The Dragon said I could use her office to get dressed and when I emerged, wearing my sari and feeling unusually tall in my nude Jimmy Choo sandals, I was greeted by cheers and clapping. I felt embarrassed, but I had no choice. I had to walk across the open plan office. I held my clutch bag tight against my chest and pushed my hair back from my face. I’d straightened it into a sleek sheet myself, instead of spending money on a blow-dry, and I tried to compose my face so that it didn’t betray my discomfort.
I would have liked to slip away unnoticed. The only person I couldn’t wait to show myself to was Tom. I hadn’t worn a sari for years and I wanted to see his face when I found him at the party; and later, I wanted him to unwrap the sari from my body. It felt as if we had become separated while out for a walk in a foreign city and, after a frantic search, had found each other again. I didn’t want to get lost ever again.
‘Not bad, I suppose,’ said Ivan, shrugging his shoulders, then he laughed. ‘You look very beautiful.’
‘Thank you, guys,’ I said to the people looking at me from the other teams as well.
‘I love your sari,’ said Sabine. She came up to feel the lace between her fingers. ‘French, non?’
‘Oui!’
To divert attention from myself, I started to tell them the story behind the sari and how Baba had bought it for Ami in Paris before I was born. As I spoke, I sensed a movement behind me. I looked around. Harry, stood in the corner, watching in silence, his eyes like stones, unprepared to be caught out. I turned to face him, feeling embarrassed. I had draped my long hair forwards to one side of my face, and my back was almost completely bare.
‘I’m sorry, Harry. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting?’
His expression changed. He smiled.
‘Not at all. I only just got off a conference call.’
A black Mercedes was waiting and Harry’s driver, Rob, opened my door. Once I was in the car, all my worries which I had stacked away with logical explanations about how it would be fine for Julia, Harry, Tom and me to be in the same room, came crashing back. I tried to slow my breathing, telling myself I had to keep my game face on, and that once I got over this hurdle, things would only get better. At least I knew what to expect, unlike the others, and so I could make sure I stayed calm.
*
The sun hadn’t quite set as we drove along the Embankment and I watched the bridges along the Thames as we sped past them. We turned onto Albert Bridge. Tiny lights studded the bridge like gems and glittered above us. As a child I had called this the fairy-tale bridge and always asked Baba to cross the Thames there when we drove into London. The sunset was streaked with pink and City skyscrapers stood out against it in the distance, the Shard standing taller than the rest.
I texted Tom: Can’t wait to see you.
I smiled as he messaged me straight back: Love you.
Harry was watching.
‘Sorry, I’m just letting Tom know we’re on our way.’
I regretted mentioning Tom. At the end of the day, I was still in a car with my boss.
‘Sergio and I are meeting GlobalCorp again next week. He said that I have “earned my bonus”! I’m going to start paying you back once I get it.’
‘I don’t want your money,’ he said.
He sounded strange and I looked out of the window in silence. Perhaps I had to stop pestering him about paying off my debt. He pressed a button on his door and the tinted glass partition swished up between us and the driver.
‘Is everything OK?’ I asked.
‘No!’
He seemed angry but I didn’t know why.
‘Do you want to talk about it? Can I help you? Is it something at work?’
‘Yes, yes and yes, to all three. In fact, you’re the only one who can help.’
It had grown darker outside and his face was in the shadows. I looked out of the window, giving him time to reply, so I didn’t see him move, and before I could even register what had happened, his hand pushed down between my legs. I jumped and cried out. His hand was heavy on my crotch and he started to rub the dip between my thighs over the material of my sari.
‘Stop! Get off, Harry!’
I tried to push him away but his arm was stiff, immovable. He dipped his fingers deeper, pressing down. I pushed my thighs together and dug my nails into his hand. Still he carried on, pressing harder. I thought that he was going to tear Ami’s sari.
‘Stop this, Harry! Have you gone mad? I’m going to tell the driver!’
