Woman Reading to the Sea

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Woman Reading to the Sea Page 4

by Lisa Williams


  the sculptures of the women looking down

  and one of two great lions, claws unsheathed

  —vigilant, though their stone eyes look on nothing.

  And last and least, it’s me hunched on a pew,

  scribbling to the light of burning candles,

  trying to hide the sacrilege of writing

  from all the other watchful bodies here,

  those hardened into statue and those moving

  steadily, until they trickle out

  from the confines of the church. Sublime

  extravagance, we find it, as we exit

  into the portico and out the doors,

  putting some space between it and ourselves

  until the dome reappears, its arcs aglow,

  the dusk-lit clouds around it pinkish white

  and drifting past in gilded lumps like stucco

  or bodies of other angels, selves, contorted,

  rapturous, and—finally—dissolved.

  At the Church of Santa Prassede

  In the Chapel of the Garden of Paradise (Rome)

  Heaven would be dull compared to these

  panes and flecks of color

  curving over us—.

  Every surface covered.

  Every surface jewelled.

  Coral and jade. Turquoise, topaz, agate.

  More succinct than paint,

  these glassed, transcending hues.

  From the smallest scale they widen

  into landscapes more intense

  than we imagined, obliterating

  even the idea of sin, and creating

  a realm that we can look to from our realm.

  Who cares if there is no window, no sun,

  no home like this dreamed mosaic

  except in memory?

  Who cares about the doorway

  (which must be entered) to a dimmer world

  or that there is nothing

  of our language rendered clearly,

  when there is this vision made entirely

  of particles assembled,

  which didn’t arrive?

  See how the eye moves

  from cut, shimmering square

  to cut, shimmering square,

  each increment’s aspect placed

  (like the flecks of an insect’s scale)

  by hands that have disappeared?

  How it matters that those hands have disappeared?

  At the Church of Santa Maria Novella

  (Florence)

  There is nothing to hold me.

  The marble floor is bare and hard.

  The buttressed ceiling seems to swim

  with coldest gusts—.

  From one end of the church, a burst

  of piped-in choral music—Handel,

  or is it Mozart? In tinny jubilation,

  the voices of exuberance

  pour from the candlelit apse.

  A group of tourists pauses

  before this church’s masterpiece,

  Masaccio’s Trinity, their guide explaining

  the precise new view arranged

  by the deceptively painted panels

  the artist contrived: there,

  Masaccio created a room or temple

  for Christ’s crucifixion, “an example

  of the Renaissance’s first linear

  perspective.” And here,

  the false recesses of Masaccio’s chamber

  contrast with the marble floors

  and columns of the church that appears

  so impermeable our flesh might slip

  away from it, might fall and shatter.

  Masaccio’s fresco holds Christ

  against the slick, flat surfaces like bones

  that do not hold a thing:

  a corridor inside a temple

  inside a room of time,

  a place where he can hang

  in our glance, an invented embrace.

  God stands behind Christ,

  a white dove on his chest.

  God’s cloak is a cloud of dark blue.

  He appears to support Christ

  in his suffering

  but that blue cloak billows

  as if it were made of emptiness,

  of cold and multiplying space.

  Christ’s cross will tip back

  and his body, barely fastened to it,

  will tear through that thin, fading layer

  of the artist’s color, tumble back

  to a blackness that plummets

  beyond surface, through a distance

  without memory, without stars,

  without God’s voice. And he

  will have to suffer that falling.

  At the Church of San Crisogono

  (Rome)

  I’m hanging around the outskirts of the altar.

  Entra! the custodian tells me, sweeping his hands,

  and hesitant to step up there, I do:

  What strikes me first is the long aisle

  that spreads from where I stand through the expanse

  of the church’s hollow. Like a theater’s

  stage the apse gives me a different view

  from what I thought I’d seen, a backward view:

  I see where people seat themselves to listen.

  I see the path that leads them to the pews

  but don’t see what’s on either side, and don’t

  catch any of that whorled maze of mosaics

  that crown and background me (or who would speak

  from here). The baldachino’s columns

  gleam with faint slant lines of light.

  I’ve glimpsed a lot of gold-encrusted rooms

  with radiant digressions on each side

  and lavish, painted chapels, but I think

  the best place for god-worship is like this:

  a narrow rectangle, a room plain and severe

  so no one loses focus, with authority

  above, and awe boxed in below.

  In a pew by an effigy, a beggar woman

  with a cloth around her head sits, bends, and bobs

  as she mutters to her Christ. Outside

  the thunder cracks and splinters like a gun

  (we came inside from violent morning rains).

