by India Millar
“I will break you, child,” she said, quite calmly. “Not too soon, I hope. I want to see you learn how to cry.” She stared around the room and began to smile. “It is rather dull in here. Almost like an overcast evening, don’t you think?”
I stared straight at her, waiting. I was expecting more threats, but her next words puzzled me.
“You are different from anything I have ever offered. The rest of the girls here in the Hidden House are available during the afternoon and the night. To emphasize how special you are, you will be on display to very carefully selected patrons only at night. Generally, my patrons like enough light to see what they are buying. But in your case, I think a special kind of illumination is called for. I will light your prison, but not with lamps. From now on, your name is neither Keiko nor Jun. You are Hotaru—Firefly. And that is how your room will be lit, by two or three fireflies, caged just as you are.”
She stood and walked away without a word. The shoji slid back as she approached it and a tall, handsome young man glanced at me as he closed it behind her.
I stared into space, seeing nothing. I remembered the fireflies that had lit the night when Yo and I had made love. Was Hana able to read minds, I wondered? I could credit her with almost anything. Or were the gods mocking me? It didn’t matter. I waited until I was sure I was not overlooked, and then I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
The fireflies had been my friends when Yo had become my lover. I had felt then that they had exulted with us as we found joy in each other. Now, they would light my darkness. Every time Hana brought their cages into my room, I would remember nothing but Yo and the happiness we had shared.
I thanked Hana silently.
Twenty-Five
How strange! My words will
Echo from a mountain top
As well as a cave
I thought often of the golden eagle Isamu and I had stolen for Father. Just as often, I apologized to his spirit for the terrible thing I had done to him. At the time, I thought only of delighting Father. Now, I understood how the free spirit of the bird must have suffered under his captivity. Just like him, I craved the freedom I had lost.
Hana was true to her word. My room became my entire world. The shoji were too thick for me to see out. The sounds of the streets were muted and far away. One or the other of two handsome young men slid the door open a fraction frequently and looked at me, grinning, but neither of them spoke. I knew when Abi was outside my door, as the shadow of his bulk could not be hidden even by the dense silk of the screen. Strangely, the fact that I was constantly under guard gave me hope. If Hana didn’t feel that I would try to escape—that it was possible for me to escape—why bother with a guard? Every pulse of my friends the fireflies assured me that this was so. During the day, I missed them and looked forward to their company at night.
I found it very difficult to sleep. That first night was very terrible. My futon was comfortable, but I could find no relaxation in it. I lay awake, my thoughts circling in my head until I gave myself a headache. Father would not notice my absence. Often, months went by before I so much as glimpsed him. Emiko would surely miss me; she would have nobody to complain to. But given her own delicate position, would she dare ask what had happened to me? I doubted it. Would Isamu really think I had run away? The longer I thought about it, the more I hoped it would be so. My brother was a shrewd man. He would recollect how much I had loved the Floating World. He would assume I was here. But also, might he think that somebody in the Floating World had seen through my disguise? And that that same somebody had taken me and was keeping me against my will? If that were so, then he would gather our guards and they would take the Floating World apart until they found me. The thought filled me with dread. If Isamu did find me, a prisoner here in the Hidden House, he would kill me without a second thought. The honor of the family would have been compromised; he would have no option. The irony of it was not wasted on me; my mouth puckered into a sour smile at the thought. Whatever happened, I had only myself to blame.
The knowledge was not in the least comforting.
Hana visited me on the first day of my captivity. She sat and stared at me for a long time. Eventually, she began to speak as if she was taking up the threads of an interrupted conversation.
“Don’t bother thinking about trying to bribe Abi,” she said abruptly. “He’s besotted with one of my geisha. He’s tried to buy her out time after time, but I’ve always refused him. Since you arrived, I’ve dangled hope in front of him. Told him if he makes sure he keeps you safe and secure, I might consider letting him have Machi at some time in the future. The silly girl is mad about him as well, so she’s begging him to make sure he pleases me.”
I did not answer, and after a few moments, Hana left me. When I was alone, my thoughts whirled uselessly. There had to be a way out of this impossible situation, but I could not find it.
One of Hana’s young men slid my shoji open as dusk fell. He carried two small bamboo cages in his hands and hung them carefully on hooks on opposite sides of the room. He went away as silently as he had arrived. I stayed very still, sitting cross-legged on the tatami, and watched the fireflies begin to pulse as pure darkness fell. I heard the voices soon after.
The first time, a man spoke very quietly. Hana answered him. I stretched, glancing around casually. I soon found a slightly darker patch in the screen to my left. I guessed that there was a peep-hole there and that somebody was watching me from the darkened room beyond it. Soft though his voice was, I could hear the man’s words clearly.
“A treasure indeed, Hana. And you say she’s really samurai?”
“Just so, lord.” Hana’s voice was unctuous. “And I must tell you, she comes from one of the very best families. My lips are sealed as to her true name. But be assured, if you heard it, you would know her family. She is unique, I think. Nobody else has seen her yet. I knew you would be interested, so I saved her for you.”
