by Freya Barker
The next time I wake up, I hear Kiara’s excited chatter from downstairs. I glance over at the alarm clock on the other side of the bed and notice it’s already quarter to eight.
Suddenly full of energy, I swing my legs out of bed, peek in the small bed to see Finn is missing, and dart into the bathroom for a two-minute shower. I quickly get dressed in the walk-in closet, where Lisa had me store some of my clothes, and head downstairs. There I find the kids dressed and ready for school and Finn strapped into his car seat.
“Morning.”
“Told you Nana’s bed was big enough,” Kiara chirps, clamping her arms around my hips in an awkward hug.
I look down and stroke her head as she looks up at me with a big grin on her face.
“So you did, Princess. So you did.”
My gaze drifts to Ezrah, who is standing by the front door, his eyes narrowed. I’m about to say something to him when Lisa comes walking from the kitchen, the kids’ lunch bags in her hands.
“I was gonna let you sleep. Figured I’d bring Finn along to drop off the kids, and take him with me to my appointment.”
Right. She’s getting her tests back and getting the monitor removed. I notice his diaper bag sitting on the floor beside him.
I’ve been holed up in her house since we brought the baby home, but maybe today is a good day to face life again.
“Coming with you,” I announce, as Lisa shrugs into her coat. “Just let me grab a coffee to go.”
“I’ll do it,” she says, already heading to the kitchen. “You get the kids in the car.”
I’m about to tell her we’ll take the truck when I realize Ouray installed the base for the baby seat in the Toyota when we got home. We’ll have to get one for my truck as well.
The kids are buckled in the back, a bit of a tight fit with the car seat in there as well, but they manage, and I’m folded behind the wheel. Lisa walks out with a travel mug and a brown paper bag, and stops a few steps from the car, eyeing me sharply before she gets into the passenger side.
“My car,” she grumbles, shoving the mug in the drink holder and keeping the bag on her lap.
“Need to get you something safer,” I let her know, ignoring her complaint.
My only response to that is a grunt.
I’m sure she has an opinion, but won’t fight me in front of the kids; she’ll save it for after we drop them off. Fine by me, I’ll be ready with my perfectly reasonable point.
When Lisa walks Kiara to the door of the school, I wolf down the ham and cheese sandwich she somehow managed to throw together in two seconds, and check Finn behind me. He’s sleeping. I’d forgotten how much babies sleep.
“The snow will be here soon,” I start talking the moment she gets back in the car. “Tires have barely any tread left on ‘em and you’re due for a new timing belt. This piece of scrap has over two-hundred thousand miles on it and there are so many fucking things that could—”
“Language!” she snaps, her eyes shooting fire at me when I glance over.
“Go wrong,” I finish, turning onto the street.
“Not telling me anything new, Brick, but both kids have grown out of their winter gear, and Ezrah’s likely gonna need braces soon, so the car will have to wait for next year.”
“What if I—”
“Don’t.”
“Hear me out. I’m tryin’ to be practical here.” I stop for the red light and turn to face her. Her lips are pressed in a tight line. “You go up and down that mountain every day, you drive around your kids and now Finn in this car. On top of that, you’re letting me and my grandson live in your house. I haven’t had my head on straight these past couple’a days, but it’s clear this mornin’ because you also let me sleep in your goddam bed while you looked after everyone. And you do all that while you’re struggling with your health.” The light turns and my eyes are back to the road. “Let me get you something reliable. Let me do something back for all the good you’re givin’ me.”
Lisa
I force myself to hear him out as he asked, determined to hang on to my independence. Unfortunately, what he says is fair, which means there’s a war waging between my pride and my common sense.
“All right.”
He pulls into an empty spot outside Mercy, turns off the engine, and turns to me expectantly.
“Was waiting for an argument,” he finally says. “Does that mean you’ll let me—”
“No argument, but nothing fancy or new.”
“Sugar, I’m not hurtin’.”
