As the train began to pull into the terminal, Hal leaned in from the pole just enough to look at his watch. “We’d better hurry,” he said, “This is taking longer than I thought.”
The Main Street subway terminal was as noisy and crowded as ever. Hal struggled to negotiate his way through the crowd with his little sister. To boot, he also had to figure out which was the right exit for the bus they needed. The signage was faded and confusing. He had to scrutinize what turned out to be contradictory information before finding the right direction. Then upon exiting, Hal discovered the bus pulling out.
Time was running out. Hal could not be sure that the next bus would get them there on time. But the bus was stopped at a traffic light just a block away. He picked Stacy up—she was no lightweight—and ran after the bus. He had to ram through Flushing’s massive crowds of pedestrians, slipping around a food cart momentarily into the gutter, then nearly tripping over the curb as he returned to the sidewalk. He reached the bus just as the light was changing. With a desperate volume, he cried, “HOLD IT!” Remarkably, considering that Hal’s voice was competing with the sounds of New York City, the driver heard him and opened the door.
Panting and perspiring heavily in the heat, Hal climbed on the bus and put Stacy down. “Thank you,” he said.
“Do you have your MetroCard?” said the driver.
“Oh!” he said fumbling for his wallet.
“It’s alright,” said the driver, “Just sit down. You earned this.”
The bus pulled up at Fort Totten, a large facility that was part city park, part army base. Hal and Stacy began the long uphill walk down the narrow access road that entered from the bus loop. For several minutes they walked silently, the East River on their left, on their right several brick buildings in various states of disrepair. Then as the road turned to their right they continued forward, crossing the large, open expanse of soccer fields to the pool.
Soon they began to approach the pool area, a medium sized fenced-in municipal facility. Stacy finally looked at Hal nervously. “Hal,” she said, “I’m going to fail!”
“Well how do you know that?” said Hal.
“I keep messing up the dive. I never get it right. I feel like I’m never getting the Silver Swimmer Certificate!”
The Silver Swimmer Certificate was really nothing more than a five-by-seven piece of poster board with silver stars and a message including the child’s name and the words “Silver Swimmer” printed in fancy letters. It probably cost pennies to make. But achieving it meant the world to Stacy. She had spent two consecutive summers working for it. She had moved very gradually from diving from a sitting position to a kneeling position to standing, and now she was very nearly there. She clearly had the moves down. It was just a question of executing them at the crucial moment. Her nerves always seemed to get the best of her.
“Stacy honey,” said Hal, “I know this is something you are capable of, and no matter what happens I’m proud of you.”
Stacy didn’t answer. She walked with her head bowed down.
Hal stopped walking and got down on his knees. Holding Stacy’s hand, he spoke to her at eye level.
“Stacy,” said Hal, “I know that it’s sometimes hard to do everything right when it’s a big moment like this, right?”
“Yeah!” said Stacy.
“Like a big test at school, right?”
“Yeah!”
“So maybe it will help if you try to forget that it’s something big. Just think about what you do. It’s just swimming, and you like swimming, don’t you?”
“Yes!” said Stacy emphatically.
“So, forget about everything else. What do you say? Why don’t you go and do some swimming!”
Sure enough their moods did pick up after they entered the pool and Stacy began her lesson. Watching from a respectful distance, Hal was continually impressed at how good a swimmer Stacy was for her age. In fact, she was likely the youngest child in her class, but she had little trouble keeping up with others who were three or four years older than she. It was hard to tell, but it seemed like she was doing just about everything right.
It was getting near the end, and Stacy was waiting to dive. But then Hal noticed something dismaying. Away from the instructional area, a mother was yelling at her son, and clearly referring to Stacy.
“Did you see that? There’s a girl who swims better than you! What’s the matter with you! Why can’t you go under water like her?”
“I’m scared!” said the boy.
“You’re scared like a girl! You’re going to get beaten up in school because you’re weaker than the girls!”
Hal was alarmed. Not only was the boy crying from his mother’s pressure, but this was certain to affect Stacy as well. Now she was going to be self-conscious no matter what happened. Hal looked over and saw Stacy standing on line at the diving board. Sure enough she wore a horribly nervous expression. He came over to Stacy and spoke. “Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Just do your thing.”
“That mean lady’s yelling!” said Stacy, “She’s talking about me! She said that it’s bad that a girl can do more than a boy.”
“That’s silly!” said Hal, “You should never, ever have to apologize for anything that you can do well. You should be proud of it!”
“But she’s yelling.”
“That’s the problem of that family if they’re going to treat that boy like that. It’s not your problem. If you want to dive, you should just dive.”
Hal did not notice the mother coming up from behind. “How dare you!” she yelled, loud enough to be heard throughout the pool area and into the soccer fields.
“Look miss,” said Hal, failing to notice his sister advancing through the line, “It’s not my business…”
“That’s right!”, she yelled, getting into his face, “None of your business. I’m not raising a wimp! You can go somewhere else with your new age ideas.”
