by Freya Barker
“They had a fucking armed drone, those cowards,” Ouray continues. “One of the agents shot it out of the sky.”
I don’t have time to wrap my head around the implications of that when the sound of a rapidly approaching vehicle has us turn to watch an SUV barreling through the gate, spitting gravel as it grinds to a halt just feet from us. Luna jumps from the driver’s side and marches up to Ouray, who’s already waiting with his arms open.
“Situation under control,” she says, her voice muffled by her husband’s chest. “We caught a navy blue Silverado coming out of the closed-down campground just north of here. As suspected they were close. Gomez is on the scene there.”
That’s all I need to hear and I turn and hustle back to Nosh’s room. I give him the thumbs-up and am about to reach for the bathroom door when it opens and Michael sticks his head out.
“Something’s wrong with Lisa.”
I squeeze by him and have to lift Kiara out of the way to get to her.
“Everyone into the bedroom,” I order, my eyes locked on Lisa. “Michael, take Kiara. Ravi, go get Ouray. Now!” I vaguely hear my princess start crying again, but tune it out to focus on Lisa.
She’s breathing, but her color is almost gray, her lips dark. Lack of oxygen? She’s still awkwardly wedged between the vanity and the toilet and I try to lift her out. She’s dead weight when I pull her free, and I prop her up with her shoulders and head resting against the bathtub. Somewhere in the far recesses of my mind I seem to recall that’s what you’re supposed to do with a suspected cardiac event.
“Lisa?” Ouray’s voice fills the small space and I turn around. He’s looking over my shoulder. “Fucking hell,” he hisses, catching sight of her.
The sound of sirens from outside are welcome.
_______________
It’s a blur; two EMTs I don’t know pushing me out of the way to get to Lisa, running after the stretcher to the waiting ambulance, and Ouray’s assurances they’ll be right behind us with the kids.
I’m instructed to sit up front so they have room in the back to work on her, and the entire drive to the hospital I have my nose pressed to the small window giving me a view of only her bottom half. Still, I can’t peel my eyes away.
When we pull into the ambulance bay at the hospital, I just catch sight of Tse rushing in behind a stretcher. They beat us by a hair.
Lisa’s eyes are open when they pull her out of the back of the ambulance. The smile she directs at me is faint, but definitely there, and a little of the pressure on my chest lets go.
“Love you,” I manage to tell her right before a nurse holds me back at the doors to the ER.
I give the nurse Dr. Husse’s name and the name of the medication Lisa’s on, and she gets on the phone immediately, directing me to a waiting area with a wave of her hand.
I don’t see Tse anywhere and assume he’s being looked after as well. Time seems to crawl while I wait until I hear a familiar chirp.
“Papa!”
Kiara pulls from Ezrah’s hold as they come through the door and starts running toward me. I stand up and easily catch her in my arms.
“Where’s Nana?”
“The doctor’s looking at her, Princess.”
“Can we see her?”
“In a little bit.” I hope, anyway. “We’ll have to wait.”
Ezrah and Ouray—who is carrying Finn in his car seat—join us and I ruffle the boy’s hair.
“Nana okay?”
“She was awake when we got here, Son. She’s gonna be okay.”
I have no choice but to believe that. His body presses close to mine and stays that way even after we sit down.
“Most of the brothers are at the clubhouse dealing with the mess, so their women are stuck at home with their own kids,” Ouray informs me, “but Trunk and Jaimie will be on their way as soon as Jaimie’s mom gets to their place to look after the babies.”
“Thanks.”
“Any word on the others?”
“They got here moments before we did. I’m assuming they’re both being looked at.”
“I’ll go check,” Ouray announces, setting the car seat at my feet before walking over to the nurses’ desk.
I lean back in the seat and put my free arm around Ezrah, tucking him closer. Kiara is dozing off against my chest and Finn sleeps obliviously between my feet.