  Still up on high, I linger to one side

  of the lectern, so my vision is askew,

  but I don’t want to bother honest worship

  and I’m aware of my shoes that, trailing rain

  and runoff from Rome’s flooded cobblestones,

  muck up the clear, delineated marble:

  gray-green, white, and blue triangles and squares;

  octagons, circles in circles, perfect forms

  tucked and bound, eternally, it seems.

  Out in the pews, another person prays.

  He catches sight of me, but doesn’t frown

  or shake his head. How does he bear

  us awkward, gawking tourists, who don’t come

  to worship, in his space? I step back down

  and look behind the lectern as I do:

  the dark wood-carved reliefs around the apse

  show angel after angel with splayed wings.

  For a century they’ve kept their length of silence.

  The man who waved me in is locking doors

  with clicking sounds. The woman leaves her pew

  and kneels before the sculpture of the Virgin.

  With high, insistent tones her phrases rise,

  lilt and rise before red candles burning.

  We enter rain to fragments of her pleading.

  At the Church of San Pietro a Maella

  (Naples)

  In the distance, someone plays a piano

  as I walk into the interior stripped

  as bones, and see a woman weeping

  in the first side chapel. She shields her face

  with a hand to hide her eyes, her body

  turned to one side on the pew, as ifr />
  only half of her were worshipping,

  as if she might bolt at any moment.

  The nave is simple, with keyhole windows

  that admit ample light. An old crucifix

  (Byzantine? medieval?) hangs on a wall

  that crumbles, its scarlets and ochres soaked

  into dark aged wood, their outlines softening.

  Deep in the church, I discover something:

  an abandoned chapel, a sort of homage

  to neglect, dust-covered and shabby, with cobwebs

  blocking the window, the once-vivid paint

  of frescoes of saints turned gray on gray,

  the fabulations of image worn down

  without rescue. I touch the scenes, which are cold

  and like palimpsests. The chapel’s sculptures

  are powdering, their edges adrift,

  their wings and faces grotesquely broken.

  The most truth I’ve seen, this rotting vision.

  Also the most sad. No one has swept

  out decay, held it back or at bay. When I’m done

  with looking, I stand at the church’s entrance

  and absorb the impression. What’s magnified

  seems small, unsacred. And what is fading

  is vastness—vastness built inside.

  Then the clamor and hammering of Naples returns,

  and the dingy sunlight, and market stalls

  and brusque, rough gestures, and shadows that race

  each minute, each step. In the church behind me

  the old walls weep interminably

  their vestiges of…history? faith? some

  deeper crafting? It isn’t a place

  I’d seek for an ideal holiness

  but it holds them well, I think: my world

  and another world that disappears,

  shedding its textures and its tints,

  more fascinating and more clearly

  what it never was than I imagined.

  At the Church of San Clemente

  (Rome)

  Once more I’ve come to see what can be seen:

  flashes of gold, a raised medieval choir

  of ivory, tile in snaking patterns

  that ravel and unravel on the floor.

  It’s winter. There’s a damp, raw,

  penetrating chill to all the marble

  although the nave is lanced with whitish sun.

  I see my breath beside the ancient columns.

  Today, there are no real worshippers. All

  are here for mere art’s sake. Just well-

  dressed tourists, scented, prosperous,

  who wander, awed, or rest along the pews

  so I walk down steps into the old basilica

  whose chambers lie below street level

  above an even older site of worship.

  Instead of vibrant, gold-entwined mosaics,

  here the frescoes graphing out the tales

  of saints are losing hues before my eyes,

  their actions seen in parts. The floor’s

  red surface has been almost walked away.

  Down at the lowest level, after

  visits to several mildewed, dusty rooms

  (a bare bulb every ten feet lights the way),

  I see something that strikes me as even stranger:

  four doorways, one after another, each

  the size of a person, keyhole-shaped rectangles

  rounded at the top. I guess

  it’s not so strange, except they’re cut in stone

  precisely for a body to pass through

  as many have for centuries by now.

  I pass through every one of them,

  my shadow gliding along uneven floors

  in front of me, lumpish and black. Last

  of all, as I’m set to ascend, I see

  one cavern barred behind a grill

  of iron at the bottom of the stairs, and stoop

  to look inside: The light from where I stand

  extends a little into that weird place

  but then is sucked inside it, dwindling

  in increments, until all I can tell

  of the back, the very back of it, is blackness.

  It’s noon and the church must close. I climb

  up into the brighter rooms as bells

  begin: six rings, six more. And I emerge.

