check on Lauren, too.” Annika cocks her head in question. “I don’t know what happened with the guy she was with last night. But whatever it was, wasn’t good.” Annika stiffens slightly, and I know where her mind went. Same place all our minds still go, no matter how much we try not to. “Nothing to worry about, except I think maybe the guy was just trying to get in her pants and she thought there was something more to it. She was pretty upset in the car.”
“Shit,” Annika mumbles and drops her chin to her chest. “I was afraid that was going to happen. Something about that guy sat wrong with me.” Looking back up, she takes a deep breath. “I’ll talk to her. Thanks for the heads up.”
Nodding in response, I finally head out to the library.
I’ve got a best friend who is avoiding the fact that he could have cancer again, a friend who still has nightmares sometimes from an attack, and a frenemy who got tricked by some douchebag guy just so he could get in her pants.
For someone who is trying hard to reach my goals in the very near future, I’ve sure got a lot of emotional people in my life making me lose focus.
FIVE
Lauren
I’m restless.
I’m sure it’s because my mind is spinning and my emotions are on the brink of disaster, which I’m trying hard to hide behind nonchalance. No one wants to hang out with the girl who is distraught over the guy who tricked her into having sex with him. Not even me. I’m hardly the last person who has gone through this. It happens. It’s life. It’s also my own damn fault.
I got so caught up in the excitement that someone liked me, someone as amazing as Con, that I fell for the whole thing. Really, I have no one to b
lame except myself. It’s not like this hasn’t happened to me before. I should have learned my lesson the first time. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
But I didn’t learn the first time, so all I want to do now is wallow in my hurt for the rest of the weekend. Not so much that anyone knows I’m wallowing. For whatever reason, those deeper, darker emotions seem personal to me. I don’t like sharing them. It makes me feel vulnerable. I hate that. I’d rather lie here on my bed, mindlessly scrolling through Pinterest and pretend I’m just a slacker with my studies, all the while knowing I’m just struggling to focus and keep myself from spiraling under the weight of sadness.
Every time I opened up my business ethics textbooks and try to concentrate on my assigned reading, my mind wanders back to Con—the conversations we had at the gym; the fun we had last night; the less than stellar sex; the humiliation of this morning; the worry about what practice is going to be like for the next several weeks.
I finally gave up and have been pinning some new outfits on my page instead. Fashion will never make me feel the way people do. Unless parachute pants make a comeback, of course. That could potentially send me into a deep depression along with much of the fashion-loving world.
“Let’s go out dancing tonight.”
I almost drop my phone on my face in surprise. Turning to Annika, I half expect her to be suffering from a high fever that makes her delusional, or her skin to be turning green, because something is obviously wrong with her. Offering to go dancing is not normal behavior. “Are you feeling okay?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? In over two years of living together, you have never once said you wanted to go dancing. In fact, normally I have to threaten you with the silent treatment to get you to go out anywhere with me.”
She shrugs sheepishly, and I know something’s up. “I’m not a huge party animal. You know that. I just think it would be fun tonight. To get out and just… relax.”
“Liar.” I sit straight up in bed, dropping my phone down next to me. “Something’s up. What is it?”