“Be that as it may, secondhand is good enough for me.”
I can tell he may have something to say about that, but I don’t give him a chance and open my door.
Finn starts fussing when he lifts him out of the car.
“I brought a warm bottle. Figured he might be getting hungry,” I tell Brick. “It’s tucked in the diaper bag.”
“I’ll feed him in the waiting room.”
The baby’s almost done with his bottle when a nurse comes to fetch me. As much as this man’s presence would be a support, I want to do this on my own. With everything he’s gone through these past days, I don’t want him blindsided with any bad news I might hear.
“Be right back,” I promise Brick, who nods his understanding.
I’m taken into a small treatment room, where I hand over the wireless monitor and take my top off as instructed. The nurse has me lie down and hooks up wires to the electrodes still stuck to my body.
“Another ECG?”
“Yes, Dr. Husse wants to see how you’re doing today. The results for the monitor will take a week or more to process.”
It doesn’t take long before she announces I’m done and removes the electrodes.
“I’ll leave you to get dressed, I’ll just be a few minutes,” she says, taking the strip of paper and walking out.
It ends up being more like ten when she returns and asks me to follow her to Dr. Husse’s office.
“Ah, Ms. Rawlings, have a seat. First the good news, your ultrasound shows no blockages or irregularities in your heart.” I blow out a sigh of relief. “But I see your heart is still irregular, so until the results of the monitor come back, I’m going to prescribe some medication. Low doses to start, so we can see if that’ll help regulate your heart.”
“And if it doesn’t?” I ask right away.
“Why don’t we worry about that when the time comes?”
Typical doctor speak, but what she doesn’t know is I do better with the full picture.
“Actually, it’s easier for me to know it all. I have two young kids I’m responsible for and preparation is everything.”
She observes me closely before answering.
“If we can get the beta-blockers to work, great, but we’ll need to continue monitoring closely. If not, and once the monitor results show the type of arrhythmia you have, there are various further options possible. Anywhere from different or more medications, to more invasive procedures, like an implantable device that helps regulate the heartbeat.”
“Like a pacemaker?”
“For instance.”
I swallow at that. I always thought that was something for old people, but in the end I’ll do whatever it takes to see my babies grow up.
“Should I be doing something? Eating better? Or are there things I shouldn’t be doing?”
She smiles reassuringly.
“I can send you to a nutritionist to talk about foods to avoid, but I can tell you right off the bat that alcohol and caffeine aren’t your friend. Try to exercise; it helps strengthen your heart muscle, even just a walk around the block after dinner. Other than that, keep as active as you can, continue with your regular life, and avoid stress.”
I almost laugh out loud at that. Those last two are mutually exclusive, but the rest I can handle. I’m relieved to know if pills don’t work, there are other things that can be done.
When I join Brick in the waiting room, he’s walking around, bouncing the baby on
his shoulder.
“He all right?”
“Fussy. Maybe gas.”
“Here, give him to me.”
I take Finn, put him upside down on my forearm, his legs on either side of my elbow and my hand cupping his jaw. Then I rub little circles over the middle of his back while I fill Brick in on what the doctor said.
“She says plenty’a people lead a full and active life.”
“That’s good,” he mumbles, pulling me toward him with a hand in my neck, “Real good,” and kisses me soundly in the middle of the waiting room.
What a sight we must make; a white, gray-bearded biker, who picked today to wear his do-rag, and a black middle-aged spinster with a little baby in her arms. Surprisingly, both the elderly women sitting in the waiting room, and the young nurse behind the reception desk are smiling.
We tuck Finn, who fell asleep on my arm, into his seat and head back home. Yes, with Brick behind the wheel. But when we’re about to drive by the clubhouse he suddenly pulls up in front.
“Do you mind?” he asks.
“Not at all, I was planning to head over here to start prepping for dinner anyway. Are you sure?”
Brick had been keeping his distance, and other than Ouray, no one had a chance to meet the baby yet. I hadn’t pushed him, not even when I went back to work the past two days.