  At the Church of Santa Cecilia

  (Rome)

  It is all about restoration

  in the courtyard of the basilica

  where a man in a white uniform scrapes

  at the antique marble basin

  in the middle of an empty fountain.

  He wears a clear mask and a white hood.

  His tool makes a high, keening sound

  as it flays bits of dust from the past.

  The fountain is surrounded by orange mesh

  draped from red poles.

  Inside, Cecilia will be all white,

  coiled cold marble, her faced turned

  from us all. I walk into the entryway

  where cupids with distorted faces

  and wreaths of fruit for halos soar on walls,

  small painted puffs of cloth

  covering their tiny penises.

  Straight ahead, a mosaic of Jesus,

  Mary, St. Peter, Cecilia, her husband Valerian,

  and the jutting, crooked towers of holy cities

  beside rows of faithful flocks, in Byzantine form

  reflects some bits of celestial glory

  through windows leaking meagre light.

  Christ blesses them all with one raised hand.

  The marble Cecilia lies as she was “found”

  when they opened her tomb in 1599:

  curled on one side, knees bent, wrists together.

  Instead of her face, I see the shape of a small breast

  under folds of thin cloth, the back of her neck

  and the terrible executioner’s gash

  across her throat (a botched beheading

  that did not, reportedly, kill her for three days).

  The cloth wrapping her head

  has slipped to show a few stray locks of hair.

  She looks as if she has chosen to twist her sight,

  has pressed her seeing hard into the ground.

  As I walk back through the courtyard, I see

  the restorer’s face. She has unzipped

  the top of her white suit a little (because

  of the heat? For a little more freedom

  of movement?). Her blouse under the white suit is red.

  Several locks of hair fall forward

  around the mask as she bends to her task

  of chiseling, cleaning. I leave that whiteness behind.

  Restoration

  Decline is this blue dusk

  sharp around the steeple

  and a belltower’s edge,

  in which street lamps glow orange

  and shoes clatter on cobblestones.

  A person or two stops

  to speak of what they know

  while hurrying past, and I listen

  to their words pry the weight of darkness.

  Wholly anonymous,

  I watch light sink into stones.

  I watch alleys, baroque facades,

  shop fronts and fountains all slide

  toward decay, and I grip them with sight

  —this medieval church, for example,

  its chiseled, elaborate face.

  Inside, I find shadows draped

  in chapels and on marble tombs

  but I wander until the lines

  of the paintings and sculptures fade

  so much I see the way out

  alone. There’s a little more light

  outdoors, and I think of the church

  left behind overspread with shadow

  as I and the others leave,

  of its hard and silent altar.

  We resto
re the things we need

  in mind; restore and preserve

  with vision, or with fresh thought,

  in passing only, the icons

  established, not quite our own,

  thus witnessed, and slightly altered,

  as we walk through the holy city

  (just as we move through a poem),

  choosing what to let dim, what grace

  with a transient inner light.

  4

  “The opposite [of death] is desire.”

  —Blanche Dubois in A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams

  Maenads

  It traveled over the tall gates of our gardens,

  our threshold stones,

  his song about something done,

  gone, lost, a body not touched again,

  not like our bodies. We made him reckon them:

  receptive flesh—our flesh!—he left behind

  as flashes through the forest’s deformations

  though he drew the animals near him

  with that bodiless voice,

  though even the trees leaned down,

  even the stones crept close,

  even the dead turned, groaned,

  even Persephone,

  half her life’s light drained

  —that wisp!—was pricked to sympathy.

  Sepulchres quaked.

  A ripple rocked the underworld’s black veins

  as a rain floods roots.

  For something done,

  for a girl who was far too simple,

  who saw only a surface, not the peril

  underneath, who ranged the fields

  for loveliness, with a maiden’s erring sight—

  just this, and this,

  not what unwinds below

  the wash of flowers on the meadow’s knoll.

  Beyond the surface it is dark

  and after you have seen it

  you can’t go back.

  It was his clutched mistake,

  the dream that slid out of his arms.

  Should he blame the dream?

  Her own delight in the meadow?

  The hell, or world, that underscores delight?

  The blame attached to nothing. But his voice

  took shape. For years we listened,

  trying to turn his sight. How ignorant!

  He had no more a body for a woman

  than stones did. He surrounded himself with boys

  as if returns to boyhood

  would yank him out of time.

  —Yet his song was about a girl

  he loved as skin and bones.

  It maddened us

  to sense the pool of feeling in his song

  denied by flesh.

  By the time we tore it from his voice,

 

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