Fifty fucking years old—a shit father for most of those—and here I sit, the responsibility for three young lives weighing heavily, but I’m grateful for a chance to do better. I just don’t know if I can do it alone.
“Papa?”
I look down at Ezrah. “Yeah?”
“I’m scared.”
Fuck but that boy breaks my heart. I lean down and kiss the top of his head, gathering him a little closer. It would be easy to brush off his fear, but he’s proven again tonight he’s more mature than he should be at ten years old.
“Nothing wrong with that, kid. I am too, but I do believe she’ll be all right.”
“Okay.” He slumps back against me.
“By the way, thank you for looking after Finn tonight. I knew you were the best person for the job.”
“Okay,” he mumbles again, but this time I feel him sit up a little straighter.
Not long after, Ouray comes sauntering back and takes a seat.
“She’s gonna let us know as soon as she hears anything.”
The words have barely left his mouth when his phone rings and he gets up again, walking away as he answers.
Finn starts fussing in his seat at the exact moment Trunk and his wife rush through the door. Perfect timing, since I don’t have formula or a change for him, but Jaimie comes prepared with a diaper bag over her shoulder.
“I’ll take her,” Trunk says by way of greeting, plucking a now sleeping Kiara off my lap before sitting on Ezrah’s other side.
“You’re a lifesaver,” I tell Jaimie, who roots around in the bag and comes up with a bottle, handing it to me.
“I’ll change him quick and give him back to you,” she offers, lifting a now crying Finn from his seat and carrying him to the nearest restrooms.
“News, brother?” Trunk asks.
“Nothin’ yet. Still waiting.”
He nods. “She’ll be all right. Strongest woman I know.”
Damn right she is.
It takes another half hour before someone comes out to give us an update.
Ouray’s already gone to deal with the FBI, all three kids are asleep—Finn with a full belly—and Tse has joined us with nothing more than a handful of stitches.
“You’re here for Lisa Rawlings?”
“And Sophia Vieira,” Tse corrects the young doctor.
“Ah, yes. Okay, Ms. Vieira first. All damage was to soft tissue, no bone involvement, which is good news, but injury wasn’t insignificant. They’re working on cleaning and closing the wounds.”
His eyes drift to Ezrah, who’s fallen asleep with his head on my thigh, before lifting them to me.
“As for Ms. Rawlings,” he says, guessing correctly Lisa is mine. “She’s stable. She had what we call a syncope, which is an episode where not enough blood reaches the brain.”
“So not a heart attack?” I ask hopefully.
“No. A syncope occurs sometimes when the heart beats too slowly, but it can also happen when it beats too fast and therefore not effectively. Dr. Husse just arrived and is with her discussing the placement of a device to regulate her heartbeat.”
“A pacemaker.” I remember Dr. Husse mentioned that as an option should things not improve on medication alone.
“Yes,” he confirms. “Although these days they’re a little more refined than what you might think, but Dr. Husse will discuss that with you.”
“Will I be able to see her before?”
“Let me check for you.”
Five minutes later, I’m leaning over Lisa’s bed, brushing a kiss to her lips.
“It ain’t gonna take long,” she says. �
��But maybe you wanna take the babies home. They’re gonna keep me at least overnight.”
“The kids are sleeping now and won’t wanna be far from you. It’s been a traumatic enough night already, they’ll feel safer close by. We’re staying until you can come home with us,” I state firmly.
She smiles a little and lifts one eyebrow. “The kids?”
“Fine,” I admit. “I don’t wanna be far from any of you right now. So we’re all sticking together.”
“Brick?”
I lean closer.
“You know I love you,” she whispers.
“Yeah, I know.”
Lisa
“Come here, my babies.”
The early morning sun is leaking through the blinds, as Brick gives the kids a little nudge into my room.
I’m a little sore after the procedure. I was awake the entire time, but it didn’t feel like the four hours it apparently took for them to place the device. I keep wanting to touch the spot under my left collarbone where they inserted it under the skin to see if I can feel it, but I had clear instructions to leave it alone.