That was the beginning. Another man came later that night and the play was reenacted. The same the next night and the next, until I began to become quite confident that none of Hana’s patrons were as interested as she had expected. Obviously, none of them was willing to meet the price she was asking for me. My confidence was misplaced and the gods frowned at my presumption. One evening, there was no peep-hole. Instead, my shoji slid back and Hana ushered a well-dressed man in.
“This is the one I spoke of, lord. Her name is Hotaru. Do you find her pleasing?”
The man squatted down in front of me. I stared straight in his face, refusing to bow my head. I rejoiced in my own rudeness and hoped he was offended.
“Her?” It was a cool night, but the man was sweating through his silken robes. I could smell it, and I wrinkled my nose in distaste. The man stroked my breasts through my robe. His hand was trembling. He glanced at Hana; she nodded approvingly. “She is very slim. Almost boyish. One has to be certain, of course. You’re asking a very high price for the pleasure of taking this precious flower.”
His hand slid into my robe and fingered my breasts, rubbing my nipple between his fingers. I felt Hana mentally urging me to lash out at him, to bite and kick. I understood she wanted me to show spirit, that it would probably amuse her patron. So instead I sat completely still, refusing to be baited.
“Well, lord?” she prodded, her head tilted to one side almost flirtatiously.
The man stood, tugging at his robe. His tree pushed out the front of it. I only had to stretch out my head to be able to bite it. The temptation was very great.
“You may put my name down on the list of bidders, Hana. I would find this creature of the night very interesting.”
Even though I knew from his words that he would be followed by more, the knowledge did nothing to abate my disgust. Each night, my fireflies came to keep me company. And following in their wake were the men. At least one each night, sometimes two or three. I had thought the first man bad enough, but he was as nothing to those who followed.
All of them wanted to touch me. They patted my face, touched my breasts. Some wanted much more. It was apparent that they had discussed me with Hana before I was viewed. I was ordered to stand, to take off my clothes, to stand naked before them. Some of them squeezed my breasts. Others ran their fingers down my black moss, parting my sex. Others pawed at my rear, dabbing their fingers inside my anus. One actually opened my mouth and ran his fingers around my teeth. I began to feel like a beast at the market.
And always, I stood or sat or squatted—whatever my inspectors demanded—passively. Very soon, I found it easy to allow my mind to fly away. Although I felt their caresses, it meant nothing at all to me. I was stone. Hana knew and hated it. I rejoiced in her anger.
“A lovely thing,” one man commented. “But it seems a little lacking in spirit?”
It? I forced my limbs to remain relaxed. One day, I promised silently, I will no longer be imprisoned. And when that day comes, you will discover how passive I truly am. You and all the rest who treated me as if I was a horse to be purchased at some country market.
“Well, truth to tell, I have to slip our lovely Hotaru a little something in her food to keep her quiet. Otherwise, she would be as a howling wolf. My first concern is always for my patrons, lord. Of course, when she is finally purchased, she will be as wild and free as the wind. It will be up to the man who is fortunate enough to possess her to tame her spirit in any way he sees fit.”
“Really?” He was impressed, I could see. “And she is whole, you say?”
The inevitable question! I had become irritated by it. Why, in the name of all the gods, did it matter so much? Had I been about to become their wife or concubine, I could understand it. But there was no honor in what they wanted from me. Would I care if they had taken a hundred women before me? Of course not. Even with Yo, who had aroused my heart and body in ways I had never even begun to imagine, I had not thought to question if I was his first lover. He was so skilled in the arts of love while I wasn’t, but it didn’t matter to me. So long as I was the last, of course! What fools these men were. I regarded them with contempt.
“But naturally. I told you, she is no common yujo. She comes from one of the very best families. She has been guarded well. Until now.”
His hand strayed to my black moss again. Hana’s cool voice stopped his wriggling fingers dead.
“And she will remain that way until the day arrives that she is taken by her danna. But she is no novice when it comes to arousing the body, lord. She has talents that any man would find exciting beyond belief. She is truly unique in that way as in so many others, I promise you.”
Hana paused, timing her silence perfectly, waiting for the patron to give in to his curiosity. Most of them at least pretended not to be interested for a while; this one gave in almost at once.
“Really? How can that be, if she is still a virgin? You say there’s some mystery about her?”
“Oh, yes.” Hana lowered her voice so that the patron had to lean forward to listen to her. I remained perfectly still, distancing them from my thoughts until their words no longer mattered to me. “She is from a very good family. But not one that you would be aware of, lord. She originates from one of the outer islands.”
“Really? I have heard interesting tales about those places. They say the inhabitants are still almost savages and little more than animals in their ways.”
His voice was eager. I couldn’t help it; I turned my head to gaze at him in contempt. Out of all the fools who had inspected me, surely he was the most gullible. I almost laughed as he smiled at me.
“Look! She likes me! As I said, these primitives are just like dogs. Once they hear the voice of their master, they’re happy to obey. Hana, do tell me. How did she get here to the Floating World?”
