by India Millar
I took a deep breath and spoke as evenly as if this was an everyday event for me.
“So, Yo-san. What are you doing here? Didn’t anything tempt you sufficiently for you to stay in the Floating World? I find it difficult to believe that you were so entranced by me after a single glance that you decided to follow me all the way home and risk having your head taken off your shoulders if you were discovered. Or do you perhaps prefer men to women? If that is the case, then as you can see, you are already disappointed.”
Yo did not speak, but instead held his hand out to me. I made my mind up quickly; I would not allow him to think I was afraid of him. I placed my fingers in his. His skin was cool and very smooth. My mouth dropped open in shock as he raised my hand to his face and put his lips on the back of it.
The gesture was as delightful as it was strange. I shivered at the same time as I scolded myself inwardly. What was I thinking, allowing this unknown into my life, letting him touch me, kiss my hand?
“This cannot be. I’m not some green girl, sighing for romance. I’m onna-bugeisha. A warrior woman of the samurai.” I had no idea I had spoken out loud until Yo answered me.
“You are. That is why I have watched you. Not just tonight, but for many months. I saw your brother teach you how to use a sword. I saw the master teach you jujutsu. Did you never wonder why Riku-san no longer came to you?” I shook my head, at the same time as I wondered how he knew Riku-san was my sensei? How he came to know his name, speak of him as if he knew him? “It was because the pupil came to excel the teacher. Did your brother never tell you that?”
“No, he didn’t.” I was bewildered by how much Yo seemed to know about me. Isamu had long ago ceased to watch me practice with Riku-san. I had assumed it was because he had become bored. My heart lifted as I understood that I had made him jealous. One more wonder on this strangest of nights! “How did you watch us and I not see you? How do you know Riku-san?”
Yo simply ignored my questions. “You use a staff as well as any man. I could perhaps beat you with a sword, but not with the onna-bugeisha’s weapon of choice, the naginata. And I think we are certainly equal in the art of unarmed combat. You are truly onna-bugeisha. That is why I am here. You are unique. I have waited and waited for you to give me my chance, and now I am in your hands, Keiko. Tell me to go, and I will leave you. Shout for the watchman to come back, and I will allow myself to be taken and face my punishment. But I hope you do not.”
“I still don’t understand. If you have watched me for so long, why didn’t I see you until tonight?” I wanted to know the answer, but even more did I need the time to think. I looked at his face and saw nothing but tranquility in his eyes. Yet still, I was suspicious. This sort of thing happened only between the covers of romances. In real life, I was Keiko, the girl child who was fortunate even to have survived. The girl who had always been taught she was plain and worthless.
“You didn’t see me because I didn’t allow myself to be seen,” Yo said simply. “But believe me, I was always there. Watching you. I was there when you climbed the mountain to capture the eagle chick. My heart was ready to die with you when I thought you were going to fall. I could do nothing but will you to live. At least Isamu took care of you then. If he had let you fall, I would have killed him to avenge your death.”
He really had watched me, then. I searched my mind for a meaningful response.
“I am unworthy of your interest,” I finally managed to say.
I looked at him carefully. Yo was not stylish enough to be iki. He was dressed in the same plain robes as he had worn in the Floating World, although close up I could see that they were made from the best fabrics and had been very well-cut. His features were extremely pleasing, but he was certainly not as handsome as Isamu. I doubted he was even the same class as me. He smiled at my thorough inspection, and I wondered at once how I had ever dismissed him as being less than handsome. His smile lit his face from within; suddenly, he was more than handsome. He was attractive, almost magnetically so. I felt myself swaying toward him and schooled my body to keep its distance. I mocked myself. What was I, some silly maidservant who believed in love at first sight? Such nonsense. It was nothing more than the magic of this strangest of nights. Yet still I listened as Yo’s relentless voice went on.