The driver wouldn’t have been able to see anything, even if the partition had been open. I leaned forwards and knocked on the glass, shouting through it.
‘Rob! Please can you stop the car?’
We were on the A3, but still a good twenty minutes away from Lizzie’s house. Harry pressed a button and spoke into the intercom.
‘It’s all right, Robert, keep driving. We’ve changed our mind.’
I tried to push myself down into the seat, away from his hand, but I couldn’t escape. I was worried that his hands might reach out for my breasts next.
‘I’m going to call my husband and then I’m going to call the police. I’m going to tell Sergio. Stop this!’
I spat out the words. My fear turned to fury. How dare he do this to me?
He finally moved his hand away and, shaking with rage as much as fear, I put my clutch bag in my lap. I thought I was going to be sick and retched into the footwell, but nothing came out. I wished I could have puked all over the bastard. I tapped Tom’s number, edging closer to the door.
‘Call him. I’d be happy to tell him how you French kissed me on the rooftop and then fucked me in my hotel room.’
‘That’s not true!’
‘Some of it is though, isn’t it? Are you so sure he’d believe you and not me?’
I swallowed. ‘If you tell Tom, I’ll tell your wife.’
He shrugged.
‘Go ahead. I don’t mind. We have an arrangement. This wouldn’t be the first time she heard about a liaison.’
‘Tom will believe me, not you,’ I said.
‘Really? You kissed me on the rooftop. You can’t deny that.’
I knew it would destroy Tom to hear about New York. It would destroy us.
‘Harry, I don’t know what’s happened. You’re not like this. What do you want?’
‘I want you to sleep with me. I want you to finish what you started. If you don’t, I’ll tell Tom everything.’
I froze.
‘I will also make sure that you’re fired and you never work in the City again.’
‘You can’t fire me just because I won’t sleep with you. I’ll take you to a tribunal if you try. Sergio’s already told me that I’m getting a permanent job based on my performance. You’ve lost your mind!’
‘You’ve let me breach a Chinese wall – well, our version of it. The information you emailed me that day was never supposed to be seen by me. This is what I’ll tell the directors. You told me that you’d lie to the directors, saying I had asked for this information, when I hadn’t. You then demanded £50,000 to stay quiet. You committed fraud and then you blackmailed me.’
‘That’s not true!’
My feet turned to ice. My hand flew to my mouth, smudging my red lipstick.
‘That’s what I’m going to tell them unless you cooperate. You have until Monday to make your decision. Under the circumstances, it shouldn’t be a hard choice.’
Tom would find out everything. Harry’s money, which was lying in my account, suddenly felt like dirty money, not the lifeline I’d thought it had been to save my marriage. If Harry told Sergio about the Chinese wall, I’d get fired and I wouldn’t be able to get another job. Everything would crumble. My children would find out the truth about me – that I was a liar and a cheat.
‘Why are you doing this? What have I ever done to you?’ My voice was a rasp. A spear of pain pierced my eye and my head started to throb.
‘You’re a prick-tease. You left unfinished bus
iness in New York. I was prepared to give you more time when we got back to London but then you gave me all that crap about loving Tom. I saw you tonight, preening in front of me, half-naked. You knew we’d be going to the party together. You can’t act like that and not carry it through.’
I started to shake. If he told Tom his lies, Tom would ask me about what had happened in New York. He already got annoyed every time I mentioned Harry’s name. What if Tom believed Harry and not me? If he heard about my supposed infidelity with Harry, or even the kiss, he might not forgive me. Harry would also tell him everything I had confessed about the money and my lies.
‘Just take a minute to think about all of this. I’m doing you a favour, Fi. You’re stuck in an unhappy marriage and Tom has acted abominably towards you. When people connect the way we did, you can’t ignore it. I want you. We would be so good together. You need me to do this. So you don’t feel your good-wife, perfect-image guilt. Stop pretending. You want to fuck me as much as I want to fuck you. I’ve just made it easy for you.’