“Her father had arranged a suitable marriage for her, but this wild thing would have none of it. She had already taken a lover. A woman. The two ran away together and found their way to Edo. Once here, the other woman came to her senses and quickly realized that there were things a man could do for her that another woman could never match.”
My would-be patron was almost drooling with excitement. I had heard Hana’s nonsense so often, I knew exactly what she was going to say next. I allowed my thoughts to drift away again.
“This one was the masculine side of the relationship. She was arrested when she tried to steal some food. Of course, when she was taken into custody, her true self was discovered. Fortunately for her, the captain of the guards was a patron of my teahouse. He understood at once that she was a treasure I might find interesting and offered her to me. She cost me a very great deal of money, but I knew at once that she was something unique. Something that would delight only the most discerning of my patrons.”
“Of course. You may certainly put me down on the list of bidders for her. Are there many names already on the list?” He was too keen. Hana saw it at once and smiled.
“The list of those who long to pluck this wildflower contains the most important names in Edo and beyond. I have ensured that only the most discriminating are even aware of her existence.”
The man preened, and I saw my price rising in Hana’s smile.
None of it bothered me in the least. I was sure that none of the men who prodded and poked me would ever possess me. I did not yet know how it would happen, but somehow, I would escape from my firefly prison. And far more importantly, I would ensure that the honor of my family was not stained by my foolish actions.
I was equally certain that Yo was close. I felt it in my spirit. I could think of only one way he could get close to me. I began to look carefully at each of the men Hana brought before me, hoping each time that I would recognize Yo. I did not, but I did not stop hoping.
Twenty-Six
Do not fret your life
Away. All has its season.
You cannot change it
“You’ve got Hana-san quite worried.” The older of the two men who guarded me lowered himself to the tatami and kneeled in front of me. “She natters at us nonstop to make sure we keep a close eye on you. Myself, I think she exaggerates both your intelligence and your spirit.”
I didn’t answer him. It was daytime. He had surely only come into my room to amuse himself by taunting me. I would not give him the pleasure of thinking he was getting to me.
Unlike the patrons who came in the night, this young man appeared to have infinite patience. He glanced down my body with interest, but made no move to touch me. I met his eyes and saw something reflected in them that put me instantly on my guard.
“I’m Hana’s prisoner.” I glanced around my room sourly and made sure I sounded dejected. “I’m guarded day and night. If Hana thinks I can escape, I’m flattered.”
He seemed delighted that I spoke to him as if we were equals.
“So you should be. I find it quite amusing that you’ve got Hana flustered.” His grin widened, showing excellent teeth. “But I also thought that it was only right that you should understand that escape isn’t an option. You can try, and I do hope that you do something desperate. Hana’s promised us that if you try and escape and we stop you, we can teach you a lesson you’re not going to forget. We’d make sure that there were no marks, of course. The patrons would never stand for damaged goods. But we could hurt you in ways that would make you scream for us to stop and never leave so much as a bruise. We’d enjoy that greatly.”
I cowered very slightly, my glance sliding away from his hot eyes. He liked that. I guessed he had come to taunt me, to try and make me afraid of him. He was a fool, then, just as much as the patrons. He stood and stretched, tossing his final words casually at me.
“In any event, it’s not going to be long now. Hana’s named her starting price for you. She’s only accepting bids above that, and there’s only a handful of men who can afford to carry on. I daresay the surgeon will be with you quite shortly.”
The room seemed to have become cold all at once, and I would have liked to pull my kakebut
on around me for warmth. I guessed that my guard would have liked me to show weakness, so I did not. I stared into the air in front of me, refusing to acknowledge his presence. He became bored quickly and left me.
I knew my guard had been right when no more men were brought to inspect me that night. Only my fireflies kept me company. When I thought I was alone, I scraped a tiny hole in the corner of one of the screens with my fingernail. The silk was very thick, and it took me many hours to do it. By the time I had made a hole large enough for my fireflies to pass through, the nail on my right index finger had been worn down to the nail bed. My finger pad was bright red and throbbing with pain. I opened one, and then the other cage door, shaking the bamboo gently against the opening. It seemed to me that my companions didn’t really wish to leave me, but eventually one and then the other firefly accepted their chance of freedom. I smiled as I watched their light vanish.
I rejoiced that I had been able to give them their freedom even as I wished that my own prison could be lost so easily.
The cages were removed the next morning, as always. I wondered if either of my guards would notice that my fireflies had gone. Before I found out, I had another visitor.
I watched Abi suspiciously as he squatted in front of me. He was truly a giant. Even hunkered down as he was, the top of my head barely reached his chest. I guessed he weighed at least three times as much as me, possibly more. Yet he had none of the menace that the other guards carried with them, and his movements were curiously graceful. Unlike the other two men, he had never entered my room. Never even glanced in at me. Why now? More threats, perhaps? I was wary.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Hana-san has told all of us how we must be very careful to keep a good watch on you, Hotaru-san.” His voice was startlingly pleasant. Not the baritone I had expected, but a deep tenor. Did he have a beautiful singing voice, I wondered? If he did, did he ever have reason to sing? I doubted it and felt sympathy for this mountain of a man.