“You are onna-bugeisha. You are the woman I dreamed of finding, but despaired existed. If my sensei Riku-san had not told me that he intended to retire in great content, as he was sure he had finally found a pupil who was more skilled than he was, I would never have known you even existed. Now that I have found you, I will not let you go willingly. Believe me when I say that fate has bound us together.”
He kneeled gracefully before me and kowtowed so deeply that his head touched the tatami.
“Please, no.” I was deeply embarrassed. This was the first time in my entire life anybody had praised me with such eloquence; I could not believe what he was saying. Instead, I concentrated on practical matters. “How long have you watched me? Why didn’t I see you until tonight?”
“I’ve watched you since Riku-san spoke about you. He and I are old friends. He taught me how to fight long ago. I still visit him to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything he taught me.” I hid my disbelief, knowing that Yo was watching me intently. “I’ve seen you sword-fight with your brother. I’ve watched you hover at the beck and call of your sister.” I was confused; he sounded almost angry when he spoke of Emiko. “I’ve seen you sit in the garden and heard the birds sing for you. I’ve seen how jealous your brother was when he realized that his dog had come to love you more than he did his old master.” I shook my head, smiling. He was wrong about that, at least. A dog can have only one master, and Matsuo was Isamu’s dog. “It’s true. Haven’t you noticed that Isamu rarely takes Matsuo hunting anymore? I heard him tell your father that the hound had turned into a woman’s lapdog and no longer had the courage in the hunt that he could rely on. I don’t think Matsuo minds greatly. He’s your dog now, and that’s all that matters to him.”
I considered his words. He had been so close to my father and brother that he had heard them speak about me, yet he had remained unseen? That was impossible.
“How?” I asked. “How did you overhear them? Can you make yourself invisible? If you can, you must be a spirit, not a man at all.”
Yo shrugged. “How do you see me?” he asked.
I thought carefully before I answered. “You seem human, and not some malicious spirit out to trick me. Apart from that, I don’t know. You’re not samurai. But you’re not a merchant either. And certainly not a peasant.” An idea came to me, and I latched on to it quickly. “Are you an actor? They can appear as whoever they like.”
“In a way.” Yo was clearly amused. “I’m not exactly an actor, although I love the kabuki. I will answer your questions, Keiko. All of them. But only if you can work out for yourself how I was able to be so close to your menfolk and not be seen.”
We Japanese love riddles. Many of them are traditional, and every child knows the answers to them. Even though Yo was smiling gently when he asked me his question, I knew at once that the answer was important. If I was indeed onna-bugeisha, then I should be able to find the truth. I stood quietly, and the answer came to me with a flash of certainty.
“You were invisible, in a way. You were disguised as a servant, weren’t you?” Yo had no need to speak, his grin split his face like a slice of melon. “Neither Father or Isamu would ever notice a new servant. And they would speak freely in front of you because servants are beneath their notice.”
“Well done, Keiko. That’s exactly right. I might as well have been invisible, as far as they were concerned. One of your house servants was suddenly taken with a virulent fever, and your steward was delighted to allow a clean, presentable man to take his place until he recovered.”
“Did you have to bribe the servant very well?” I asked lightly.
“No. Very little. He was glad of the rest from his duties.”
&nb
sp; I smiled and then stopped myself. I had allowed this unknown man into my home. Was I prepared to allow him any further? What was wrong with me? Had I suddenly turned into Emiko, prepared to allow my heart to be stolen at the merest hint of flattery?
“So,” I said briskly. “I have answered your riddle. Now will you tell me at last who you are? What you are? Why you are here? Tell me now. And if I don’t like your answer, I’ll shout for the guard.” I reminded myself that for all her passion for Reo, Emiko had found the actual act of mating disappointing. I had no intention of allowing myself to be disappointed in that.
“You know my name,” he said quietly. “And I have already told you why I am here. I know your father has decided you should marry. He is already asking delicate questions amongst his friends to see if any of them is in need of a wife.” I shuddered. All of Father’s friends were of his own generation. I truly was to be given to an old man, then. I raised my head as defiance.
“I will not marry someone as old as my own father,” I said flatly.