Hal stood his ground and spoke forcefully. “You know what? You can leave us alone too! This is her swim test, and she is going to perform just fine. She has nothing to apologize for. I’m proud of her.”
“Where are her parents?” yelled the woman.
“I’m her brother, but that’s not the point. You can raise your child your way. This is a different family. You can leave us alone now…”
”Hal!” shouted Stacy.
“It’s okay, Stacy” said Hal.
“No, Hal! Look!”
“Stacy, like I said, you should never have to…wait what are you trying to…?”
“Hal! I did it!”
“You what?”
“I did the dive! I did while you were yelling at the mean lady.”
The woman looked at Hal with utter contempt and shouted, “Oh, that’s just great!” Then she stormed off. Hal paid her minimal attention. He just looked back at Stacy.
Maybe it was just that Hal was already in a delicate mood, but he suddenly felt the weight of an important moment. He looked over at the instructor, who smiled at him in turn, and nodded to confirm that she had indeed just passed the test. She then took out one of her Silver Swimmer Certificates, and wrote the name “Stacy Holstein” in gold marker.
“I did it!” shouted Stacy, “I did it! I’m a ‘Silver Swimmer!’ I finally did it! Hal! I did it!” She was giggling with excitement as her instructor walked over to her, bent down, and handed her the certificate. “Well done, Stacy,” she said
Stacy turned to Hal with her reward, and held it up to him proudly, her face lighting up with joy. She was so excited, it reminded him of the day she walked for the first time, years ago when she was a baby less of than ten months. The sight before him was remarkable. His sister was truly happy without anger, bitterness, or worry, and it now hit him that this was something he had not seen in a long time, maybe even in all the months since his parents had begun arguing.
Hal could not find the words to speak. He picked his sister up and held her tight. For a mom
ent, the pain and frustration of the last months melted away, and he felt safe in the warm, loving family he had known all his life. Now all-but oblivious to the crowd all around them, he held his sister close and cried. It was a long time before he could put her down.
All throughout the ride home, Hal and Stacy looked at that Silver Swimmer Certificate with pride. Stacy told the story again and again about how she stepped up to the diving board, took her position, then dove just right, and Hal smiled as she told it. It may have gotten old after a few tellings, but he hardly minded.
Never Forget the Power You Have Inside You. Maybe Ms. Infinity really had seen something in him. His mother had also told him that he was a hero to Stacy. Now he understood fully what she meant.
There was a victory at last, however small. And yet he knew fully well that it would not suffice for long. Next week they would be dealing with their mother’s new boyfriend. And it would not be long before there would be new conflicts in the family, and any and all such troubles would hit poor Stacy worst of all. The thought filled him with dread. What did the future hold for her?
An answer came to him immediately. I know one thing. Whatever it is, I will be there. And whatever it takes, I will come through for her. Of that he was sure. He would see to it that she was alright, no matter what it took. That was the power he had inside him, and he would never forget it.
There was one more thing though. That reporting job might not be coming any time soon, and money was getting desperate. He was going to have to think of some kind of temporary solution.
20. A New Normal
That day at work, Maria spoke to Lisa privately. “Your friend is great,” she said, “but she’s going to have to be a lot more careful.”
“Beg pardon?” said Lisa.
“Well Lisa,” said Maria as she opened a folder on the customer service counter, “Bonnie isn’t going to be told about this until tomorrow when Ricardo comes back, but she failed the secret shopper exam.”
“Oooh!” said Lisa as she looked at the report, “What did she…”
“It’s on me too. I have to go through retraining her.”
“Look at this! I mean…how can she not even have a pen? I really should have warned her about this.”
“We warned her about this in training. Anyway, between us, okay?”
As Bonnie and Lisa walked home, they saw the street ahead of them blocked. The only way home was around the block, then through the dreaded checkpoint. The barricaded street would bypass it.
“Alright,” said Lisa, “You want to chance it?”
“I don’t see anyone around,” said Bonnie, “Why not?”
They walked quietly down the side street. They were nearly at the end when a police officer came running after them yelling loudly.
“What are you doing? What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Oh,” said Lisa, “Sorry. We’re just walking…”
“You were just what?” snapped the officer, “You were breaking the law! Let me ask you. When you see the words ‘Police Line. Do Not Cross,’ does that mean to you to just go ahead as you please?”
“I’m sorry. I just…”
“You just what? You are not permitted this way. You will go through the checkpoint like everyone else. Do you understand that I can arrest you right now! You listen to me! Are you listening?”
“I’m listening,” said Lisa.
“Are you listening, little girl?” he said to Bonnie.
“I’m listening,” said Bonnie faintly.
“What?” snapped the officer, “I can’t hear you! Are you listening?”
“I’m listening,” said Bonnie in a shaky voice, just loud enough to hear.
“I am going to escort the two of you back to the other end of this street, where you entered from illegally. When I leave you there, you will walk away and not come this way again. If you do, I will not hesitate to take you into custody. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” said Lisa.
“Yes,” said Bonnie, again in a shaky voice.
