Since I was going to the office straight from school, I was dressed in work clothes: a black, sleeveless silk shift dress and high black heels. My eyebrows were neatly brushed, I had a slick of eyeliner and berry lip gloss, with my hair blow dried straight. I was wearing turquoise and silver drop earrings.
‘You look very smart, so chic,’ said Anna.
The women all surrounded me, admiring my outfit and saying how much they missed getting dressed up for work. Several of them asked me about my job and said they thought I was very brave. A couple of women asked if I could give them some advice about restarting their own interrupted careers.
‘You look lovely, Faiza,’ said Lizzie. ‘We’re so proud of you, you know, going back to work like this. I’d never be able to do anything like that now.’
‘Of course you would, Lizzie! You’re amazing. You manage your father’s foundation, and I don’t know how many houses in how many countries! I could never do all of that,’ I said.
At the edge of the crowd, I glimpsed Julia. She was clearly not happy with the attention I was getting. She came forward.
‘Form a queue now, ladies, and Faiza, let’s be more efficient. Let’s leave the chat till coffee.’
While I counted the money and ticked off names, Julia came up and started asking me questions about where I was working.
‘Oh, it’s just a tiny marketing company in central London,’ I said.
I looked down at the list of names again, as though rechecking them.
‘So, what do you do? What’s this company called?’
Sam asked Julia something about the next ticket sales session to distract her, but she wasn’t deflected.
‘Actually, it’s just a small start-up belonging to a Pakistani family friend.’
As expected, the fact that it was a ‘Pakistani’ company made Julia lose interest quickly.
‘What about Tom? Has he found a job yet?’
Julia had now been joined by a couple of her friends and there were still three or four others waiting to go to coffee, standing nearby. Everyone was listening. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to say anything.
‘He’s working on a project,’ I said, picking up my bag, and gathering the ticket money.
‘I’m afraid you might have to face the fact that he may never find a job again. Not at his age and in this market,’ said Julia, as if she cared about his job prospects and well-being.
I ignored her and started to put the money in the metal box. I spoke to Sam and the women standing next to her.
‘Sorry, guys, I won’t be able to join you for coffee because I have to rush off to work but it was really good to see everyone.’
Julia came and stood in front of me.
‘I hope you didn’t mind me speaking openly, Faiza. I’m just worried about how you’ll pay the school fees for Sofia. Anyway, I hope things turn out…’
‘Let’s go, Julia, I’ve booked a table for ten,’ said Lizzie.
She and some of the others kissed me goodbye and they all moved off towards the school gates. I was sure that the discussion on our ability to pay the fees, or Tom’s descent into long-term unemployment, would continue over lattes and flourless brownies.
I went to put the money in the office safe and when I came back Sam was sitting at the table. I sat down next to her.
‘I hate her so much,’ I said.
‘Hey, don’t get so upset. How are things though, with Tom?’ she said.
After my talk with Naila, I decided to speak more truthfully to Sam too. I sighed.
‘Not great. Nothing new on the job front for Tom and our savings are running out. I don’t know how we’ll manage if they don’t keep me on once the contract ends. I’m quite worried about the money situation, to be honest.’
Sam put her arm around me. ‘Faiza, you’re doing so well and I’m sure they will offer you the job. Life’s never easy, is it?’
‘Thanks, Sam.’ I felt lighter, after talking to her. ‘I just don’t need Julia to be gossiping about my private business, that’s all.’
A couple of days later, Sam called me when I was on the train home.
‘Julia has summoned us,’ said Sam. ‘I think she wants an update on the ticket sales. and she’ll probably give us a pep talk about “giving it 110 per cent” for the next session because it’s the last one.’
‘I sold quite a lot,’ I said. ‘I’m sure you did too. Why do we need to spend any more time with her?’
‘You know what she’s like. Let’s get it over with. Shall we go tomorrow afternoon? You have a half-day for Ahmed’s concert, don’t you? And it’s my day off. Next week you’re in Amsterdam, and James and I are away for the weekend. He’s been working non-stop and I think it will do us good to have some time alone. Julia says you told her that you’re going to Dubai to see your aunt, apparently!’
‘I had to say that because her husband’s coming to Amsterdam with me!’ I sighed. ‘I’m so glad you and James are getting away for a bit.’ This was a good sign. They were getting back on track. ‘OK, I’ll do it, but only if we split some chocolate cake. If we meet at 2.15, I’ll leave at 2.45 latest, for Ahmed’s school.’
*
When I got to the café, Sam and Julia were already at a table. They stopped talking abruptly when they saw me. Perhaps they’d been discussing something that Julia didn’t want to talk about in front of me. Sam flushed. She probably felt embarrassed by Julia’s rudeness.
Julia started to speak, staring at me with such intensity that my hand instinctively went up and I brushed it across my lips in case there were some crumbs there from lunch. She sat up straighter.
‘This is a very difficult conversation to have, Faiza. I was just telling Sam that eight hundred pounds has gone missing from the ticket money in the school safe.’
I looked at Julia, then at Sam, I frowned and leaned forwards.
‘Oh my God. Seriously? What happened?’