He takes a long look at the door and I’m guessing he’s bracing himself for condolences.
“No,” he says, but gets out of the car anyway.
I grab the diaper bag from the back seat while he lifts the baby carrier out, and I follow him inside.
Tse and Paco are at the bar, eating.
“Finally we get to see the rugrat,” Tse calls out, before shoving the last of a sandwich in his mouth. Then he gets off the stool and walks over to where Brick sets the baby on a table. “Hope he don’t look like his gramps,” he jokes, clapping a hand on his brother’s shoulder as he leans in to take a peek. “Damn, kid’s lucky, no resemblance. He’s cute.”
“Fuck off,” Brick grumbles, but his mouth is twitching.
“Good to see you, brother.” Paco, who’s come up on Brick’s other side grabs his neck, giving it a squeeze. “Sorry ‘bout your girl, but she sure left you somethin’ beautiful.”
“That she did,” he replies gruffly.
I have to blink to keep the tears at bay and drop the bag on the table.
“I’ll be in the kitchen,” I announce, but before I can get away Brick grabs my hand, pulling me close. He bends down, planting a hard kiss on my mouth before letting me go.
The statement is clear, and I blush when I walk away, listening to the guys giving Brick a hard time. I’m about to duck into the kitchen when I see Kaga, Ouray’s right-hand man, and the chief himself come walking from the hallway in the back.
One last glance at Brick, surrounded by his brothers, looking down at the newest Arrow’s Edge member, then I quickly duck into the kitchen, before waterworks take over.
The place looks like a damn tornado went through and I stick my head out the door to holler, “Tse! You been in my kitchen again?”
CHAPTER 8
Brick
“YO, HAND ME that ratchet extender?”
Shilah saunters over and drops the tool in my hand.
“Figured it out yet?” he asks, peering into the engine compartment of the Lexus I’m working on.
“Not yet.” The owner brought it in with a rattle and for the life of me, I can’t fucking find where the noise is coming from. “Did you get the winter tires on the Jeep?”
“Yup, done.”
“Okay, why don’t you grab lunch, tell Tse to get his ass in here. He can get started on that brake job.”
“You taking lunch?”
“I’ll be there in a bit.”
He saunters off again, dragging his boots. He’s a good kid, becoming a good mechanic, but he annoys the shit out me.
“Lift your fucking feet!” I yell after him.
I woke up in Lisa’s bed again this morning. She told me that’s where I’d be sleeping and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Her soft body was draped over me like a warm blanket and I woke up with a goddamn woody.
She’d slipped her hand under my T-shirt and was moving it toward the waistband of the sports shorts I wore to bed. God, I wanted to feel her hand around my cock, but then I heard the baby move and I shot out of bed like I’d been bitten.
I almost went where I’ve wanted to go for too fucking long, and the guilt was instant. Finn, Jesus, right there in the room. My grandson, whose mother is on a cold slab in the morgue, waiting for me to put her in the goddamn ground.
Can’t remember the last time I threw on clothes and barreled out of a woman’s house like that. I went straight to the garage where I could get lost in work. I had Shilah grab me a coffee from the clubhouse, but skipped breakfast.
When Tse walks in, I hand him the ratchet.
“You try and find that dang rattle. I give up. I’m gonna grab some lunch and take Finn from Lisa. Be back tomorrow morning.”
Paco, Ouray, Shilah, and Nosh are sitting at the big table, eating. Lisa’s nowhere to be seen, but Finn’s carrier is in the middle of the table, the baby the center of attention. I feel a pang of regret for walking out this morning, without paying him any mind, especially when his little legs start kicking the moment his blue eyes find me.
“Hey, buddy. Keeping the uncles entertained?” I mutter at him, as I unclip him from his car seat.
“You need a stroller,” Paco suggests.
“Or one of those harnesses you can carry the baby in,” Shilah contributes.