The officer led both friends back to the end of the block. They parted, and walked back down the main street. As they reached a safe distance, Lisa began to talk in an annoyed tone.
“I am so sick of cops like that! Just because they wear a goddamn uniform, they think they can bully us! I bet he parks wherever the hell he pleases too, the jerk!”
There was no answer. Lisa stopped for a moment, and looked at her friend. To her dismay, Bonnie was crying uncontrollably.
Truth be told, Lisa was not terribly surprised. This was exactly the kind of thing that had always upset Bonnie. Lisa was pretty sure she knew why that was. Over the years she had pieced together far more than Bonnie or even Betty suspected concerning their past. Be that as it may, it was not time for speculation. It was time for Lisa to be a best friend.
“Bonnie my dear!” she said warmly as they embraced, “Come to Lisa! It’s okay! I know. I know. You’re safe now. Lisa’s here. You don’t have to be afraid.”
Bonnie spoke almost unintelligibly through her tears, “Are you still my best friend?”
“Bonnie! Don’t you ever, ever worry about that! Of course! Always. More than that! You’re my sister! You know that.”
“You promise?” said Bonnie through her tears.
“Oh! Bonnie! Of course! Don’t you even bother to ask such a thing!”
“Thank you,” said Bonnie, “I really love you. I just….”
“Yes Bonnie?”
“I’m sorry. I just….”
Lisa looked at Bonnie in expectation, certain that her friend was about to spill. But after a minute, nothing came. Bonnie dried her tears and resumed walking. She mumbled something. Lisa couldn’t be sure, but it sounded strangely like, “I’m just going to go build a roller coaster.” Lisa shook her head and continued walking along with her.
It turned out that the checkpoint was on the verge of being permanently closed, and everyone was essentially waved on. Unfortunately, this seemed to do little to pick up Bonnie’s mood. Lisa looked at her sadly, wondering what words she could possibly say to make her happy. She recognized the look on her friend’s face. She knew that she had it in mind to be alone, and as alone as possible. Where she would go, she did not know. Lisa just knew that she would separate herself from humanity.
Betty was listening at the door as they approached Bonnie’s house. “Bonnie,” said Lisa, “you have to know, there’s nothing you can say that will change how I feel.” Bonnie barely seemed to acknowledge her.
Betty greeted Bonnie at the door, but Bonnie barely mumbled a hello before she filed past her into the house.
“Lisa dear,” said Betty, “It’s always nice to see you.”
“You too, Mrs. B,” said Lisa with a sigh.
“Lisa, I want to thank you for always being here for Bonnie. If not for you, she would certainly have dropped out of high school. Don’t think I have forgotten that! You have been her rock, and it’s meant the world to me.”
“Thank you, Mrs. B. Oh by the way, she failed the secret shopper exam. She didn’t greet the customer in time. She also didn’t count the money enough times. We’re supposed to count three times in and three times out. And they caught her without a pen. She did remember the greeting though. Anyway, she doesn’t know about it yet.”
“Three times in and…?”
“We count three times when we’re collecting the payment, then three times when we’re giving change.”
“You know what Lisa? Don’t worry about that anymore. It’s okay.”
“By the way, Mrs. B, I’ve made up my mind.”
“Yes dear?”
“I haven’t told Bonnie or my parents this, but I’m going back to school. I’m going to be a nurse. I filled out the application last night for Queens College.”
“That’s great! Good for you! Ah Lisa! Now you see, that’s a career! I don’t see why that’s so hard for Bonnie. Why does she always have to chase rainbows?”
&nb
sp; Lisa did not answer. She just laughed grimly and looked into space.
“I’m sorry dear,” said Betty, “You know I think that is a wonderful idea for you. Certainly anything in the human services is difficult, far more difficult than almost anyone realizes. It’s not just the work itself. It’s also being there with people, dealing with their demands, living with the hard realities in front of you. But Lisa, you of all people are certainly up for the task!”
“Oh,” said Lisa joylessly, “Thank you.”
“I hope you know,” said Betty, “Bonnie loves you dearly. You know how she can be. She’s not good at expressing herself. It’s frustrating. I know it as well as you do, believe me. But don’t you ever forget that she needs you as much as you need her.”
“Yeah,” said Lisa, “I do. I would do anything for her. But I can’t…well I can’t say…”
“You’re frustrated. I knew it. I don’t know what to say, but I’m sorry if she’s not always as forthcoming as she might be. I mean, you know…”
Lisa looked curiously upon Betty.
“Lisa dear,” said Betty, “It’s hard for her to talk about certain things. But if anything, she needs you more than ever. I hope you see that.”
Lisa was silent. For a few moments, she felt like an island in the conversation, a mess of her own thoughts. She wondered if she knew what was being said, and what she should say in return.
“Lisa,” continued Betty, “Bonnie told me how you saved a man’s life. That is wonderful. You really are a hero to her.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“Of course you are! She was beaming about it all night. That’s how she always talks about you. Not long ago, she called you a ‘superhero without a cape.’”
“Well that’s an interesting choice of words for her!”
Where Infinity Begins Page 24