Brick looks exhausted and the kids are rumpled from sleeping in the waiting room.
“Careful,” Brick tells Kiara when she threatens to climb onto the bed. He scoops her up and holds her over the bed so I can kiss her.
I reach out and brush a hand over her cheek.
“Hey, baby. You doing okay?”
“Papa is taking us for breakfast after,” Kiara chirps, her sunny disposition thankfully unchanged after the events of the past twelve or so hours.
“Exciting.” I smile at her.
Ezrah, however, looks grave. Too grave. He stands a few paces behind Brick, who lowers my granddaughter to her feet and steps out of the way. Ezrah doesn’t move.
“They made a tiny cut,” I decide to explain. The boy’s always done better with the truth. “Right here.” I pull down the gown with my right hand so he can see the dressing. “It only hurts a little. Do you recall last year when Nana’s car would sputter sometimes when the weather got cold?” I wait for him to nod. “We had to put a new battery in to help the engine run better, remember?” Again he nods. “Nana’s heart was sputtering a bit, that was the problem. Now they put a tiny battery in here,” I point at the incision, “so my heart will run better, just like the car.”
“Sweet,” he mumbles, looking a little more animated.
“Now, I need you to come over on this side so Nana can give you a hug.”
I hold out my right arm and he approaches my bed. As soon as he’s within reach, I curve a hand around his neck and pull his head down on my good shoulder.
“Love you, boy,” I softly mutter in his dreadlocks.
“Love you too, Nana,” he whispers, before straightening up.
“Where’s Finn?”
My eyes find Brick’s tired ones.
“Jaimie’s feeding him in the waiting room.”
“You gonna say hello, or just stand there?” I tease him.
In two steps he’s beside my bed, leaning down, and I slide my hand along his jaw.
“Hello,” he croaks, as he leans his head into my touch.
“You need some rest.”
He nods. “As soon as we have you home,” he declares. “Lissie is taking the kids and we’re gonna sleep all damn day.”
I tug on his beard and he lowers his mouth to mine for a sweet kiss full of promise.
“Sounds like a plan,” I mumble against his lips.
Kiara clearly has run out of patience and pipes up.
“Now can we go for breakfast?”
CHAPTER 23
Brick
I LEAN AGAINST the doorpost watching Lisa putz around the clubhouse kitchen.
“What are you doing here?”
She swings around at the sound of my voice.
“Workin’,” she snaps, before turning back to what she was doing.
Things have been tense since the kids went back to school on Monday. Turns out, Lisa doesn’t do well with nothing for her hands to do. Without the kids around to keep her busy, she became restless, unable to sit still. Apparently me pointing that out wasn’t helpful.
Then yesterday I had an appointment with my doctor at Mercy, and since Tse was already heading there to pick up Sophia, who was being released—and neither Lisa or I were cleared to drive—I caught a ride with him, which didn’t sit well with her either.
To my surprise I was cleared. The feeling back in all my fingers and toes which are all pink again, and the blisters mostly healed, the doc didn’t see a reason why I couldn’t slowly start back to work.
Things came to a head with Lisa last night when I tried to be nice and was cooking my very basic spaghetti and meat sauce for her and the kids. She asked me where the vegetables were and I pointed to the jar of tomato sauce. I found out that was not the right answer and she dove into the fridge, pulling out the entire vegetable drawer and slamming it on the counter. I made my second big mistake when I asked her what the big deal was going one meal without a side of vegetables. She looked at me like I’d just pledged allegiance to the devil, turned on her heel, and marched straight upstairs.
I made my third mistake when I decided to let her cool off a little. I served the kids dinner at the island, fed Finn and put him on his blanket on the living room floor, and left Ezrah and Kiara in front of the TV with orders to keep an eye on the baby. Then I went upstairs.
She was in bed, the cover over her head and her back turned to the door. I stood there for a moment, watching the steady rise and fall of her breath before going back down to join the kids.