I looked out of the window, trying not to cry. Whatever happened now, Tom would get hurt and my marriage would be over, if Harry went through with his threat, unless I slept with him. I started to shake. He had attacked me. Even if I told him I would never sleep with him, he could attack me again.
The car stopped. We were outside Lizzie and Stewart’s house. Candles blazed along the driveway up to the front door, which was covered in red roses.
‘You have until Monday,’ said Harry.
Seventy-One
Tom was standing there. He smiled as he helped me out and I put my arms around him.
‘You look beautiful,’ he whispered in my ear.
‘Thanks. Let’s go in.’
I took his hand but before we could move, Harry was introducing himself to Tom, shaking his hand. Then Naila and Tariq arrived. As we said hello and Naila hugged me, I saw Harry walk away. He turned back and smiled at me.
Tom and I moved along in the crowd of people going into the white marquee set up in the back lawn. The dress code for the women was ‘red for love’, and the enormous marquee had rustic white chandeliers hanging above round tables decorated with tiny wild red roses and tea lights. It could have been a wedding.
The sea of tall, blonde women, with slim bronzed limbs, all exuding a specific brand of confidence, was a familiar sight. Several people stopped me to compliment my sari and say hello. I waved back and smiled automatically but kept walking. I clutched Tom’s hand, aware that any moment I might come face to face with Julia and Harry.
After we had congratulated Lizzie and Stewart, I felt my breathing get faster. The image of what had happened in the car hit me with force again.
Tom pulled me aside. ‘What’s the matter? Are you OK?’
‘Yes – no, actually, no. I have a terrible headache.’
I thought about telling Tom I was sick and we needed to go home, but before that, I had to talk to my friends about what Harry had done.
‘Shall I ask Lizzie for some paracetamol?’
‘I’ve got some and I’ll take it now. Just give me a minute. I’ll be right back,’ I said.
I moved through the crowd until I spotted Naila, her red silk salwar kameez shimmering in the crowd.
‘Can I talk to you?’
She came closer, smiling.
‘We need to find Sam too, Naila. Can you help me?’ I said.
Naila placed her hand on my arm. ‘Hey, kya hua? Is something wrong?’
Her face was blurring as I blinked back tears. I nodded.
‘I think Sam went upstairs,’ she said.
She took my hand, which was icy in hers, and we climbed up the curved oak staircase, which had more red roses pinned along the banisters. Naila didn’t ask more questions. We spotted Sam coming out of the loo and hurried towards her.
‘Come back in,’ Naila said to Sam. We all went inside the bathroom and Naila locked the door. She flipped down the lid of the toilet and guided me there as if I was unable to manage it myself, and sat me down.
‘What’s wrong?’ said Sam.
Naila shrugged and shook her head. They both trained eyes full of worry at me.
‘Harry stuck his hand between my legs in the car.’
‘What?’ gasped Naila.
‘What do you mean? I thought New York was a mistake? Are you two back on?’ said Sam.
‘No! He pushed his hand between my legs and I told him to stop. But he said I have to sleep with him, that I’m a prick-tease. He kept…’
I started panting, unable to say any more.
Sam put her arm around me and rubbed my back.
‘Look at me, Faiza,’ said Naila. ‘Breathe with me. In. One, two, three. Now out – one, two, three.’
I looked up at her, trying to focus on her eyes as she counted. My heart stopped hammering in my chest.
‘We have to report this. This is assault. Have you told Tom?’ Sam’s voice trembled with the outrage I could no longer feel or express. I felt myself watching us all from behind a screen.
‘No! I can’t tell Tom anything. Harry’s going to tell Tom that I slept with him in New York.’
‘We’ll tell Tom he’s lying,’ said Naila. ‘Tom will believe you, not Harry.’