“Of course you won’t,” Yo said simply. “It’s impossible. You’re going to marry me.” I laughed out loud in disbelief. Who did Yo think he was to invite himself into my presence and tell me my future was decided? If it weren’t so amusing, I would have called for the guard. But I did not, and he spoke intently, clearly misinterpreting my amusement. “That is the important thing settled, then. As for the rest, it’s easily told. As you guessed, I am no samurai. Nor am I a merchant, or a peasant. I suppose some would say I am a kind of actor. I am shinobi, Keiko. What the peasants call a ninja.”
Fifteen
The pebble beneath
My shoe was once a mountain.
Were you with me then?
My disappointment was so deep, it left me trembling. How very wise I had been to be cautious; I had been right all along. Yo was playing some sort of cruel joke on me. Or perhaps he and Isamu had planned tonight’s diversion between them? That was the answer. That was how Yo came to know so much about my training with Riku. No doubt my iki brother was lurking in the shadows himself, listening with amusement as his little sister fell for this nonsense. And I had wanted to believe in Yo so badly, I had willingly let him make a fool of me. How they must both have been laughing at me all along. I was devastated, and worse still, I despised myself for falling for it.
At that moment, I hated Isamu as much as I hated Yo, and I hated myself even more for believing him.
“Please go.” I shuffled away from him and spoke coldly. At least I would have the small satisfaction of not letting either of them see how upset I was. “Now. I should never have let you in. Go now or I will shout for the watchman.”
“You don’t believe me.” He actually sounded hurt, and my fury surged a notch.
“There is no such thing as shinobi, or ninja, or whatever you want to call yourself. They died out centuries ago. Everybody knows that,” I said scornfully.
Yo seemed not at all worried by my words. “Really? In just the same way as onna-bugeisha no longer exist, I suppose? And yet here you are, onna-bugeisha yourself.”
“That’s different,” I snapped. I was suddenly determined. I would find out all I could about this imposter, and in the morning I would casually confront Isamu with his “joke.” At least then I would retain a shred of dignity. “Tell me, then. Explain to me how you come to stand before me claiming to be something that is no more than a legend.”
“I am shinobi. I am ninja. Just as you are onna-bugeisha.” His voice was the breath of wind in far distant reeds. I caught myself leaning closer to him to make sure I heard him correctly. “My family has kept the tradition alive these many years. We are unknown because it is to our advantage to be unknown. If we are legend, then we can go where we want, do what we want, with no interference from anybody. Those who have use of our services know I am flesh and blood. Those who cannot afford me do not know I exist. I would have it no other way.”
“If you are truly shinobi, then you are no more than a mercenary,” I broke in abruptly. “You spy and fight and kill for the man who is willing to pay the most for your services. You are less than a beggar at the side of the street. Less even than the untouchables, the burakumin. At least they do not hide themselves as you do.”
I was no longer angry. I would say what I meant to Yo and not hide behind a cloak of civility. My words were brutal, but nowhere near as harsh as the joke he had tried to play on me.
“You mean I am not of your class?” Yo’s voice was so calm I almost wanted to apologize for my own offensiveness. “I am not a daimyo. Nor am I samurai. But neither am I a burakumin or a beggar. My ancestors fought alongside your family in the Genpei War. We were there when the Minamoto clan took the victory. My ancestor was offered land and a title as a reward for his valor in the battle, but he refused the honor. He was shinobi and loved the freedom that came with knowing he had no master. I maintain that tradition. I am free, Keiko. Free in a way that you will never understand until you are willing to throw off the chains of your tradition.”
I was bewildered. Although he had spoken quietly, his words were proud and they had a ring of truth about them
“You don’t believe me,” he said flatly. “I promise, every word I have said to you is true. I am here because you are my destiny. When I saw you in the Floating World tonight, I knew I had been given my chance and that I had to take it. I was sure I would be able to persuade you to at least listen to me. If I was wrong, then I have no place here. Shout for your watchman. Better still, shout for your brother. I will allow the watchman to take me without a fight—he would only be doing his job. But I promise you, I will fight to my death with your brother. That would truly be a matter of honor.”