I didn’t have a chance to talk to her until this morning when I found her already up and in the kitchen, packing lunches for the kids. I leaned over and kissed her cheek, asking if she slept well. She took one look at my work clothes, pressed her lips together, and returned her focus to the sandwiches. Then the kids came thundering down the stairs, Finn started wailing upstairs, and the opportunity was lost.
She went with Wapi to drop the kids off at school, and I was already at the garage when I saw his truck driving past toward the cottage.
Now I find she’s at work, when she should be home resting.
I step into the kitchen and close the door, shutting us inside.
“Lisa, we gotta talk.”
“What do we need to talk about?”
I can tell her defenses are up and decide to break those down before I say another word. I grab a kitchen chair, turn it around, grab her hand, and sit down, pulling her on my lap. Then I lock her in my arms when she struggles to get up.
“Sugar, settle. What’s going on in your head?”
“Nothing. I’m just going nuts at home when there are people who need looking after. Sophia needs someone around and the club has enough on their plate.”
“You got out of the hospital just a few days ago yourself.”
“Don’t remind me,” she mumbles.
“That may explain why you’re working when you shouldn’t be, but it still doesn’t tell me what’s going on in your head? You haven’t been yourself.”
I try to look at her face but she turns away. Then I feel her body stop resisting and she slumps against me. I have to strain to hear her when she starts talking.
“Those kids, Brick. I couldn’t even hold up that gun. What if it hadn’t been you comin’ in? And to make things worse, I passed out. I had five babies in there, countin’ on me, and I fuckin’ pass out,” she sobs. “Anyone could’a walked in. Grabbed them. Hurt—”
“That’s enough, Sugar,” I stop her.
Guilt. It fucks with people’s heads, mine included.
“They count on me, Brick, and I wouldn’t have been able to do a thing. I failed.”
I set her on her feet and get up, before I move and lift her to sit on the counter. Then I wedge myself between her legs. I need to be face-to-face with her. I leave my hands on her hips and lean close.
“Ahh, Lisa. Wanna talk abo
ut guilt? About failure? Remember, it was me who promised to keep you and the kids safe.” Her body goes tight and surprise registers on her face. “And then insisted Sophia comes here, only putting a bigger bull’s-eye on the club. Think I haven’t struggled with that these past days? Jesus, Lisa, for a while there I thought I might lose you.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” she protests, as I guessed she might.
“No. Just like you being unwell wasn’t yours. I wanna bet we aren’t the only ones feeling guilty for one reason or another. I can think of a handful who are right now wishing they’d done something different. Truth is, no one can go back and change anything, so all we can do is learn, move forward, and do it smart.” She cups my face in her hands and I’m glad she’s softening, but I still have a point to make. “And what ain’t smart is starting work too soon. You’re taking a risk, Sugar.”
“I called Dr. Husse.” Now it’s my turn to be surprised. “After I dropped off the kids,” she clarifies. “I’m climbing the walls if I can’t do somethin’ with my hands.”
“Can’t you take up knitting?” I tease unwisely, which earns me a dirty look and a growl. I bite off a grin. “All right, what did she say?”
“That if I feel I’m ready, I can get back to work,” she says, but from the way she’s avoiding my eyes I can tell she’s holding something back.
“But?” I prompt, to which she pinches her lips closed and I give her hips a squeeze.
“Fine. She said to take it easy,” she reluctantly admits. “I can’t lift and am supposed to mind my left arm so I don’t open the incision.”
I’d still prefer her resting, but realize the inactivity may cause more stress than it relieves, so instead of pushing her to go home, I look for a compromise.
“You need some help,” I suggest.
“Everyone’s already stretched thin,” she counters.
“Then why don’t we see if Lissie is able to give you a hand? Jesse is at school and maybe she can bring Lettie. Finn will like the company and Nosh can keep an eye on them.”
She opens her mouth to protest but quickly closes it again. Then she nods.