‘That’s what I’m trying to find out,’ said Julia.
She only looked at me, not Sam, as she carried on. Sam stared at her phone.
‘We’re retracing the steps, which is why I wanted to see you both today. So, you and Sam put the takings in the safe after selling the tickets this week. Sam was the last one to put in £1300 yesterday after drop-off. You put £1700 in two days ago. There was three thousand pounds in total and Mrs West was going to take it to the bank. The money should have been deposited in the bank today but Mrs West couldn’t do it straight away. When she opened the safe, there was only £2200. Eight hundred pounds are missing.’
‘That’s awful,’ I said. ‘Could it have been used for petty cash, maybe, by someone else in school?’
Sam had been silent, but now she said, ‘Yes. What if it was taken by mistake, by another member of staff, as petty cash?’
‘No, this safe is only being used for the ticket sales. The money’s been stolen,’ said Julia.
I shook my head.
‘Do you think Mrs West could have taken it?’ said Sam. Her forehead was a tangle of worry.
‘That’s the only explanation,’ I said. ‘I can’t imagine her doing that, though.’
Mrs West was an institution; she’d been the secretary for almost fifteen years.
‘No,’ said Julia. ‘Besides, the school nurse was there when she opened the safe. They counted the money together.’
‘We couldn’t have left the safe unlocked, could we, Sam?’ I said.
This was terrible. The school was a secure space. I couldn’t imagine how anyone in that community, people we trusted completely, could have done something like this.
‘No, you can’t take the key out unless the safe is locked properly.’
She pushed a hand through her hair, making her curls wilder than normal, like question marks around her head. She looked as if she might cry and she never cried in public. She didn’t cry easily in private either.
‘Let’s try to think about this systematically. How many keys are there
?’ I said.
‘Three. You and Sam have one and then Mrs West,’ said Julia.
‘And they’re security keys. They can’t be copied,’ said Sam.
‘Then I don’t understand it,’ I said.
I didn’t like the way Julia was staring at me, in a questioning way, as if I had the answer to the mystery. Sam had noticed as well. Her eyes darted from Julia’s face to mine.
The waitress came over but Julia asked her to give us a few more minutes.
‘It is baffling. There were only three people with access to the safe. Mrs West, Sam…’ Julia paused a second, ‘and you.’
The insinuation in her voice was unmistakable. I looked at Sam to see if she’d noticed it too, or if I was imagining it? My skin was hot and I wanted to take off my scarf but I didn’t want to make any moves that might incriminate me further in Julia’s eyes. I had to stay calm but couldn’t help getting angrier as Julia’s murky hazel eyes stayed fixed on my face.
I was about to tell Julia exactly what I thought about her behaviour when Sam said, ‘Julia, why don’t Faiza and I go through our lists again? The only explanation is that we’ve got the numbers mixed up. We must have made a mistake.’
Julia stood up.
‘Yes, please do that straight away. This is a very serious matter. If we can’t sort it out, I’ll have to inform the Head. And I’d rather solve the mystery without having to get the authorities involved.’
As soon as Julia left, I let loose.
‘What the hell, Sam! Did that awful woman imply that I’ve stolen the money? I can’t believe she’d try to pin this on me! Did you see the way she was staring at me?’
‘I’m sure there’s a simple explanation,’ said Sam. ‘Let’s go through both our lists and recount.’
Sam had the lists and we went through them twice, but the figure was still the same. We sat back.
‘I don’t understand…’ I sank my head in my hands.
‘What do we say to Julia?’ said Sam.
‘Sam, I know it sounds bizarre, but you don’t think she’s trying to frame me?’
Even as I said it, I knew it couldn’t be true. Julia might have disliked me, but that would be a step too far, even for her.
‘No, I really don’t,’ said Sam.
We were silent for a while. Sam looked at the table and spoke in a voice not much more than a whisper. I still heard her, though.
‘I feel awful even asking this – and please, please, don’t take this the wrong way.’ She paused and swallowed. I knew what was coming from the look on her face. ‘I know you’ve been worried about money and using up your savings. You know, what you were saying that day… I know the sort of stress you’ve been under and well, we do strange things when we’re under so much pressure. If you did…’
She stopped, as if even she couldn’t believe that she was saying these things to me. Red blotches crept up her neck, then her chin and into her cheeks. Her words left me winded, as if she’d punched me in my face, knocked out my teeth, broken my nose.
I couldn’t speak. All the chatter around me became louder, as if someone had turned up the volume dial of the café. How could Sam think that of me, let alone accuse me? A tear splashed from my eyes onto the wooden table. I let my hair fall forwards and wiped my face so no one else could see.
‘Faiza, please don’t be upset. I asked Julia to let me speak to you first. We can sort it out…’
‘You’ve discussed my being a thief with Julia?’
I pushed my chair back and stood up, then ran towards the door, bumping into people on my way out. As I left, I heard Sam calling my name, but I didn’t stop.
Forty-Five
I drove to Ahmed’s school with no idea about what I could do. I heard nothing as Ahmed sang songs from Bugsy Malone with his class on stage. All I could think about was Julia going to the Head with her suspicions. If they called the police and they started to investigate, they’d discover that we had no money, except loans from the bank and my parents. They would speak to Tom. The accounts would be looked at.