He stood silently in front of me. My lips tried to form words, but no sound came from my mouth. I had gone from deep pleasure to the knowledge that I had been betrayed and back again in the space of a few moments. I was bewildered. Yo held his hands out to me, palms up, and I knew with something close to despair that I not only believed him, I wanted to believe him. And I had called Emiko a fool!
“I thank you for your kind words,” I said finally. “But you’ve wasted your time coming here. You must understand. I am onna-bugeisha, a samurai warrior woman. I must be true to the honor of my family. If my father chooses a husband for me, then I shall follow my father’s will. I have no choice in the matter.”
I spoke quietly. Would he understand that I would never be free? I was bound by too many centuries of tradition. Hadn’t even Tomoe Gozen obeyed her husband’s wishes at the very last moment even though it was deeply against her own will? For once, the thought of the great warrior woman gave me neither comfort nor guidance.
“You are onna-bugeisha,” Yo agreed. “You are as much a creature of legend as I am. And that being so, you must see that we belong together. The gods will it to be so.”
“I cannot go against my father’s word,” I repeated bitterly, “even if I wanted to. Can’t you understand that? It’s a matter of honor. Please, go now. There can be nothing between us.”
The moment of madness had gone. Still, I would cherish the memory of it in my heart for many long years. I felt enormously guilty that I had misjudged both my would-be lover and my brother, although at the same time I was thankful that I had been wrong.
Yo stood. His movement was lithe and silent. I admired his body, but turned my head aside as if I was not interested in him.
I am onna-bugeisha, I repeated to myself silently. My honor is to my family. To the samurai tradition we embody. That is far greater than my own desires.
Will you fight me, onna-bugeisha?” Yo asked. “Fight me one to one, in the honorable samurai tradition?”
“Why?” What new tactic was Yo trying? If he was a man of honor, couldn’t he see that the time for him to leave had come and gone? That it was madness that he was here in the first place?
“Because that is the only way you will find out if I am your equal. If I am, then what other ma
n could you accept?”
He made it sound so simple. A flicker of pleasure made me smile reluctantly.
“And if you win? What then?” Ah, what indeed!
“If I win, then you are mine to command. If I lose to you, then I will be at your feet. Whatever you wish of me, I will do. If you still want me to go away, then you will never see me again.”
“Truly?” I asked. “You would go if I told you to?”
“No.” Yo smiled. “You did not listen to my words. If you win, and you tell me you do not want to see me again, then you will not see me. Ever. I will be here. I will watch over you. But you will never see me.”
“Am I never to be rid of you, then?” I asked lightly, although I observed his face carefully as I spoke.
“No, you are not,” Yo said simply. “I’ve watched you for months. I’ve seen you grow from a shy, sweet girl into a true warrior. There is nobody like you. Now that I have seen you and spoken to you and told you what is in my heart, how could you expect me to leave you?”
“I will accept your challenge.” I shocked myself with my own words. Had I truly gone mad? I supposed that I had, but it didn’t matter. This was right. I had never been a great believer in the gods; after all, what had they ever done for me? But suddenly, I knew that my fate was guiding me. The decision was out of my hands and in the palms of the immortals. “May I choose the weapon?”
“Of course.” Yo inclined his head politely, but not before I had seen the gleam of joy in his eyes.
“I choose jujutsu. Will you meet me at our dojo? Not tomorrow night, the moon will still be full. In three nights’ time, at this hour? The moon will be dark by then. We will not be seen.”
“I will be here.” Yo bowed deeply. I stood and bowed in return. Suddenly, almost hysterical laughter bubbled in my throat. Here I was, making arrangements to fight this man for my entire future, yet here we were, bowing politely to each other! I guessed Yo sensed my amusement. He put out his hand and ran his finger down my cheek. I bit my tongue to hide my pleasure at the contact.