‘I did kiss him though, didn’t I? I let him touch me. I won’t be able to deny that, will I?’
My friends were suddenly silent.
‘He says he’ll get me fired. He got me to email him some information that he wasn’t supposed to have access to, but I had no idea. He says he’ll tell the other directors I was blackmailing him. He gave me £50,000. He’s threatened to tell the FCA that I was extorting money from him.’
Sam crouched down in front of me and took my hands. She spoke softly, as if to a child in pain. ‘I don’t understand. Why did he give you so much money? Why on earth would he do that?’
There was an edge of doubt in Naila’s voice, as she said, ‘Why would you take that money from him?’
Someone knocked on the door.
‘Excuse me, there’s a queue out here!’
‘I’m sorry but I’ll be a while yet, and you won’t want to come in here after! Please use another loo!’ Naila spoke into the door.
A burst of swear words exploded then drifted away.
My friends were waiting. I looked down as I spoke.
‘I was desperate. The money was just a loan, until I got my bonus in November. When Tom lost his job, he said we had to use the emergency fund we’d put aside years ago. That was all we had left. But I’d been spending that money for ages and when I checked, it was all gone. Thousands and thousands. There was nothing left for school fees, or Ahmed’s therapy, or the mortgage – for anything. I couldn’t tell Tom I’d spent it. He would have left me. So, I’ve been trying and trying to put that money back. That’s why I got a job. But it wasn’t enough and Tom was going to find out what I’d done. Then Harry lent me the money and it was the solution to everything.’
‘Shit!’ said Naila.
‘You stupid girl!’ Sam exclaimed, sitting down at the edge of the bath.
‘I knew you’d think I was stupid. That’s why I didn’t tell you. And you’re right, I was stupid.’
‘Not stupid for spending the money – although Jesus, Faiza, what were you thinking?’ Sam said. ‘I mean stupid for not telling us! I could have lent you money. Why did you go to that snake?’
‘But you said you had a rule – never mix friendship and money. You told me! Anyway, I was too scared to tell you. I couldn’t bear for you to find out what sort of a person I am.’
Four arms wrapped themselves around me like life vests and Naila stroked my hair and Sam patted my arm.
‘We all need to think about what we can do to stop this bastard but first, tidy yourself up and go to Tom before he starts wondering where you are.’
Naila opened my clutch and handed me my brush and lipstick. She took a tissue and, tipping my chin up, wiped softly under my eyes.
> Sam paused at the bathroom door and said, ‘I’m going to ask James about how things are from a legal standpoint. I won’t say it’s you, just one of the mums from Ed’s school. I’ll meet you downstairs in twenty minutes.’
*
I walked downstairs with Naila, both of us watching out for Harry. I couldn’t see him anywhere.
Tom had texted that he was in the garden, just outside the marquee entrance, and that’s where I found him. He was the tallest person in the group and was smiling, his head nodding occasionally, his smile lines crinkling into fans at the side of each eye. The breeze blew his hair softly, as if whispering in his ear. He was wearing a starched white shirt without a tie and navy linen trousers. He looked happy.
He was chatting to Lizzie, Stewart and Anna. James joined the group and Lizzie waved me over. She had tiny red roses in her hair and they were all laughing at something Tom had just said. He took my hand and squeezed it, took a glass of juice from a passing tray, and gave it to me.
Stewart took Tom to meet his friends, and Lizzie and Anna moved away, while I stayed chatting to James. I wanted to text Sam that James was with me, but before I could, a man I couldn’t place, but who looked vaguely familiar, joined us. James stopped talking mid-sentence.
‘Hello, big brother,’ said the man.
I realised it was Rupert. He looked like James, but more aggressively polished, with slicked-back red-blonde hair and whitened teeth, wearing a pristine cream linen suit.
James seemed to have frozen. Remembering my promise to Sam to shield James from his brother, I stuck out my hand and stepped between them.
Would I Lie to You? Page 25