Julia had been gossiping about Tom being unemployed. I wondered how long it would be before she started spreading rumours about my financial desperation, or that I’d taken the charity money? It wouldn’t take long for the news to filter through to the parents and into the lower sixth classroom to Sofia, then to the parents next door in Ahmed’s school.
If the police started an inquiry, I would lose my job.
There was no way to prove I hadn’t taken the cash. If even Sam could think I could steal the money, so would everyone else. My mind kept flipping between how to prove my innocence and replaying Sam’s accusation. I was closer to Sam than to Farrah even.
All evening Sam kept calling me, but I didn’t answer. Then she sent a text.
I’m so sorry. I am an idiot. I’ve told Julia we need to recheck our lists but I won’t get a chance for at least 10 days because James and I are away and so are you. She won’t say anything till then. Please forgive me xx
I couldn’t forgive her, though, and I couldn’t stop worrying. Julia could not be trusted. She could go to the Head on Monday and report me to the police.
Forty-Six
As time passed, the prospect of a new job for Tom no longer seemed like a natural next step, but more like a remote possibility. Not knowing when the market would pick up again left him with a growing sense of unease and I started to hear the swish of the Solitaire cards on his phone in the mornings again. He was up even before my alarm went off at six.
My attempts at squeezing in quality relationship time with Tom were no longer working. He was feeling low and that needed time to break through, not just a walk on the Common before coming back to cook for the children, or a quick sushi dinner date while Sofia grudgingly babysat. I wanted to spend more time with him but it was impossible. My timings meant that we barely saw each other for half an hour a day during the week, and at the weekends the children wanted to make up for lost time, and I had to check in with my parents too.
I had no choice but to carry on with my long hours, though. The only way out now was to get my bonus and for HH to hire me permanently. It also took my mind off Julia, Sam, and most of all, the distance between Tom and me.
As well as the late nights in the office, I attended a couple of client dinners. For some reason, I hadn’t told Tom about these outings, and the one tonight – with Harry and the clients, a fintech entrepreneur from Sweden, and his wife – was no different.
I felt guilty about having dinner at Michelin-starred restaurants, and I felt even worse about how much I enjoyed the time I spent with clients. I was meeting some interesting people, and I also liked spending time with Harry. We had become more like friends rather than just colleagues. When I was with Harry, we didn’t talk about families, or children or the hassle of domestic domains. We didn’t even talk much about work at these dinners. We discussed the books we were reading, or our favourite films. We talked about our bucket-list holiday destinations. He told me long, but always interesting, stories about his time working all over the world. The conversations I enjoyed most were about our days at university.
‘I still remember my graduation. My parents were so nervous with all the pomp and circumstance but the profs made them feel so welcome at the garden party afterwards,’ he said.
He told me that he didn’t come from a privileged background either.
‘Same!’ I said. ‘My parents were so happy that day.’
‘Do you remember how it felt back then? Like we were about to fly? Take off into some amazing adventure,’ said Harry as we waited for the clients to arrive.
As he said it, I remembered that feeling again. The fizz of possibility that had flattened gradually, like an open can of Coke, in the many years since. I smiled at him and at the memory.
Tom and I used to talk about the old days, but not anymore. We used to laugh about the first B & B we stayed in after we got married, in Bath. It had no attached bathroom, but a freest
anding shower cubicle in the middle of the room and a TV you had to feed fifty pence coins into or it turned off. Now, if I tried to lighten the mood by taking a trip down memory lane, Tom didn’t reply.
Chatting to Harry, in the carefree way I used to with Tom, was like getting a much-needed hit of normality, and feeling the way I used to feel. I needed that before I went home to the gloom that had settled as an almost permanent mood around Tom.
Our table tonight was in a secluded corner of the Chinese restaurant and we were waiting for the clients to arrive. Harry focussed all his attention on me as we chatted and laughed, not glancing once at his mobile. I missed my friends and this felt the way I did with them – fun, relaxed, comfortable. For the half hour that Harry and I were alone before the clients came, probably for the first time in ages, I forgot everything else. I even forgot his connection to Julia.
I decided that this time I would tell Tom about the dinner. I didn’t want my time with Harry to be a secret because that would imply I was doing something wrong, when of course I wasn’t.
The next morning, when Tom and I were in the kitchen having breakfast before the children came down, I said, ‘Oh, I got in so late, I didn’t get a chance to tell you. I went for a client dinner at this amazing Chinese place. Made a change from Deliveroo at my desk.’
‘Who did you go with?’
‘It’s the account I’m helping Harry with, so just us and the client, a Swedish CEO and his very beautiful wife. They’ve been together since they were fourteen!’
He didn’t say anything and started making Alex’s packed lunch.
‘Anyway, hopefully I can come home earlier today. I haven’t spent an evening at home for ages,’ I said.
‘If you can tear yourself away from gourmet food and the star of HH,’ he said.
‘I’d much rather be with your spag bol – and HH is full of stars!’
Would I Lie to You? Page 18