“Since you two are such experts,” I tell the two bachelors, “why don’t you go shoppin’ for me?”
Lifting Finn from his seat, I leave Ouray snickering at the two dimwits, and go in search of Lisa.
She looks up when I walk into the kitchen, but quickly turns back to what she was doing.
“I was just warming his bottle.”
“Lisa, look at me.”
She swings around, chin high and proud, and her eyes full of challenge.
“What?”
“What happened this morning…” I hesitate too long and she turns her back again. This time I don’t ask her to look at me, but close the distance between us. “It’s my head. My body wants—fuck, Sugar, my heart wants—but when I take what you offered this morning, I want to have my head in the game.” I can feel the tension coming off her. “I want to do more than take comfort in your body, I want to worship it.”
She braces her hands on the edge of the counter and hangs her head down. I shift Finn in my arms and bend to press my lips to the back of her neck.
“I’m embarrassed,” she mumbles barely audible.
“Don’t be. I shouldn’t’a run out. Should’a stayed and explained.”
Finn finally decides he’s waited long enough and starts crying.
“Give him,” she says, turning around and immediately taking the baby from me. “Too much talk, right, Little Man? Let’s get you in a clean diaper first.”
She tries to walk past me with the baby, but I block her way.
“Am I forgiven?”
Her beautiful brown eyes meet mine and I watch as her face softens.
“Wasn’t ever mad at you, was mad at me. Still am. Let the mood take over when the time wasn’t right.”
“Time’s gonna be right soon, Sugar. Can’t wait for a taste of that mood of yours.”
She shakes her head but her mouth is smiling.
“You can get yourself a sandwich, my favorite guy needs his bottle,” she sasses, heading out the door with my grandson.
When I walk out of the kitchen, a few minutes later, most of the guys are gone. Lisa is sitting at the table with Luna, who is feeding Finn his bottle. She looks up when I approach.
“This baby is way too cute to be related to you,” she teases with a smile.
I take a seat across from her and start on my lunch.
/> “Not working?” I ask between bites, but when she winces I add, “Or are you?”
I already know the answer before she responds and put my sandwich down; suddenly it lost its appeal.
“We’ve had some…interdepartmental snags to work out,” she starts cautiously. “State Police, the Silverton’s Sheriff’s Office, Denver Police, and the CBI all had bits of information around your daughter’s death. As a result, we’ve only this morning received a more complete picture we could’ve had days ago.”
“Which is?” I snap, fully focused.
Luna takes a deep breath in before speaking.
“Evidence indicates that Kelsey’s SUV was forced off the road. The lab found traces of navy-colored paint on the bumper, as well as on the driver’s side door and front fender. State Police accident investigators confirmed through tire tracks there was another vehicle involved in the crash. The day of the crash, a witness showed up at the Silverton’s Sheriff’s Office to report they’d almost been run off the road by a large, dark-colored pickup truck trying to swing around a silver SUV, which seemed to be swerving to stay on the road.”
“Fuck!”
I slam my fist on the table and kick my chair back. The baby promptly bursts out crying, and Lisa quickly takes him from Luna’s lap and starts bouncing him on her shoulder. The guilt is immediate. Especially when Ouray comes stalking out of his office and takes a hard look at me before pulling out a chair next to his wife.
“He’s fine,” Lisa says softly, recognizing the regret on my face.
“I’m sorry,” Luna says. “There’s more. Sit down.”
I rub my hands over my face, force myself to calm down, and take a seat.
“The last piece is what got the FBI officially involved as of this morning; Denver PD received a missing person’s report early last week. A woman by the name of Sophia Vieira came in with the claim a friend and her infant son had not been heard of since before the weekend.”
The hair on the back of my neck stands on end, and I hear Lisa inhale sharply.
“The cop who took the statement didn’t take the claim seriously. Not until the CBI showed up at the station after speaking to Sophia Vieira, who wasn’t only a friend of Kelsey’s but a colleague as well. Turns out she had reason to worry.”